I have a few poems I wrote, not so long, and I would like some comments & critiques on those please ;)
And I would love you if you give me some improvements to work on! :glomp:
I don't spend much time on poems, I just type on the computer for a minute or two and get a poem. Sometimes I am lazy to check over the words, but I do it at every possible minute ^__^
I also love to write about lost love/crush poems, & sad poems. I don't know
why actually, but I do love writing sad poems :)
Here are the poems I have written. Feel free to correct them, I won't mind a bit!
I have no one in this wide world
My saddest experience,
I have for now.
I have no relations,
I have no friend.
I have no one,
None at all.
I wish I had someone,
To be with me.
I have no parents,
They died in war.
I have no relations,
They left me long ago.
I have no friends,
Everyone treats me mean,
I don't know why.
I would be happy to move somewhere,
Maybe paradise,
Where there might be someone,
To help me out.
But where?
Where lies paradise,
In this great world?
Under the ground,
Or beneath the deep blue sea?
On the skies,
Or the planes men have ever reached?
If only I knew,
I would have gone.
I long for a company,
But I lose courage.
I go try to speak to someone,
But blabber something out.
They turn their heads away,
Looking me with dismay.
I think I look disgusted,
With no proper clothes.
When they wear shining silk cloaks.
The friends I have,
In this world,
Are chatty twittering birds,
And bushy-tailed foxes.
All the cute animals,
You might have wanted,
And all the weirdest creatures,
Which you shudder at their names,
Also include in my list.
Who else,
In this wide world,
Will protect me, shelter me,
If I am harsh to those lovable creatures?
I live in the forest,
On the branch of a tree.
I climb and hang like a monkey,
And jump like a kangaroo.
I know animal language too,
I have been so long with them.
I never would have had a proper conversation with a man,
I have only heard.
I lie down near the edge of the forest,
Hearing the men speak.
I catch up words,
And learn to speak.
I play with animals
Laugh and sing.
I converse with them,
How funny they tell!
They tell me about,
The greedy hunters,
Fatty men,
And cunning ladies.
That's the only happiness,
I have ever experienced.
Nature is my home,
Animals are my friends.
Men are my enemies,
According to me.
Though, I of course know -
I am a man, of course - Iam.
I lay on the grass,
At twilight.
I shed my tears,
everyday.
I dream all tales about,
My mom and dad.
If only I had them,
My life would have been changed.
I would have never lived,
In this forest, all by myself.
Love which I can't admit
I can’t admit,
How I had loved.
I loved you and you alone,
No one else than you.
In this wide world,
Where great men lay,
I only chose you,
Because I loved you.
I vow to you,
I’ll never love anyone,
Anybody or anything,
More than you.
I have sent you letters,
Very secretly,
Unknown.
To my parents,
To my friends,
And to my cousins.
I have given you a kiss,
In my room,
Where you climbed up with difficulty,
Onto the wall,
Just to check me out.
I never have loved,
Anyone in my life.
More than I could tell,
I have loved you.
The moments I felt,
When you were with me,
Are just what I can’t tell,
From my sad life I have.
You cheered me up,
When I was angry.
And consoled me,
When I was gloomy.
You gave me a call,
When I sat in my room lonely.
I can’t thank you enough,
For all you had done.
I would never stop you loving,
Never in the world.
Until god descends,
From the heavens above.
When he asks us to part,
I then only will
Only when Lord asks me to.
Pleasant Surprise
On day I got a pleasant surprise,
As I was walking down to home.
After school and after play,
Very tired and exhausted.
My crush called me,
To my surprise.
I never told him,
that I liked him.
I never spoke to him,
Because I was shy.
I obeyed him,
Though my mind was wandering.
I thought he wanted,
To solve a maths question from me.
But I was wrong,
Really wrong.
he called me to a shadow,
Of a tree,
Where passers could not see.
He said,
"Please don't be angry"
And squeezed me tight,
That I nearly squealed in surprise.
He then gave a kiss,
A warm one,
That I could never forget.
he told me,
"I have loved you always,
Since the day I set my eyes,
Upon yours.
But I could never tell,
Until today.
Tell me that you love me,
If you really do.
That would be the only thing,
I would ever need."
I was surprised at this request,
But I loved him too.
Si, I said,
"I loved you too,
But I couldn't tell."
And hugged him,
So tight, that it must have reached my soul.
And then gave a kiss,
In return.
I never could forget that experience,
never at all.