Originally Posted by AcidDrop

thats pathetic.. your better off without that jerk in your life. he should acept the fact that you enjoy that kind of role play, any caring boyfriend/girlfriend would.

Would they? He is the living proff, that any caring boyfriend/girlfriend may not understand it. People have different opinions, and you can't expect him to be perfect. Maybe he had other good sides. Maybe he can cook, but can't tell the different between cybering and RP? That doesn't mean he doesn't care, that means he doesn't understand. You can teach an english man to speak frence, but you can't expect him to understand him from day 1. It takes time and training to know the story behind it.

Originally Posted by AcidDrop

thats pathetic.. your better off without that jerk in your life. he should acept the fact that you enjoy that kind of role play, any caring boyfriend/girlfriend would.

I love how you completely disregarded my huge comment directly above yours and decided to state such an ignorant close-minded reply. Would you allow your lover to have sex with someone in a real-life play?

Originally Posted by Elwing

I agree with this one.
I mean, if you can't have a hobby...
Is he jealous? Does he want to keep you all for yourself? I also get his
point of view on this one, especialy if you guys are young (no clue) but yeah
still is he can't tell the difference between the things you write down there
and the things that are real... I guess as long as you can, there is nothing
wrong with it, right?

I would love a hobby of having romantic roleplay with fantasy women that my fiancee could never be. Not that it would insult her pride and her self-esteem any. Nope, my selfish desires to keep a hobby is definitely more important than the hurt I cause my fiancee :D. [/sarcasm]

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

[COLOR="DarkRed"][B]okay, i honestly find that ridiculous.

Why?

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

is reading a romance novel cheating? is writing one cheating? i think not. so why is role playing cheating?

To some people reading an erotic novel and writing one are both cheating unless the one you are reading/writing about is your actual lover. Cheating is all based on perspective. Some people say that their lover can sleep with who they pre-approve without it being considered as cheating. Some people will say cheating can only happen through direct penetration, but oral would still be allowed. Some people say cheating is any involvement with the genitals. Some people will say imagining yourself with others only in your mind is cheating. Some people will say kissing others is cheating. The fact of the matter is, the people involved in the relationship must set up the boundaries of what cheating is and what cheating isn't and then follow them. These terms should be arranged before a serious relationship even gets started to avoid confusion and hurt.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

ITS NOT REAL. the guy you're character is talking to and kissing in the role play--is not real! its a fictional guy that a completely different guy is controlling.

Emphasis on different person versus the lover you are with. It is real. Do you know nothing about the secrets of writing? It manifests from your soul, your desires, your emotions, your locked up secrets...it is a way to fully express your self when you are unable to in other ways. To share that with some other person than the one you choose as your lover is a direct insult to your lover saying that they are not worth the time to do that with them. You would rather do it with some other person. An extremely selfish thing to do.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

your character--is NOT you!

Yes it is. That character you create was made by you. I am created by a mother and a father. I am the whole of the two combined. Everything I have, they passed on to me. You character is made up of your personality, your creativity, your desires, your passions, your emotions. Your character is you in a form you desire more than your real self.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

its a fake person! a fake person that could have completely different desires and preferances than you.

Read above. and quit saying person. I've role played vampires, lycanthropes, animals, demons, angels, etc. Person does not include those.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Role playing is NOTHING like cybering. AT ALL. Kissing is as far as details go in role play.

You do romantic role play, but include no erotica? That would be quite boring. If a role play was just kissing at maximum then it should be labeled anything but romance. Cause you can kiss in any type of role play to spice things up. What's the difference between romance role play and normal role play then?

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

The actual sex part (if there even is any) is usually not very explicit.

