I don't know who to confide this to, I can't tell my friends as this is about them and I've never talked with my family about life issues unless absolutely necessary. I don't exactly write journals but I need to tell someone this.

Back in high school, I have a small group of good friends. We used to hang out a lot, pretty much all the time. It was fun and it felt like these friends will last for a long time if not my whole life.

Then we graduated and started college. Our group started to scatter, some went to community colleges, a few went with me to state, and some went to different cities. At first I thought that it's necessary, we all have different goals in life and have different ways of achieving them. I still think like that, but after three months it feels like we're all drifting apart somehow.

We still hang out as much as we can but now, it's only during special occasions like someone's birthday or holiday. The friends that goes to the same college as me, our schedules are too different. One would have class and the other would be on break and vice-versa. We belong to different clubs and I only just realized how vastly different our interests might be.

Everyone is too busy either with work, family, school, and various other things now. I feel selfish for wanting everyone to come together more often, because I know they're busy but I can't help but feel that. I've always had a hard time making friends and after three months I haven't made any friends in my college. I've made acquaintances but not friends. So I'm trying my hardest to keep everyone together, for my own selfish needs.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I'm just over reacting but we interact online more often than in real life now. It feels like college is driving us apart. Has anyone felt like that when they started college?

My family use to tell me (family members that I do not especially like), "friends come and go". I know that's true but I don't want the friends I have now to drift apart from each other. I spend practically every weekend at home now but back in high school, I go out once every two weeks if not every weekend.

I just felt like I needed to confide this to someone. To those who is in college, graduated from college, or just started college like me, what do you think?

What you are going though is the natural progression of things. It's not common for people to hold friends after high school graduation, especially if college is involved.

My dad was lucky because his friends went to his college, but I've all but stopped seeing my friends at home. There's too much drama to be had there anyway--all of that high school B.S. is still floating around there. I have better friends now who don't get caught up in such trivial nonsense.

Don't sweat it so much. Friends come and go.

I know how you feel. All my friends I have right now I made in highschool and my group of friends has been disbanded. I've only got two or so good friends left and I don't even see them very often. I'm horrible at making friends.. When I think I'm starting to make a friend in school I find out that they aren't interested in a friendship.. Just somebody to talk to during class only, which sucks. In the 5 years I've been out of school I've only made one friend, and that's my boyfriend and best friend. So, I can live with just having my boyfriend and two friends left. I guess I don't need a lot of other friends. Though I do miss hanging out with all my high school friends. I guess the best way to make friends is get into some sort of club... I thought about joining some clubs, but the people I met were so different from me and the places made me a bit uncomfortable.
I guess I"m not really good at giving advice or anything with this topic. You might have to deal with the few friends you can hold on to. That's what I had to do, and it sucks, but I'm happy with the few friends I do have. Maybe your friends have made new friends and you all can hang out together. Make friends with your friends' friends :P

I understand how ya feel. When I switched schools for my senior year of highschool, the group of friends I had for about 10 years, started to seperate and eventually ceased to exist. Then I made friends at my new school. Then, we graduated and went to different colleges and now everyone does their own thing. My bestfriend moved to Texas in August to go to a university there. I am feeling pretty lonely. It's hard for me to make new friends a lot of the time. All I can say is that what you're going through sucks and it's hard. If you can keep your friends together, that's great, but if it seems that you can't, let them go-as hard as it may be. It's even harder and more painful to try to hold something together that is working against you or bound to end. AND-It can't just be you working to keep it together. For it to work, you need the help of everyone on the group. If not, it won't workout as much as that hurts.

How could anyone fault you for genuinely missing your friends? I think you're still in a bit of shock or discomfort since you all aren't as close, literally, as you all used to be, however this is truly normal and natural. It was previously effortless to keep in contact in high school when everyone was contained in a school or area and in hindsight, it's difficult to have appreciated then the time that was daily spent together.

I think you might need to move on to accept it a little more that you are all pursuing happiness separately. Everyone is struggling in their own lives every day to come to terms with how they live. Struggling alone in your own life might make you miss the good old days even more, but I'm sure your friends would surely support your efforts even from afar. My best friend and I have an understanding: our lives are busy. But when we get together again, it's the same camaraderie as old times with seemingly anachronistic problems or aspects of our everyday lives. I think we're caught up more in our relationship than daily happenings...at the very least, we can truly appreciate when we are together.

I always have trouble answering to old friends I haven't seen in a while: How have you been? At what point? From how many months ago? *panic* *panic* I think everyone can come to this understanding simply from living their own lives that everyone is busy. It's not from lack of a desire to be close; it's simply from the lack of ability. That's easy to understand.

