So i was at his house and i asked him if i could check something online... my RP. (it's a sexual RP btw) So my character was in a scene where they were kissing. :oops: And like my boyfriend (Joey) Joey sees me typing in. "Breaking away from the pleasent kiss, Lora smiled." Joey read it. And i tried to explain that its a story that i'm making called a Roleplay. He knows i do them but he dosent know i enjoy romance. I also tried to tell him its just like a romance book that your creating. As his nature, he's very stubborn so he just said "Why leslie? huh? why? god, why do we even date?" and he told me to leave :| i get his point of view but if he can't take a internet story i should'nt date him at all. :'( I'm still really sad... because he was my first boyfriend.

Frankly, I think you're better off without him.

I know it hurts. Break-ups always do, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very insecure if he can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. It would also suggest that he'd misinterpret other things too.

My only advice is, when you're ready to date again, make sure he knows about your hobbies first.

What do you mean by "sexual"? Were you cybering with this other roleplayer?

Maybe you should sit him down, and explain that it's not real, when he's calmed down. And if he understands, that's good. Tell him it means that it doesn't mean you have feelings for this character, and that you don't consider it real, that he's real and you just do it for fun. If he doesn't understand, then you probably should break up with him, because obviously he doesn't get a part of you that's essential to your being. Just try to make him know how you feel about this and about him.

Originally Posted by Kris

What do you mean by "sexual"? Were you cybering with this other roleplayer?

Oh no no, of course not. Just the basics of kissing.

People are allowed to have their own standards of what they find to be cheating or not cheating in relationships. I mean, it would have been better if he had talked it out with you (because rash decisions that weren't talked over are often unwise decisions and that sounds like what he did), but he has his standard and you don't live up to it. Don't worry about it. Move on and find a new guy because not all guys are like him. There are plenty who wouldn't care at all (most wouldn't in fact) and they are who you should be with because in my opinion, only two people who have the same standards on these kind of issues are compatible with one another and anyone who doesn't, isn't going to work out.

I'm sorry you went through all that though. Breaking up hurts and I hope you feel better soon.

I don't think he really understood what you were doing. From what you wrote, it sounds like he thinks you were dating someone online. Or having a relationship online. He probably thinks that you're doing that in place of your relationship, or that if you're going to do that online, why not just do it with him?

I don't know, but I would try and talk to him again, and if just didn't like it, then you're better off without him.

boyfriends should support your creativity. if they don't, forget them. he could be hurt because you were leaving him out of an activity that is important to you. maybe include him? if he doesn't want to, or does but is insulting, then you are not compatible.

Hmm, I can see it from both sides. From your side, it would be like writing a book, where you try to live into the character, but from his side, he can see you trying to live into a kiss with another person. Maybe in some time he will understand, but right now he sounds very confused. What if he was doing live roleplay, and he kissed another girl? He could say that he was into the character, but all you can see is the kissing. I don't think it matters if it's real or not, he's having a hard time figuring out why you would imagining yourself like that, when you have a boyfriend.
:( I hope that he comes to his senses, but I bet that he's confused!

Originally Posted by Vompire

Hmm, I can see it from both sides. From your side, it would be like writing a book, where you try to live into the character, but from his side, he can see you trying to live into a kiss with another person. Maybe in some time he will understand, but right now he sounds very confused. What if he was doing live roleplay, and he kissed another girl? He could say that he was into the character, but all you can see is the kissing. I don't think it matters if it's real or not, he's having a hard time figuring out why you would imagining yourself like that, when you have a boyfriend.
:( I hope that he comes to his senses, but I bet that he's confused!

are you saying that its ok to kiss someone during live-action roleplay, cause that's messed up...

That's exactly the point she was trying to make, if I'm not wrong.

If he was LARPing and kissed a girl, saying it was like a play, nothing harmful. Just part of the story, ya know? Would you be okay with it?

It's the same thing for him. You're acting out a loving relationship with someone else.. And you know, you were there with him. You should have been spending time with him instead of writing some love scene with someone else. I mean, seriously, if he did that to you, how would you feel about that? You'd probably get pissy for being ignored first, then you'd get mad because he was kissing some girl online, right?

Originally Posted by ms wolcott

are you saying that its ok to kiss someone during live-action roleplay, cause that's messed up...

So it's okay to do it in normal roleplay, but not in live roleplay?
It's not my place to say if it's okay or not, my opinion about that doesn't matter here. I'm just stating facts.

Lore - Oh, your so good at explaining! :D

Originally Posted by Vompire

So it's okay to do it in normal roleplay, but not in live roleplay?
It's not my place to say if it's okay or not, my opinion about that doesn't matter here. I'm just stating facts.

