yo! this is freaky story bub, so if you don't like weird shit, then please don't read it. V.V;


"I blame you. I will always blame you." she puked up the remaining blood which she held in that bag called a stomach. she looked over at the disfigurement lying there on the ground, caring with eyes that couldn't see. She was crying for the creature. She was crying the red, satin, luscious juice from her gorgeous unseeing eyes, yet...she smiled.

"I promise you child, you will never be happy." The hole in her throat made her previous voice raspy and clogged. her breathing was heavy and difficult, but that was her own fault, not the disgusting child's. she had dug into her chest and ripped out her breastbone. now she continued to rip her torso apart.

"My child, i must leave you now, you must suffer on your own. Goodbye my wondrous child." She grabbed the edges of the cave in her chest and pulled. She was tearing herself apart. She laughed. Yes, she laughed, not screamed in pain as suspected she would. No.That isn't her. She opened her chest and exposed her fully healthy organs. She bent over and let them fall to the floor. Then she pulled her naked body over to the child and caressed its face. Her legs were nothing but stubs now. Gigantic worm like insects chewed swiftly on the remnants of her limbs.

"Dear child, may you suffer all your life. May you bring misfortune to all who are near you. Live child, live in a world full of death, fear, and hate." and she collapsed in the arms of the child. Dead.

I like how short and simple it is, and yet incredibly complicated at the same time. I almost want to say it should have more, but that might take away from the minimalism of it.

Is this the complete piece or is it part of a larger work?

this is part of a smaller piece!

Meh. I'm a fan of macabre, but there's a point where gore shows a statement, and when it's abundantly used as filler. There's a sentence in there where you use like 3 different adjectives for the blood? Very highschool.

Other than that, not a bad passage, I wouldn't mind reading the whole ting to that we could understand what was actually happening better :D

(YOu did imply there was more didn't you? Not sure, sorry if I read that wrong)

Brevity is by far the shining feature of this piece! This is fine for a stint of free writing or a passage written for the ease of one's tension but a story? There's no discernible plot and though the passage is description laden, the descriptions are trite and vague. The descriptions of gratuitous violence seem to be for nothing more than gratuities' sake. I do however think that with the imagination you've displayed that if you were to approach your writing with more maturity and thought that you could write something "shocking" and/or "twisted" that had depth and that readers would actually enjoy. I'll look for your next work and hope for the best.