@ Faygocytosis:

You have said yourself that you have an open relationship with your boyfriend. Quite frankly, it's totally not fair to him to keep this a secret, especially after he confessed to cheating on you so quickly. Additionally, he's bound to find out eventually, especially if your promiscuity and intense guilt continue. It would be better to get the truth out sooner than later - it will hurt him more if he finds out you've been hiding it for a long time.

Also, about your sexual drive - do you have any, well, toys? I highly suggest having some "me" time with yourself at least once a day - and make sure you're satisfied when you're done, or otherwise your libido would be even worse. Wear yourself out! And next time somebody makes a pass, be VERY firm with yourself and tell them NO. You clearly know that it's WRONG - now you just need to get your self-discipline under control. It'll be easier if you leave as soon as possible after turning down these advances. (Then, possibly, you go and have yourself some "me" time as well afterwards.)

I'm getting worse!! :gonk:

So, my boyfriend and I are now in a more open relationship. But I haven't even told him about all the crap I've done. He got mad at me because I went out clubbin' with my friends one night and danced with a few guys. I could not bear to tell him that that was the most trivial issue and explain to him what the big deal really was...it would've absolutely crushed him. :cry:

I haven't spoken to him for almost two weeks [his request for some distance to sort things out in his mind]. I've been a miserable wreck, missing him so dearly and coming to realize how much I really do care for him. But what if he does come back to me? I can't possibly tell him about what else I've done...

Besides, I've added another transgression to my ever growing list... :headdesk:

Yesterday night. Everyone on my hall had already left for fall break except for me and one other guy. Yeah, you know where this is going... :sweat: I went over to his room and we watched Underworld and Underworld Revolution. They were excellent movies by the way. His roommate had left, so I was gonna 'sleep over' in his roommate's bed. Well that worked out nicely. :sarcasm: We got kinda close...okay really close. I was shaking so terribly trying to keep myself from making the first move. We kissed at last. But that was only the first domino to fall. The rest followed.

The weird thing is...this wasn't like those other guys that had girlfriends and it ended up being a one-time-quickie thing. No, it was a whole hour and a half from the time we kissed until we collapsed naked in each other's arms. :sleep: Another such situation occurred when we woke up in the morning before he had to leave and then I left to go home as well. :mrgreen:

It was a fabulous night and I've been thinking about it all day. Perhaps I don't feel as bad because I'm in an 'open relationship' [so says Facebook, but I'm more like single] and he is single.

From my point of view this wasn't entirely impulsive. I'd been ogling at him and made no effort to disguise how I felt. I still feel like a whore [excuse me, slut], especially when he told me that I was only the second girl he's slept with and I had to take a minute to think before telling him he was fourth. :oops:

I get the feeling that though it was a wonderful night, it wasn't a one-night stand. I'll be back for more. But my poor boyfriend...I feel like I've done the worst possible thing to him. If he can ever forgive me he would still never trust me again. Not that I would ever want to do such a thing to him again. But while I'm single...I guess I'll have some fun. :boogie:

Is monogamy my archenemy or something? :-x

Is this your first time to actually explore your sexuality to this degree?

As in give in to your hormones and actually enjoy them?

I know this is so up for a morals and ethics chit chat because of the whole monogamous exclusivity clause but from how I'm saying it, you seem to be exploring and seeing how far you can go as far your libido is concerned.

Your sexuality is a part of you and shouldn't be repressed or put away for the sake of prevailing morals and ethics. That's just plain wrong. It's not only harmful for your being but to your body as well. (I think) What should be done is making your personal beliefs and ethics (as well as others if you care so much about them much) WORK TOGETHER with your sexuality.

Don't treat it like it's your enemy. It's as if you're not familiar with it.

As the song goes, sex isn't the enemy. It's a good thing. But you have to set the rules and play by them.

Thing is, are there actual rules and are you really following them? Or have yet to lay them down so you're feeling like a total mess?

I think I'd rather not touch on the trust and relationship matters though. @[email protected]

This isn't the first time I've heard of this happening, especially when a long-distance relationship is involved.

At this point, it seems that monogamy is not right for you. You have a blossoming sex drive to take care of, and one man may not be able to handle your needs, especially if you don't even reside in the same town.

There's nothing wrong with promiscuity. People may call you slutty or whoreish and you may develop a reputation for being an "easy lay," but it's only wrong if you think it is. What you do with yourself is your business, and nobody else's.

