Thread Tools

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#1
Old 12-29-2009, 06:28 AM

My poetry & short stories have been called everything from amazing to over done. I've been called a fraud (whatever that may mean), and I feel as if I wont be writing for a while. So in this I'll be posting older poems and hopefully, soon, I'll be writing all over again. All things come to those who wait. Critics are encouraged. Tee Hee ^^

Last edited by Karakter; 12-29-2009 at 06:31 AM..

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#2
Old 12-29-2009, 06:31 AM

Untitled (Memory)


Her being was that akin to a rose.
Smooth, and expressive.
Delicate genuiness that frothed from her lips after every meeting.
I had grown wanting of her,
Like a child who has not reached the hieght of a tall counter.
I had dreamed of her, like none other.
An unforgiveable awing.
A plague of mind.
She was my drug,
A fix that had been broken,
my heartbeat had lost itself within her.
None so other had I damned more than myself.
My fear of lonliness had found me alone.
She was lost in a storm of this which I felt,
lost beyond reach, and fading from my sights.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#3
Old 12-29-2009, 06:32 AM

Detachment


It's about death and defiance.
Trying to, strive for guidance
in a cynical reality.
Walking towards a counselor of barbaric purportions,
Distortion of speech spoken
to encourage one's feeble existence.
Hands reach inward
snatching one's heart
to avoid the madness of vocal converse.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#4
Old 12-29-2009, 06:33 AM

Tainted Armoured Kiss


Are we the soft whispers of candid mirrors?
Reflecting infection upon ceilings.
Kneeling before odd beings...
Facades of agony are evermore.
Watch as this avarice contorts to bliss,
This tainted armoured kiss.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#5
Old 12-29-2009, 06:35 AM

Target Practice (child of want)


I'm running as fast I can, pointless.
I'm focused & ready to take aim at any challenge, inevitably.
I draw near to some unknown place where I'll encounter a stranger whom warns of danger & obliviously, I wander on.
I take pride in skills that have chosen to leave my hands.
And I bathe in hatred and breath it's stench everyday.
I am a walking nightmare, let me take aim at you.
I am the child of constant want, watch as i cling to you.
I am nothign more than a figment of your imagination.
Befriend me and watch me die.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#6
Old 12-29-2009, 06:36 AM

Interviewed (Farmer)

Read With Caution


"Another long lost soul stolen from the field of unfinished dreams?"

Seems more crops pop up every now & again. Last year harvest was way past ten. They said that the fad died years ago. But someones always out there lookin' for one of those. Sold 'bout 25 to a group of high school grads. But, mostly middle-aged old folks, and them young girls and lads.

"Another long lost soul wasted in the fields?"

Never seen more than 2 come back within four months. Now that's sayin' they didn't make green, seen one come back after year thirteen.
But only the strong survive, y'know. *Man chuckles and blows nose in hands* I'm gonna say somethin' I've never said. My soul for I forgot how long laid here dead. I said fukit, became a farmer instead.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#7
Old 12-29-2009, 06:38 AM

Personal Kingdom


Singing hymns of decay and destruction demons send down their praises of out premature demise,
And the heavens cry.
For the boy risking this life for the pebble of inferior wisdom.
No worries of the steel cage or dying young,
Sprung off dumb luck, you dumb fukk,
Now get numb.
Sit back with that crack in your vein,
Sit back its penetrating you brain.
Follow that road to your personal kingdom,
Singing hymns of death and destruction...
Listen to the demons.
Their praises raise louder & more profound as the girl leaves home after dark.
Do 20 laps around the park, come back when your pocket gets that spark,
The pimp tells her.
Follow the road to your own personal kingdom.
Out alone in the cold & sold her ass for that quick buck,
Just to taste freedom.
Listen to the cry of the heavens and the joy of the demons.

