I broke up with my boyfriend in August after two years of being together. We're back together now, we were only seperated for two weeks. I was the most depressed I've ever been in my life, the closest I've been to suicide and cut myself deeper than I had ever before. (All issues that are now being sorted with Prozac, yay!)

Thing is... In the two weeks I was seperated from my boyfriend, he kissed three other girls.
Three.
I am glad he told me, I'd rather now have heard it from anyone else... But when he told me my heart sunk and I felt as though I was going to puke. I had always said if we were ever to break up I'd wait at least a month before going with someone else, out of respect. He said the same.

What's also horrible is I know the three girls. One of them I was at college with (now 21), one of them is his best friend's sister, and the other her friend (which was a dick move, his best friend's younger sister, really?).

Worse again, all three of them are much skinnier than me and prettier than me. This gets to me probably more than it would to other people, I'm obsessive about my weight and the way I look and hate myself for it (again, I'm taking medication).

I just don't know how to deal with it. I know I can't really say anything, I'm in no place to. I broke up with him and broke his heart. I guess this shit feeling is what I deserve. I just feel that it was a lack of respect. I mean, three girls in the space of two weeks. Three. While I was sitting at home cutting myself up and contemplating suicide, he was out having a good time, with other girls. I can't really talk to him about it either, because he'd feel bad (he said he felt guilty for it anyway, and he said he was drunk but I don't see that as an excuse). But it kills me when I see any of those girls. Especially his friend's sister and friend, they're 16. 3 years younger. ]

I just don't know what to do with myself. My eating pattern is messed up, I'll starve myself some days and other days I'll binge eat. My sleeping pattern is messed up, I'm usually awake to 4AM. It's been almost a month since we got back together, but I just feel as though this is going to be there forever, hanging over me and making me feel sick to the stomach. I do love him and I'm not holding it against him or anything... I just don't know how to accept it and live with it.

I've never mentioned any of this on Mene before, my depression, self injury, or fucked up body issues, and it's because I want Mene to be the one place I'm away from all that (seriously, my lj ain't a pretty read, and that's the only other site I really use). I want to be a normal person here and not be judged. So I'd rather not be asked about any of this outside this thread, please? :-S

Oh, and before anyone suggests it, counselling isn't an option for me. I've tried it before, and I just can't ever talk to people. It was session after session of the counsellor asking questions and getting fustrated, until a point where she text me (YEH TEXT ME) saying she wasn't going to see me anymore. It's just... There's something about saying "I wish I were dead" or "I want to hurt myself" that makes it all seem more real. I hate admitting to myself that I have a problem. It all generally sucks.

And sorry that my post is more a rant than anything. Eep.

aww im sorry to what he did.I would probably feel the same way as you.well i kinda do well very depressed part that is.Though to move on i would actually ask him if those kisses with those girls meant anything.i would confront him about it.I know you've said he feels bad about it but did you tell him that you didn't like it because their prettier than you,or think that?
maybe tell him how you feel.maybe that will help.
sorry im not good at helping im trying to be as honest and truthful as i can and what i would do if i were in your shoes.I would honestly tell him how i feel and how much it hurts to here that he was with those 3 girls and younger than me.just reading this made my stomache ache from pain so i feel your paine.i wish i could help you so much right now.i want to be the greatest friend to you right now.im just pittying you trust me.i know what your feeling.i've felt the way your feeling for like a month or two.

I'm pretty sure it was meaningless, he was drunk at the time and if any one of them had meant anything, surely he'd not have got back with me?

I know if I'd say anything to him about them being prettier he'd just tell me that I'm prettier than them. He always says that. He honestly thinkgs I'm the most beautiful person in the world, he's very much in love with me and he is a fantastic boyfriend. It's just me.

And I don't really have anything to confront him about really. He kissed three girls, yes, but he was single. I can't really say or do anything about that, because it was me that finished things.

It's so crap.

ah okay now i see sorry im so not good at helping people even though i really want to.

well maybe your not ready to move on?

Jealousy is a basic human emotion arising from the longing for another person's success, fame, riches or status. We all feel it at some point in our lives and it's normal. But, extensive jealousy may very well be caused by a deeply embedded anger against a person, society or even your own self. Excessive jealousy is often the result of low self-confidence and self-esteem about oneself. Socially, jealousy may mean a sensed threat to a harmonious relationship. Either way, jealousy can be classified in to several categories, so let's take a look at each type and how to cope with jealousy.

Healthy Jealousy

Jealousy is not always harmful. In certain relationships, such as marriages, jealousy is natural, because partners tend to be possessive of each other. Ordinary envious reactions rearing it's not-so-ugly head is perfectly alright, as long as the persons involved make it all clear to each other. Learning how to cope with this type of jealousy is not difficult, because it's mild and occasional and doesn't need a lot of mind-training.

Destructive Jealousy

This is definitely what you should do everything in your power to avoid. Destructive jealousy is when you frequently, intensely and irrationally jealous. Such uncontrollable jealousy is always harmful and should be eliminated and if to do so, first you must learn how to cope with jealousy.

Tip 1: Identify The Root Cause

Knowing the cause for jealousy in any situation is the first step towards overcoming such negative emotions. Your own insecurities and unresolved feelings are often the reasons for feeling jealousy towards another. You will have to follow self-confidence building exercises and techniques to overcome self-esteem issues.

Tip 2: Take A Reality Check

If you are in a relationship and you think there's a threat to it from a third party, how sure are you about it? Could it just be the way you are seeing it? Perhaps, you are mistaken. Don't let your assumptions get in the way of a healthy relationship just because you feel jealous based on imagined problems.

