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FidelisRaor
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#1
Old 06-16-2010, 05:24 PM

I've dug around, and from the best I can find this is the forum I should be in!
I came up with a new idea to write about last night. Would you guys mind telling me what you think about it?

A boy falls asleep and awakens on the shore of a creek he usually explores during the day time. He walks up the bank to explore and discovers it is not the same creek, this ones banks are much to high and all the trees are different. A woman calls out to him declaring herself to be his mother. He goes with her after she pulls him from the creek he had been trying to swim in. She leads him to a small castle where it is explained that he was sent to a different world to protect him from his terrible brother. He was only brought back now because the two kingdoms were finally going to war and they needed his help. During the fight the boy meets with his brother who attempts to kill him.The boy escapes but appears to be captured by the guards. The world is made to think this as the boys kingdom falls. In actuality the boy escapes to a nearby house. The couple there tells him he can stay as long as he wants, and that his brother does not know of his escape. In fact, his ‘execution' is supposed to be televised tomorrow night via the Global News Network. His brother had explained in the announcement that he explained to kill the world's hope three times over. That night guards burst in trying to find the boy, who narrowly escapes through a dark field which leads to the creek. From there he finds a boat and attempts to escape to the ocean, and from there to another continent.

The Boy: Eleven or twelve. Because he thinks it's a dream he has more bravery in this world than the one he's from. He becomes afraid again when he realizes it’s not a dream.

Brother: Fierce as a tiger with the skills to match. His hair is as red as roses in full bloom. He is not a very good leader, and is a bit of a brat. He's around thirteen or fourteen.

Cherry Who?
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#2
Old 06-17-2010, 05:02 AM

Actually, this would go in the Literature Spot forum, which is where works created by our users go. The books forum is for already-published works. But thank you for at least trying to get it in the right place! :)
As you can see, I moved this to the Writing Discussion/Story Help subforum. Hopefully you'll get the type of feedback you need here. :)

FidelisRaor
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#3
Old 06-17-2010, 06:46 PM

Thank you! I thought I remembered one somewhere but I just couldn't find it. My browser is killing me. ^^;

Nolori
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#4
Old 06-17-2010, 08:04 PM

Usually at that the young king will have an advisor and sometimes these advisors are more powerful than the young kings themselves. That might be something you consider to have. -shrug-

I think the idea could work, but you'll need to be careful with the idea of switching worlds. Mostly because having only one world that knows about switching between worlds and the other doesn't have the potential for big plot holes. Also the boy's kingdom is in the world he grew up in or the world where his brother is? That part confused me.

I also don't really understand why the boy was sent off to be saved from his brother in the first place. They were worried the older brother would kill the boy when he was... two? I think the brothers need to have a bigger age difference for this to work.

This also sounds a little like it would be a good Fantasy/Sci-fi, especially since you seem to have dimension hopping and Global Broadcasting that can force everyone to watch a single broadcast (being the execution).

I assume you left off either at the end of the story with plans for a sequel or the half-way point, right?

Last edited by Nolori; 06-17-2010 at 08:04 PM.. Reason: Grammar

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#5
Old 06-18-2010, 02:13 AM

Thank you for your response Nolori ^^

You're right in that this is very rough. I had to write it down as soon as I woke up, but even that wasn't quite fast enough.
The age gap does seems off. But that's easily fixable.
I think this could be the end with plans for a sequel.

 


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