I'm thinking about something right now. It just kind of confuses me.

The topic of being bi-sexual.. When I think about it, I think that the person has a choice in the matter. A lot of people think it is not a choice one way or the other. I pretty much believe in soul mates, and think that my partner is mine, but she is bi, which I'm fine with and accept, but I feel guilty like I am keeping her from fulfilling her desires for a female partner.

She believes in only having long term committed relationships, and says that she is happy being with only me, but the fact that she still considers herself bi slightly confuses me.

My sexuality is slightly questionable, since I admit to pretty much wanting to do things physically with a guy, and I suppose if conditions were absolutely perfect I might find a guy emotionally and physically attractive.

But.. regardless of all of that, my questions are:

If a person considers their self bi, what does this mean towards having a relationship?

Does the bi person then get rights to be with two people?

If they do stay with only one person, what if the bi-sexual individual's partner feels guilty as if... keeping them from being able to fulfill their entire sexual desire?

Well, think of it this way: Assuming you're a straight male (which you've already said is in question, but for the sake of the example), that means you're attracted to women in general, not just one specific woman. If you've gotten into a relationship with one specific woman, would you expect to still have the right to fulfill your sexual desires for any other woman you happen to find attractive? Would you expect the woman you're in the relationship with to feel guilty if she kept you from doing so? What if you're attracted to both blonde and brunette women? Would it be wrong for the brunette you love to keep you from having a relationship with a blonde?
Would you, in turn, (assuming she's a straight woman, generally attracted to men) expect and allow her to have a relationship with another man, or any man, because she happens to be sexually attracted to him? Of course not. That's not right, that's adultery.

Bisexuality doesn't mean you have to be having sexual relations with both male and female partners simultaneously in order to be fulfilled. It just means that you're attracted to not men in general, and not women in general, but to either; to people in general.
Being in a relationship with a singular person doesn't mean she will stop finding other people attractive, but finding them attractive doesn't give her the right to have sex with them, even if some of them happen to be of the opposite gender to the person she is in a relationship with.

And if you do still feel guilty, suggest a threesome? If you really do want her to enjoy the other option, you still shouldn't be left out. Having the person she loves in on the fun will make it more enjoyable for her, anyway.

Lego's is exactly right. I'm bi myself, but I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 10 months now. I still find women attractive, just as much as I still find men attractive, but I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I love him too much.

Just don't be surprised if your girl checks out women as much as she checks out men (at least in my case, we have a look but don't touch relationship... I tend to look a lot ^.-). Other then that, don't feel bad that she's with one of the sexes she finds attractive.

If you feel comfortable enough, you could bring up the idea of a threesome. But thats not really my place.

I agree with Legos.

I'm also a bisexual woman myself and honestly, I never feel frustrated in relationships, like you think people like me do. I never go,"Oh no! Now that I'm dating a man, I've limited myself from dating women at all. D="

No, instead, I've often thought. "Why MUST people try to force me into a polyamorous relationship JUST BECAUSE I am bisexual. Does being bisexual mean I have to miss out on all the joys and deep love of monogamy?" Because that's what people keep telling me over and over again. I'm bisexual so I must want to date multiple people and miss out on monogamy or I don't make any sense to anyone anymore.

It's just like how just because someone is homosexual and your same gender and your friend, it doesn't necessarily mean they have a crush on you.

I don't know what it is about alternative lifestyles that makes people think we're all over everyone and promiscuous, but we're not.

I'm going to repeat what Legos said in simpler words . . . .

You can be attracted to lots of different types of women and only date one.

You can be attracted to lots of different types of men and yet only date one.

And you can be attracted to lots of different types of both men and women and STILL only date one.

No one has to date everyone they are attracted to to be fulfilled and neither would it be practical to do so.

@ Legos on the floor- you've explained it better than I could have even tried too.

Originally Posted by Legos on the floor

Well, think of it this way: Assuming you're a straight male (which you've already said is in question, but for the sake of the example), that means you're attracted to women in general, not just one specific woman. If you've gotten into a relationship with one specific woman, would you expect to still have the right to fulfill your sexual desires for any other woman you happen to find attractive? Would you expect the woman you're in the relationship with to feel guilty if she kept you from doing so? What if you're attracted to both blonde and brunette women? Would it be wrong for the brunette you love to keep you from having a relationship with a blonde?
Would you, in turn, (assuming she's a straight woman, generally attracted to men) expect and allow her to have a relationship with another man, or any man, because she happens to be sexually attracted to him? Of course not. That's not right, that's adultery.

Bisexuality doesn't mean you have to be having sexual relations with both male and female partners simultaneously in order to be fulfilled. It just means that you're attracted to not men in general, and not women in general, but to either; to people in general.
Being in a relationship with a singular person doesn't mean she will stop finding other people attractive, but finding them attractive doesn't give her the right to have sex with them, even if some of them happen to be of the opposite gender to the person she is in a relationship with.

