I'm frustrated .. Beyond frustrated.
The guy I like, well, he's amazing. He's strange, thinks he's a vampire, is deep and does things that irritate me like walk away when I say something that angers him, but he's generally good.
I'm insanely attracted to him.

But he's against anything of a sexual nature.
ARGGHH.
If I make a sexual joke - that's so immature and idiotic of me and he gets majorly offended. If I laugh about something sexual with my friends, that's terrible of me.
If I'm horny - oh, god help me.

Naked-ness doesn't seem to turn him on. Though last night, I was texting him, and he said something along the lines of "whatcha doing" and I said "Haha, I'm not wearing clothes!"
He wrote back "Oooh." And then I said "haha, brb x"
And this is how it went;
"why?"
"secret! brb x"
"tell"
"noo, it's a secret, now BRB! >w<"
"telllll x"
"nope <3 you can't know."
"i want in on the secret!"
"nononono~<3"
"please :( .. talk to me"
"haha, i'm naked and turned on, you figure it out, brb x"
".. i dont like it'
"what? don't like what?"
"nothing. cya."
"wait! stay! talk to me! whats wrong!"
"you did nothing."
"but why are you mad?"
"it's cos i don't like it."
"nick, we all have urges."
"it's not the urge."
"then what's so wrong about it?"
"it's just me and my ideas about things. bye."

I don't understand.. It actually really upset me.

But he does things that sometime say the opposite, like, I'm really turned on by him biting me. And he plays on that. He'll bite me and hold me and I swear he enjoys watching me.

I DON'T GET IT.
He's not religious, he's also a virgin.
He's a 17 year old boy who's against sex?!
I know he loves to be emotionally close to people but yeah.

D:
Anyone have any ideas?
I'm getting tired of him ridiculing me and treating me like an idiot because I'm a sexual person.
It's SO FRUSTRATING.
I mean I'm not trying to sleep with him but sure.. Sexual things are nice..
Errrr.

Just try asking him why. Just go up and say. "(name) look, I understand that you don't like sexual jokes or anything like that, but could you please explain why. At least then I could understand your perspective, instead of sitting here, wondering if what I'm going to say is going to hurt you." or something along those lines. No pointing, no comments, just listen. If he loves you he'll understand that you don't care about stuff like that. Sexual Jokes are just funny to you. It's all about communication on both sides. Communication and understanding.

Maybe he is asexual.

Originally Posted by AgnesGloom

Maybe he is asexual.

That would be my guess. I'm asexual, and sometimes stuff like that can weird me out. I hate PDA, and sex in general is just... strange to me. But I can still laugh at jokes & innuendos. Maybe he's just on the extreme end of the asexual spectrum?

Well for one, how is he supposed to be on the same level of communication as far as your sex jokes and innuendos go if he doesn't even know you remotely like him?

Turthfully, it's probably not solely for the fact that he's a virgin that he doesn't want to discuss things of that nature with you. It's most likely due to the fact that it's awkward to discuss things like that to the opposite sex if you have no idea what they're trying to get at with you. Did you ever think that maybe he doesn't see you as someone he wants to be with because you've never given off any signs that you'd want to be in a relationship with him commitment-wise? Or maybe he just isn't the type of guy that is sexual, and honestly, that may not be such a bad thing.

But surely if you never discuss the matter with him (how you like him), eventually he's going to get annoyed and irritated with your antics, that as far as he's concerned, have no meaning behind them and are just dumb.

Nonono, hang on, he knows I like him and he said he likes me, too. We're quite close. He said he has a big meaning behind why he dislikes sexual innuendo but I don't understand because he just won't tell me.
>.<

Well, if he refuses to tell you at this point then maybe it's better to ease off the sexual references until he feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it.
If you give him some time to really get comfortable with being with you, he may open up. I just know that nobody likes to be pestered about certain things that they really have no interest in. And if after awhile he doesn't really open up enough to talk you you about it, then maybe your sexual needs are something you may need to consider before getting involved in a romantic relationship with this guy.

