Last night about 7pm, me and my boyfriend (Pavel) went to the public library, I went and had a look at some books, while Pavel was on one of the computers. I came back to him and saw that he was looking at Teen porn (he promised me ages ago that he would never look at other girls naked). I asked him about it, and he said that it's no big deal and that it's natural. I was nearly in tears at the library, but I stayed with him at the computers, because I thought he would do it again. When we got home, I went to out sleepout and just cried so much. Mum came in and talkd o me about it, and she talked to Pavel. He appoligised, when i asked him why he did it. He said "I just got an urge, and that he was looking at new sexual positions for when he's fantasing about me). Because I hate sex, we don't really do it that often. He basicly keeps telling me to get over it, and it was a mistake.

Do I have a right to be angry? I'm so confused. :cry:

Yes, you do have a right to be angry.
If he made that promise to you, than he should have kept it.
You obviously have strong feelings about this issue, so it's normal to feel mad/sad about it.

If he does have 'urges', and you don't like having intercourse why not try to compromise?
...That, or tell him to be more original [come up with his own possitions without the need to look at others]

Beside, there are alot of written texts describing positions, some even include undetailed drawings.

(I just read over my post and yours and realized that I forgot to ask . . . . Do you know if this is the first time he's ever looked at porn? Because if it is, then maybe it will be the last time too.)

First of all, I promise you that there's going to be a bunch of ignorant people who will respond to this thread and say that you should just accept that your boyfriend likes to look at porn and get over it. A lot of people like to say that and not allow people to have their own standards anymore for what is faithful or not in a relationship. You're allowed to feel that anything you want to feel is faithful or not and no one should be making fun of you for having those standards. If it's acceptable for some people to have open relationships and polyamorous relationships, then it should be acceptable for some people to choose and desire to have closed relationships and not to be accepting of things like porn without being criticized for it.

Secondly, you and your boyfriend already agreed ahead of time that looking at porn in your relationship was wrong and he broke that standard. No one should ever change the boundaries of a relationship without talking to their partner first and working it out with them. It's a hard conversation to have and most people would be too scared to have it and it might not have changed anything, but that doesn't excuse him from doing things behind your back like that. Relationships are supposed to be about honesty.

Thirdly, the sad truth is that most men look at porn and there's a good chance that even if you confront him a lot about it, that he's going to ignore everything you say and continue to look at porn, behind your back anyway. You have to think about this possibility because it's a very likely one. The reason it's this way now and wasn't in the past is all because of the internet. It makes porn readily available for free to anyone with access to it, while it wasn't that way in the past. They used to only have access to it in magazines and those only came out infrequently and were harder to hide from a girlfriend or wife and cost money. Internet history is easy to delete, you can get free porn on the internet at any time and see a wide variety of porn using it because new porn sites are being put up every second.

Now, consider this possibility and think about all the reasons you love him aside from that. Is he worth staying with (in your opinion) even if he continues to look at porn? Can you possibly overlook it and accept it? Or is it just too big of issue for you? And you would rather wait for someone else who would look only at you naked and no one else? It's something you need to seriously think about because he's justifying his actions. He said,"It's natural." And a guy with that attitude is not likely to stop what he's doing. Although I think you should still talk to him about it more and you feelings about it more and think about it more before you decide on anything.

Fourthly, if he does give up porn for you, it is going to be something that is REALLY hard for him to do and you need to support him and reward him for it. Like, by having sex with him more. He's compromising and you should compromise too. It will make it easier for him to give up porn, too, if you do this.

But I am concerned about something. Why don't you like sex? Do you orgasm during it? Does he put a lot of effort in trying to pleasure you sexually when you have sex or is he just mostly concentrating on yourself?

It's okay if you just don't like sex that much. I don't think everyone should be nymphomaniacs or anything, but I noticed that a lot of women who hate sex hate it because men don't take the time to actually make it enjoyable to them. A girl needs a lot more foreplay and attention to really enjoy herself than a man does and men often are either ignorant or uncaring about this fact and leave women feeling like sex is a chore. So I was wondering if this was the same for you. Have you ever had an orgasm that you really, really enjoyed before? I know these are personal questions and you don't have to answer them on here, I just want you to think about them and see if they help you at all.

And fifthly (I can't help but add this), but I can't believe he was looking at porn on a PUBLIC computer. D= That's something you do in private, not in front of everyone like that! I'm surprised your library didn't have that kind of stuff banned. They have it banned at all the libraries where I live. I've volunteered in them and they told me so.

Originally Posted by Beetle

he promised me ages ago that he would never look at other girls naked.

You have every right! No matter what he's looking at he should keep his word! Also he should know you, and how much you like to have fun in the bed. It is never right for a guy to look at TEEN porn anyways unless they are 18/19! He needs to know just how much that hurts when he does that!