I think the only advice I really have to offer you is to be safe. Use condoms. Stay on the pill. Don't ever let a man give you his gift without wrapping it first. The pulling-out method is the reason for all of the young pregnancies I know of.

Also, when you have several sexual partners, you put yourself at a higher risk for cervical cancer. Make sure you get an HPV vaccination, and have a pelvic exam with a pap smear at least once a year.

If you don't use barriers for oral sex, please test yourself for STD's regularly. They can still be transmitted orally.

I hope I don't seem too harsh by basically saying "don't be in a steady relationship." It just doesn't seem like it's working out for you. You've got a lot of time ahead of you, there are a lot of people to still meet, so if you do wind up losing your current boyfriend, there will definitely be more waiting for you. I personally think it's impractical to expect any high school relationship to last, even if you think you've been involved for a long time (I ended one after a year and a half--it was my longest relationship at that point and I still had 4 months before I got out of high school).

Date around. It's okay. That's how I met my fiance over three years ago. Sleeping around now can be a good thing--when you finally decide to settle down, you'll be confident that you will never leave your man unsatisfied, because you are an experienced lover.

Originally Posted by Keyori

This isn't the first time I've heard of this happening, especially when a long-distance relationship is involved.

At this point, it seems that monogamy is not right for you. You have a blossoming sex drive to take care of, and one man may not be able to handle your needs, especially if you don't even reside in the same town.

There's nothing wrong with promiscuity. People may call you slutty or whoreish and you may develop a reputation for being an "easy lay," but it's only wrong if you think it is. What you do with yourself is your business, and nobody else's.

I think the only advice I really have to offer you is to be safe. Use condoms. Stay on the pill. Don't ever let a man give you his gift without wrapping it first. The pulling-out method is the reason for all of the young pregnancies I know of.

Also, when you have several sexual partners, you put yourself at a higher risk for cervical cancer. Make sure you get an HPV vaccination, and have a pelvic exam with a pap smear at least once a year.

If you don't use barriers for oral sex, please test yourself for STD's regularly. They can still be transmitted orally.

I hope I don't seem too harsh by basically saying "don't be in a steady relationship." It just doesn't seem like it's working out for you. You've got a lot of time ahead of you, there are a lot of people to still meet, so if you do wind up losing your current boyfriend, there will definitely be more waiting for you. I personally think it's impractical to expect any high school relationship to last, even if you think you've been involved for a long time (I ended one after a year and a half--it was my longest relationship at that point and I still had 4 months before I got out of high school).

Date around. It's okay. That's how I met my fiance over three years ago. Sleeping around now can be a good thing--when you finally decide to settle down, you'll be confident that you will never leave your man unsatisfied, because you are an experienced lover.

Well, it's not a long distance relationship. We live in the same town but my school is on the opposite side from where he lives. It's only about a twenty minute drive.

I'm being a good girl in the safety department though. I'm excellent about taking my BC at the same time every day. I've already gotten the HPV vaccine [Gardasil] and I'm actually due for my annual physical with my gyno in January. I'm definitely on the ball with taking care of myself. I ended up getting 3 pap smears within a year actually. The first one 'not enough of the culture'. The second one 'wrong swab'. They got the third one right though.

No balloons, no party! :boogie:

I must disagree with you on one point though. High school relationships do last. My parents met and dated in high school and are still together after 28 years. Maybe I get the feeling that I want that too, so I'm clinging to him in an effort to be like my parents and marry my high school sweetheart. I know that it may not be the thing for me to do, though it worked out for my parents, maybe it won't for me.

I wanted him to be the only person that I slept with, but I have the urge to get out there and learn different stuff from other guys. Cosmopolitan magazine can only help me so much in that department.

Thank you for your advice, it has been most helpful. :yes:

What I could add is what others have already said. You are not a slut. Take it from someone who has done wrong, you will feel the pain from your choices for a while but hold you head up please. You are young and in college, it's a party and you deserve to live your life to the fullest. The open relationship is a good idea or even better, though I know this one may be too hard for you, just kiss and say good bye for now.

So many people have different lives. Some date for 1 month, get married, and have been married for 38 years. Some know each other their whole life and one day get married and live happily ever after but that is some people, that is not you. DON'T be anyone that you are not. If you need to be free, be free, find yourself and "explore" all the world and other have to offer, SAFELY!!!!!! BIG !!!! lol. Don't hang yourself up on what other do or the he said she said. Be true to yourself.