Again...you sound boring. Before I got with my fiancee I used to write extremely erotic passages playing as both females and males. Very descriptive, very erotic, but not direct written porn. Lots of foreplay and romance. That is what writing is for, to express yourself. You don't express yourself through short passages of "then we have sex and sleep" crap.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Maybe every now and then, but usually, no. And it doesnt sound like anything too sexual was going on, your character was just kissing. Complete overreaction.
Just because another person is writing in a romance role play with you its cheating? Psh. Ridiculous.
I'm sorry people, but i just dont see it.

And I will ask you what I asked above as well. Would you allow your lover to perform in a real life play that required them to have sex with a person other than yourself as part of the plot? If not, then you have no real standing to judge.

I think you are better without him as well. If he is that close minded, then you need to find someone else that will accept what you do. As long as you weren't cybering with another guy, then I don't see what's wrong if you are just writing a story or roleplaying out with a fictional character.

If you can't see eye-to-eye on such an important issue, then you're clearly not meant to be together. You're better off apart in the end.

@Tutela de Xaoc- You have good points, I'll admit. And I like how you responded to each little thing I said.

Why? Because it's a story! You're not actually doing anything, except for writing!

Yeah, but that's kinda messed up. You can't even read a book about FICTIONAL characters without losing your relationship? Not being able to write one is even worse, although a bit more understandable. It's just like....Seriously?

okay, I'll admit it seems like it is real to the writers, but it's still a fictional STORY. And yes i do, i'm a writer myself. But, you deliberately said it's "a way to express yourself when you are unable to in other ways". so, maybe, if you are expressing your feelings through your character, it's soomething you are not comfortable telling them about it. And don't start saying that it's an insult to feel more comfortable telling some stranger. You aren't directly telling them about it. And there are certain things you wouldn't talk about; not as yourself, anyway.
And saying that it's so selfish of role players to do erotica or romance (which is exactly what you're saying), is making a sweeping generalisation about role players and an insulting one at that.

while it's true that your PERSON is similar, and COULD be a form of you (it really isn't always), it is not you directly. You're character is like you in some ways different in others. You compare the role player and their character with parents and their child? Okay, your child is not you, either!

Okay, PERSON and HUMAN are different terms completely! ever heard the phrase "Animals are people too."? Yeah. A 'person' is an intelligent being that can experience emotion, etc. 'Humans' are...humans. And also, REALLY?! Are you really gonna nit-pick me like that, really?!

erotica and romance are two different things. and no, actually, i don't do much erotica. Or romance, and YES I know that sex is included in erotica. Can I just point out that it was a KISSING scene! Not a sex scene, but the end, even, of a kissing scene. Overreaction.

Again, yes i know sex and foreplay and all that are included in EROTICA. but it doesnt sound like she was doing erotica.

BUT IT'S NOT A REAL LIFE THING! It's not like cybering! Cybering is different, and that would be cheating. But erotica is not cheating, and it's not real life, and of course I wouldn't! But they make no contact whatsoever, these two people, and they aren't doing it for some sexual thrill, they are doing it for a story.

Like I said, good points. But I'm not convinced.

Wait, you think cybering is cheating but sexual RPs and erotica aren't?! That makes zero sense!

Originally Posted by Keyori

Wait, you think cybering is cheating but sexual RPs and erotica aren't?! That makes zero sense!

Yea . . . . before I had a boyfriend, I used to cyber and it was basically the same thing. We rarely actually were our literal "selves" when we cybered. I mean, sometimes we were, but other times, we made up people or characters we liked to pretend to be and it was the same as a sexual RP in my opinion during those moments.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Why? Because it's a story! You're not actually doing anything, except for writing!

You never did answer my question about whether you would let your lover have sex with someone else physically in a play.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Yeah, but that's kinda messed up. You can't even read a book about FICTIONAL characters without losing your relationship? Not being able to write one is even worse, although a bit more understandable. It's just like....Seriously?