You definitely have the right to be upset/mad. I would be, especially if he said he wouldn't look at other chicks naked. He needs to stick to what he said. You also have every right to talk to him about it as much as you want. He said "It's natural", which means he doesn't see anything wrong with it. The question is will he get over what he thinks about it enough to put you over himself? Maybe, maybe not, but it sounds like he wouldn't. But I don't actually know him, so I could be wrong...Just make sure you voive your opinion on the matter and don't let any guy change what you think or put up with. Don't settle. I wish you the best with this :)

Emotions are emotions, and you can't help but feel them. So yes, you do have every right to be angry. As far as the situation goes, I would have been furious. I am not against porn at all and do think it's natural, but he lied to you. And even if he hadn't lied to you, what he did was completely inappropriate. Had I been in that library with either of my children I can't promise that I wouldn't have given him a good slap for looking at porn where little eyes could see, and I'm not a violent person at all. So yes, be furious. And be sure to let him know that your fury is nothing compared to what could have been had their been children present.

I'm with everyone who's saying he shouldn't have lied to you.

But what about the poor guy's needs? She clearly stated she hates sex, and depending on what age these two are, this could be what drives him to cheat on her even if it is an otherwise loving relationship. Whether anyone really want to admit it or not, sex and intimacy plays a huge part in a good relationship. There's just no way around that.

To be honest, I'd be patting the guy on the back for JUST looking at porn. If I were him, I'd probably have someone on the side to actually give me what I needed. Sure, it's other naked women that he's looking at. But when he gets horny and DOES come to you for relief, you clearly don't like it. He clearly respects that to some degree if you two are still together.

So what is he supposed to do? Never have any sexual urges that are completely normal for everyone? Good luck trying that!

Why on earth do you hate sex? Especially when it's with someone you like/love?

I was sexually abused for 2 years, sex has never felt good. :/ Me and Pavel sorted it out (He is only going to watch hentai,). And Lore, He hasn't has urges for 9 months, unlike other guys he can control them, And he's not cheating because we are together 24/7 ( Except when it's bathroom time). I forgot to mention he hates me looking at other guys.

Originally Posted by Beetle

...we are together 24/7 ( Except when it's bathroom time)..

Sorry, that just made me giggle :lol:

One of my uncles told me that it's not true love unless you can poop with the bathroom door open when the other one is home xD

I don't care what excuse guys give, it's not fair for them to look at another woman naked
why would they even need to? If you have a girl, even if she's not putting out. she should be the apple of your eye. If you want to look at other woman naked, then maybe you shouldn't be "committing" yourself to a relationship
on the same end, woman shouldn't be looking at other naked men either
it's a whole bunch of stupidity that shouldn't even happen

You do have a right to be mad at him.

I really don't see the point in men looking at porn when they are in a relationship or are married. If they're single and not interested in any of the girls around them, it's a bit more understandable to me. But when they're with someone I think it's rude to stare at porn even if it's just a magazine or online. To me that's them thinking, "I love my girl a lot but I don't really mind looking at other girls too".

If they have urges as they claim they do, why can't they just fantasize about the girl they're with if their partner doesn't want to do such acts at the moment?

It's also very hypocritical of him to say he doesn't like you looking at pictures of naked men but yet he turns around and says it's okay for him to stare at naked woman. Although I also don't see the point in staring at naked men when you have a guy in your life. Women seem to get away with this far more than men. I think they both should be smacked on the nose about it.

@Sora`: I don't look at naked men, I hate porn.

Well, firstly yes, it's fine for you to be mad at him for breaking a promise.
Trust is an important part of any relationship, and you do have some issues with sex (which is completely understandable), which makes the need for trust even greater.

This might sound a little "out there", but how would you feel about taking pictures of yourself for him? Nothing too explicit, if that makes you uncomfortable, maybe just a few classy, seductive pics.
That way he has something to look at when he's in the mood and you're not, without looking at anyone else, and it can also be a great confidence-boost for you, too!
Just a suggestion. :)

I have been in a similar situation except that it was on my personal computer. Gross!! In any case you have a right to establish the things you are comfortable with and have every right to be respected and not lied too. On the other hand sometimes for couples it may be that you could try something new together. I am not saying go run out and watch porn together but if sex is not fun for you or boring it is either the wrong guy or you may need some more time exploring by yourself. I also wanted to say that sometimes women have body issues and it feels much worse when your guy is looking at things that seem pretty. A great movie that helped me understand porn and guys is Dakota sky. I am not excusing men but there urges are different. Biologically they feel the need to impregnate anything that moves. For us we are looking for security etc. All in all this guy does not sound like the right guy for you now or in the fututre. If it is something of an issue now imagine when you live together or have kids and they find the porn on the computer or in drawer. Find someone that makes you feel good. Feel good not just with sex but spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I am no expert and probably really have no idea what I am talking about so Good Luck!!:feesh:

Yes you have the right to be angry. If he made a promise you should be able to trust him. Tell him if he cares about you that behavior should not continue. He should be understanding. How would he like it if you were looking at naked men?