I hope things work out for you. At the end of the day, as long as it doesn't mean killing someone, you gotta do what you gotta do to be happy sweetie. Good Luck to you.

Lol you need to be honest with your boyfriend and get your needs under control girl ! :P
You also need to ask yourself why you keep doing this - 1 time is understandable you might have just
lost your self control etc. but twice? You and your bf need to have a serious convo and you also need to have a serious convo with yourself
(I feel kind of bad because after you said that he has cheated on you too i just thought of it as revenge and i was like You Go Girl! - maybe you're doing it for revenge?)

Originally Posted by Dest1218

Lol you need to be honest with your boyfriend and get your needs under control girl ! :P
You also need to ask yourself why you keep doing this - 1 time is understandable you might have just
lost your self control etc. but twice? You and your bf need to have a serious convo and you also need to have a serious convo with yourself
(I feel kind of bad because after you said that he has cheated on you too i just thought of it as revenge and i was like You Go Girl! - maybe you're doing it for revenge?)

I am in no way doing anything for revenge. He happened to kiss a girl while I was out of town. Kiss her and that was it. [There were witnesses, nothing else happened] But what I've done is waaaaaaaaaaaay more outta line than that. :oops:

I honestly can't tell you what's going on in my head right now. I've sat myself down and had plenty of time to think but really gotten nowhere. I'm changing. My mold was not yet hardened as I thought. Perhaps this is simply part of who I am, my personality. I know that I have a horribly filthy mind and think about sex just as much [if not more] than any other guy. :drool:

Have I unleashed some horrible sex monster that lives in my pants!?!?! I've kept that thing tucked away for a very long time but it's gotten loose and is wreaking havoc on my life! Gaaaahhh!!!

Is my SSRI working too well? Is there entirely too much serotonin floating around in my synapses making me act so sexually impulsive? I dunno what's going on! :gonk:

Lol sex isnt always a horrible filthy thing and it's part of nature
And we all have a sex monster hidden in our pants lol maybe it's because deep down you realize that you want a bit of fun

Cytosis: I said it was impractical to expect a high school relationship to last, not that it doesn't happen. I'm sorry that you misunderstood me, I also know of a few high school sweetheart marriages. In my experience though, more often than not they don't last (even if they make it to marriage--I already know of two high school divorcees, and one has two kids! She's barely 22, way too young IMO)

I'm glad that you found my advice useful though. 3 pap smears? Ugh, they're so uncomfortable just to do once!

I've actually had 2 partners (one being my current). I kindof wish sometimes that I had slept only with him, but at the same time I'm glad I had a partner before him because I learned a lot (I was that guy's 7th partner, so he had quite a bit to teach me).

My current partner even wanted to wait until marriage to have sex at all. We dated for four months and decided he wanted to, but it took him about another month to convince me that he wouldn't regret the decision. Now we're getting married anyway :)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. You're the only person who can make you happy, so don't let anyone get you down :D

yeahh, it'd probably be a good idea to quit all that, and tell your bf..but honestly if you both have cheated on each other, then that relationship does not sound like a strong one. But honestly it could be just as simple as you two have just grown apart. Sometimes people change, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Bottom line you just have to really clear your mind and ask yourself whats the most important thing to you right now. You might find that having a real relationship right now isn't what you really want, and your still finding yourself.

This is a very simple solution. BE HONEST WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

In the 4+ years that me and my fiance have been together, he cheated on me four times. Twice with the same girl and once with two other girls. Ofcourse, I've blown my top, gave him an ultimatum and threatened to dump him....until after the 3rd time, I was like, "you know what? I don't freaking care anymore".

He started to notice my change in attitude, told me why he cheated on me...all the times he cheated on me wasn't because he was thinking with his penis, it was because he was afraid that the relationship would end. We've had alot of rocky starts, but we grew stronger because of that. I'm not saying that he's the only one that cheated, I've had my share of emotional affairs and became completely honest with it.

I too became the person I hate, he felt the same way. When he got solid confirmations that his fears were irrational, that the relationship won't go anywhere because I would rather kill myself than dump him, he stopped with the cheating completely. When I told him why I was having emotional affairs, mostly because he wasn't communicating much, he made an effort to.

