Ugh, my Teacher is a real nutcase XD

There was an announcement telling the teachers to send their attendance folders to the office, and he questioned why aloud to the class XD.

There was nothing in it, since everyone was there that day, so he stood out in the middle of the hall, tossed it in the air and said this...

"Gentle Winds, carry this to the office... post haste" All poetic like XD

I love him :3

"Science is cool, science is hot, science ROTS." .........or something like that. It got my attention. xD I wrote it on my book cover. She was an awesome teacher, for being so old. She was previously in Nepal with the Peace Corps., though... so she ended up counting us in Nepalize, too. o_O; Still, she knew her stuff.

My boyfriend told me that his teacher asked him this:

Originally Posted by Teacher

Wanna have sex to score an A?

lol I don't remember how we got on the subject but we were talking about people dying and I said I was going to kill someone I was mad at and my 8th grade science teacher and I came up with a pretty perfect way to kill someone and get rid of the body. XD I was just joking about killing someone though.:sweat:

My biology teacher last year just walked by me one day and said, "Souls are tasty."

My teachers are... different than most. xD

Most of them swear more than the rest of the class combined. So probably the weirdest thing, and also the most needed, was:

"Colin, please go lock the door so Ian can't come back in."

He wanted me to lock another student out of the classroom because he didn't want to deal with him. xD I love my school.

A couple summers ago, I went up to my interior architecture & design teacher to ask a question

Him: Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Uhh sure
Him: Can you shoot liquor our of those? *motions to my snakebites* Like at parties?
Me: :rofl: I've never tried...

And of course the first thing I do when I go home that day was try to shoot water out of my lip piercings. Didn't work, by the way.

Not directly TO me, but my teacher once compared M&Ms to politics while lecturing my Algebra II class in high school. I have no direct quote because her comparison didn't even make SENSE... but it was a running joke between my friend and I for the rest of the year. We'd compare things to "M&Ms and politics" if they made no sense.

It wasn't to me personally, but my 9th grade Spanish teacher spent one class talking about how she had a gun at her house with three bullets. One for her husband, one for her dog and one for herself because she was convinced that terrorists were eventually going to attack ans she wanted to be prepared.

She figured that they would start in New York and work their way up. Since we are in Maine, she would try to escape to Canada, but if she failed her trust gun was there. It was scary because she was drop-dead-serious. o__O She was a awesome teacher aside from that though!

The weirdest(or stupidest) thing a teacher said to my class was


"Unternehmer = undertaker!"

She thought that she can simpel translate a german word into an english word(Unter = Under, Nehmer = taker)...but really...That's was sooo stupid!!

Because Unternehmer = businessman xDDD

You see what I mean? <_< My english isn't the best...but my english teacher was soo damn stupid, it hurts :o

I can't really think of anything atm, but teachers have said weird things before.

A substitute teacher recognized my name and asked me if I had a grandfather named Ernie. In fact I do. It turns out this guy knew my grandpa in college. It's like, what are the odds?

statistics are like prostitutes........you can do anything with them.

Mr. Long Biology class lol

"According to the score on this paper you got, you're not all that 'advanced'."

Shut your mouth, woman. :illgetu: I was in G.A.T.E!

Hm, also, I was in English class and we were coming up with words that began with certain prefixes, and I said, "Rigor mortis," and she was talking about how she had to work for a hearse or something, and apparently they won't take the corpse until someone has tried CPR on it, even if there's no pulse or anything, and by that time rigor mortis had already set in and the person's arm was crossed over their chest, so they had to break the arm to do CPR... Neat story.

And my math teacher was a serious jerk. He was kind of funny, but he was constantly ranting about how stupid his students are and yelling at people. His lectures during math class usually contained multiple sarcastic remarks. It'd go something like this.

"So you carry the nine and what do you get? Right. 'But Mr. Magalong, I don't understand...' NO! It's like this." And etc. He'd always imitate his students in stupid voices. And he once said he wasn't going to be in because he was going to a family reunion and he was probably going to end up busting a cap in his mom's ass.

I knew someone who's (former) English teacher said on basically the first day in class that he was gay. I don't think anyone really understood why that was important to learning how to write, or whatever they do in English class, but I bet it made the boys really uncomfortable.

Originally Posted by RetroTV

"REMEMBER TO PRATICE ORAL!"


That was after someone in our class drew a whale with his penis hanging out. ._.


...It was english class.

