I heard a guy say before that he thought monogamy was too cruel a rule to follow. So he ended up cheating instead of talking things over with his girlfriend and seeing what her ideas on that was. Now me, I never gave polygamy a lot of thought until I found someone who, well put it this way, he blew me away. He doesn't have the greatest confidence but he is ALWAYS ALWAYS there for me to bring a big silly smile on my face, even when I have a tendancy to cut or skip meals, run away and all that jazz. And because of lessons that he has taught me, my life has been enriched more than I could have imagined. My mom, she could never be in a relationship like the one I am in. I mean to say, I am in a polygamous relationship. And I'm engaged to this guy too, and I love every bit of it. When I was jealous of the other girl in the beginning (while I wasn't dating him yet) .. I hated myself for it but I just couldn't stop loving him. And I had a feeling that I would be absolutely miserable if I couldn't do something about my feelings. Go figure that strikes his interest. So we talked it over the three of us and have a clear understanding of what this is between us. No one even mentioned to me that it was against the religion. Maybe they were scared to, I don't know. Maybe they thought it was a no brainer. Why would two people be with the same one person? Well guess what, me and this other girl are very similar except she wants a simple version of a relationship while I want more of the whole deal and we all like being around each other so hey, it works out. Something that annoyed me very much was when my mom went around the church asking her married adult friends, "How would you feel if your husband was seeing another woman?" The truth is, that it's not the same way that they would think of it. I saw a very good point here that pinpoints the difference.
Polygamy =/= Cheating
And not every one would be able to handle polygamy, either. Some people are very set on having an exclusive relationship. But just a heads up, I know from experience that having more people always there can help. If one of you are feeling down, you all should know each other very well and be able to help as a team. Religiously shunned or not, understanding, love and togetherness are good things.

(I have more to say on this but have to go...)

I think that loving 2 people is perfectly acceptable if all the parties involved are in agreement. That's the difference between being in a polyamorous and cheating. Cheating is when you go behind someone's back when you know they are not cool with it. Polygamy=honesty, for the relationship to work everyone should be onboard and rules should be set into place.

To put it simply, it hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts to know someone you love completely doesn't return your feelings. For those peolpe who choose to have 'open' relationships, go for it, however I couldn't devote myself to someone just to have them show their love to someone else.

Originally Posted by MidnightWolve

I'm going to be really honest with you people. I was in a relationship for a year with a girl. And you know what? It turned out after a year she told me she was also dating someone else. Do you know how fcking wrong it feels to be cuddling with your partner and ANOTHER person along with? So yes, I am anti-poly. It DOES end up hurting you in the end. If you really want to SHARE your lover with another person then do it. But to be honest, I broke up with the idiot.

The bottom line: IT IS WRONG. I wont take back what I said, or apologize. Maybe there are healthy polygamy relationships and more freaking power to you, but to me, it is screaming SLUT and HEARTBREAK at every level. Perhaps its because of bad experience. But I wont change my mind on how I feel about it.

If you feel you need to love more then one person, or be loved more then one person, you need help. Sorry, but people who really need so many people to love or to be loved needs help. Go to a psychologist if you really feel that way.

That is cheating. She didn't respect you, your wishes, or value your feelings whatsoever. And you're right, that is wrong.

But that is not polygamy. Polygamy is when everyone says "You like this person? I like em, and if we both do, and they like both of us, then let's be open about this. There is no reason to hide this from anyone. Let's all be happy, together." It is another form of love, trust, and loyalty.

Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki_Kisu

To put it simply, it hurts to be cheated on, and it hurts to know someone you love completely doesn't return your feelings. For those peolpe who choose to have 'open' relationships, go for it, however I couldn't devote myself to someone just to have them show their love to someone else.

It's definitely something that only works for some people. That's why it's important if you want to be in this type of relationship everyone has to agree to it in the very beginning. You can't just pop up and tell your partner, "Oh well I think I'm going to go mess around with so and so, but I still want to be in a relationship with you." It just doesn't work that way, everyone would have to be devoted to everyone else, like an equal partnership, unless there are certain roles that have been put into play. In the early 90's mainly in the San Francisco area a lot of the lesbians around there had what was called families. These families were made up of mommies daddies, kids, etc., etc., just like a family structure. And these women acted out these specific roles, in a sense the relationships were pretty incestous and polyamorous, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Just depended on the people involved.

And I understand. I think if people choose to be in that relationship, then go for it. However, it's not something I could do. To me it's a matter of love, to devote yourself to one person and one person only.

Yah it's like a vanilla or chocolate thing, yknow. It's just a preference. I see a lot of people say that they are fine with it for other people but they dont think they could for themselves. I'm the person who thinks its fine and it works for me so hey, there you go, vanilla or chocolate.

This topic always make me smile. why? because there are misconceptions about Christians in it that I enjoy correcting.

The Bible actually urges polygamy in certain cases. It does not condemn it. The story of Joseph. His father married 2 sisters. And in the Bible, it was a bigger deal that he treated them unfairly, than it was that he married them to begin with. There are also orders in the Bible where if a man's brother dies, he is to marry his brother's wife. Doesn't say anywhere "unless you're already married."

