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Shikyo
⊙ω⊙
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11-28-2009, 12:23 AM
I do not the money to move out, or even a place to stay. The most I might get in a few days at a friend's house, but even that is pretty much unlikely. I just want a way to be able to cope with this until I can move out.
A month ago, I let a good friend of mine borrow my Nintendo Wii. He had borrowed stuff from me before, and he usually gave me the stuff back as soon as possible. Not once has he ever lost something. I got my Nintendo Wii back a week ago, and I put all the wires, etc. by my television. When I went to hook it up, because my boyfriend bought a Gamecube controller, I noticed the Wii Remote and the Nunchuck were missing.
I looked in my car, my room, etc. and it wasn't anywhere. My friend looked for it, and told me that it's not at his place.
My dad finds out while I am looking around in the basement. He starts yelling at me saying it's my fault it is lost, that I should of not trusted my friend. This happens while my boyfriend is standing around. He continues to repeat this, and he's still doing this until he goes upstairs.
As soon as I start to calm down, he throws his debit card at me and starts screaming how my friend is a "scumbag" and various other insults. He yells at me to just buy a new one because my friend stole is and I am obviously not going to get it back. I ask my dad to stop yelling. He simply yells louder, so I ask again, and he does it more. I start to cry, ask him again.
He gets pissed off at me, tells me to grab my keys and leave the house.
The only reason I didn't get kicked-out is because I told my mom this, who told my dad and me to stop yelling at each other. My mom tells me it's my fault he yelled at me, and goes back to watching television.
This is not the first time something like this happens, or the last. He yells at me, I ask him calmly to stop.
I don't know what to do. Talking to him does not work. My mom automatically assumes I did something to aggravate him.
I am at a point where I am wondering if it is even worth trying to save my relationship with my parents.
My dad overreacts. If he asks for help, and I don't come in less than five seconds, he assumes I am being lazy or that I lied to him. A lot of the times I don't make it in time because I was halfway across the house, in the shower, or in the bathroom, etc.
I had two pet rats. I would wake-up around seven or eight, feed them, and get ready for class. My dad then started to wake-up around six, because of work, see that the rats have not been fed, and yell at me because I'm letting them starve. He would wake me up as absurd hours and yell at me how the food bowls for the cat, rats, etc. were empty.
He blames me for the messes he makes. He automatically assumes if there's something on the floor, I must of did it. If something spills, my fault. While I do sometimes leave things on the floor and things do spill, I admit it's my fault, clean it up, apologize, and move on. Still, I am being blamed for things that are not my fault.
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Shalandriel
*^_^*
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11-28-2009, 04:05 AM
If you have nowhere to go I suggest you suck it up and deal. I know it sucks, my boyfriend has to deal with the same thing (though his father is much much much worse). If your father is like that I suggest you try and stay on his good side so he doesn't throw you out. You can't expect him to treat you how you want if he obviously doesn't act rationally.
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BinkaKitty
ʘ‿ʘ
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11-28-2009, 04:08 AM
honestly, i think the only thing you can really do is wade it out until you can finally move out. my husband and i have to stay with his mom, and she's exactly the same way. she makes everyone do everything for her, thinking she has that right cuz she works 15 hours a day and gets 5 hours of sleep. she always assumes things and blames my husband or his brother or their dad. and she gets pissed off over the simplest things. we've all tried our best to get her to stop, but it never works. all i can do is just avoid everything, which doesn't go very well.
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raeofsunshinelove
ʘ‿ʘ
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11-28-2009, 01:20 PM
wow my dad is the same way. my sister lived with him for 2 years and finally got tired of it and she moved in with her boyfriend. It seems like you don't have anywhere to go which is very sad. hmm I don't want to sound mean but look up a church they are always willing to help, or at least all the Christian churches I have been too have always been happy to help and many times someone can take you in for a while and pay for everything and at least u would have a great roof over your head without all the drama. I disowned my dad and told him I wanted nothing to do with him. Your mom seems to be blind and a victim of it herself which is why she seems to not want to get involved in it. well I hope things get better, keep ur head up you know you are in the right and never forget that.
Last edited by raeofsunshinelove; 11-28-2009 at 01:22 PM..
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Captain Pains
Ouja Akuma
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11-28-2009, 05:47 PM
I have the same problem with my mom, but slightly different. I'm her scapegoat for everything because if she didn't do what she's accusing, or I myself, my brother did it. She's afraid of him and blames me instead. It's rather depressing coming home from school or a friends house to have an argument happening right when I walk in the door. I only have to deal with this until January or June. [Jan, hopefully my brother moves out; June is when I leave for college.]
Try to get a third person [other than your mom] to see what can be done to save your relationship with your parents. Its usually a better idea if its a professional family mediator of some kind. But for now, I guess you just have to deal with him until you are able to move out. What I do, and this helps, is go to a friends house after school or on weekends to avoid trouble. And when you get home, say your tired and go to sleep; Or something like that.