Lore - Oh, your so good at explaining! :D

There's a HUGE difference between writing and actually doing. suppose I play a human and, if any of you play Vampire, a lasombra or something seduces me. we role the dice, i succumb, and in ten minutes we are having sex in the host's parents' basement.

how much of it was playing the game, and how much of it was cheating on my boyfriend? It seems VERY clear-cut. of course there's varying degrees, as in, some people consider kissing cheating while other people consider sex cheating, but there are way too many temptations that it would be silly for your partner to play a sex-centered roll-play without you present.

Originally Posted by ms wolcott

There's a HUGE difference between writing and actually doing. suppose I play a human and, if any of you play Vampire, a lasombra or something seduces me. we role the dice, i succumb, and in ten minutes we are having sex in the host's parents' basement.

how much of it was playing the game, and how much of it was cheating on my boyfriend? It seems VERY clear-cut. of course there's varying degrees, as in, some people consider kissing cheating while other people consider sex cheating, but there are way too many temptations that it would be silly for your partner to play a sex-centered roll-play without you present.

Yes, but I knew a guy online who was married and cybered with multiple women online constantly behind his wife's back. He wasn't actually having sex with any of these women. Just looking and typing sex at them, but I wouldn't say his wife was being ridiculous if she found out and got upset about it and called it cheating.

You are welcome to have your standard about what is cheating and what is not, but like I said earlier, everyone has their own standards and people SHOULD NOT be criticized for them, even if there standard is more strict than yours.

If someone views writing as cheating, they aren't wrong. And if someone views writing as not cheating, they aren't wrong. It's just about finding someone who is compatible with you on this issue. Not everyone has to view this the same.

Originally Posted by ms wolcott

There's a HUGE difference between writing and actually doing. suppose I play a human and, if any of you play Vampire, a lasombra or something seduces me. we role the dice, i succumb, and in ten minutes we are having sex in the host's parents' basement.

how much of it was playing the game, and how much of it was cheating on my boyfriend? It seems VERY clear-cut. of course there's varying degrees, as in, some people consider kissing cheating while other people consider sex cheating, but there are way too many temptations that it would be silly for your partner to play a sex-centered roll-play without you present.

While some people consider fantasies cheating. Of course you can think about other men, but to write it down is like carving it into a stone, that you are thinking about others. She may not use her real name, but in his eyes, it would be like cybering with others on a phone. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, but it's hard to understand for him, being an outsider of the whole RP stuff (Well, at least I think he's an outsider, I'm not sure..) and it is unreasonable to believe that he'll just accept each and everything she says as the whole truth.

People get hurt, and then becomes suspicious. I would find it weird, if he just accepted that she was kissing someone else, in an RP, without knowing how she feels about it. How should he know the different between RP and the real world?
You don't become an master of RP just by hearing about it a single time or two. Some people even have troubles seeing the different between their RP life and the real life. Can't make an outsider understand it, just like that.

I would say, give him some time. Maybe he will understand, maybe he won't. It would be good to tell people about it from the start, so they don't get surprised like that. :( Best wishes!

Edit: I believe we have made a debate out of GLITTERjazz's wish of getting some help and encouragement. I apologize for that :S

My boyfriend and I both rp.
We've talked about romance rps and... unlike me, he says he never wants to do romance rps unless it's with me because it just feels awkward.
Then I... miss romance lover... I'm out there doing the naughty in rps. I don't find anything wrong with it because it's just a story.
He does however.

Maybe it's just a guy thing ]:
Because he rps too.. and should understand, but doesn't.

Honestly I just had a topic about this. My girlfriend rps and does sexual rps. I didn't like that b/c it is like cheating to me. Your boyfriend proly finds it the same way. To us who do not rp, its like cheating and you doing that there while at his house? Thats like a slap in the face.
Maybe you should talk to him about it more calmy, but honestly, if he doesn't rp, he does consider it cheating.
I did.
We talked it out and she agreed not to do any more sexual rps or any relationship rps.

So...this is what I have to say. Online to me is still cheating because your in a commited relationship, and to do that even online with someone else is not fair to your partner.

I'm sorry it hurts, first boyfriends are special; But you have to see it from his point of view...you, even though it was fake, were essentially cheating on him. You don't see it that way but he may. (I know the guy I'm dating now cut off all his RPing because they were of a sexual nature and he didn't want to cheat on me in that way).

