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Estrella
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#1
Old 09-22-2010, 10:00 PM

Mockingbird

_____A hangout for single parents.


Hello there! I wanted to make a hangout for single parents. Often times I meet a lot of parents on Mene but rarely do I meet someone around my age who doesn't have a partner to help them. In real life as well. I wanted to make a place for single parents to come and chat.

You don't have to be a single parent to chat here, though. Anyone is welcome. So come in and tell us your story, if you'd like to, or just chat.

I'm still getting setup and these first posts will probably change a lot withing the next few days.

Rules
  1. No drama please. I will ask you to take it to PMs.
  2. Don't be annoying.
  3. Be kind and courteous to everyone.
  4. Menewsha ToS & Rules, obviously.

Last edited by Estrella; 09-22-2010 at 10:12 PM..

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#2
Old 09-22-2010, 10:01 PM

About Estrella

_____No regrets.
Name: Christina Estrella

So, I figure maybe I should tell my story first, yes? Well, I got pregnant my senior year of high school. I was seventeen years of age at the time and I felt too many emotions to even begin to describe it. The father and I stayed together and got married. I know we were too young and though I like to think I have no regrets - marrying him was probably one of the few things in life I do regret because it wasn't really worth it.

We were only married for a year when it became obvious that it was a one-sided relationship. I would stay home and take care of everything, he would go out and party until 1am and I'd never hear from him. I got to go out with my best friend maybe once every couple of months and the whole time he wanted to know when I'd get back. On top of that kind of bullshit, he was unfaithful to me. And I honestly believe there is more to cheating than just having sex (though I'm sure there was that too). He admitted to me after the divorce that he pretty much had women convinced he was in a relationship with them.

I was fully committed to being a wife and a mom and he was totally committed to himself. We were divorced around the time my daughter was two years old. It was a horrible divorce (emotionally - we never had much to make it be a money issue) and if you want the details on that, I could tell you more later.

Needless to say, I'm ridin' solo on this mommy thing and it's HARD and FRUSTRATING. But it's also rewarding and I wouldn't change it for anything. I am fortunate enough to have my ex-husband's family because they help me through a lot. My aunt and uncle are also helpful.


My Daughter


Name: Micaela Andrea
Age: 3 years old
Favorite TV Show: Blue's Clues
Favorite Movie: Something Barbie, that's for sure!
Personality: She's imaginative and a goober for the most part. She's always talking to her cousins even when they aren't there. She hates the idea of having a bath/shower until she's in the bath/shower. Micaela has so much energy that I have a hard time keeping up with her.

Last edited by Estrella; 09-23-2010 at 03:10 AM..

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#3
Old 09-22-2010, 10:01 PM

Reserved 1

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#4
Old 09-22-2010, 10:02 PM

Reserved 2

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#5
Old 09-23-2010, 03:25 AM

S'okay to post now if anyone wants to. >.>;

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#6
Old 10-03-2010, 12:23 AM

I'm here! I'm not a mom though. :c

My dad was basically a single parent though. When my mother was with him, she'd spend time locked in her room doing school stuff, or wouldn't be home because of school or her job, and generally just wouldn't parent. She didn't really go out or anything, but dad was the one who made sure my brother and I ate and went to school and all that day-to-day stuff, on top of his own full-time job. I think mom did laundry though, but that's about it.

When they finally divorced (after... 13 years of marriage? Maybe less), my mother basically had to crash-course in parenting and she wasn't that great at it. I got fed up with the way she treated me (lots and lots of physical and mental abuse) and moved in with my dad full time. My brother (who is still in high school) also moved in with him full time within the past few years. He finally severed ties with her completely a couple of weeks ago, because he was tired of the way she behaves.

That's not to say dad didn't have his faults. He was waaayyyy hard on us about grades, but for the most part he gave us a decent amount of freedom. He took away that freedom when we didn't meet his expectations, understandably. He also supported me going to college at a young age (I took night classes starting at 14), which my mother said she didn't want me to do. She didn't give me any money for school until a year or two ago, when I was finally at the point where I could not cover the cost of my own education (and neither could dad, since he became unemployed).

But yeah. Dad was a rawk-awesome single parent. Mom... not so much.

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#7
Old 10-03-2010, 12:33 AM

Hey Keyori!

I was actually hoping someone might give insight to a single-dad because I myself have met mostly single moms and I rarely if ever hear about single dads.

I'm sorry about your mom, though. My mom was pretty much a flake growing up. Drug addict, use to disappear for days at a time and leave us kids with strangers. I probably could have met my dad but once my mom told me she wasn't even sure who my biological father was, I kind of gave up on the idea.

Your parents made it a lot longer than me and my ex-husband. Was it pretty much a crappy relationship the whole time?

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#8
Old 10-03-2010, 12:48 AM

From what I gathered, it was okay until I was born. And it wasn't because of me, really. Dad said it was because she just got so stressed about being a parent that she wouldn't go out with friends or take time off to just blow off steam. So instead she took it out on him and alienated herself from me (and later, my brother).

