((This is a story of a show I am writing. You can read about it in my first blog of September 8th if you have any questions.))



Show 1




Max Sullivan, a handsome man with blue eyes and sleek black hair that has been combed to one side comes out in front of an emerald curtain and greets the audience in the S. B. Theater.
Max: “Welcome, welcome, everyone. It’s good to see so many people here tonight. Judging by the name of the show, the opening theme our band and group of performers just played, and the fact that you’re here, you must be looking to be entertained. We’ll try not to disappoint….if we can help it. To start things off, we whisk you away to the deepest and darkest jungle, where our own Wildflower will show you what’s going on.”
Max leaves the stage as the curtains behind him to reveal a lush jungle setting with thick bushes and tall palm trees. A macaw gives a cry which a keel bill toucan answers. Three monkeys sit up in a tree and chatter calmly as a drum starts playing. A yellow snake with a red underbelly wrapped around a tree across from the one the monkeys sits in takes in his surroundings. Wildflower, a silver-white haired striped skink in a silken pal green dress, steps of out the bushes. After taking in her surroundings, she begins to sing “Bungle in the Jungle”, while the eyes of a tiger peer at her from a bush, she looks to her right at the roar of a lion and the snake hisses at her as she sings. Eventually the macaw, toucan and monkeys join in on the singing, to the applause of the audience.
Backstage Max notices a woman in a brown suit and coat with matching trousers, her silver hair done up in a tight bun and she has a clipboard, looking at Wildflower and the other animals as they pass into her to enter the green room.
Max: “Excuse me, but we don’t really allow anyone back here.”
Woman: “I’m hardly anyone. I’m Cera. C. Doll.”
Max: “Well, Ms. Doll, I’m sorry, but you’ll really have to leave.” He attempts to usher her out.
Cera (stopping before she can be pushed out an open door that leads to the green room): “Not so fast, Mr. Sullivan. I happen to have been hired by Mr. F. C. himself.”
Max (blanching): “The landlord?” (Cera nods.)
Cera: “As you know, you can’t just go throwing any old thing on stage or on TV and expect people to like it. My job here is to make sure that the running of this show is decent, cultural, and wholesome.”
Max: “Well, on next does indeed meet those standards.”
Announcer: “From the darkest jungles of Africa, the deepest depths of the Amazon, and the heights of the Himalayas, here’s Elizabeth Goodwill!”
A woman with tan skin and long black hair wearing safari gear sits at a long table with bushes on either side of the stage and four palm trees in the background.
Elizabeth: “Hello, I’m Elizabeth Goodwill, host of the Wildlife Center, where we get the inside scope of an animal’s life. And today, representing her kind from the Galapagos Islands and coasts of Australia, my guest is Lois the Red-Footed Booby.” (There is a squawk and the bird makes a crash landing on her feet at the far end of the table.) “I give it a 9 ½. Welcome, Lois.”
Lois: “Thank you, Elizabeth, and it’s good to be here.”
Elizabeth: “And it’s good having you here. Tell me, it’s believed by popular media that boobies are goofy and dimwitted. Is that true?”
Lois (after giving Elizabeth a five minute look): “Well, I suppose that’s on who you ask and what boobies you know. I know my cousin Lindenburgh is, if you’ll excuse the expression, an odd bird. But truthfully, we are who we are, just as people are who they are.”
Elizabeth: “Well put. I understand red-footed boobies come from the Galapagos and Australia. Can you tell me how the boobies from those places live?”
Lois: “Gladly. The fishing in the Galapagos is very plentiful, and we can usually get a good margin of little fish and squid, if it isn’t stolen by those frigate birds. And our only real enemies are the sharks. Now, in Australia, it’s a different story. What with those cane toads snapping up everything they can, and the dingoes running around, we really have no other defense than to fly. And, of course, I don’t need to tell you how troublesome the fishermen can be.”
Elizabeth: “No, you don’t. Australia’s become vastly populated by man and beast for a long time now. Do you have any problems with hawks and eagles?”
Lois: “Quite too often. My uncle Hector who lives on a secluded island had his life tragically claimed just last week.”
Elizabeth: “Predator?”
Lois: “No. An uncommonly short-lived bird flu epidemic.”
Elizabeth: “I think one of the things boobies are mostly known for is their mating dance.”
Lois: “Oh, yes! I’ve seen a lot of people come out to the beaches to film us boobies as we do that. They seem to find it fascinating and humorous. But what we’re really unrecognized for is our singing.”
Elizabeth (blinking): “You sing?”
Lois: “But of course.” (She begins singing “Twiddly Dee” in a braying voice and is interrupted by Elizabeth.)
Elizabeth: “I think that’s all the time we have. Thank you for coming, Lois.” (Lois nods)(Elizabeth looks to the audience) “And thank you for joining us. Until next week, this is Elizabeth Goodwill saying so long from the Wildlife Center.”
Max comes out onstage in front of the curtains.