Some people are like that. No reason to judge. Like I said, if you're going to be in a relationship in the first place, lay down all ground rules before unquestionable content and actions take place inside the relationship.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

okay, I'll admit it seems like it is real to the writers, but it's still a fictional STORY. And yes i do, i'm a writer myself. But, you deliberately said it's "a way to express yourself when you are unable to in other ways". so, maybe, if you are expressing your feelings through your character, it's soomething you are not comfortable telling them about it. And don't start saying that it's an insult to feel more comfortable telling some stranger. You aren't directly telling them about it. And there are certain things you wouldn't talk about; not as yourself, anyway.
And saying that it's so selfish of role players to do erotica or romance (which is exactly what you're saying), is making a sweeping generalisation about role players and an insulting one at that.

What exactly is fictional. What exactly is reality? Isn't reality anything your brain tells you? Reality is subjective based on each individuals specific perspective on life. Stories are real. They are manifestations created by a real brain inside a real human. The ideas and actions are real in identifying with humanity. If you are making love to you're lover but then close your eyes and orgasm to the thought of having sex with a movie star...is that considered cheating? Most would call that emotional cheating rather than physical cheating. The same applies with reading or writing with certain people. Tolerances are dependent on those involved. Again, this is why I said, lay ground rules first.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

while it's true that your PERSON is similar, and COULD be a form of you (it really isn't always), it is not you directly. You're character is like you in some ways different in others. You compare the role player and their character with parents and their child? Okay, your child is not you, either!

Your argument is irrelevant. Your parents influence you. You influence your character. That character is made by you and only you. No one else made that character. That character was made for a reason. To fulfill a fantasy in most cases. If you are trying to fulfill fantasies, then there is no reason to be in a 'real' relationship. The fact that you get in one in the first place and make them believe it is a completely committed relationship is selfish for you to do if you don't remain completely committed as expected. If you get into a relationship and explain to the partner before becoming committed that this romance RP is what you plan to do and what you will continue to do, and the partner agrees to it at the beginning, then it is no longer a selfish act.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Okay, PERSON and HUMAN are different terms completely! ever heard the phrase "Animals are people too."? Yeah. A 'person' is an intelligent being that can experience emotion, etc. 'Humans' are...humans. And also, REALLY?! Are you really gonna nit-pick me like that, really?!

Yes I am. I could so more, but I was too lazy. The fact that you left out bisexual and homosexual relationships out of your examples when you reference girl and guy exclusively was kind of irritating. A human is a social construct created by society. A person is equivalent to a human. A personified animate/inanimate object (living or non-living) is one that is compared with humanity-like terms. This does not make it exclusively a person though.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

erotica and romance are two different things. and no, actually, i don't do much erotica. Or romance, and YES I know that sex is included in erotica. Can I just point out that it was a KISSING scene! Not a sex scene, but the end, even, of a kissing scene. Overreaction.

They are different levels of the same thing. Romance is about foreplay and traditional cliche stuff. Erotica takes it into intense descriptions of love making with all the foreplay. Would you let your lover make out with another person in a play while you watched? Could you watch his tongue enter her throat, his arms wrapped around the small of her back and the back of her neck as he pushes his tongue deeper inside of her mouth? Could you stand to hear their moans of ecstacy as they enter their face-eating contest? Writing is no more fake than a play.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Again, yes i know sex and foreplay and all that are included in EROTICA. but it doesnt sound like she was doing erotica.

Doesn't matter what it sounds like. One thing can lead to another very easily. Especially in the heat of the moment. You do know that the guy that girl was "kissing" might have actually been masturbating on the other end of the cyber line while they kissed? A very real possibility that is. Erotica is the best friend of Romance in writing.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

BUT IT'S NOT A REAL LIFE THING! It's not like cybering! Cybering is different, and that would be cheating. But erotica is not cheating, and it's not real life, and of course I wouldn't! But they make no contact whatsoever, these two people, and they aren't doing it for some sexual thrill, they are doing it for a story.

Physically entering a stranger's penis into her vagina is one thing.
Mentally imagining a stranger's penis going into her vagina is another thing.