Oooh.. No, it's not.. whats that word for something thats normal? it's not abnormal? Oh nevermind. Anyway, its normal for him to think like that.
I think like it, I can have a joke about sex and things but, y'know - he has a bit of a mind like mine. Eight others of my friends, all around my age (16 - 19 ) have the same sort of mind about it.
Its just the way some people are, don't let him feel discomforted by it - maybe just keep in mind he has a different way of thinking? Sex doesn't prove you love someone, so he probably thinks of it in that way if anything. Just give him time to settle down, really.

He's seventeen. It's not odd at all that he isn't very interested in sex, or sexual jokes.
Just because he's a male, doesn't mean he should be a raving sac of hormones - if this were a seventeen year old girl, I doubt there would be much question as to why she didn't like it.

But if he doesn't want to tell you why, have you concidered the fact that maybe he was sexually harrased before?
Or simply, has self-confidence issues and thus doesn't like talking about anything involving bodies?

It is confusing. Going through the same thing with my guy right now...he sent me pictures of his stuff and we had adult role plays before we were dating but once we began dating he was completely against the idea and doesn't like anything sexual to happen between us. He says he was hurt in his last relationship; that it only turned into the sex and when they split up she kept leading him on saying she would dump her then boyfriend and go back to him...but he was being used for sex. <--He was really hurt by that.

(I'm 23, he's 22)

Your guy-friend may have had something happen to him when he was younger which turned him off the whole thing. I have a couple guy friends including my ex who were raped/molested when they were kids and thus they have issues with the whole physical aspect of being close to people.

From what I've read of what you said, it may be that he simply dislikes sexual innuendos. Perhaps he has nothing against sex and sexual acts themselves. Perhaps he gets turned on by weird things and he thinks that you won't like him if you find out.

Another thing may be that he may only want you to get turned on by him. If he's not there, or if he's not the reason that you're talking about or laughing about something sexual, he may take offense?

The only thing that I can really suggest is that you sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you get urges, that you get turned on and that you like to take care of it (pleasure yourself or whatever.... at least that's what I got from your texting transcript).

Tell him it upsets you when he gets mad about sexual stuff. Have a heart to heart with him, tell him how you feel about him and tell him from time to time you're gonna get horny, that you're (insert age here) And like to laugh about sexual jokes. Tell him what you feel, have a heart to heart with him and hear his side of the story. I hope this helped :)

Thanks for all the helpful replies, everyone.
The thing is - I'm actually not that sexual. Infact, barely do I mention sex. I might laugh about a joke with my friends sometimes, but that's about it. I'm not all sexual innuendo towards him. I used to be fairly sexual when I was maybe 14 but I've settled down a hell of a lot. I can think sexual. Hell. I always think sexual. But I don't talk about it or mention it.
Last night is the first time I mentioned really anything 'dirty' about myself, honestly.
I got shut down pretty fast but he told me he's going to talk about it tomorrow to me and tell me why he doesn't like that kind of talk.
Hmmm..

Thank you all . >w<

Well, I hoped we helped, and I hope all goes well for you. I'm glad you can talk to him, and I hope that you stay happy. The force be with you :P

So what? Sex isn't all that important anyways. It shows he's more mature than bunch of high school girls. You need to put reality first. Most guys his age that had testicular cancer act that way and you are VERY immature in your posting and dealing with it. You show no respect for him in your jokes and that conversation is horrid. You need to learn to respect. That conversation literally makes you look like a bitch. The boy has self respect it about time you get it for yourself.

Geeze Rune, calm down. That was a little uncalled for. She came here for help, and you just put her down like that? There were much better ways you could've phrased that.

Everyone is different. I enjoy sexual jokes with my friends. One of my ex's always comes up with the best ones. It has nothing to do with self respect. Respecting his personal opinion I can understand, but where does self respect fit into this?