My point is Christians aren't(or shouldn't be) against polygamy because it's okay in the Bible as long as all parties are treated equally.

Yeahh yknow I totally need to show my mom that now -_-" she's been giving me and my fiance crap about what it says in the bible where the scriptures she is using doesn't even prove anything or make any sort of relevant point. It was talking about how people have to grow up and make their own lives separate from just being considered the son or daughter of so-and-so. To marry someone and (essentially) practice righteousness as an adult. "And they will become one" or however it says.. "shall", whatever.. that doesn't connect the same ._. It just means they are supposed to be in their own sort of unity. Which can still happen in polygamous relationships.

Also, many polgamists who are mostly mormon, have one legitimate marriage and multiple "spiritual" marriages. According to the peopl involved and others in their community, it means the same thing but it's a way to get around the laws. Although there are laws against it, I think it's okay. The laws I think are more in place for ease of things such as combining finances and divorce. There are also issues sometimes with liars who will marry 2 different people at the same time with other the women ever knowing.

my personal opinion on this matter would be this:

i find nothing wrong with polygamy, i have yet to be in that form of relationship so i do not know a lot of details about it. i was taught to believe you may love who ever you want to love, so why must it be limited to one person? if i want to open my heart and love two or more people, i feel that it is acceptable. i agree it is not cheating if the entire party knows what is going on.

this may not be fine for everyone, but it's fine...it's a choice of lifestyle afterall. just like being homosexual and bisexual. just because not everyone isn't doing it or agree it doesn't really mean it's wrong. :/

to me if it feels right then it is. love who you want no matter the gender, no matter how many. just as long as all is aware

my opinion is kind of complicated. i am not for certain about it. honestly, you are right in the aspect that humans have the compcity to love more than one person, so why not two at a time. that is a REALLY good point. i guess, as along as all of the peoples involved in the relationship are happy and don't have a problem with it, than all is good. i'm religious though, so i wouldn't know how that EXACTLY would tie in to it (i'm catholic). however, i think that in certain circumstances polygamy could be wrong or right. if it is a situation like yours, where all parties involved in the relationship are happy, content, and know about each other, than have at it. however, if a person has one partner, and than another and neither partners know of each other, that is wrong because it is considered cheating.

I certainly don't believe that it's wrong, it's just that all members of the relationship need to know what's going on, and need to be completely comfortable with the idea. I would never be able to happily engage in a romantic relationship with someone who was also with someone else at the same time, because to me, romantic love is shared between two people, and adding in a third would simply complicate the situation and cause pain. But, again, if all members are fully aware of what's going on, and are fully accepting of it, then there's really no problem, it's just not something I could ever do.

Polyandry:are we excluding it?

Originally Posted by WeRtheDead

Polyandry:are we excluding it?

Unless you think Polyandry is somehow not a form of polygamy then no this thread does not exclude it.

Alright just clarifying, thank you reddeath.

Its all multiple marriages really, not so much the dating, would that be more of an open relationship cause the marriage cements it for...well as long as that marriage lasts in our day and age.

Some other things that go into how its viewed is the area and the culture, some parts of the world its acceptable, within limitations, either the man or woman can have multiple partners, and in some only those of a higher social status is it viewed acceptable.

Is it right or wrong, the answer is yes, as in both: depending on your society,its people and social structure, after that would be politics and religion governing it, and then opinion, and times will change how things are viewed.

as for myself? I am in a conventional relationship, i accept monogamous relationships, a bit iffy on poly and open, and theogamy(sp?) works wonders for some.

I've known people who have some with success and others with out that, and going on Tutelas point, another bit is bringing in how the Other people view the situation, some may feel like they aren't getting enough time with the one partner,resulting in jealousy and maybe even anger.

I myself could never divert my affection from the one person i love, i have troubles with showing affection to those who i am not intimately related (both physically and emotionally). its not for me, never has been, never will be.

anything in life is manageable as long as hard work is put into it.
i also believe that an individual's personal life is just that. personal.i can't emphasize this enough, lol.. and therefore other people shouldn't judge you for it. after all, only God can judge us, right?

that being said, i don't think polygamy is wrong.
as long as all parties involved agree to it and are happy in the relationship. as long as the individual is in the relationship because it makes them happy, and not because their partner wanted it.

personally, i could never see myself being with a man that wants to be in a relationship with another woman, or man for that matter, at the same time as he is in a relationship with me. i'm not good at sharing. and have security and trust issues as it is.
however, that situation has never occured, so i can't say for sure how i would feel about it. the only way i could see myself being in such a relationship is if perhaps all of the individuals involved were good friends in the first place and then feelings developed.

i just don't know and i can't judge you, or anyone else, for what their personal preferences are. >< <3

@ the wandering poet~i wish all of you a happy healthy and fun relationship! <3

Personally I dont like polygamy. But I do however fully support those who are into it...even though I'd kill my partner if he/she was with another guy/girl. To me its wrong, because its not my belief, and I find it fascinating and congradulate people how they can survive through it.