Lovers Never Tell
Is that what you call a getaway?...
31.84
Lovers Never Tell is offline
 
#8
Old 01-02-2010, 08:23 AM

All bolded parts are to be removed. This is fluff and is unneeded.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karakter View Post
The Weather
I was on my waywalking home one day, when I ran into this guyperiod
it had been an odd day,no comma and he asked me about the weather.
I saysaid it would be raining soon,period
and he said is asked if it really [COLOR="red"]wasOLOR] that bad,period
I walked away thinking him a drunk.
I saw the man again, on a better day,
And he again, asked me about the weather.
I told himreplied it would be "clear skies, no signs of rain" Period
He said indeed,no comma
and I walked away thinking him a drunk.
Later that day I happened past the man again,
now in his natural state of intoxicationperiod
It was now well after midnight,
and I asked him" how's the weather?," no comma
He said "it's well,period very calm," and turned to take a drink from a well sized then sipped at a bottle of wine.
Where the hell did this come from?? You need a trasition. Something in the begining and through out to make this next part fit in at all.
The knife penetrated his flesh quickly,no comma with hardly any force.comma
The warmth of warm fluids oozing over hands.
The firm but weakening grip of the mans hands around my arms, line break. The mancomma beating and grasping in a feeble attempt at begging for life and fighting comma trying to off death.
His knees gave in and he was now on the ground,semi-colon his face a contortion of contorted infear and shock.
I picked up the half drunken bottle of wine, drank part of the remainder I drank toko a sip of wine lookingand looked at the man.no period
I walked walkingalong the street towards my home.
A man in ragged clothing, with a needle dangling from his arm, a trickle of blood running down his hand and dripping on his pant leg, sat silent and turned to facefacing me.
He looked at me in a half drunken state, "whats-no dashit like", he asked in a low slur.slurred
"What's what like?", I asked.
"The weather", he said, "what's the weather like outside.?"
"The weather", I said, and smiled. smiled
You're writing poetry, not a story!!!

You need to remove a lot of things and also add in more description. You can't just jump into being a killer. You gotta give the reader a hint. Also you need to use more poetics and learn where to properly line break. You need a flow so it doesn't sound like it's actually suppose to be prose.

You need to work on your basic grammar and spelling, also.

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#9
Old 01-02-2010, 08:31 AM

That is a short story xD but, I thank you. (It started as something pointless but, made to read as a blog entry. Had a good effect at the time ^^)

Last edited by Karakter; 01-02-2010 at 08:40 AM..

Lovers Never Tell
Is that what you call a getaway?...
31.84
Lovers Never Tell is offline
 
#10
Old 01-04-2010, 12:29 PM

If it were a short story, then I suggest you say so in the post seeing as in the first you said this was only your poetry...:stare:

Sizzla
Gangsta Biatch
3568.79
Send a message via AIM to Sizzla
Sizzla is offline
 
#11
Old 01-04-2010, 03:19 PM

Karakter, if you let me know which of these are short stories (it's hard for me to tell), I can move them to a new thread in the main Lit Spot forum, as that's where short stories go. This forum should be used for poetry only.

You may have a thread in each of the forums in Lit Spot, so you can have this thread as your poetry thread, and then another thread in the main forum for your short stories. :yes: Let me know so I can move some of your posts. :yes:

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#12
Old 01-06-2010, 10:33 PM

The only short story is The Weather. I know "Interviewed" can be seen as a story but it isn't (not to me, anyway).

Sizzla
Gangsta Biatch
3568.79
Send a message via AIM to Sizzla
Sizzla is offline
 
#13
Old 01-07-2010, 02:54 PM

Excellent. Thanks!

Here's your short stories thread:
http://www.menewsha.com/forum/art/li...2-weather.html

Feel free to continue posting your short stories there. :yes:

Karakter
Nothing like this ever happened ...
264.60
Karakter is offline
 
#14
Old 01-09-2010, 08:33 AM

Ty much ^^

Red Cross Robbery
⊙ω⊙
0.42
Red Cross Robbery is offline
 
#15
Old 01-29-2010, 06:40 PM

You title this "Strange Fruit".

Is this by any chance a shout out to the song written by Billie Holiday? :D

Such a wonderful song, it truly is :]

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

 
Forum Jump

no new posts