If it seems insincere to only get together during special occasions, try setting up a non-special occasion day to get together and make it special. Plan a group activity in advance and give everyone notice. I'm sure they'd be willing. Don't be offended if they are suddenly unable to show. Perhaps a "We'll really miss you being there, but I hope everything is alright there. Hopefully next time..." could do as a response.

Of course, I'm horrible with making and maintaining friends. IRL, I am extremely boring and I have difficulty entertaining people. Etiquette is so variable with everyone! *worry*

Originally Posted by LuminousFaery

How could anyone fault you for genuinely missing your friends? I think you're still in a bit of shock or discomfort since you all aren't as close, literally, as you all used to be, however this is truly normal and natural. It was previously effortless to keep in contact in high school when everyone was contained in a school or area and in hindsight, it's difficult to have appreciated then the time that was daily spent together.

I think you might need to move on to accept it a little more that you are all pursuing happiness separately. Everyone is struggling in their own lives every day to come to terms with how they live. Struggling alone in your own life might make you miss the good old days even more, but I'm sure your friends would surely support your efforts even from afar. My best friend and I have an understanding: our lives are busy. But when we get together again, it's the same camaraderie as old times with seemingly anachronistic problems or aspects of our everyday lives. I think we're caught up more in our relationship than daily happenings...at the very least, we can truly appreciate when we are together.

I always have trouble answering to old friends I haven't seen in a while: How have you been? At what point? From how many months ago? *panic* *panic* I think everyone can come to this understanding simply from living their own lives that everyone is busy. It's not from lack of a desire to be close; it's simply from the lack of ability. That's easy to understand.

If it seems insincere to only get together during special occasions, try setting up a non-special occasion day to get together and make it special. Plan a group activity in advance and give everyone notice. I'm sure they'd be willing. Don't be offended if they are suddenly unable to show. Perhaps a "We'll really miss you being there, but I hope everything is alright there. Hopefully next time..." could do as a response.

Of course, I'm horrible with making and maintaining friends. IRL, I am extremely boring and I have difficulty entertaining people. Etiquette is so variable with everyone! *worry*

Heh...yeah I'm not very good at planning fun events. Hence I've never had a party for my birthday till' I was 18. Just because it was 18....

Yeah, maybe I should plan more activities. One of the things we used to do, we can't do anymore because we found it was illegal and no one wants to pay to do it legally. *sigh*.....airsoft....

how come airsoft is illegal? I have friends and friends of friends who do airsofting all the time here.

Well, people also get interested in new things when they start college.
My best friend from highschool and I are still close, but we hardly ever see eachother now, since we both go to college elsewhere, and we only see eachother in the unlikely event that we're atcually at home at the same time. It's now been over 3 years since i started college, and my friend, who used to be a nerdy girl who sat in the back of the room reading a book, is now a party girl who dresses up slutty on halloween. She's changed so much since highschool, it's like she's a completely different person. But in some ways, she really is still the same, so we are still close.
So I know what you mean about realizing that you and your friends might not be there for eachother forever anymore. It may be meant to be for some of them, maybe some of them will drift away from you.
In order for friendships to work, both people have to try. If one isn't trying to maintain the friendship, it won't work.
But it does get easier to deal with as life goes on.

I know how you feel.
I'm in the same situation.
I have a lot of acquaintances, but not anyone that I would consider my friend.
Like I feel that I have to find people that are just like my friends in high school and fill that void.
And I'm usually a shy person, so it's even harder for me to make friends.
Plus, I have all these other problems, like depression, anxiety, that whole thing and that makes it harder too.
So I would just recommend just going to more social events, maybe a mentoring program, like at my college there's something called NIA, and we have a student mentor and a faculty mentor, and you just go to the meetings.
Sometimes they have movies, events, workshops, etc.
Also, try to find some clubs that you are interested in and go there and meet people.
And if you really feel down about the situation, you can always go to the counseling center at your college.
That's what I'm doing now (because I have other problems too)
So yeah... I don't know if this helped or not haha.
Hopefully it did though.
:]

Originally Posted by Alexial_Rose

how come airsoft is illegal? I have friends and friends of friends who do airsofting all the time here.

It's only legal if you're doing it on private property with the owner's permission or specially designated airsoft fields. We used to do it right outside my friends house because his yard gate is covered by bushes and inside is like a gauntlet so it was perfect for "attack and defend". Then someone called the cops on us saying they say a woman holding a large rifle pointing at a house. The "woman" was my MALE friend with long hair and a beanie, holding a airsoft sniper rifle. That was the only funny thing about the situation. :P...They had us on our knees with hands behind our heads while they searched us and lined our airsoft guns out like you see on TV, as if they were real. They broke my friend's rifle when they dropped it.