And if you do still feel guilty, suggest a threesome? If you really do want her to enjoy the other option, you still shouldn't be left out. Having the person she loves in on the fun will make it more enjoyable for her, anyway.

Originally Posted by Syraannabelle

Lego's is exactly right. I'm bi myself, but I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 10 months now. I still find women attractive, just as much as I still find men attractive, but I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I love him too much.

Just don't be surprised if your girl checks out women as much as she checks out men (at least in my case, we have a look but don't touch relationship... I tend to look a lot ^.-). Other then that, don't feel bad that she's with one of the sexes she finds attractive.

If you feel comfortable enough, you could bring up the idea of a threesome. But thats not really my place.

Originally Posted by The Enchanted Tiara

I agree with Legos.

I'm also a bisexual woman myself and honestly, I never feel frustrated in relationships, like you think people like me do. I never go,"Oh no! Now that I'm dating a man, I've limited myself from dating women at all. D="

No, instead, I've often thought. "Why MUST people try to force me into a polyamorous relationship JUST BECAUSE I am bisexual. Does being bisexual mean I have to miss out on all the joys and deep love of monogamy?" Because that's what people keep telling me over and over again. I'm bisexual so I must want to date multiple people and miss out on monogamy or I don't make any sense to anyone anymore.

It's just like how just because someone is homosexual and your same gender and your friend, it doesn't necessarily mean they have a crush on you.

I don't know what it is about alternative lifestyles that makes people think we're all over everyone and promiscuous, but we're not.

I'm going to repeat what Legos said in simpler words . . . .

You can be attracted to lots of different types of women and only date one.

You can be attracted to lots of different types of men and yet only date one.

And you can be attracted to lots of different types of both men and women and STILL only date one.

No one has to date everyone they are attracted to to be fulfilled and neither would it be practical to do so.

Well, there were other confusing issues in the past related to Polyamory. The relationship started out long distance, and I accepted the fact that she decided to be with another man after me. I did this to make it so that she would not be mad at herself for having gone with someone else without informing me. Later on though, I still to a point think about the Polyamory side of it, and thinking.. welll.... what if she did want someone else..again..?

I wouldn't say that my fears in my own relationship apply to all relationships...

Thanks for all the response everyone... It's helpful.

Relationship wise, I'd personally just take it as they like both males and females.
For a while I identified as bi, but now identify as a lesbian.

I don't think if someone's bi, that should give them the right to have a relationship with both a male and female, whether it be the other party know of eachother or not. I've dated bi women, but unfortunatley, have had to make it clear, I consider them dating me as well as another (male or female) cheating. Which has resulted in break-ups. It's unfair that one party should have to share a lover. Also, I've only experienced this issue once or twice. Not all people who identify as bi will bring forth a situation like that. Just wanted to mention that for the record.

I wouldn't feel that way. They chose you for a reason, because they felt love towards you. I wouldn't feel guilty. They made their decision for a reason - knowing your this or that gender. Trust them!

As a bisexual/pansexual man with a bisexual/pansexual female partner (nearly 14 months), I think that sexuality is just that. Being sexual in general means being physically attracted to a certain set of parameters found within the human species. But bisexual/pansexual =/= polysexual/polyamorous. And that is something you need to learn to differentiate. I can tell you right now, I can find the good looks in almost anybody (which could be because I'm not after looks), but I wouldn't even have a threesome with my girl and someone else, even if my life depended on it. That's not how I am. But I can admit to be sexually attracted to someone. I can say, "If things were different..." without actually wanting to jump someone's bones right then and there.

(As far as the bisexual/pansexual thing goes, I know they are two different terms, but I wanted to make sure everyone understood what I was trying to get across. I am more than happy to re-explain that if necessary!)

Originally Posted by EmptyMind

Well, there were other confusing issues in the past related to Polyamory. The relationship started out long distance, and I accepted the fact that she decided to be with another man after me. I did this to make it so that she would not be mad at herself for having gone with someone else without informing me. Later on though, I still to a point think about the Polyamory side of it, and thinking.. welll.... what if she did want someone else..again..?

I wouldn't say that my fears in my own relationship apply to all relationships...

Thanks for all the response everyone... It's helpful.

She decided to be with another man after you? What do you mean?

Originally Posted by KaiCalan

As a bisexual/pansexual man with a bisexual/pansexual female partner (nearly 14 months), I think that sexuality is just that. Being sexual in general means being physically attracted to a certain set of parameters found within the human species. But bisexual/pansexual =/= polysexual/polyamorous. And that is something you need to learn to differentiate. I can tell you right now, I can find the good looks in almost anybody (which could be because I'm not after looks), but I wouldn't even have a threesome with my girl and someone else, even if my life depended on it. That's not how I am. But I can admit to be sexually attracted to someone. I can say, "If things were different..." without actually wanting to jump someone's bones right then and there.

