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rom-chan
(-.-)zzZ
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#1
Old 08-06-2009, 06:28 PM

It slinks, it slithers
It dies, it withers
It flies, it sighs
It sinks, becomes new highs.

It tumbles, it turns
It swoops, it yearns
It shines, it can zoom
It cleans, it seems to loom.

It lies, it glides
It dips, it rides
It binds, it will constrict
It touches your face, it seems to slip.

It crashes, it seeps
It runs, it leaps
It leers, it will roar
It makes you weak, it makes you soar.

It turns, it lifts
It glides, it sifts
It pulls, it fills
It comes in waves, it gives you chills.

It reels, it bends
It gives, it lends
It ties, it is quiet
It makes you wonder, you walk right by it.

It hops, it jumps
It dwells, it slumps
It wears, it shares
You can’t see it, it is the air.


(Oh yes, I did get a Seventy for this beautiful work DX)

Gary Stargazer
Kitsune of Lust
4278.06
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#2
Old 08-06-2009, 06:42 PM

I can see places where it does not stay in time with the rhyming so i can understand taking points off but one point above failing ... most certainly not. That is unacceptable and i would question my teachers motives on that. I would take that to other English teachers within your school and get second and third opinions on it. That is a bogus grade.

WastedPursuit
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#3
Old 08-08-2009, 08:08 PM

THis doesn't look like a 70 to me. :/ I like it personally. I'd give you at least an 89 at minimum on it. (:

Cherry Who?
Spooky Scary Skeleton
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#4
Old 08-09-2009, 09:39 PM

Since this seems more suited to the poetry subforum, I've moved it over there. :)
Keep in mind that you are only allowed one poetry thread. You can edit your title and your first post to make this more appropriate for all of your poetry, if you plan on posting more.

If you have any questions, please PM me. :)

 



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