I guess I've never really thought much about the issue of telling someone if they were adopted.
I actually have many members of my family who have been adopted and it's never been a big issue. They know they're adopted and so do we, but we obviously don't treat them any different. Like two of my cousins - one was adopted as a toddler from overseas and she's always known it and my other cousin was adopted as a baby and he's always known too. A matter of fact, he knows his biological father.
Personally, if it comes to tracking down a biological releative, I believe it should be up to the child.
I guess I don't see why telling someone they were adopted should be a big deal. Just make sure the child understands that it doesnt make their family loves them any less. And that they are still their child and always will be.

I was adopted when I was 2 days old. I was told when I was 15, it hit me hard. My thing was, I looked like my father, and brothers, even though they weren't really my dad and brothers. My story is much different than most. I was adopted by my aunt and uncle (uncle being my birth mom's brother). I'm glad that my parents told me, they waited until I was old enough and mature enough to handle the situation. So if I ever were to adopt, I would absolutely tell them when they were old enough to handle things. I'd be scared that they'd want to meet their birth parents, but that is their choice, not mine.

i would def tell them, but after they've reached a certain age so they can handle it.
i don't think that's something you should hide from a child.

I would absolutely tell them.
I can't think of a single reason not to and pretending otherwise is disrespectful to the child and to yourself. It might be a difficult conversation to have and it could potentially change your relationship, but not necessarily in a bad way. I think, no matter the circumstances surrounding the adoption, it is the child's right to know.

I plan on adopting when I want to start a family of my own, and yes I would tell them as early as possible...I'd want to wait until they're old enough to understand what adoption is. And I would most certainly make sure that they knew I loved them just as much as I would love as much as I would love a child I gave birth to. Where they came from doesn't matter to me because I would adopt them because I wanted to give them a loving family. If the fact that they are adopted bothered me at all, I wouldn't be adopting in the first place.

I also plan to adopt when I start a family of my own. And I will always let them know. I won't lie to them and I won't keep it from them. I will also let them know that I loved them and am their mother. I would also try to get the information on their birth parents so if they did want to visit them one day. I would help them so that they don't have such a huge chip on their shoulder and will just wait for them to return to me.

I was extremely close to being given up for adoption; my parents are absolutely wonderful people and I would hope that if I had been given up for adoption, I would have been able to know these wonderful people because the parents who raised me would have told me.

Also, just as a real world point. In general, it's kind of hard to adopt kids who look enough like you that they can't tell.

babies, toddlers and preschoolers have a very active way of learning and perceiving things. Whatever you tell them, they accept it as fact. When they're a little older (4 and up) they start asking "why." A little older (school age) and they have a semi-defined basis of reality and they base it on what they already know and what their family's opinions are. Pre-teen and teen years are full of changes and adjustments. This all said, I think toddlerhood is the best time to begin to explain to the child how they are adopted, so it will always be a fact that can be expounded on over the years. It will never be a shocking discovery, it will never be a traumatizing adjustment to go through, it will always just be what it is, and it would be OK.

How to tell a toddler.. well basically (using a picture if you have one) you explain to the child: "you grew inside this lady, then she gave you to me, and that's how I became your Mommy." then, about your other child/ren, "(they) grew inside my belly, and I kept them, and that's how I became their Mommy." You just add on more detail and explain as they get older, and ask questions. There are different ways to become a Mommy, and different kinds of families, and that's OK! Some people might be mean and make fun, but thats because they don't understand and they get joy out of being hurtful and we should feel sorry for them and hope they can learn better, but never believe the mean things they say. So of course it's important not to make life decisions based on whether some Ignorants will tease.

I was watching television last night and there was a documentary on about how one man had his life turned upside down when he was ten years old because his mother told him he was adopted and in turn he went into a life of crime. If I had an adopted child, I'd let them know that they were adopted from perhaps age five or so - reason being is because I think it would get harder as they get older to explain and the subject would be very touchy, especially because it's an issue of identity. If they believe the foundation of their identity to be something that its not, everything would just crumble, I imagine. You have to let people who are adopted know, because if you don't and they find out the hard way, it's not going to be that pretty.

That's what I think, anyway.

I completely agree with the OP as I am against all forms of censorship.

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Originally Posted by Covet

babies, toddlers and preschoolers have a very active way of learning and perceiving things. Whatever you tell them, they accept it as fact. When they're a little older (4 and up) they start asking "why." A little older (school age) and they have a semi-defined basis of reality and they base it on what they already know and what their family's opinions are. Pre-teen and teen years are full of changes and adjustments. This all said, I think toddlerhood is the best time to begin to explain to the child how they are adopted, so it will always be a fact that can be expounded on over the years. It will never be a shocking discovery, it will never be a traumatizing adjustment to go through, it will always just be what it is, and it would be OK.

How to tell a toddler.. well basically (using a picture if you have one) you explain to the child: "you grew inside this lady, then she gave you to me, and that's how I became your Mommy." then, about your other child/ren, "(they) grew inside my belly, and I kept them, and that's how I became their Mommy." You just add on more detail and explain as they get older, and ask questions. There are different ways to become a Mommy, and different kinds of families, and that's OK! Some people might be mean and make fun, but thats because they don't understand and they get joy out of being hurtful and we should feel sorry for them and hope they can learn better, but never believe the mean things they say. So of course it's important not to make life decisions based on whether some Ignorants will tease.

I agree, this is how I would go about it too. It kind of surprised me that so many people in this thread said they would tell their adopted children when they had already matured, around when they are a teen. I think that would be traumatizing!

I would probably only tell them if they asked me. Of course you'd have to explain why and how it happened. It's only fair.

I would tell them. Deffinately (: