I've known my best friend for about 5-6 years now, and these past several months I've realized that I might like her as more than a friend. I don't know... I'm not typically a jealous person; not even in relationships, but I was a bit jealous when she was dating someone else; I feel protective of her in a way that I'm not with other friends, and she is someone that I could see myself with and it just sort of makes sense to me.

I guess the thing that confuses me, though, is the lack of the whole butterflies-in-my-stomach sort of feeling that generally comes with a new crush, if that makes sense. I've been in relationships before, but admittedly not very successful ones and my feelings have never developed much more than that for anyone before, so I don't know if I've just known her so long that I'm past that point, or if I'm just confusing my feelings for something else, or what.

I don't know. Has anyone here developed feelings for someone after having been close to them for a long time, and if so, how did it occur to you? Did you skip over the whole crush stage?
Even if you haven't personally been in a similar situation before, any advice that you have to give on how I could figure this out would be appreciated.

If it changes things at all, I'm 20, and I don't think that talking to her about this would be the best idea before I have this figured out more because I really don't think that I could stand to possibly lead her on only to later realize that I'm mistaking my feelings for something they're not.

a few possibilities come to mind with your post. perhaps you two have become so close that you see her as family and are therefore jealous and over protective.

another would be that yes you have romantic feelings for your friend and because you have known her for such a long time the butterflies never bothered to show. having those type of feelings don't really require that giddy feeling. doesn't mean the relationship will not be successful. sometimes something so wonderful doesn't even hit you at first sight. it may take you years to stop and realize "this person....i want to spend the rest of my life with them" at least that's how it was with my best friend and me. we met freshman year of high school. we both had mild crushes on each other, but then i got over mine. dated other people instead of messing with the friendship we had. he continued on with his feelings for me. four years later i stopped and looked at myself. realized no one else understood me better than he did. no one else stuck around like he did. before i knew it i was head over heels for my friend. and he waited for me... we dated, and it was the happiest relationship i had ever been in. sadly it came to an end because of certain doubts about the future and our careers. we're still best friends and we both know there is still love for one another...we are just waiting on the next more appropriate time to date once more.

just think things carefully. if you find yourself to still have these feelings perhaps suggest a date? if that works out well then continue. i wish you luck in figuring all this out

You could have romantic feelings for her. I've been dating my boyfriend for years and I do not get butterflies in my stomach every time I see him now, but I do love him and feel attracted to him. That's usually just part of infatuation, the whole butterflies in your stomach kind of thing.

Let me ask you this and this should put insight into your perspective . . .

When you're naturally daydreaming, do you ever imagine kissing her or being with her romantically on your own? If so, you are probably attracted to her.

On the other hand, if you are basing all this possible attractiveness on the fact that you feel jealous, you're probably just being protective of her like she's a family member and not having romantic feelings towards her.

Just analyze the natural fantasies you have about her (whether they are of just protecting her or of something more) and they should reveal to you how you really feel.

I can't be as tact as Tiara there can but she is right. Picture yourself in very intimate situations with this girl, can you picture you and her going at it like that and grin about it or does it make you feel creepy inside? Because if it makes you feel bleh in the pit of your stomach then there is your answer.

I've got lots of good friends both male and female and though I'm bi-sexual the thought of doing any of them kind of makes me feel dirty and creepy and I'm a nympho so that should tell you the trick works pretty well. Xd

I realized a few years ago that I was strongly in love with my best friend, and for a while I wasn't sure how to deal with it -- I'm bisexual but married, and she's very much straight (and at the time was between difficult boyfriends). I've never told her, except as "Love, me" at the bottom of emails, and though it took about a year for me to stop feeling awkward, I decided to simply feel the way I do and make sure she was as happy as possible.

My situation's probably very different from yours, though, as I see my best friend once or twice a year (we're both in graduate school on opposite sides of the country), and we don't actually communicate all the time. But whenever we're back together in person, or over email, it's like we're 12 again (only now we can finally talk about sex and stuff).

As far as definite advice: are either of you in a stable relationship right now? Would confessing yourself to her possibly harm more than just yourself, or your relationship with her? If you can imagine yourself sexually with her, can you imagine *her* feeling comfortably sexual with you? Though usually in the Life Issues forum I'm the one who says "go for it, give it a try" as far as romance goes, in this case, I would advocate a conservative stance: don't jeopardize the friendship, as really good friendships don't come along very often. Tell her how protective you feel, though, and tell her that you love her deeply and want her to be happy -- you can probably leave out anything romantic.

Regarding the "crush" stage, as well—I've only had crushes on my failed relationships. I never had a crush on the man I've been married to now for almost five years (and been together with for more than nine!); I just knew immediately that he made me happy.