I do hope everything gets better. Its not fair to you. <3
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Amelia
(◎_◎;)
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11-28-2009, 08:21 PM
I have a friend who has a father just like yours, except most of the time her brother's do it and she gets blamed for it. I know when she get's kicked out she normally has nowhere to go, so she ends up having to sleep in here car for a night, it's really sad.
Honestly she's extremely fed up with him because he's been this way since she was little, and I know she's already given up on trying to have a relationship with him. Her method is to avoid him as much as possible.
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Caroline
stay gold
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11-30-2009, 01:09 AM
It sucks, but really the best choice in my opinion is to suck it up and try to stay calm in those situations even when your dad is obviously in the wrong. I live with my dad too and things got really bad for a while... he'd yell at me all the time, hit me, throw my stuff out on the lawn, lock me out of the house... just all this crazy shit. My friends would always ask me why I put up with it since I was already eighteen and legally an adult. Simple: My dad pays the bills, buys groceries, puts me through college; basically, I get a free ride and I'm not about to give that up for my pride.
I actually have a pretty good relationship with my dad now though. I just changed my attitude because I hated living like that. It was so embarrassing to have friends drop me off at home to find all my belongings scattered outside. These days I kind of lay low. I make sure to clean up after myself and if he does get mad about something, I stay calm and don't do anything that would aggravate him even more.
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Raven-is-untamed
(-.-)zzZ
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11-30-2009, 02:08 AM
My neightbor had the same problem and she was 19.. so she lived on the streets for a couple of days... somtimes stayeda tm y house.. but one day she found out about shelters and get into one
Call local shelters for women and see if they have openings for you
hope to the best of luck for you. my step dads kinda like that to... but not as bad.
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[SakurakisserTM]
(-.-)zzZ
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12-02-2009, 07:15 AM
First thing. Why would you lend your friend something expensive? I know they are your friend and all and you think you can trust them. But if you think about it, were you the one who bought that wii and the accessories to that game console? Even myself, I love my friends I can lend them something small but I would never ever lend them something like my Ps3.
Second, I'm sorry that had to happen to you. That really sucks. No joke. Remember what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger! I know that for a fact. Try staying with other family relatives. Maybe they are more willing to let you stay with them. Also try looking into shelters. If you need a job. Don't be picky with what is there. It is the holidays and there are plenty of places that are hiring. Try the mall. If not in the retail try the bigger stores like Macy's or JCPenny's or even Nordstrom. I am pretty sure they are looking for some holiday workers.
Good Luck to you okay! I, too, am on a mission to save a gripload of money to move away from my mother-in-law because she is pretty psycho and two faced. and all that jazz.. And I have no family in this state except inlaw family and that isnt comforting. lol.
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KH4Life
~Sam~
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12-02-2009, 05:49 PM
I have thats ame problem except my whole family blames me for thier problems. The sky could fall and it would be all my fault :cry:
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Angelin
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12-02-2009, 05:55 PM
Well the big problem really was because you gave your friend the Wii, and really who lends his/her console to a friend? No matter how many time you have given them a item, you can't expect that the results will always be the same and, Did your parent knew about?
I do understand that your father is a ubber ass but, that doesn't scratch the part that you lend the wii and even if your friend had it, it was your responsibility to check when your friend gave you the console and see if everything was on it's place, which for what I read you didn't until it was time to place it @ your house.
Never lend things that cost more than $50.00 and worst if everyone at your house uses it, the only person that I have lend my stuff has been to my husband and that is when he doesn't stay at my house due to work and when he breaks it, I make him pay for it or buy it @ the exact second that I tell him to.
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The_Good_Kid_13
⊙ω⊙
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12-02-2009, 08:23 PM
First off, it think your father was right to get upset. You let someone borrow something valuable and a part got lost. It was an accident, but you hold the responsibility.
He got upset because, I guess, he expected more of you. A lot of parents get upset by that, and it's understandable. He wanted you to be responsible for something, and you ended up losing it. That's how it probably sees it, anyway.
As for you mother's reaction, I think she should have gotten more involved and tried to calm your dad down. He was overreacting in the end, and she could've defused the situation a little.
I don't think a Wii is something worth getting kicked out over. It's a simple material possession, and in time your dad with cool down and everything will get somewhat back to normal.
Your dad obviously has some aggression issues, and I think it's best to avoid him. At least until he can calmly talk about it. And to be honest, I doubt you are as calm as you claim, only because I don't know anyone who would be calm and civil when they are being yelled at for no good reason.