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#9
Old 10-03-2010, 01:09 AM

Ah, yeah, kids are great but EVERYONE needs a break or else you get a bit...discouraged and stressed.
I know that some days I am SO glad that my ex-mother-in-law is taking my daughter for the evening because I get to a point where I'm really impatient and just want a moment to do NOTHING.

I remember when my ex-husband and I were together, I went out once-a-month or so and usually only for a few hours. It was stressful because it seemed all I did was take care of my child and do school work. It makes you almost resentful sometimes, towards everyone.

But I don't know what was in your mom's head. Do you still talk to her or have you broken ties completely too?

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#10
Old 10-03-2010, 01:16 AM

I broke ties for her for a while, but we've been getting along better now. She knows that I have boundaries and if she crosses them I'll just ignore her. I think she's even less likely to act up now that my brother is gone.

It also helped that my fiance validated my feelings about her. I had been told by various people (including my dad) that I overreacted at what she did to me and that I should keep giving her second chances. She almost pushed my fiance into a lake during a family function and he hasn't really been fond of her since. That, coupled with some stuff she's said to dad, basically meant that I didn't have to visit her if I didn't want to. It's much easier to visit her when it's on my terms and not someone else's. Plus, I have someone to be miserable with. xD

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#11
Old 10-03-2010, 01:20 AM

That's good. I've never broke ties completely with my mom but I just check on her once in awhile to make sure she's okay and healthy and all that. But we haven't been on good terms since she started using again, really. She also moved when I was like 7mos pregnant and that kind of stung because regardless of how she treated me, when I was having that baby I wanted my mommy (that's more than likely because I never knew my dad, haha, if I think about how much of a "mother" she was...yeah).

It probably is easier when others' feelings don't play a part along with your own. I know I harbor some feelings for my mom but I'm not angry with her anymore. There's no point in holding on to anger. But when my brother calls me (which I guess won't be happening anymore) he's still MAD at her for everything.

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#12
Old 10-03-2010, 01:24 AM

Yeah, I'm pretty much over the mad part. I'm just glad that people finally understand what I went through and what I had to deal with. It was just like, no matter what I said to my dad, he'd STILL make me visit her, even though I knew she would just do or say something to set me off. When I called him to have him go help her with computer trouble (because I couldn't help her over the phone, and I was 2 hours away from her), he called me when he got back home and told me he'd never make me visit her if I didn't want to, ever again. xD

It's just easier when I can go in and know that I can leave at my own will, and that I can go when I know I'm in a good enough mood to handle it.

It must be rough having a mom that uses. Has she been to rehab many times?

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#13
Old 10-03-2010, 01:34 AM

It's good to know that they understand and don't think you're just like, making excuses or whatever to get yourself out of visiting her. I've never had my mom abuse me (well, verbally maybe some stuff could be abuse) but neglect I definitely saw.

And three times that I can remember for sure. But when she got out of them, she usually found the same people and ended up in the same place again so it was just useless. She was clean for a few years after she got thrown in jail (then she'd walk around and tell us we were shifting blame and focus and stuff :roll: ) but it was good for her to be clean. I think she started using again when she met her now-ex-husband. It was kind of a shock to everyone. She knew him for two weeks and suddenly she was getting married. Very strange and it turned out he was using her for his green card yadda, yadda.

But she stopped going to NA/AA meetings (which really do help) and I think she started drinking again first. And with my mom one beer turns into ten beers which turns into meth. Sad but true.

I think I moved out after the day that she just started ripping on me when she was totally wasted. She came downstairs drunk as hell and started yelling at me (who had just cleaned the house, put away the Christmas tree and was cooking dinner) because apparently her husband told her I wanted to be PAID for all of it? Which I didn't, I hadn't even spoken a word to her. I think I moved in with my aunt after that. Though, there was a summer when I was working (and not driving) that I had to stay with her again. :\

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#14
Old 10-03-2010, 01:52 AM

Ugh, that sounds awful. My mom didn't really have drug or drinking problems, she just brought home people who did. She lived with an alcoholic for several years. He was very controlling, and usually he was the one who told her to beat me or my brother. She admitted herself to a hospital for depression once, and met a guy there in the mental health ward and brought him home. Turns out he had really bad bipolar disorder, and didn't take his meds. That night ended with her calling the police on them, who told me to call my dad to have me and my brother picked up. And then she let him stay in her apartment. I'm fairly positive that he was also alcoholic. I didn't understand it at all. D|

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#15
Old 10-03-2010, 06:54 PM

Yeah, my mom's brought through plenty of dead-beat guys. It's unbelievable. She's had everything from guys with REALLY weird fetishes to guys who beat her. I once had a friend staying over at my house and in the morning we could hear her and her husband fighting BIG TIME. We had to walk to a payphone to call my aunt and uncle to get us. x_X;

It was pretty bad sometimes. I think the year or so that she was clean & sober we had a pretty good relationship. o.<; But she always ended up back in the ONE town where she knew all her old drug-using buddies. It's hard to stay clean when you keep falling back into the same areas.