Yet they are both considered types of cheating. Just like cybering in some cases, just like letter writing, just like phone sex, just like writing it, etc.

*frown*....Okay, you have a point with the whole cybering thing. I totally contradicted myself, i admit it. I'm still not entirely sure whether i would consider it cheating or not, but it sounds (i know, i know, doesn't matter what it sounds like) so much worse! the fact that the only purpose at all is internet sex with cybering makes it seem worse. at least with erotica, theres an actual story line behind it. Eh, I see a slight difference.

I didn't? I thought I did. No, i certainly wouldn't let them go that far, but i see a significant difference here. Writing it out and actually doing it in reality are two different things. Thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. In my opinion. I do realise that others have different opinions than mine. Thinking about it is different then actually doing it in every other thing in life. Why not here? Thinking abiut robbing a bank is different than robbing it, so.....In my opinion, thinking about cheating is different than going through with cheating. Thinking about sex is different than having sex, etc. I know that, in a way, that could technically count, to some, as having sex, but I think doing anything mentally is different than doing anything physically.

I don't mean to sound judgemental...But, in my opinion, that's taking it a little further than neccessary.

yes, the story will seem real to the writer or writers. and, when you put it that way, some would count it as 'real'.
as for the movie star thing, a lot of people would consider that emotional cheating, but that seems more like a slap on the face to me. Setting ground rules first does makes sense, to avoid these issues from starting. It really does depend on who is in the relationship and their opinions, I agree with you there.

but it still is a fully commited relationship even if you do role play! if your significant other knew about the fact that you role play, it would be fine. and even if they didn't know, it shouldn't make such a difference. it's a hobby, some wouldn't think it worth mentioning in the first place.

Ironic that you would mention how I only used straight couples as examples when I'm a lesbian and one of my closest friends is bisexual. That's just how I instantly wrote it. Just sayin'. While person is equivalent to human, it's also equivelant to vampire, demon, animal, etc.

Okay, I'm not getting into an argument about the differences between romance and erotica. And as for the making out scene, can I point out that the partner will most likely never read it? Even if they know about it, they most likely will not read it. And it's not you and the person on the other side of the role play kissing! It's your characters! You're just thinking about kissing. Like I said before, thinking about it and doing it are two different things.

Yes, he could have been. Yes, it is a very real possibility. But she obviously wasn't, so I'm not seeing much of a point here.

Physically entering a stranger's penis into her vagina is one thing.
Mentally imagining a stranger's penis going into her vagina is another thing.

I quoted you here because that's exactly what I'm saying! And it's not always considered cheating. It all depends on the person.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

*frown*....Okay, you have a point with the whole cybering thing. I totally contradicted myself, i admit it. I'm still not entirely sure whether i would consider it cheating or not, but it sounds (i know, i know, doesn't matter what it sounds like) so much worse! the fact that the only purpose at all is internet sex with cybering makes it seem worse. at least with erotica, theres an actual story line behind it. Eh, I see a slight difference.

Again...both could be considered cheating. What it really boils down to is how conservative/liberal the guy and girl are in their ideals and beliefs. A liberal absolute idea (non-existent at this point) would say cheating is a concept that doesn't exist. That no one belongs anyone, and that all are fair game at any time. A conservative absolute ideal would follow assumed Christian beliefs to a tee and stick to a strict monogamous relationship that included no interaction that involved romance or flirtatious advances in any way with anyone else but each other. And in some cases, that is even inappropriate. Furthermore, along with that strict monogamous relationship the wife would probably be a house wife with house duties and the husband would be working to support his wife.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

I didn't? I thought I did. No, i certainly wouldn't let them go that far, but i see a significant difference here. Writing it out and actually doing it in reality are two different things. Thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. In my opinion. I do realise that others have different opinions than mine. Thinking about it is different then actually doing it in every other thing in life. Why not here? Thinking abiut robbing a bank is different than robbing it, so.....In my opinion, thinking about cheating is different than going through with cheating. Thinking about sex is different than having sex, etc. I know that, in a way, that could technically count, to some, as having sex, but I think doing anything mentally is different than doing anything physically.