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skullgurl
(-.-)zzZ
Banned
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12-04-2009, 03:05 AM
get used to it, parents are dicks. live with it till u can move out. thats what im doing. rebel when you can lol
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Serita
DakotaGrl06
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12-09-2009, 07:50 PM
You and I seem to have the same problems w/ or Fathers. My dad is just like that and Like you I want to move out because I can't take it anymore but I can't afford to because I'm in college and unemployed. My Dad does similar things like that He blames stuff on me that's not my fault. Asks for help and like is ignorant on purpose while I'm trying to help him. My dad seems to pick my lil bro over me for stuff kinda like play favorites. Ya know its his BOY kinda thing. I guess I just wish that my dad and I didn't fight as much either. But at least my mom is usually on my side and doesn't tell me that I started it. I mean sometimes she will but not usually. But that's ridiculous for your dad to hold you solely responsible that's ridiculous. It wasn't your fault that your friend lost your remote controls for your wii. Personally I don't think I would have lent a friend of mine a game system. But I have had similar issues with other items I've lent out. But I think the only thing that you can do is sit tight and save your money now while you don't have many expences and just wait out until you have the money to move out. That's what I'm doing!
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MizumiO
*^_^*
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12-24-2009, 11:00 PM
They need clubs for us girls with fathers like that. Is there any way I can get a club for replacement parents, some one who will help us kids with the things our parents are supposed to do? Research here I come.
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The Enchanted Tiara
(っ◕‿◕)&...
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12-25-2009, 12:25 AM
First of all, you need to cut your Mother some slack. I know you're upset because she didn't take your side, but think about it. If your Mom felt just as angry as you did at your Dad (you, who wants to move out and thinks your father is a horrible person), then she'd be trying to get a divorce from him right now. She doesn't hate him like you do. She views him and her as a team, which is a healthy view for any marriage and therefore is going to sympathize with his viewpoint at least some. She's sympathizing with you as well though and trying to help you both understand each other better so you can get along with each other more. I don't think anything she did was wrong.
Secondly, it sounds like your Dad is one of those people, who comes home and takes out all his stress on everyone there. Because he views it as the one place he can finally relax and unwind. A lot of people have this problem because everyone DOES need to go home and recooperate after a stressful day at work so they can handle the world better, but that doesn't excuse them from hurting people who love them like that. What needs to happen more in your home (which you can't force unfortunately) is humility and apologizing. There's a reason this trait is so rare. Because every human being makes mistakes, but it's really hard to own up to them. We hurt the people we love the most sometimes (I don't think anyone here can say that they NEVER took out their anger on someone who was super nice to them and who they felt close to before) and we do it because we know they'll always be there for us.
Your Dad has a problem and it's true and I think it will be a good idea for you to move out as soon as you can, but don't give up on the relationship. Like I said, a lot of people take out their anger on people at home because they wind down at home and there's a good chance that when you move out and distance yourself from him in that way, he might start acting nicer to you. If he continues to taunt you, then stop speaking to him period. He has a problem with abusing others, but if he starts being nicer, then you can know that it's just a problem with misdirected anger that he has.
Lastly, he did have a right to be upset about you letting your friend borrow the wii because he did pay for it and earn the money for it, so remember that, but he did not have the right to get as angry with you and yell at you as much as he did.
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Hayzel
[MiniMee]
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12-29-2009, 04:20 PM
I know what your feeling. when I was 13, my dad blamed me for stealing the family's frying pan. If that's not retarded I don't know what is. My dad yells a LOT before he knows the whole story and then even when he knows he's wrong he won't admit it. It's completely frustrating and I understand what your going through. Your not the only one, just stay strong and try to bare it.
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The Enchanted Tiara
(っ◕‿◕)&...
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12-31-2009, 12:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hayzel
I know what your feeling. when I was 13, my dad blamed me for stealing the family's frying pan. If that's not retarded I don't know what is. My dad yells a LOT before he knows the whole story and then even when he knows he's wrong he won't admit it. It's completely frustrating and I understand what your going through. Your not the only one, just stay strong and try to bare it.
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Men seem to have that problem a lot, I feel like. Quick to get angry, slow to apologize.
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sweet windmelody
Cookies is my life!!!!
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01-01-2010, 08:23 PM
That very sux. I think you should try to talk to ur dad a few days later and see if he can stop yelling everytime you want to talk to him. If that didn't very help, I think you should start to find a job to save money so you can find a house or something. My dad yelled at me when I didn't hear him that he want help with something cuz I am in my room listening to music. Then he would tell me that I am useless since he pay for everything to help me grow up and I am not helping him. Sometimes it's very frustrating and sad for me cuz he told me that I am useless when I can do a lot of other stuffs.
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Clockwork Lime
\ (•◡•) /
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01-07-2010, 11:22 PM
No offense, but your mom sounds like a bitch, too. The only thing I can suggest is to try to avoid them as much as possible and be reserved but civil when you have to be around them. Save up cash, and hang in there.
Edit: @ Hayzel : A frying pan? WTF?
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Mystic
(ο・㉨・&...
☆
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01-07-2010, 11:51 PM
Parents are sometimes a pain but we all have to deal with them. I used to not even deal with my mom because she was like that. I used to just leave the house because I could not deal with her yelling. Since I moved out we have a much better relationship.
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