Originally Posted by Lore

I'm with everyone who's saying he shouldn't have lied to you.

But what about the poor guy's needs? She clearly stated she hates sex, and depending on what age these two are, this could be what drives him to cheat on her even if it is an otherwise loving relationship. Whether anyone really want to admit it or not, sex and intimacy plays a huge part in a good relationship. There's just no way around that.

To be honest, I'd be patting the guy on the back for JUST looking at porn. If I were him, I'd probably have someone on the side to actually give me what I needed. Sure, it's other naked women that he's looking at. But when he gets horny and DOES come to you for relief, you clearly don't like it. He clearly respects that to some degree if you two are still together.

So what is he supposed to do? Never have any sexual urges that are completely normal for everyone? Good luck trying that!

Why on earth do you hate sex? Especially when it's with someone you like/love?

That's not necessarily true. You don't have to have sex in a relationship. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man I love to death and have been with him for 6 months. We don't make love and yet he and I are so close to each other that we can finish each other's sentences. He and I love each other and don't feel the need for sex. If she hates sex, then perhaps she's too young to appreciate it or maybe she's just not ready. She shouldn't have to feel like she HAS to have sex for her relationship to work. If he's not willing to respect that, then he's not worth her time. The fact of the matter is, he lied to her. She has every right to be upset. If he can't handle that she's not as sexually inclined as he is, then he can take a hike. She shouldn't have to bend for him.

You have all the rights to be angry. But i think it so natural for boys o look out some teen porn. I think its there nature.
The important there is, he loves you and you feel that he doesn't cheat.

of course you can be angry! youre human and its human nature. Not to be angry is like not trying to breathe!

BUT, anger, when handled incorrectly, can cause more damage. So keep your anger in check and continue to act sensible and mature as you already have.

im assuming your boyfriend is a minor, so i guess he should'nt be looking at porn in the first place. true, sexual urges are strong during one's adolescent years but this is the best time to keep them in check in order to master self-discipline.

i strongly suggest you two have a serious talk about your relationship, outlining which and how things are acceptable or unacceptable. and just a shot in the dark, aren't you two a wee bit young to start having sex?

i know its not my place to say such, but emotional maturity at your age is not really THAT high, and sex often hinders that.

Everyone, he's 18 and i'm 18.

I have a few questions, Beetle:

First, how long have you guys been together? Secondly, why don't you like sex? And lastly, why do you not like him looking at porn?

I understand that you can be mad that he lied to you but one thing you should NOT try to do is change who he is. Just because he was looking at porn does not mean that he does not love you. Men like to look at attractive things like women do. If he wants to masturbate while doing so (I understand he didn't because you were at the library) then let him. It's a perfectly natural thing.

I would be angry. You have the right to be angry. Like you said, I don't care what the excuse is. He shouldn't be doing that. I find it disgusting. If he really loved his girl, he wouldn't of did something so stupid like that. You should be able to trust him. And if he respected that you don't really like intercourse, he wouldn't be telling you about his new "positions"... It's utterly disgusting.

A right to be angry, yes. In fact, let him know that you are immensely displeased and that he's in the doghouse for a while. BUT, I would be more concerned by the fact that A-he's looking at porn in a PUBLIC PLACE and B-that he's feeding you Position bullshit. I'm new here, just started today, but it doesnt take experience on a website to explain why he's failing so hard. Added, porn is a mind destroyer. It takes the usual things you think about and replaces them with sex. It removes limits you might otherwise have in place. also, it lowers men's opinion of women. I speak from personal experience. Experience i had before i gave it up. 3 years clean

I think you do.
If he made a promise to you he broke it.
Not to mention, a porn free relationship seems to be important to you.
If it's "no big deal" when it's important to you, there's obviously a problem.

I think you are all over reacting. It is a big deal that he broke a promise and that he lied but he's not getting sex on a regular basis and sex is important in a relationship. If you think it's not, you're rather naive. What do you expect him to do? He can sit and fantasize and look at porn (which is normal), or he can sit and torture himself with no sexual release of any kind. I think it's not fair to him.

If I had to choose between letting him look at porn or him leaving me to have a healthy sexual relationship with another girl, assuming I really love this man and want him to be happy, I'd let him look at porn.