You don't know if he has testicular cancer. You really shouldn't assume such things.

Originally Posted by Runes

So what? Sex isn't all that important anyways. It shows he's more mature than bunch of high school girls. You need to put reality first. Most guys his age that had testicular cancer act that way and you are VERY immature in your posting and dealing with it. You show no respect for him in your jokes and that conversation is horrid. You need to learn to respect. That conversation literally makes you look like a bitch. The boy has self respect it about time you get it for yourself.

Honestly, something about this post screams IMMATURE to me. Where did you even come up with Testicular Cancer? I know three guys who had it at that age and still talk and joke about sex, so where did you come up with people who had it acting that way?

She obviously has respect for him. She said they're very close. She obviously cares about him, so attacking her about that is wrong. You yourself need to learn respect, as this post has none. It was rude, crude and uncalled for. And honestly, it makes YOU look like a bitch.

And she obviously has self respect. She came here for help and instead you attacked her/flamed her/bashed her. It was not ok. I personally think that you need to issue an apology.

Wow, runes, I'm sorry. o.o;
I didn't mean to make you so mad. D:

Hey - I'm not a sex addict and I'm not all over the place with being a slut or anything. I can't psychically HAVE sex. I have vaginismus. =[

I really, really like this guy. A hell of a lot. Sometimes i want to make him laugh and he just ends up becoming very angered by it.
The other night is the only night I came onto him.

Every one else has bacically said what I was going to say.. I agree he may have had problems with it when he was younger, he is super shy? There are lots of things it could be. Mybe he knows you were very sexually active and he wants to win you in other ways and thus wants to avoid it in more ways then one.. He will talk about it when he is ready, don't presuer him to the point he will back off completely.. If he is really worth it wait a while longer. Enjoy what you have.

Remember guys:

The Life Issues forum is about supporting and helping your fellow users. If you cannot write a useful and considerate post, then please do not come in here. These issues are not meant to start drama. So even if you disagree with someone, please be aware of the fine line between scorn and tough love.

I can see how this would be hard for you; it's normal to want some kind of sexual contact and intimacy with someone you are attracted to and want to be with.

It definitely sounds like there's a specific reason behind why all things of a sexual nature make him feel uncomfortable (like you said he told you there's a "big meaning" behind it).
Maybe it's something in his past that has tainted sex for him? Such as abuse, being "flashed" when he was a child, he could have been born with Gonnrea or Syphillis, it could even body confidence issues... it could be anything, really.

It's good that he's decided to tell you about it, though. If you guys do decide to get together, I'm sure it'd help you if you knew why he didn't want any sexual contact.

I'm going to say I have to agree with pretty much everything else that's already been said. It doesn't sound like you're being too pushy, but I would just be aware of what you say or do around him until things have been cleared up. Like others have said, there may be some sort of sexual trauma in his past that makes him uncomfortable about sexual jokes or innuendos of a sexual nature. I would actually be more concerned about some of his other behaviors, such as him walking away from you whenever you make him mad or just completely shutting down. Not to mention, he puts you down whenever you do something he doesn't like.

I agree that talking it out with him and finding out what's going one (as he's comfortable) is the best way to handle this, and it looks like you're already attempting that. Good luck. :)

I have a best friend who is also extremely against sex, but he opened up to me after about a year and explained to me about a girl who really abused him in his early high school years. I was appalled at the level of horridness that bitch used to control him. So, you're boyfriend likely has a similiar experience and just needs a quiet moment with just the two of you to let it out. :)

Not to seem horribly off topic here, but I just thought I would let you know, that is if you didn't already know, there is a treatment for Vaginismus that is almost always effective.

I'm going to have to agree with them,
your not being pushy or anything of that nature.
You just need to talk this out with him.
You both need to accept eachother if you care that much about eachother.

My best guess is that someone sexually assaulted and/or raped him at one point in his life.