So if you want to try to get back with him you should go to him and explain what you were doing <try to avoid calling it the romance novel because most boys/men I know believe girls want nothing better than to be the heroine of the story> Explain its like how he plays a game and he becomes the main character (much easier if he likes RPGs of any kind). You are merely performing a role. And perhaps offer to RP in front of him or offer to do one with him. Try to open his eyes to seeing it as you do.

But in the end Good luck with how you decide to continue in the situation. If you get with him good, if you don't may the next one you are with be upfront on what he considers cheating/what he is comfortable/uncomfortable with what you do. Because though sometimes boys deny it to the end of the world, they have feelings and insecurities about a relationship.

Also remember for next time be open and honest with each other upfront.

Wow that is just ridiculous! And quite rude too boot!
Drop him like a box of hot rocks hunny. He is obviously very insecure and cannot handle any sort of competition, even if it is a fictional competition over the internet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with roleplaying and if it was just a kissing scene that is a total overreaction! Its just a story over all and if its not just a cyber and actually revolves around a plot line he needs to suck it up and get over it.
Anyways best of luck.

I just think that people who don't rp... just don't know what it is.
I doubt they even know the actual definition. Maybe the words, but not really the definition.

It's rather annoying.



Is reading a book, with a small sex scene... considered cheating as well?
Because that's what everyone is making it out to be. At least those who don't rp.

Originally Posted by Vompire

So it's okay to do it in normal roleplay, but not in live roleplay?
It's not my place to say if it's okay or not, my opinion about that doesn't matter here. I'm just stating facts.

Lore - Oh, your so good at explaining! :D

This reminds me of a Friends episode I watched. Chandler was dating this chic who was into acting. He met her through his best friend Joey. Sometime in the future, she ends up being in a play (her profession) where she literally has to have sex with the guy or something close to it. The chic actually invites Chandler to watch her do this by the way. Chandler gets extremely jealous and asks Joey about it. Joey gives him a few tips to look for. In the end Chandler confronts the chic, and the chic storms off about him not having faith in her. Chandler goes to her apartment to apologize to find the male actor's pants in her living room.

In any case, she at first did her profession and had real life sex in the guise of a play which then became real sex and a real relationship. Where should the intolerance of "fake relationships" begin and how do they get stopped from going too far? It is more selfish for the "faker" to continue their "fake relationships" than for the jealous one to complain about it. After all, you got into a relationship for a reason in the first place. If you want to partake in sexual desires online through RP, then be single and do so. Don't do it at the expense of another's deep feelings for you.

On another note, my fiancee and I are both avid readers and writers. We both enjoy our particular fantasies. However, she made it clear to me that I was not to do relationship RPs at all when I first started trying to look for an RP. I agreed because I understand what she is saying. Sure, it sucks that I can't practice exotic writing the way I want to. (It's an inspiration). But her feelings mean more to me than my own creative desires. So I give it up willingly and happily. She understands what RPs are even, she would just get really hurt if I got involved with a relationship one myself.

thats pathetic.. your better off without that jerk in your life. he should acept the fact that you enjoy that kind of role play, any caring boyfriend/girlfriend would.

Originally Posted by Telendil Thaliel'dhar

Frankly, I think you're better off without him.

I know it hurts. Break-ups always do, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very insecure if he can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. It would also suggest that he'd misinterpret other things too.

My only advice is, when you're ready to date again, make sure he knows about your hobbies first.

I agree with this one.
I mean, if you can't have a hobby...
Is he jealous? Does he want to keep you all for yourself? I also get his
point of view on this one, especialy if you guys are young (no clue) but yeah
still is he can't tell the difference between the things you write down there
and the things that are real... I guess as long as you can, there is nothing
wrong with it, right?

okay, i honestly find that ridiculous.
is reading a romance novel cheating? is writing one cheating? i think not. so why is role playing cheating?
ITS NOT REAL. the guy you're character is talking to and kissing in the role play--is not real! its a fictional guy that a completely different guy is controlling.
your character--is NOT you! its a fake person! a fake person that could have completely different desires and preferances than you.
Role playing is NOTHING like cybering. AT ALL. Kissing is as far as details go in role play. The actual sex part (if there even is any) is usually not very explicit. Maybe every now and then, but usually, no. And it doesnt sound like anything too sexual was going on, your character was just kissing. Complete overreaction.
Just because another person is writing in a romance role play with you its cheating? Psh. Ridiculous.
I'm sorry people, but i just dont see it.

I know what everyone is saying but I actually fell in love with my current boyfriend and met him because we did romance RPs together. XD And I started developing romantic feelings for him, so it's not always separate from one another, the feelings between the characters and the real people.