You're definitions are inaccurate. Emotional cheating isn't really thinking about cheating. It is becoming emotionally attached to another person other than your lover. That is cheating. When you have sex with your lover physically, but your true feelings are with someone else, that is emotional cheating. Your lover is just a tool to get you off while you imagine them being someone else. How is that not cheating? It is the equivalent of saying your physical lover is just a sex toy and your "real lover" waits elsewhere.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

I don't mean to sound judgemental...But, in my opinion, that's taking it a little further than neccessary.

Nothing can go too far if you are with certain types of people. Cheating is a very gray area that simply cannot have definite limits. To judge a guy for getting jealous without trying to lay ground terms before the physical relationship starts is extremely abhorrent. That would be like me owning a company, hiring a bunch of people, having them work for me for a while, then letting them know that they are getting paid a crappy wage. What happens? The people will leave and find a better job. The guy was not wrong to be jealous. The OP was wrong to not lay ground rules and then expect the guy to accept everything at face value while being trapped in a relationship.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

but it still is a fully commited relationship even if you do role play! if your significant other knew about the fact that you role play, it would be fine. and even if they didn't know, it shouldn't make such a difference. it's a hobby, some wouldn't think it worth mentioning in the first place.

It should make a difference though. The OP had a choice to role play. She also had a choice to form a relationship. She had the choice to let her guy know about her role playing hobby and what it consisted of. She chose not to. The only reason of why I can think, is that the guy may have left her before actually really getting together if that was in the terms of agreement for the relationship. It would be the same thing as this: I am asked out by a girl. I accept. The girl then tells me 6 months later that she is not really interested in guys but she still wants to be with me for convenience. That she would rather be with a woman because she is truly a lesbian. I now have two choices: I can feel like a used sex toy that has no personal worth and stay with her to satisfy her needs, or I can leave her and have a happier life. It would be selfish for her to try and keep me and I would personally leave.

To finish, throughout the entire post I saw inconsistencies and gray areas in it. Things where you said it would depend on the person. To quote a few examples:

I'm still not entirely sure whether i would consider it cheating or not

I do realise that others have different opinions than mine.

It really does depend on who is in the relationship and their opinions, I agree with you there.

So, seeing what you are saying now compared to what you said as your first post in this thread, what do you feel now? Why is it ridculous that a guy got jealous beacuse his girlfriend did what he considers emotional cheating via cyber technology?

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn's First Post

okay, i honestly find that ridiculous.
is reading a romance novel cheating? is writing one cheating? i think not. so why is role playing cheating?
ITS NOT REAL. the guy you're character is talking to and kissing in the role play--is not real! its a fictional guy that a completely different guy is controlling.
your character--is NOT you! its a fake person! a fake person that could have completely different desires and preferances than you.
Role playing is NOTHING like cybering. AT ALL. Kissing is as far as details go in role play. The actual sex part (if there even is any) is usually not very explicit. Maybe every now and then, but usually, no. And it doesnt sound like anything too sexual was going on, your character was just kissing. Complete overreaction.
Just because another person is writing in a romance role play with you its cheating? Psh. Ridiculous.
I'm sorry people, but i just dont see it.

while, yes, i did say i know others have different opinions than mine, i never said they made sense to me. which, for the most part, they dont. and i also said that that seemed to be taking it to far. Which i still think it is.
Dont get me wrong, i guess i can understand getting jealous. Nothing terrible about simply being jealous. The real issue is that he broke up with her over it! Seriously? That is where i see the overreaction. He didnt give her time to explain herself, just broke up with her and told her to leave. How is that right?

Originally Posted by OP

As his nature, he's very stubborn so he just said "Why leslie? huh? why? god, why do we even date?" and he told me to leave i get his point of view but if he can't take a internet story i should'nt date him at all. :'( I'm still really sad... because he was my first boyfriend.

