So basically Ive spent most of my life with the same group of friends. There were five of us who were closer than most people. We new everything about each other. and in recent years weve split up. One of us moved to another state, one of us only hangs out with band kids, the other with video gamers, another has slipped into a delinquit state of mind. I was the last one and I fell in with the drama club kids. this was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

this was a year of firsts. I went to my firsts parties, hung out at my first football games, had my first kiss, and had my first talent. I was awesome at theatre design and production. I fell in love with it and its people. I stayed late and did all this extra stuff, and my friend Sam ended up joining the drama club after I did. She is this tiny, blonde, perfectly proportioned girl. She has giant blue eyes and is easily excitable. On the other hand Im more chill, larger, disproportionate and look more like someone you would see in a low budget .....unrated film then in a magzine like Sam.

She was my BEST friend, and it all was okay. She piggy backed off of my accomplishments, and whent he guy I liked started paying attention to her I tagged along. It actually made my friendship with him stronger. Then towards the end of the year we began planning for the haunted house the next year. It was a big deal. Sam and I were supposed to be head of set production and costume design. We were stoked. Though at the end of the year I had to take my finals early, so I stopped showing up during our study hall to discuss the haunted house. It wasnt a problem though as they werent official meetings. During that time she had taken on a freshman and told him all about it.

The next week I left for Europe for a month. It was amazing and I met the most amazing people, that honestly made my life (which is really exciting to me) boring. I got back and I felt really distant and confused. Even Sam seemed to find a new best friend. The only thing that was the same was the Haunted house. I was so excited, figuring things would get back to normal as we worked on it. Just this week I found out after walking for two hours in literally life threatening heat that I wasnt on the production team anymore. I was pushed to the side.

Now I dont know what to do. I literally dont want to move, all I do is lay on my couch and flick channels. I dont even watch anything. I cant really make myself do much (this site has helped a bit). I find myself hating the people (its not just the hautned house, thats just the most recent thing) Ive always loved. The only thing I can think of is getting back to London after college. Im so desperate to leave this crap behind. I just dont know how to deal with it. Drama club is literally what gets me through school and through life (I suffer from chronic depression and have for around three years). If I hate it now, Im not even sure what to do.

I have a feeling that this is a case of "grass is greener." You've had an amazing, exciting experience and want to recapture that - great. However, you shouldn't be putting the new lifestyle you've glimpsed on a pedestal. Dreaming of the future can make you forget or even hate the present, and that isn't healthy at all. Not only that, but what about when you eventually get back to London and then find that suddenly your perfect, idealised life has problems? There's nothing BETTER about living, studying or working in London. It's just different. People always have and always will want what they don't have, and that's the root of your problem. My point here is that you need to tone your excitement down or you'll end up horribly disillusioned.

Hmm, let me give you an example. For about a year I was totally excited about attending Cambridge. It seemed so perfect for me...

...Then we went there for a few days, and I utterly hated it. I remember most vividly sitting down and crying in the middle of Pembroke College because it just wasn't everything I'd expected, wanted or needed it to be.

Now, my life is pretty boring and unexciting. I've resented it in the past, but I've learned that you should never take anything you have in life for granted. Not your family, not the friends you have. Nothing. If you keep on thinking that you could do better, you're only going to end up bitter.

If you're genuinely reassessing your life, maybe get out there and try new things. Meet new people. It's not at all a long shot to say that maybe your current friends aren't right for you. That, and you SURELY have more than one talent. Maybe you just haven't discovered it yet, or you're too lacking in confidence to see the things you already have. Tell yourself what an amazing person you are - think about all your good traits, the good things about your personality, and also those in the people around you.

Life is short and the present is only for now, so enjoy it. Make the most of it. Seriously, you'll be glad when you do.

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Oh, and I forgot to say earlier that you shouldn't let your problems with the production team and all get you down. Things like that happen in life, in all honesty. You need to grow a bit of a skin and realise it's not your problem if you get kicked off a team or something. Just dust yourself off and move on.