Memento Mori

At least I’m not alone. We still go trick-or-treating sometimes, but we never get a lot of candy because we really scare people. I think it’s because I have nails drilled into my eyes and my skin is shredded and falling off. Jessica has a hole in her stomach and her insides are falling out. Oh, and her face had to be stapled back on. We did it ourselves since no one would help us. When we asked anyone they screamed and ran. They can only see us on Halloween. I think that's because we died on Halloween night. We still go trick-or-treating every Halloween. We can't help it. Something makes us, I don't know what. We're so alone.. We wish people wouldn't run..
We were really young when we died. I was eight and Jessica was ten. People cried about us. We didn’t know why they were crying until we saw our graves. We died one night when we went trick-or-treating with our babysitter. I don't think she liked us.. She left us by ourselves to go to a party. When we rang that man's doorbell.. Something terrible came out and hurt us.
It’s been a really long time since we died, I don't know how many years because I lost track of time, but we still look like children. I guess you don’t age anymore when you're a ghost. But sometimes we found worms. They liked to wiggle in the little places we couldn’t reach to scratch them off. We tried to use soap and water to clean ourselves but it just made more of our skin fall off.



This is old, but I was curious as to what people think of this. I wrote it about 4 years ago, when I was about 16. I don't think it's very good, but what do you think?

Edit: I made some changes to it.

its good. if you add more details to what they look like and whats going on it should make it better.

you put this on here at the right time. with it being close to Halloween.

I just clicked the title because it's something my husband says a lot...Memento Mori...xD

Anyway, I agree with kitty kat. The first thing you should do is add more detailing to the children. How they died, what their faces look like, why people can see them...Then maybe add a back story...sort of like one of the children telling of how they died, what time period they died in, how they found out they were dead...

How young were the children when they died?

So yeah :D There's my opinion :D This has great potential to be turned into a fantastic Halloween Tale ^^

Thank you so much for the critiques. :3 I'll try to work on that. ^_^

Honestly, it definitely has that childish ring to it. However, I don't think it would be hard to revamp. Go through and add some detail. Real detail. Paint a picture with words so that the reader literally feels as though they are looking in the face of the two dead children. Then, maybe, give us some background to go on. How did they die? What have they been doing before the story started? What is it like being dead? Why are they so tattered and torn? This sort of thing.

Also, why are they out trick-or-treating? Why would they continue after they are dead? Do they do this every year?

Also, are you looking to make this a horror story? What audience are you gearing this toward?

Originally Posted by Kidd

Honestly, it definitely has that childish ring to it. However, I don't think it would be hard to revamp. Go through and add some detail. Real detail. Paint a picture with words so that the reader literally feels as though they are looking in the face of the two dead children. Then, maybe, give us some background to go on. How did they die? What have they been doing before the story started? What is it like being dead? Why are they so tattered and torn? This sort of thing.

Also, why are they out trick-or-treating? Why would they continue after they are dead? Do they do this every year?

Also, are you looking to make this a horror story? What audience are you gearing this toward?

Ooh.. I'm going to want to make edits soon. I'm getting so many good ideas. :3