(As far as the bisexual/pansexual thing goes, I know they are two different terms, but I wanted to make sure everyone understood what I was trying to get across. I am more than happy to re-explain that if necessary!)

I pretty well understood you, and benefited from your reply.

Originally Posted by The Enchanted Tiara

She decided to be with another man after you? What do you mean?

It was a long distance relationship 'LDR' from the beginning, I was dating her for a year's time before managing to move up here to be with her. The entirety of that time, she was completely serious about wanting me and knowing that I was the best partner for her.

Various contributing feelings I'm still not fully/completely aware of led to her deciding to date another guy without informing me. I found out several months later, I believe it was June or July of '09, when we had started dating in September '08. She started dating him in December. He was not a good partner for her by any means is all I'll say right here or the rant would ensue... I went through a lot of things in order to be with her, including becoming poly amorous at least mentally for a period of 3 or 4 months up until October of '09, wherein I finally arrived in Maryland and proceeded to call a halt to her relationship with the other guy.

I never once broke up with her.

Originally Posted by Cosmosnickers

Relationship wise, I'd personally just take it as they like both males and females.
For a while I identified as bi, but now identify as a lesbian.

I don't think if someone's bi, that should give them the right to have a relationship with both a male and female, whether it be the other party know of eachother or not. I've dated bi women, but unfortunatley, have had to make it clear, I consider them dating me as well as another (male or female) cheating. Which has resulted in break-ups. It's unfair that one party should have to share a lover. Also, I've only experienced this issue once or twice. Not all people who identify as bi will bring forth a situation like that. Just wanted to mention that for the record.

I wouldn't feel that way. They chose you for a reason, because they felt love towards you. I wouldn't feel guilty. They made their decision for a reason - knowing your this or that gender. Trust them!

I loved this post, especially your final words of encouragement. Thank you very much. =3

It is NOT a choice. You are born the way you are. "Bi sexuals" get the best of both worlds. But its not something you can choose if you really are bi,gay,or lesbian. There are people out there who choose to act like they are. But if you REALLY are bi/gay/lesbian, its not sometihgn you can choose.

I thnk relationships are all based on someones personal choice. A relationship is not anyones business but the relationshipees.

I'm bi. I'm with a man. I've never been in a real relationship with a girl, although I've liked a few.
And I'm super happy.

I still consider myself bi. My boyfriend knows that and accepts it.
He has asked me though, "Am I keeping you from trying out different things?" and obviously, he means more things than just girls, other guys as well. I mean, I've never been in a real relationship before.

I'm so happy with him though, so like, being bi has nothing to do with the relationship that you are in.
So don't think that it does.

I believe being bi, gay, or straight is a choice, but not the kind that everyone else thinks.
I don't think it is your choice for who you fall in love with... but it IS your choice to follow through with it or not. Does that make sense?

For example:
I have a friend who is a girl, I fall for her personality and even her looks. I don't go for her though, because I just don't even want to bother with it. If you like someone though, it's really not that hard to go a head and try to get with them. It's your choice in that matter.

And it's my choice to be with the man I'm with. I'd be happy with a girl too, but it's all about personality.
And the truth is, he's the one I'm happiest with. He could be male or female, doesn't matter. It's his personality.

In other words, my mis-understanding was in thinking that sexuality defines what a person wants, when it is really more of...just a definition of self. It doesn't define what you will do, or want, but is an important step in knowing your own self then.

That is a very lovely way to say it.
You understand perfectly now.

I am bisexual and have been in a few serious relationships. One being with another female. But I am completely faithful to whoever I am with. I like guys and girls, but that doesn't mean I need to be with both at the same time to be happy and/or satisfied. One guy I was talking to online, as nothing more than a friend to me, was asking me if I wanted to hook up with him, when my girlfriend had just broken up with me and he knew I wasn't over her. I explained that point again and he said that he thought that since I was "bi" that I would be with a guy and chick at the same time. But that isn't true. I've been invited by another couple to "join them" in whatever sexual activity they had planned and was surprised when I said no. I don't know why it is commonly assumed that bisexuals are "promiscuous" in nature, but that's not true for all of us. Sounds like your chick wants to be with you and is satisfied with her decision. Take that as an even Bigger compliment! She could be with any other guy OR girl and she still chose you! She knows what she wants and that's you. Just try not to worry about holding her back from anything. Because you're not, from the sound of things. I wish you both the best :)

If a person considers their self bi, what does this mean towards having a relationship?

Does the bi person then get rights to be with two people?

If they do stay with only one person, what if the bi-sexual individual's partner feels guilty as if... keeping them from being able to fulfill their entire sexual desire?

1- Depends on the person
2-Depends on what they want
3-I have no idea...

This is coming from a bisexual female, who prefers one partner/relationship at a time.

Rock Fan, make sure you put anything you didn't write into quote tags, okay? If you're copy/pasting text from the first post, it needs to be in quotes. :D I'll go ahead and take care of that for you.