Max: “And now, That’s Entertainment presents to you, by very definition of himself more so than the rest of us, our very own Pitru the Peculiar!” (Steps back as the curtains open to show a purple platypus with frizzy purple hair in a red tuxedo shirt and yellow pants wearing blue tap-shoes and white gloves.)
Pitru: “Thank you, thank you. I am Pitru the Peculiar, performance artist extra-”(he strikes a pose with his back arched and left arm outstretched)“-ordinare! Tonight, I will be tap dance to the Flight of the Bumblebee with shoes filled with avocado pudding! A little piano and trumpet, Brando?” (The blond conductor nods and the blond pianist and squint-eyed trumpet player begin playing while Pitru tap dances, making squishing sounds and stopping at the right sections in the musical piece. In the wings, Max moans in how absurd this is as Cera stands next to him with her clipboard.)
Phyllis Burns is sitting at her make-up table reading a local magazine in her dressing room with the door open when the go-fer Nicki peers into the doorway.
Nicki: “Excuse me, Mrs. Burns, can I come in?”
Phyllis: “Of course, Nicki. Anything I can help you with?”
Nicki: “No, not me. I was just curious if you’ve seen Ms. Cera C. Doll.”
Phyllis: “No, why?”
Nicki: “Well, she’s a censor hired by the landlord and she’s going around writing evaluations on the entire cast and staff.”
Cera (appearing in the doorway behind Nicki. Writes on her clipboard): “‘Gossiping go-fer.” (Approaches Phyllis as Nicki steps back and watches.) “Mrs. Burns, there hasn’t, so far been too many people I feel I can talk to.”
Phyllis: “Well, thank you, Ms. Doll. I’m glad to hear that.”
Cera: “Mrs. Burns, I’ve followed your career in the true spirit of fandom for years. You started out as a vaudeville act before becoming an extra in five movies, had supporting roles in five plays and movies, had a leading role in at least three, then returned to vaudeville. I suppose what I’m asking is, is it difficult to be an actor?”
Phyllis (impressed): “Well, someone has clearly been doing her homework. Well, no, I don’t think it’s that difficult. If the director says ‘Stand up’ and you stand up, that’s good acting. If he puts you in a scene where you have to sit down through the whole thing and you stand by accident, that’s bad acting.” (She turns a page.) “I’ve seen people getting paid just to sit down. This theater is full of good actors.” (Cera’s face sours upon hearing this and leaves.)
Nicki (impressed): “Wow, Mrs. Burns, you struck her speechless.”
Phyllis: “Years of experience dealing with the tabloids, dear.”
On stage, the Cottontail Glee Club sing “Blue Skies” while popping in and out of a grassy hill.
Backstage, Max is approached by the stage manager Adam Brisby, a hedgehog-like fellow with messy brown hair, jeans, glasses and a green blazer over his white shirt.
Adam: “Max, did you know there’s a woman wandering around backstage?”
Max (sighs resignedly): “I know. Her name is Cera C. Doll and she’s here under orders from the landlord to monitor and censor the show.”
Adam: “Well she’s carrying a clipboard saying how the show isn’t cultured enough or fit for family viewing.”
Max: “She’s saying WHAT!?”
Adam: “She’s interviewing all the performers on the show, asking them about their acts and writing evaluations on her clipboard.”
Max: “That’s ridiculous! The show is….well plenty of the acts are…and then there’s….Well, we’re certainly a decent family show.” (Sighs.) “Where is she now?”
Adam: “In the canteen.”
Max: “Oh, good. She can’t find fault with anything in there.”
Adam: “That’s what you think! Pitru is practicing his tuned anvil act down there.”
(Max groans and goes onstage.)
Max: “Ladies and gentlemen, in 1958 there was a report of a UFO. We’re lucky enough to have that exact UFO here. Those of you with purple pigment may wish to leave the theater.”
The resident jazz musician/expert Jazz performs “Purple People Eater”.
Announcer: “And now, it’s time for that master mage, Dolf Grander, Greybeard M.D.”
A wizard with straight silver hair settled under a crooked black cap yet an unkempt and long silver beard dressed in light tan robes reads through a book as he sits in a medieval setting, two mice sitting on the table in front of him and looking at the book from their angle. Dolf’s yellow-haired assistant Marian, wearing a pink dress enters the room from the right of the stage.
Marian: “Grand Grander, you have a patient from far off Japan.”
Dolf: “Zounds!” (Smacks the book, making the mice jump) “Who needeth the mightiest of spell wielders just when he was getting to the good part?”
Marian: “Mr. Kyuubi No Kitsune.” (She steps aside and a fox pads onto the scene.)
Dolf: “Pardon my observation, m’lad, but, doeth not ‘kyuubi’ mean ‘nine’ and ‘kitsune’ mean fox, in the tongue of your birth land?” (The fox nods) “But, my eyes behold that you sport, not unlike other foxes, a single tail.”
Fox: “That’s my problem. Can you help me out?”