Another time, my principal came up to me and said, "Look. Everyone here is inbred and stupid, PLEASE join our spelling bee.":sweat:

Another one had said, "If you beat the shit out of him, you get an A for the next years you take my class".

Those are the funniest ones I have read so far.... you have the strangest school ever.

I recently had an acting teacher of mine start class by jumping out from behind a curtain saying "after all of the martians have been defeated we will go off in search of treasure."

The whole class looked at him and then started to laugh hysterically. he then said "well! don't expect me to help you when they do attack." and then he walked out of the room and did not return for a half hour (I timed it).

I once was in a gifted program, and learned several odd things about various teachers.

Two of our teachers were mother/daughter and apparently when the daughter was young (I'm gonna guess 8-12), her mom's pet tarantula escaped and ended up in her bed. The daughter teacher also went to high school with Shaquille O'Neal (sorry if I misspelled his name, I'm not really into basketball).

One teacher, we discovered one day, was lactose intolerant, but loved cheese (and even owned a cheese head!).

Another teacher had a long, barely pronounceable name (I think it was polish), but was getting married to a guy with a really normal name (Williams), and she randomly had him come in (he was visiting from Hawaii, where I think he worked at the time or whatever) and meet the class. It was strange.

Then there was the time we found out that the lactose-intolerant teacher had lived or was living (these stories are quite a few years old, so I may not have everything 100% right) with another one of the teachers..... Ever since then I've had the strangest feeling they were gay.... and together.....

There was a teacher who worked for several years in our computer lab and took care of our stuffed, well-travelled penguin Opus. The penguin would go on trips with people and come back with all sorts of souvenirs and pictures and a notebook that whoever took a trip with him would write in. He went on several particularly awesome trips with us and has been pictured with:

*His head inside the open jaws of a stone lion
*Me, in a costume that made me look like Martha Washington
*A replica of the Wright's first plane
*Someone that starred on Sesame Street (I don't remember who, just that he was old and had red or brown hair)
*A police car from Santa Claus, Indiana
*A beach with a building that had an awesomely graphic/scary skull on it
*A really awesome looking no profanity sign (it was at the beach)

Damn that penguin was cool.

Sorry that not all of these things are about strange things a teacher has said to me, but they're all school-related and interesting.... so I thought you might like to read it!

Biology teacher: "___, why are your scores this low?"
Random girls: "_____ is in love!! Hahahaha~"
Biology teacher: "What? You're in love with an old man?!?"
- awkward silence -
Me: "No, I've just been distracted."
Biology teacher: "Oh yes, with life."
Me: "Indeed."
----
I walk toward the school pychologist/counsellor/however you call them while I was carrying a pin of Andromeda Shun from Knights of the Zodiac on my uniform.
Psychologist: "Ohh Knights of the Zodiac, you watched it too?"
Me: "Yes~"
Psychologist: "You know how, the show, gave the impression, that well, he was... gay, his armor's color didn't help either..."
---
Last year's Biology teacher: "TESTICLES ARE MADE OF GREASE"
---
Last year's Biology teacher: "Shells have a menstrual period too."
---
Some years ago's English teacher: "What's love for you?"
- awkward silence from the whole classroom -
Turns out his college teacher had given the class the assigment to ask random people what love meant for them. My teacher then proceeded to ask us what day and night meant for us. It was still awkward.

um well the only thing i can think of now is when i was in science and a teacher said "ur too happy, its not normal, a normal person isnt that happy are you ok" and i was just like what??.. i was just talking to my friend and he came and said that i just smiled at him and said yeh im perfectly normal thanks :D hehe

This isn't something a teacher said to me, but it's something I found pretty funny that a literature professor said about his students, and the way they're always complaining that classical literature is "sooooo boooooring". So imitating their whining, he said, (paraphrasing): "But... there are all these sentences... and the sentences stretch out into paragraphs... and the paragraphs stretch out into a WHOLE PAGE! In in that WHOLE PAGE... nothing's blown up yet..."

Later he was talking about trying to understand where they were coming from, and he said his students all kept telling him he had to go and see the Matrix. He said, "I didn't know what was going on... All I know is that there were bullets flying and blood pumping and people dying, and in the middle of it all Keanu Reeves! (high pitched>) WOO!"

