So my exams are in about a month from now.

Since the beginning of this academic year, I've been studyingmy ass off -sorry- and it just doesn't seem to be Anywhere near enough!!
I managed to pass Chemistry... Barely! Was shocked with the Biology mark I got, never managed to pass a weekly chemistry test (or get a passing grade) and keep on disappointing my Biology teacher when I don't want to xc.
My friend fled to London to finish her studies over there when I most needed her support (we've been friends for about 11 months...She's like the sister I never had!!... Oh and she's the only friend I have xc).
And that's just not the worst bit yet; I started cutting my wrist (shallow cuts...not deep ones) and surprisingly...it made me feel good though my friend was...devistated...

I can't seem to be doing anyone any good. All that I have worked for up till this point is no more than a child's dream...
Everything in my life seems to be crashing down to bits..
I. HAVE. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. TO WORK/STUDY FOR ANYMORE!!!
Please... I need help... Or at least... Some advice xc

EDIT: oh and my so-called "friend" found herself a new bunch of British friends...
And as for me...well let's just say... I'm alone all over again....the nightmare...

Hi.
The best advice I can give you is seek help. Go see a counselor. That is the best thing you can do in your situation.
I am still recovering from my cutting addiction. It does make you feel better, but it's only a temporary help. I started in middle school, I was cutting for over a year before my mom found out and took me to the doctor who got me help.
I was getting worse and worse, and there is no doubt in my mind that had I not have gotten help I would be dead by now.

Oh I told my mom that I need to go to a psychologist/psychytrist but she didn't take me seriously... And no she does Not know about the cutting...yet...which has seized...thankfully.

Cutting cuts friendships, literally. Basically she trying to build wall to keep herself from getting hurt. There are tons of warning signs with cutting. Some come in the case of actual Satanic worship(I knew a guy.) Suicide with emotional cutting is a huge concern. There are cases of accidental suicide with cutting. I think she's trying to distance herself to protect herself. You freaked her out your actions. You took a more destructive path than saying, "hey, do you understand this? Can you help me? Hey, you got a minute, I need to talk. I know this will sound mean, but I need to scream and let it all out." In away you betrayed her in allowing her to be there for you.

If you find difficulty talking to your mom or getting her to help you find a psychiatrist then perhaps a school councilor? They are very good at what they do and sometimes it's easier talking to strangers about all this sort of stuff. (Which I'm guessing is one reason you're posting it here ^-^)

You might be stressing about school a little too much, maybe try relaxing? I find that studying for tests and exams will only get you so far but paying attention in class will take you all the way. If that still isn't working, maybe try and look up different studying techniques? Perhaps you're just not using the right ones for the way your brain works?

You seem like a very nice person and it's a bit sad to hear you've hurt yourself but I'm glad that you did share this information and also that you're managing to get control over it quickly! Way to rock out! ^_^ That's just about the best advice I can think of and I hope it helps.

I give LOTS of internet hugs for you, and the best of wishes. Good luck!

One suggestion about going to see someone, is if your mom won't take you, there should be places all over where you live, where you can go with out your mother. There are hot lines you can call, and you can even go to the hospital for help.

Though your cutting needs to stop, and I tell this to any one of my friends that do it,and I smack them. First throw whatever you used to cut yourself in the trash. Make sure that you have no access to making a new thing for cutting.

Now also you should try to get out there and make another friend, it's not good to rely on one friends when you have problems, it tends to destroy the friendship. Also I feel the need to point out, just because she made new friends that doesn't mean she replacing you, people always make new friends, and since she's in a new place she would feel to make new friends to not be alone in some strange place.

I agree that you should try to make some more friends.
I also agree that you need to get rid of things that you could harm yourself with, as best as you can at least.
& if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.
and Just wondering, do you ever get like nervous for no reason? or have panic attacks?
If my mom hadn't found out about my cutting I wouldn't have gotten help. If i hadn't gotten such good help, I probably would never leave my house, or i wouldn't be alive. one of the two.

1. Erm...she's the one who actually made me speak out, and I warned her of what might be said but she insisted...and...she actually Did try to help and it worked out a bit but then she started ignoring me, not replying my messages... And now... I have to get latest news about her life over there from others!!

2. I've been quite lonely all my life and finally meeting someone who has similar prefernces to mine -not on the Internet- was one of the best
findings I've Ever had... And I don't this will happen again...

Thanx guys, I don't really get out much so would any of you know some online help
websites?? I prefer staying and "rotting" home...

Blehh

Do you have a yahoo account? I could link you to several groups that I am members of if you like. Just PM me if you want me to.

When you hurt yourself it feels good because it's a surge of adrenaline, as well as something to take your mind off everything else. Even for just a while. So it seems worth it. It seems alright, no-one else is getting hurt but you, but really it hurts others more. They don't want you to be hurt, they don't want you feeling the need to hurt yourself and they wonder what they're doing wrong that you can't come to them for help.

If you're on livejournal, there are a few good communities on there that can help. I hope you do seek it.