In the end, we aren't happy about our pasts, but now we are so open and honest with each other that we've become inseperable. When someone asks us, "are you going to cheat again? Once a cheater, always a cheater!" we're like, "are you kidding me? What for? S/he's perfect!". Basically, we wouldn't dare do that anymore not since we are completely honest, there's no need.

If your boyfriend was honest about him cheating, he risked the relationship and you forgave him. Why not do the same thing and tell your boyfriend about it? If your love is strong, sure he would be angry with you -- but the two of you can work together and come out stronger.

hm...

Personally,
I would rather have sex with my boyfriend all the time and only him!
:love::heart::boogie:
But if you were having sex with your boyfriend AS WELL AS with other guys
then maybe the question is:
Do you want to be in a monogamy?
Do you want to not have sex with others and only let him have all of you ONLY HIM?
What are you feeling guilty of? Cheating ( a lot) or you are what you despised?

I don't think you're a slut since you have guilt and felt remorse for cheating.
You even remembered with who and where.
*I think real sluts would care less and wouldn't want the hassle of remembering-- just doing it!*
You even tried to not make the first move!
*it failed to stop the sex but you tried*

If you really want to stop the behavior, then maybe go to a psychologist.
If not, then use protection to avoid getting diseases or pregnant.

Either way though, you have to consult your boyfriend.
It might prove to be hard since he seems to view kissing as the most horrible sin you can do in a relationship...:sweat:
But it has to be done. The open-relationship might lightened the hurt, but after telling him, you also have to start talking about what you want to do with the relationship with him. Like do you want to stay in the relationship and be faithful or be in an open-relationship?

Choose what's best for you, not for him. It's what makes you happy and even if it hurts him, at least you can relieve yourself from the guilt.

Living across town is NOT as bad as it may seem. Personally, I would KILL to be so close to my girlfriend.
If you WANT to make it work, do it.
Take a bus. Save up for a car. Carpool. Do whatever you can. It's not like they're on the other side of the planet.

I currently am in a long distance relationship.
The kind where it takes a 600$ round trip to see each other a few times a year.
My partner and I have been dating for 2 years.

So honestly, it's just about how much you love your boyfriend and how willing you are to be in an actual relationship with him.
Of course, being young and having lots of partners is fun and certainly an experience.
If that makes you happy, go for it.
But it's not fair to lie to your boyfriend and think dishonest thoughts. It's very low, and certainly docks a fair number of 'respect' points.

There are going to be tears, yelling and a lot of fighting. But you have to get it out.
And if you can work through it, then you progress from there.
If this undoes your relationship, move on and explore your options.

There are lots of fish in the sea.
How do you know you've caught the biggest and best one yet?

ok. . . IMO. the worst thing you could do is keep trying to make what you are doing OK in your mind.
being "Safe" is not always BC and Paps. sleeping around could lead to STDs, you could end up with someone who will hurt you emotionally or physically...

Being really honest, I think there is no excuse for doing all this to your boyfriend, and you don't deserve forgiveness. You should tell him, you should beg for forgiveness, and you should stop sleeping around until things are figured out with your boyfriend.

I refuse to support cheating. IMO its the worst form of betrayal when someone you trust, and have formed a relationship with is disloyal in that way even once. I refuse to pat you on the back and say its ok, because its not.
If you are in a relationship, you should be faithful, if you aren't, or cant be faithful, the best thing you can do is to let him go.

First off, I hate the term "slut," and I don't think there's anything wrong with having a lot of awesome sex. On the contrary, I think that's pretty much the best thing ever.

But here's my opinion on this -

If you don't think you can remain faithful, that's cool. But the person you're with - who've you lead to believe you'd be faithful to - has a right to know, and a right to decide whether or not he's okay with it. Plenty of people have functional open relationships, and maybe that would work for you - but frankly, consent is vital.

Hontestly, just telling your boyfriend flat out that you had cheated on him will be the most honorable thing that you have done. It seems like perhaps maybe the college life is leading you to believe that you should be more wild and have more fun....

All I can say is stop. It almost seems like your not gaining enough attention from your boyfriend. Not enough to make you feel as though you should stay loyal.

And about the friend's with benefit's deal, I think that may be a problem as well. As you had stated before, you are friends first, lovers second. It should be the other way around.