1. The girl was at the guy's house writing romance on the guy's computer instead of spending time with the guy.

2. The guy didn't break up with her according to the OP. The guy simply asked her to leave.

3. The OP is stating she should break up with him because he can't handle what she does on the computer.

I am stating that she could have handled this much better if she laid round expectations before even starting to date. This way there would be no question about it. Look at it this way (and I know it's extreme), but put yourself in the place of the guy. This nice person asks you out. You agree. Everything is fine and dandy for 6 months. Then all of a sudden, the person informs you they belong to a cult that sacrifices baby deer in a ritualistic manner to Satan every six months and that they need to meet up with their cult so they can fulfill their obligation. You probably become utterly disgusted and leave them, while possibly calling the cops. Now, tell me, if they had told you this before even beginning to date you, would you still have gone out with them? What this OP did was she dated this guy without telling him everything, and then expected him to accept her as he found more stuff out about her. Some people are able to adapt to changes, others are not. But it is not entirely the guy's fault and he is not ridiculous for acting that way.

Actually, I was thinking about the title when i posted the breaking up with her part.
"My boyfriend broke up with me because I roleplay" seems a good enough reason to think that somebody broke up with somebody! But, within the post, no, i suppose she never said that he broke up with her. although i feel it was kinda implied:

As his nature, he's very stubborn so he just said "Why leslie? huh? why? god, why do we even date?" and he told me to leave i get his point of view but if he can't take a internet story i should'nt date him at all. :'( I'm still really sad... because he was my first boyfriend.

And he knew she did roleplay, she said so. Maybe he should have asked what genre she was into, if it makes such a difference.
That IS extreme! And yes, that's exactly what I would do. But she did tell him, just no details. But i get what you're saying.
I never said that the guy was ridiculous. I'll even uote myself.

okay, i honestly find that ridiculous.

I never called her boyfriend ridiculous; i said the way he acted was ridiculous. Difference.
And yes, the OP is partially at fault here, she should have been spending time with him since she was at his house. And maybe doing that sort of roleplay in front of him wasn't the best move.
But I still say he overreacted.

Originally Posted by ZeGuMmIBeaRQueEn

Actually, I was thinking about the title when i posted the breaking up with her part.
"My boyfriend broke up with me because I roleplay" seems a good enough reason to think that somebody broke up with somebody! But, within the post, no, i suppose she never said that he broke up with her. although i feel it was kinda implied:

And he knew she did roleplay, she said so. Maybe he should have asked what genre she was into, if it makes such a difference.
That IS extreme! And yes, that's exactly what I would do. But she did tell him, just no details. But i get what you're saying.
I never said that the guy was ridiculous. I'll even uote myself.

I never called her boyfriend ridiculous; i said the way he acted was ridiculous. Difference.
And yes, the OP is partially at fault here, she should have been spending time with him since she was at his house. And maybe doing that sort of roleplay in front of him wasn't the best move.
But I still say he overreacted.

On what grounds did he overreact, and is not the overreacting the part you find ridiculous?

Just for the record:

I dated a girl who was involved with a homosexual roleplay about demons and some crap like that. I would see the IMs and messages that she would send in the roleplay because when I'd go to her house, that's all she'd do. It was really weird because one night she told the person in the roleplay , "I've never loved anyone as much as you." It made me feel bad, roleplay or not. So I confronted her about it and asked if she had feelings for the girl she roleplayed with. She got angry and we broke up.

Not even a week later, I find out that she was secretly dating that girl behind my back the whole time. So I WAS right to assume she had feelings for them.

Originally Posted by Krokodil

Just for the record:

I dated a girl who was involved with a homosexual roleplay about demons and some crap like that. I would see the IMs and messages that she would send in the roleplay because when I'd go to her house, that's all she'd do. It was really weird because one night she told the person in the roleplay , "I've never loved anyone as much as you." It made me feel bad, roleplay or not. So I confronted her about it and asked if she had feelings for the girl she roleplayed with. She got angry and we broke up.