Anyways, I am in a club right now but most of the club members are upperclassman. I go to events and stuff with them but we never hang out outside of club meetings and activities...=\

Well at least you made a start, joining the club I mean. I got lucky (I guess) My highschool friends started drifting away senior year so I was ready when college hit.

I can't believe that cops arrested you for the airsoft thing... Unless you were shooting innocent bystanders and pets...

Well here it goes.. lol..
After high school i moved to america (i was born and raised in the netherlands btw).
And had to leave all my friends behind.
I still talk to a few of them online but not very often..
So i had to make a whole new group of friends..
And i dont feel bad about it..
Because all my older friends have different interests and hobbies than me..
They went a totally different direction than me..
So i searched out some people that liked the same things as me..
And now i have better friends than ever!
We match more than my older friends..
So theres less conflict about.. well.. everything!
And when we hang out its always fun because everybody enjoys it :)
Maybe you should kinda check out other people that maybe look like you.. or dress like you..
Listen to the same music as you.. or play the same sport?
Lol.. sorry dont really know what youre into..
Hope this helped! :)

@akinmytua
We didn't get arrested...well we almost did but it was our first offense in an otherwise clean record so we got off with a warning, after some negotiation. But we were only shooting at each other. We paused the game whenever someone innocent was within firing range. They had they their guns out and everything when they came.....

@moonfall
Yeah I understand what you mean but moving from a another country is different. I lost all my friends when I moved away from China (this was back in first grade though) but this group of friends I'm talking about are really special and we've gone through a lot together. I think I'm the only feeling this though because we're still like how we used to be. I guess I over-reacted.

It's really just a part of growing up - it sucks because you can't see your friends that often, but at least when you do see them it is really special. You're also keeping in contact (even if it's online) so that's always good.

I'm sort of the one friend that brings everyone together O_o
Like, people want to plan events around me and stuff xD
But that's because I always try to do fun things like throw small scale parties and what not. They're usually not very big, just close friends hanging out and watching a movie. I guess it's just taking the time to get everyone together that my friends appreciate.

So yeah, if you want to try and see them more often just do simple things like that. "Hey guys - you free on whatever date? Just want to hang out and watch a movie or play a game?" Everyone needs a break and it's nice to just chill with your buddies.

I never felt the effects until this year, my sophomore year. During my freshman year, my h.s. group of friends, we all would call one another, chat online (like you) and rarely see each other when we were home during holidays. Schedules were crazy as usual. I'll confide, when I was a freshman I was extremely antisocial and hardly talked to anyone except for one of the girls who was in band with during h.s. she was one of three who went to college with me (woo go penn state!). We all would have breakfast, lunch and dinner together, it kept me as myself. I understand when you say you feel selfish as to keeping everyone together. For my best friend's birthday, I drove down to her college and stayed the entire weekend. When I was there I got along with her friends... and even though I felt I was being replaced, it made me feel great to know that other people besides myself was taking care of her. And like you said birthdays and holidays seem like the only time to get together, which is more true this year than last year, this year all of us are so much busier. Some of us are in relationships, taking honors courses, in the honors program, in different clubs, sororities/fraternities, etc. This year, things fell apart with the friends who were my breakfast, lunch & dinner gals, two dropped out due to loans, and family issues, and the band girl and I live together in an apt and steadily we're growing apart, which is sad... she doesn't like my brother at all, which is driving a wedge between us. :( But anyhoo, this year I found my new circle of friends, they help a lot because I can see similarities and differences between them and my old group.
Even though we're growing apart, we're growing up. I still contact everyone at least once a week, either I call them, text, or talk online. Everyone is so far away, it does make me sad, but in a way it makes me happy to know everyone is striving forth towards their dream or in general their future. It is sad to know that everyone is pulling away, but you'll always have the h.s. memories that you can reminisce over, meet and tell stories to their new circles. I think it's important if you want to remain close, you might want to organize a big hangout where you can bring your new buddies, and they can bring theirs. Or see if you can't visit them over the weekend so you can visit and (hopefully) make friends or at least get acquainted with their new group.
I'm sorry for the long response. I do know what you're going through. Trust me you're not alone in this situation. If you keep in contact, even if it's not face to face, you won't be as close as you used to be, or used to, but you'll still get to interact with them.
... You could buy a webcam and tell others to get webcams. They're extremely helpful if you want (semi) face to face. ;)

I guess one reason why I'm trying so hard is because of my plans for the future. After I get my bachelors, I plan to go to Japan for several years to teach. If I'm all the way across the ocean, that just makes it harder for us to stay close. So I guess I want to make the most of this time.