With this way of thinking, you feel less constrained than if you were to say that he is your lover first!

Anyways, I can't tell you anything other than that. I have a friend/lover as well but I am not a cheater or never been cheated on so I can't help you there. Good luck with your situtation though.

The fact that you cheated on him again makes it obvious to me that you should just end your relationship with your boyfriend.

I have friend whose boyfriend is in the army and she does not see him for months at a time. Once or twice a week is not that bad. If you love someone enough, you make it work no matter what. College is designed to show just how strong of an individual you can be and it is full of many tests. You cannot just give into everything.

I don't know if it the way you wrote your post but you don't seem that sympathetic to your boyfriend. I am just saying. Not trying to point fingers here. Do I think you are capable of doing it again....well yeah. I mean you say guys have tried to feel you up but guys don't just walk up to you and stuff their hands in your pants unless they are molesting or trying to rape you. There are steps leading up to that. College is full of plenty of parties but guys only get that 'I can get in her pants easily' vibe if you put out that vibe. So maybe you should monitor closely the way YOU act with guys.

So my honest opinion, break up with your boyfriend. The more you prolong it and the more guys you cheat on him with, the more it will hurt in the end.

Wow I cant believe I actually found someone like me. I have the same problem. I have a huge sexual urge but no way to really contain it. I have a loving boyfriend of 2 years that I love dearly but he lives thousands of miles away and the phone sex is just not good enough anymore. Plus my dilemma is that he rarely wants to have phone sex because he says he doesn't want to get used to it. I have until mid December to wait and it is killing me but what I am more afraid of is that he may not want me when I am there either. I know that he has been cheated on by so many women and I am doing everything in my power to not cheat on him. I constantly have to act like a Zombie at school because I don't want guys to get interested in me because I know that if their is someone there then I will act on my feelings. Every time I feel the urge to cheat I always call my boyfriend but I know u don't have that luxury with your boyfriend and that can be hard to deal with. I hope as I grow older that my unquenchable want to sex will change but I have no clue :(

raeofsunshine, try living 2 years with your boyfriend and still no sex. I did it and I managed, I'm sure that you can manage too. Heck, I didn't lose my virginity until 3 weeks after my 20th birthday.

I guess u could say I have Never really had an actual boyfriend, they all have been online. I have only had sex once when I was 17 and I meet my boyfriend when I was 18 and we of course have never had sex. I am happy I talked to him about it. wow I need to do one of these threads for myself

Everyone, thank you so much for your input. Too bad you all say different things and I'm still stuck in a rut. :gonk:

On the bright side I have been on my best behavior since that last guy encounter. He turned out to be much like the others unfortunately. Evidently I gave him the confidence to go after another girl. Sooooo not fair. I am more than incredibly mad at him, and yet I've found it very difficult to get over him.

My boyfriend and I are doing fine now, but I still have not told him about anything that's happened. I know, I'm a horrible person. To my dismay I've found that I'm forgetting most of what's happened. I'm not intentionally trying to forget, but this sort of doublethink thing is making it seem like these first two guys are a figment of my imagination. The last one I can't quite shake yet and I'm not sure that I ever will. :oops:

I have learned my lesson three times over, so now it has most definitely stuck. Too bad it took so long. I'm still struggling over whether to tell my boyfriend or not though. Should I just let it out there and shatter the trust forever or take this humiliating secret to the grave? :?

From everything I've read, it doesn't really sound like a relationship is a good idea for you right now. I put myself in a similar situation with a guy a few years ago and I couldn't tell him either. Instead of telling him, I broke up with him. It ended up being the better decision for that situation, and we're still friends. My point is, you can't just be with him and never tell him. It will bother you for the rest of your relationship. As much as you'd like to forget it, you won't. I would either tell him or break up with him. That's just me.

my advise go to your fav search engine and look for a chastity Belt, I'm not being a b****. I mean it, if you can't stop get one. My ex-boy friend got one, it helped but only when he wore it.

I'd say you have two options at this point.

1: Don't tell him if you think you can move on past it without the guilt being too much.

2: Tell him now so you don't end up accidentally telling him at some point later so he gets to use the line "Were you ever planning on telling me about this?"

But if I were you, I'd go with option A. And if you feel like you need less of a soul, there's always *chan imageboards. : D

(Sorry for the jokes, but that's how I try to help people. <.<)