Not even a week later, I find out that she was secretly dating that girl behind my back the whole time. So I WAS right to assume she had feelings for them.

Ahh...gotta love the internets..

@ OP - If you have a chance, try to sit down with your boy and talk things out, and maybe don't RP while you're at his house, spend time with him instead. If he's not willing to talk, then it's probably best to let things slide and move on.

In the future, it is a good idea to let your boyfriends know about rping before you start to date them to make sure they're okay with it.

Originally Posted by The Enchanted Tiara

People are allowed to have their own standards of what they find to be cheating or not cheating in relationships. I mean, it would have been better if he had talked it out with you (because rash decisions that weren't talked over are often unwise decisions and that sounds like what he did), but he has his standard and you don't live up to it. Don't worry about it. Move on and find a new guy because not all guys are like him. There are plenty who wouldn't care at all (most wouldn't in fact) and they are who you should be with because in my opinion, only two people who have the same standards on these kind of issues are compatible with one another and anyone who doesn't, isn't going to work out.

I'm sorry you went through all that though. Breaking up hurts and I hope you feel better soon.

Tiara made a lot of good points and I hope you will read and re-read her post.

If nothing else, there's some lesson to be learned from this.
Last thing you want to hear but that doesn't make it any less truthful.

The only bits of her post that don't resonate with me would be the "guys like him"
but I fully admit to being sympathetic to the boyfriend in this. Sooo I understand that
because I feel he needn't get ALL the blame I might be blind to what blame he should take.

Here's my personal view:
I would have been ticked if my sweetie was romantically role playing with someone else.

Big fight.

Won't happen because we've talked about what we deem acceptable.
What our hot button issues are and everything else. Now in all honesty
I can't say I would have broken up with him because we've been together too long
and are a little too old to do the break up and make up thing but I would have been pissed.

Take ten years off my life experiences and put me in your former boyfriend's shoes?
I would have thrown you out of my house and said something about "why bother" to you too.
.

Well that sucks. (sorry to be blunt)
But if someone gets mad at you for something that is fake, after you explained it,
then you are better off without him.

My husband knew when he met me that I was an avid roleplayer. Simply because he was too. I even let him know what kind of roleplays I did just to avoid any conflict with him. He was fine with it, no big deal. I find it easier to be in a relationship with him because he is a roleplayer. At least formerly for both of us anyway. Now that we're married, niether of us really delve into the world of roleplaying. But if I felt that I needed to roleplay to get my creative juices for writing going, then all I would have to do is ask. I see nothing wrong with roleplaying with somebody else if you are in a relationship, so long as you have aloud your significant other to know what it is you are doing. If they don't know, then I would consider it very much so as cheating.

Edit: I might also add that we met through a roleplaying site.

A lot of people don't understand the difference between cybering and role-playing (thought sometimes it IS the same thing), and are threatened by it. If he doesn't understand that it's not you having an attraction towards someone else and cheating on him with them, then... he probably never will.

It also makes matters harder when you are female, playing a female character, and are dating a male and in role-play land are doing anything with a male character.

I'm sorry this happened, but I'm sure you can find someone more understanding. Be sure to talk to them (new one) about role-playing, to try make sure there won't be another misunderstanding.

wow, your bf's reaction was kinda immature to me... it's not like you roleplayed a romantic scene in real life :shock:

Originally Posted by Poesie

wow, your bf's reaction was kinda immature to me... it's not like you roleplayed a romantic scene in real life :shock:

What exactly is the major difference between roleplaying in "real-life" and roleplaying in "cyber-world?" Roleplay is roleplay. You can either decide romantic roleplaying is cheating, or you can decide it is not. It cannot be both if you do not wish to be a hypocrite.