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White Squirrel Girl
The Spazatic little cookie
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#1
Old 08-24-2010, 01:43 AM

Well I've got nothing to say but I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1- Midnight

The beast lunged. The black trendils astrewn behind them as the Alchion clattered to the hard stone floor of the castle. It was the moment those poison strewn claws peirced his shift everything went black.

The prince awoke in a cold sweat. He sat up an dabbed his face with his blankets before standing and pulling on a clean blue tunic and leggings. He pulled his boots on and stepped intot he hallway. Something hit the door and sent the prince flying backwards back into his room.
"Get back here Kert! Before I throw you out a window." A female voice sounded from outside his door.
"Can't catch me! Leonardo would be ashamed of you Cit." There was a padding of footsteps before the voices were gone.
The prince sat up and grabbed his shoulder pads and sword before running down the hallways after the voices that threw insults at eachother every few seconds.
"Blast, dead end."
"I've got you know Kert." The prince turned a corner to find a girl in blue armor holding a boy who looked to be a few years older than her held around the waist.
"This is not good." The girl said as the boy dropped a leather satchel and a multitude of gold coins and royal artifacts fell on the ground.
"You think Cit?" The girl set him down as the prince drew his sword.
"Theives." He muttered aiming her sword at the two. He was clearly shaking and afarid. Yet who wouldn't be if they spent most of their live learning the ways of pen and sword without ever facing an opponent who would dare harm him?
The two supressed shuckled but couldn't help laughing.
"He's shaking."
"And wearing his shift backwards." The prince raised an eyebrow.
"A... shift?" He said curiously. The girl blinked and looked at Kert. She pulled at his tunic.
"A shift is a tunic.. but for chicks." Kert laughed again.
"You're wearing girls clothing! You are a guy?" The boy's tone got serious as he flipped his dirtied white scarf over a shoulder.
"Yes. I am not a girl." The pince replied a little unsure. All three of them missed the black cloaked figure that put a gloved hand over tthe prince's mouth and cut off his air.
When his lean body went thimp the man pulled down his hood and shook out his mop of red hair.
"You two should be ashamed of yourselves." Kert nodded.
"Yes Leo." The man picked up the prnce's dropped sword and muttered something. He shethered the sword and smiled.
"Well, looks like we've got a new recruit for the Midnight Knives." He said with a light laugh.

fairywaif
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#2
Old 08-24-2010, 07:17 PM

Slightly confusing start. I think alot more commas could be used, which would make the story slower, and easier to understand. I'm also confused at which character is which. I think it has the potential to be an interesting story though.

White Squirrel Girl
The Spazatic little cookie
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#3
Old 08-24-2010, 10:17 PM

((It was purpously a little confusing.

Rose

Dawn broke and the prince stirred. He didn't open his eyes yet, but could feel roungh wool around him insted of the soft cotton silk mix that was his normal bedding. He sniffed the air and could smeel rubbing alchol, alot with cotton, there was a faint tinge of blood in the air as he heard voices.
If he did open his eyes he would have seen a man of about five foot six. He hair was a soft red, almost pink but definetly still red. Strips of fake gold, most likely dyed was in his hair. He had just stepped in and was confronting one of the nurse maids who worked the infermery.

"The kid awake yet?" He asked.

"Not yet Leo, sir." The nurse maid looked to be about fifteen. Most likely an aprrentice, her ebony hair was pulled back into a bun and there was an adulkt calmness in her blue eyes that took in the older man.

"May I see him?" The man adjusted his belt and leather shoulder padding that he wore at all times.

"Yes Leo." the girl said before leading him to the bed where the awake prince lay. The other man removed a damp cloth from the boy who was faking a sleep's head. He dippped it into a bucket of water before pulling out a bag of something and pouring a little into the bucket. The water's color changed to a dark blue before going to purple, then red, it paused at orange before moving to a pale gold, it was a few minutes before it was tainted with a coppery gold. He removed the cloth and wrung it out, the droplets that hit the water created ripples that went through the color cycle again before returning to gold.

He set the cloth on the prince's forehead and just let it sit for a moment. As he waited for the light fever the prince posessed to evaporate the water he though of what Citel had said on their ride back to the fort.
What if this kid is the one who is going to weild the Alchion? The man glanced over at the fencing sword the prince had pointed at his apprentice and Citel last night.

Could that punny thing be the might Alchion. Who's wielder is a decendent of Forestar? This kid doesn't even resemble Forestar! The prince opened an eye before closing it quickly before Leo could see it. He didn't actually see it, but it was the fact his facial features scrunched for a few short seconds. Leo gave a harty laugh and shook his mop of hair out of his face before putting a hand on the prince with another chuckle.

"No one's going to lay a hand on you lad. Not if you acutally weild the Alchion. So just stay still for a fe more moments so the cloth doesn't move. Then we'll know." He saw the boy relax and smiled. Leo returned to his thoughts and began to compare the boy to other members of the midnight Knives.

Maybella? Nope. Kert? Definetly not. Citel? Nope. Merric, Judy, or Lexi? No- mabye Lexi and Merric. For some reason he looks like Rose, the same face. He ran a hand through the boy's hair and felt him cringe.

The hair is thin like her's. Rose was Leo's passed wife. SHe given birt to identical twinss who had both died. She too had died in childbirth. Leo had been left heartbroken before joining the Midnight Knives. He let his eyes drift out the window the the sky that matched his eyes perfectly. He was lost there for a few minutes before he heard something down one of the halls and snapped back into reality he chuckled as he heard his apprentice and her friend running down the hall with the shouts from their tutor behind them. He shook his head and chuckled before removing the cloth. Leo had removed the cloth early so his dieing eyes mised the light red six pointed star that had formed on the far right of the boy's forehead.
Leo sighed, the boy wasn't ment to weild the Alchion.

"Though you wern't ment to weild the sword you'll still make a fine myrndman lad." At the word myrndman the prince sat up with his eyes wide.

"No, I am not becoming a myrndman." He said standing and reaching for his sword. Before Leo could grab it he felt to tip of the thin metal shaft at his neck.

"Certinly wasn't expecting that to happen today." Leo said with a light grin.

Last edited by White Squirrel Girl; 08-25-2010 at 09:14 PM..

fairywaif
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#4
Old 08-25-2010, 01:15 PM

Okay, well it seems to be going to an interesting place! (Wield is misspelled. Thought you should know.)

 


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