Tip 3: Positive Thinking

Like in every situation where negative emotions get in the way of rational thinking, positive thinking helps. When jealousy burns, try thinking of better things. So, your colleague got a promotion and you feel envious because you think you deserved it better? Think of the bonus you got on Christmas last year or how fantastic it was to get that pay raise.

Tip 4: Seek Objective Opinions

Get the perspective of a neutral party. If you are often behaving jealously, they will tell you, but only if you ask in all honesty. Knowing is half way to resolving, so get someone else's opinion.

Tip 5: Find Reassurance

Communication is always the key to resolving issues, so always find reassurance from people around you, if you feel like you are going overboard with jealousy. The best way to seek help is by talking about whatever that's bothering you and causing the problems.

Jealousy is generally the result of deeply embedded long-term issues, such as anger, anxiety, frustration and inadequacy. An inferiority complex or low self-esteem will make jealousy a front to vent out its wrath, so focus on eliminating all negative emotions.

UNDER INVESTIGATION

You broke up with him.
You didn't have to let him go. But you did, and he chose to go out and enjoy himself, he didn't make you go to your room and cut.

And honestly if you're that sick, and that worried about your weight, and thinking about killing yourself constantly, and you're always upset, maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship period right now.
Healthy relationships include two healthy people, who when separate, are still happy and healthy.
I know you don't like counseling, but maybe you should try again, this time with someone who specializes in adolescents (which yeah, you might be a little old for, but your issues sound like the kind that usually plague teenagers--especially the self confidence ones).

musicjunky87, thank you for that information.

Yeh Monstahh, I know. That's what I mean when I say I'm not in a position to say anything about it. And I don't blame him for anything I did either, it was just a really bad time for me. I just have a problem with putting everything into a negative perspective. (I guess that's obvious though?)

At the minute, my relationship with my boyfriend is one of the few things in my life I am sure about. We are stronger now than ever, and he's helping me to work on getting myself healthy. Not in a "he's the only thing I have to live for" way, because there's ore to my life, but he's encouraging me to take my meds because sometimes I don't want to, and he lets me talk to him.
I just can't talk to him about how I feel, about me being jealous. And that's the issue I want to work on just now.

Well, that's good to hear. :D

Well, I guess the only advice I have then to get over your jealousy is "get over it." Stop obsessing about it.
So he kissed a few girls. Sooooo? He chose to be with you again, didn't he? And he's even helping you out. Why should you be jealous? He's obviously yours.

But, you really should talk to him about it. It's probably the only thing that will help. It usually is.

He kissed the three girls, you have nothing to fear or be jealous about.

Think of all the other things your boyfriend does with you, that those three girls will NEVER have.

I wish I could get over it, and I'd probably be able to if I didn't actually know all three girls. I wouldn't consider any of them as friends. It's more a friend-of-a-friend way I know them. So I still see them more often than I'd like to and still get that sick feeling in my stomach.

I really doubt I could talk to him, because he does feel really awful about it all :-/

I don't understand why people think jealousy is so....simple. I'm a very jealous person and the way I see it, it's part of who we are and yes, we can change it but it takes more than just a few days to get over it. Jealousy is one of the worst things to feel especially when you know you shouldn't feel it and really have no reason to. You may not have a rational reason to be jealous but it's normal. I can't exactly tell you how to get over it because I haven't even began to get over it myself. I wish I knew how to help you but this is all I can say. You're not alone when it comes to jealousy so please don't feel like you're having wrong feelings. I really hope you can find a way to talk to him about it. Tell him you're not upset with him and that you love him and you're happy that you are with him. Stuff like that to reassure him and let him know that you're not trying to make him feel bad. He'll probably feel guilty anyways because that's usually the normal reaction but just talk to him about it, get it out in the open and once you start talking about it, or at least get it out there, you can possibly try to overcome the feeling. I would work on making yourself feel better though....your sleeping and eating habits only make the jealousy worse. Try to just do all of the things that make you happy one day, eat your favorite meal and use anything that helps you sleep. As for seeing the girls...I know that must be extremely hard...the only thing I can say to help with that is a few things. Give them dirty looks. I'm sorry but that's what I would do lol give them that look that says, he's mine and I'm totally better than you, cause you are. I know it seems a little bitchy but hey, it's something D: Maybe instead of counseling you could take up a hobby like something in the gym, where you can punch kick scratch anything. Get anger and other icky feelings out. Try archery and imagine the girls faces as the bulls eye :) Anything. Well I dunno if this helped any, I doubt it did but I really hope you figure things out. <3 (if some things don't make sense, it's because I haven't had much sleep x_x)

Your Paranoia Is Leaking I bet you are pefect!! Don't let those skinny bitches make you feel bad about yourself!!! WE have curves gurl!!!

Anyways...
The word of advice I can give you is, if he has the decensey to lie to you by saying you'd both wait a month after if you broken up, then he isn't worth a penny. I was once in a phase like this and I found a way out. I occupied myself. I got myself a bundle of joy. I adopted a dog. Puppy I should say, that had some promblems and was left in an alley. This made me feel soooo much better about myself for helping this animal, and it gave me a sense of peace. Dogs have the ability to calm you with a simple touch. (If you didn't already know)

I hope this helped you... I hope you find a way out, I know you will.
Take Care :)

Lol I know how you feel. If it's three girls you didn't know, then it'd be fine but since you know them, jealousy comes out and you feel threatened. I feel the same way I meet my fiance's exes... I guess the only time I'll ever stop being jealous is once I tie the knot, then I have nothing to worry about because nothing can happen. Divorce and cheating will never be an option -- if we get to that point one of us is going to die, no lie that's what my fiance and I promised each other =3

Thanks everyone for your advice... I think this is something that's going to bother me from time to time, but I really just have to get over myself. If I let it upset me, then I will be upset. If I don't, it won't. (hopefully, anyway!)

Thanks everyone though, you guys did help <3