And as for studying and working for - There's the rest of your life. You can be anything you want if you apply yourself to it. You can only really fail if you give up. If you keep going, keep trying, then you can never fail.

@Kultura: If people really dont want to see me get hurt, along with all that you've mentioned, how come my supposed friend got disgusted and never wanted to talk about it?? and I dont have any intention of telling my mom about this...I have no idea how she'll react and cant bother think about the situation...

People react like that because they don't understand. And fear comes from lack of understanding.
Hard cold fact that a lot of people just don't want to know.

And yes. That sucks.
But if your friend didn't care about you, she wouldn't care about you cutting, and wouldn't react like this.

Probably best not to tell your mother in that case. But it's not something you should be dealing with on your own really.

Oh and snapping an elastic band on your wrist or squeezing a handful of ice cubes really hard for as long as you can feels painful. It's a sharp, stinging pain, but your left without any scars. Then people don't judge.

Firstly, you need to find some more positive coping skills. Cutting can make you feel better, but it's a self-destructive behavior that can further alienate you from any supports that might be helpful to you, and can be dangerous in that you risk cutting a little too deeply each time you do it. Rather than cutting yourself, try using a rubber band around your wrist to snap on your arm whenever you have a thought of cutting yourself. Or, carry around a red marker, and mark on your arm or body where you would cut. You can also use the marker to write inspiring or positive affirmations on your body to remind yourself not to cut, or to lift your mood (such as "never again" or "there is hope" or some other positive phrase or word). If you're afraid to walk around with marks on your arms or body (which you may or may not be), you can trace your arm (or leg, or wherever you cut) onto paper, and make the marks there.

Someone suggested joining a group -- that's a great idea. Get some support and peer-counseling with others who are struggling with the same issues. You may also want to check out this site. It focuses more on crisis recovery and prevention, but it can be helpful to you as well for figuring out what triggers you to want to cut, and how you can avoid or handle those triggers.

I wish you luck.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way.
I started cutting in June of '09. It was Hell, to tell you the truth. Yes, it does make you feel better. In fact, it makes you feel GREAT...temporarily. I told my mom about it at the end of the June and she was horrified. I told her I'd stop. She told me she'd get me help but never did. I kept doing it. Then, on the last few days of July, I decided to stop. I went on vacation with my friend and we went swimming. No one said anything about the cuts, but would you? So, her parents don't trust me...
Anyways, I've stopped now. But, I still struggle with a jacked up body image. Aside from that, you really should stop cutting. I know some tips that can help yu stop: Maybe go workout if you have the time, draw, write a poem/story/song, etc. Cutting is just like any other habbit. It's addicting, but if you go a long time without doing it, you won't crave it. I've found this from personal experience. :)

If youd like to talk about it in more depth, just send me a message. I'm here for you if you need any advice or even just a friend. I know it's not the same as a real life riendship, but it can help. My best friends are online.

Originally Posted by Rei Ann

One suggestion about going to see someone, is if your mom won't take you, there should be places all over where you live, where you can go with out your mother. There are hot lines you can call, and you can even go to the hospital for help.

Though your cutting needs to stop, and I tell this to any one of my friends that do it,and I smack them. First throw whatever you used to cut yourself in the trash. Make sure that you have no access to making a new thing for cutting.

Now also you should try to get out there and make another friend, it's not good to rely on one friends when you have problems, it tends to destroy the friendship. Also I feel the need to point out, just because she made new friends that doesn't mean she replacing you, people always make new friends, and since she's in a new place she would feel to make new friends to not be alone in some strange place.

These are the words I would say sucked out of my mouth.
Also, this is coming from someone (myself) who used to cut and had a friend they reached out to and they didn't help.
Call a hotline those always helped.

I'm not going to gurantee that it would work the same for you, because I don't know your mother or how your relationship with her is, but for me , things got better and easier when I told my mother. If I hadn't told her I wouldn't have gotten assistance. However, you can get assistance without telling your parent nowadays.

Check and see if your school has a counselor you could see, they usually do.

@MelMalicious: I know this is gonna sound retarded and all but...I kinda...don't like direct interactions with other people...and that includes face-to-face, phone calls...etc...though I dont mind talking to others online...anyway, I started going on teenlineonline.org ...it helps cx

Sorry to say this, but slitting your wrists is cowardly and doesn't solve anything. I know you're having a difficult time in school right now, but that gives you no reason to harm your body. Your friend has every right to be devastated. What you're doing is harmful, and honestly, very selfish. You need to take better care of yourself. If this continues, then seek help right away. There are other relaxing things to do then harm yourself. I'm also having a difficult time in school, and my grandpa is dying right in front of me. I'm not harming myself though.

You'd be surprised how many people cut themselves or have cut themselves in the past. I knew soooo many people who had this problem. There are many places you could go to in order to get support. Maybe you could get rid of the instruments you use to cut yourself? That might help. Though I've learned that if people are really desperate they can use just about anything to cut.

I sadly agree xc