Don't take offence to this, but this reads so confusingly. It's nothing but fragments and lacks so much grammer I can't really even understand it.
That line alone just confuses everything without the needed commas and other puncuation:
Quote:
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some beef, chicken, swine.
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Then there's the repeative line about the wine which is just so boring and simply only serves to take up space. If you're doing repatition you should use it properly and have it actually point out something important, ya know?
Also if you're taking a creative writing class I think you'd undertand me when I say you definitly need more imagry. Rhyming isn't everything in poetry and the wording used is bland and boring for the most part. I feel nothing coming from it other than that perhaps you were forced to write it and really wasn't in to it, ya know?
A poem should show me what's going on, not just tell me.
I hope this helped.
LNT