Then he said of Gladiator, "They do this thing now (referring to what's supposed to replace a well done narrative and good storytelling), where they put this little blurb up on the screen... 'In the year blah, blah, blah, the Romans blah, blah, blah.... Okay, LETS KILL! WHACK!" I had to laugh, because I thought that was so stupid and obvious when I saw it in the theater. It was like... "That was your excuse for getting out of having to set up this story?! A few paragraphs of text?! And I'm supposed to care what's going on here?! (in the opening scene)" I was bored to death when after the first fifteen minutes (if that) I realized that there pretty much was no real story, and the whole point of the thing was to just watch blood pump and some guy lust after some woman. I stopped going to movies long before that, but I was sorry I'd made the exception to see that one.

Of movies he said that basically they've become a formula. "You throw two people in bed, then you have a car chase, then something blows up, then you throw two more people in bed, and then if you're lucky you get a scene in the end where it ALL blows up." He said stories have become for people like fast foot (instant gratification) versus the old course-by-course meals around the table with the family.

Going back to literature he said of his students (he taught at a naval academy, so these aren't 16 year-olds), "They can't follow it." He lamented that his students couldn't remember from what chapter to the next who people are or what's going on. It was a very interesting lecture, making the case that people have now traded well told stories with meaning and value, for what amounts to a cheap adrenaline rush on screen, to the extent that they are actually loosing the ability to follow a gradually and richly developed narrative in a classical story, because they can neither remember anything, nor pay attention because something doesn't blow up every thirty seconds. He was also discussing the loss of language in general, and it's effects, such as increased violence (inability to solve conflicts or deal with anger by words), and ever-shrinking vocabularies which mean people can no longer express themselves (in the sense of telling others what they're thinking or feeling, or what they mean).

I so need to buy the cd of that lecture... -throttles empty wallet-
Anyhow it was a really funny and thought provoking lecture.


NOTE TO THE MODS: I was paraphrasing all of these quotes, so I didn't know if I should use the quote function, as there might be misquoting.

I started a new acting class today on the Michael Checkov. The teacher explained about Checkov's four "qualities". These "qualities" are: radiating, floating, molding and flying. He told us that "you don't do them, they do you." And later he said "I'll do it with you." He was going to throw a ball with the other student and after that when the rest started to throw I ended up throwing the tennis ball with him and he said, when he realized that he and I were "partners" he said "So, I'm doing it with you?"

So many times I wanted to laugh so hard, but I didn't.

There is only one other teenager in this class besides me and the oldest student is about seventy. She works at the PPA (Prison Performance Association, yes this an acting group for inmates) and they have a production of a Shakespeare play every year. Some of the male inmates offered to be cast in the female roles because they could better understand women if they played one, but the majority of inmates agreed that is was NOT a good idea for any ot them to play a woman onstage. When I heard this (and you had to be listening to this be told to you by my fellow classmate) you understood how beautiful and moving this really was. The inmates who participate in this learn more about themselves and when they understand what Shakespeare was really saying the inmates are amazed by how he conveyed everything.

Seriously, to truly understand what I mean you HAD to be there....

Tie your shoes Sarah. And then she winked at me all creepy like.

I've never really been yelled at cause I'm a good pupil. :angel:

But the weirdest thing a teacher ever said was when my US History teacher called Woodrow Wilson a cocksucker. It was hilarious.

Once I was reading the school's book fair letter and I saw a book I was interested in and I smiled. Note that I never smile, laugh, or even talk when not spoken to by the teacher.
So he comes up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "you're cute when you smile, y'know that?"
My face turned red and I didn't say anything.
He wasn't an old geezer though. Very handsom and young.

I have the most amazing story!! One of my friends told me this. He witnessed it first hand.

Here it is:

One day or the first day of class (I don't know which...) The teacher of this class (he never told me exactly what the teacher taught. I'll have to ask him...) Said to them "pain is a state of mind." and to prove his point he started to, infront of the whole class, staple his chest. (Yes the staples did stick). One of the students suddenly says "that doesn't look to hard." and walks up to the front of the classroom and joins the teacher in stapling his chest. This student had been studying for years Karate and knew how to control pain. Yet another student joined in the "fun" and they had a stapling and cutting (they started taking scissors to themselves) competition for a good ten minutes.

Also at his school there is a teacher who EVERYONE hates. (They are not the same teacher) He had a class with him for a week and his parents met him ONCE and they hate him. He has also told me that this teacher is a native american, who is always drunk (atleast when ne was in his class) and smokes and has pierced nipples (this is a male teacher).

Whenever I hear these type of stories about his school I always wonder about the faculty's and some of the student's sanity.....