Hehe...I know how that goes..I wonder about everything...

Even stupid things that are out of my control...like you have no idea how much I dissect people, what they say...and how they say it..

It's awful to do that, yah know. Makes you resent people, and that is never fun. Trust me.

ok :cry: think i need to change the water again... i put some meds in the tank... maybe the gravel needs vaccumed.....

Llonka if I was a miracle worker I'd snap my fingers and be like...LIVE BITCH!!!!

I don't resent people oddly enough...I only resent myself..

awww thanks magi!! :hug:

:feesh: DON'T SAY THAT~! :squee: You can't resent yourself.

Your welcome Llonka...and Kitteh...

Your talking about trying to change years of thinking and habits..

I know. I didn't say immediately. But I'm for serious. You need to not resent yourself, otherwise you set yourself up for failure in EVERYTHING. Including relationships with others.

Can you tell me how I set myself up for failure??

I'm not saying you do it purposely, and don't take it the wrong way. I'm not trying to pick you apart, I'm just saying that generally those people who don't have confidence, don't believe in themselves, who resent them selves, struggle to succeed.

Sometimes it's on a wide-range, and sometimes it is just small things. And many times, there are outside forces that make it worse, or that you can face because you don't BELIEVE that you can.

Mind you, all of this is general. I can't speak for you specifically, because I don't know how everything has gone for you, and I don't know you well enough to say hey, this is what the 'problem' seems to be, and with work, it can be resolved and things will change.

Oh I know Kitt...I respect you as a friend...and as blunt as I am I just had to ask. I pick myself apart enough...this was like putting blinders on a horse...so all they can see while running is whats dead ahead...if that makes any sense.

As blunt as I am...I have to admit my confidence is lacking...because of my overwhelming fear of rejection...I shy away when I feel rejection coming on...

That is nothing uncommon. I used to be, and I still have times. I have this mind-set that I don't like to fail in front of others. I about had a nervous breakdown when I started my new job, and everything else. I'm trying to learn to drive, do decent at my job, and pass my college, and I'm not used to not being good at everything I try. So it was hard for me...

But then I realize that it's whatever. I know I can't get anywhere without some effort, so I got over it, and am working through it. Takes time.

Haha...yes I know that philisophy..and I found myself seemingly stuck in a rut. I care about the wrong things and say whatever to all the things I should be caring about..

I refuse to show emotion in front of others..and failing absolutely drives me nuts..

I used to do that a lot. Like to the people I care about, I'd be whatever, or insensitive, but I'd get upset when someone who doesn't even matter, would say something to me.

I have a lot of things to work out, but I am. I mean, I stayed with an ex, even when we were falling out of love, simply because it was convenient, and I couldn't see hurting him. And so when he left me, it hurt in a way it shouldn't of... mostly because of the fact that I was willing to put up with him despite everything, but I wasn't enough, or worth it to him. Horrible mind-set to have. And so I got rid of it.

I'm always stuck with that mindset...that inferiority complex almost. I don't think its gotten that bad...I just think that after having experienced so many failures and so many times of being hurt...I'm all too ready to be hurt...for something to fail. Often I automatically jump the worst possible outcome of a situation because I'm so used being right in my bad assumptions...that it really is unfair to new people that try and get involved with me...or me with them..

I hate to break it, but it is THAT BAD. It's never good when you don't allow yourself to get involved because you assume the worse.

I'm not going to lie, I am super pessimistic, like about everything. But I still try and make it work...

I try and make it work too...I'd be that one crazy fool with a bucket scooping water off the deck off of the sinking Titanic...

I'd be drinkin'... Until I died.

Yeah...drinking sounds amazing...but I'm only a couple weeks off from my 21st birthday ^^

Pfft. I don't believe in legal drinking ages.

I drink as it is now...but I can't deny I'm not looking forward and counting down the days to when I can go across the street to the bar and drink legally...

I don't drink in bars. Too many people.

I don't mind the people...because its not like they ever pay me any attention anyways..and if they do..nobody ever has the courage to come up and socialize..

well big blue is pretty much toast now i think. :cry: wait.. he's still swimming...

don't be so hard on yourself magi!! :hug:

Llonka..I'm always hard on myself :hug: . Good to hear that blue is still swimming at least ^^