Dolf: “Mayhap.” (Picks up the fox and sets him on the table, listening to his heart) “Zounds!”
Fox: “‘Zounds!’ what?!”
Dolf: “Zounds alright to me.” (Audience laughs.)
Fox: “Dolf, can you just make it so I have nine tails like the rest of mine people?”
Dolf: “Most certainly.” (Takes out his hand.) “Sliat enin xof siht evig ot rewop eht em evig. Uoy sllac tnavres elbmuh ruoy, stnemele rouf eht morf emoc taht srewop eht lla yb!” (There is burst of smoke and when it settles, the fox has his regular tail, a lion tail, a rat’s tail, a rabbit’s tail, a zebra’s tail, a lizard’s tail, a stoat’s tail, a badger’s tail, and a fish’s tail.) “There, nine tails.”
Fox: “ACK! This is all wrong!! I wanted nine fox tails!!!”
Dolf: “Oh, you should have said something. I don’t do refunds.”
Fox: “But I didn’t pay you, yet.”
Dolf: “Then you got your money’s worth.”
(Audience laughs.)
The fox makes his way pass Max as he goes backstage as Max sits at his desk looking at the running board for the show.
Cera (glaring in disgust after the multi-tailed fox): “Disgusting!” (Turning to Max) “Mr. Sullivan, I have been taking a tally of the people and creatures you have in this theater, and I must say, I am shocked, horrified, sickened and appalled. Did you know that in the canteen there are two monsters playing chess, that weirdo Pitru playing two anvils, and a parrot singing melodrama.”
Max: “Oh, good.”
Cera: “‘Good’!?”
Max: “Yeah, that’s what they’re supposed to be doing.”
Cera: “Those are not examples of decent family entertainers. Ack!” (A caterpillar crawls pass towards the stage.) “See?! See what I mean!? What was that?? A caterpillar!? And, waaaiiit just a minute here!” (She plucks up Blinker the white mouse by the scruff of his neck.) “”What is this??”
Max: “It’s just a little mouse.”
Cera: “A mouse?? Whoever heard of a mouse having a place in the entertainment industry!? And what is a mouse doing in this theater at all?”
Max: “Well, this one was going out to get me a cup of mocha java.”
Cera (dropping Blinker, looking disgusted): “You let vermin touch your food!?”
Max: “Look, Cera, that’s the kind of place it is around here. The skunks sing and the caterpillar dances and the mouse goes out to get me some lunch.”
Cera: “We’ll see about that! Mouse, mouse, mouse, I am talking to you! I want you OUT!” (Blinker zips away and Cera goes back to her clipboard.) “That was easier and more satisfying than I thought.”
Max: “Now look here, Cera. You can’t just send the mice out. They perform a useful function around here. They gather up all the garbage and dump it outside.”
(Several mice wrench Cera’s clipboard from her and carry it outside to dump with Cera chasing after them and Max goes onstage.) “Ladies and gentlemen, A Little Spanish Town.”
The caterpillar dances to an instrumental version of the song, moving two legs at a time.
Jazz sits on a bench asleep while his friend Jazmin watches a car speed by and then crash.
Jazz (waking up): “What was that!?”
Jazmin (blows into her sax): “B-flat.”
Pitru walks from the left side of the stage and turns to the pair.
Pitru: “Do you know how to get to Carnage Hall?”
Jazz: “Practice.”
Jazz, Jazmin and Pitru come backstage as the audience’s laugher can be heard.
Jazz: “The old ones are the best ones.”
Max: “Well you’re lucky you were able to go out there, what with that Ms. Doll hanging around all day.”
Jazz: “Heh. That nizzle needs to chizzle.” (Walks off with Jazmin and Pitru.)
Max: “Tell me about it. Whatever that means.”
Cera (approaching Max’s desk): “Mr. Sullivan, this place is infested with mice.” (She takes out a lease.) “Your lease states that this theater shall contain humans, animals that appear on the wild lady’s segment and the purple weirdo who tap-dances in avocado pudding. That’s it, no mice. And I may need to have a word with Mr. F.C. about the monsters, too.”
Bertha, a gray monster with shaggy hair and bulbous pink nose, appears behind Cera, reaches over Cera’s shoulder, examines the lease, and then eats it before going off to the green room. Nicki approaches Max and Cera.
Nicki: “Mrs. Doll, did you bring an exterminator?”
Cera: “Yes. Why?”
Nicki: “He interrupted Karl Gorgon in the middle of his lunch while chasing a mouse. The stagehands are trying to pry him out of tuba that was lying around.”
Cera (going pale as Nicki walks off. Turns to Max): “On second thought, maybe we can work something out.”
Onstage, an elderly gentleman sings a powerful rendition of “When I was Young”, accompanied by the orchestra.
Max (coming on stage): “Well, we did the beginning and the middle, so this must be the end. Speaking on behalf of the entire That’s Entertainment cast, I thank you all for joining us today, and hope to see you all again soon."