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#16
Old 10-11-2010, 08:17 PM

Name: Brittany (AKA Jaz or Zasaleen)

Sorry for the Novel

I am married to a wonderful man so technically I am not officially a single parent anymore :/ but I'll introduce myself and share my story anyhow...

So I guess to get a good feel for what exactly happened I should start from the beginning.. I started dating a guy named Chris the summer before my Freshmen year of high school... A year and 2 months later our relationship became sexual. Our relationship was on and off a lot because he was too serious for me... It wasn't that I wasn't serious about him... I just wasn't ready at 14-15 to talk about marriage so seriously... After our first break up things got more... Physical... And I was forced to stay away from friends because he wanted to know where I was at all times..

Anyhow the summer of my Junior year my only friends took a 3 month long trip to Washington state and I got rather lonely... and so my ex and I decided to try to just be friends... So needless to say we still felt some kind of connection... looking back I know it was lust... But my stupid 17 year old self told me it was love :/ We started sleeping together kind of regularly... About a month in I realized we hadn't officially said we were dating so I asked if he wanted to get back together to which he replied "no." We stopped seeing each other... And come late that month (October) I missed my period and called him to get a test. I took the test and it was a very vivid + sign...We weren't being entirely stupid as we were using condoms... To this day I have a strange feeling he did something to them to get me pregnant...

Two days later he asked me to marry him... And I told him that I didn't want to marry someone who was only marrying me because he felt it was his obligation... But if we were still together when the baby was a year old then we could re-discuss the situation... I hid my pregnancy for nearly 4 months from everyone sans my best friend at the time and Chris for fear that my mother would kick me out and disown me and that I'd lose the friends I did have... Pathetic I know... One night my mom came home to find Chris' car parked in her spot after she specifically had told me I was NOT to see him after we had broken up for the 5/6th time. She parked in the alley right behind him and marched in screaming... One of the first things out of her mouth was "are you pregnant??" to which I told the truth...

So to shorten this excessively long story.... My mother told him he would be responsible in every way except for housing me and insurance which my mom would take care of and he called my mother a slew of bad words and stormed out... He called the next day and pulled a few dumb tricks that even my naive then 18 year old self saw through... My mom gave him one more chance to talk about it and he still chose to be an ass... And did not bother to contact me again after that... But the girl he was seeing did... And she threatened my son's and my life because she felt I did him an injustice...

My son was born that next July... And his father tried to use the name of my very first boy... friend... to try to gain access to my room... Not only was I suppose to be under protective custody in the hospital system I even gave them a picture of him and specified he was not suppose to be there.. That was the last sign of contact for another 3 months when my mother's FMLA was up and one of the nights I was home alone he showed up with police demanding to see my son. The first thing to pop into my mind was "Do you have proof he is yours? We weren't really dating when he was conceived" the cops looked at him as he shook his head and said "no" they stepped inside and informed me of my rights... And that it would most likely become a court trial if I didn't let him see him...

And it has been a court battle EVER SINCE! I now carry a restraining order against him... And he has visitations for a few hours a couple of days a week

My Sons

Michael Thomas is 6 years old. He just started kindergarten this fall and he is a super hero junky. He is having a hard time adjusting to the idea that his biological father (who now has minor visitations) might be moving out of state soon and has become a huge behavior problem since... :( Normally though he is a sweet fun loving kiddo... He started football about a month ago and he starts swimming classes tomorrow...

Sean Mason is 2 and 1/2 (almost) he is the most willful child I have EVER met. (And I worked in a daycare for almost a year with kids that were his age) he loves the potty but not doing anything in it... He hates naps... and he also starts swimming classes tomorrow because he is TERRIFIED of the water.

For the record I spent the first 6 months of my pregnancy without his father in the picture as well as he was attending college 4 hours away... And he was barely making ends meat at work there so I was still mostly on my own in every way lol...

Last edited by Zasaleen; 10-11-2010 at 08:48 PM..

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#17
Old 10-12-2010, 01:58 AM

Wow! I dealt with the crazy ex for a long time. I think almost the whole time of the divorce and up to a year after he was pretty much being a crazy person. It was really tough because I was TRYING to have a good friendship/neutral relationship with him but he kept doing shit that would break everything I'd been working towards. HE had the affairs while we were married but HE couldn't live with the consequences.

Is the fellow at least a good dad? Or would you rather he had no visitation rights at all?

I think it would be hard on him to meet his dad and then have his dad move. ;(
I'm sorry about that. I've noticed my daughter gets a bit of a 'tude with me when she comes back from visiting with her dad/grandma. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel like she hates me because she'll scream bloody murder like she's being murdered when I try to get in the car to get her home.

They sound like adorable little boys!

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#18
Old 10-12-2010, 03:25 AM

I'd like to say he is a decent dad... But by my standards he's just not... For example He refuses to pay child support... In the past 6 years he has paid for a grand total of a year and it was mandated by threat of jail time. He is currently under that threat again... But he hasn't paid a dime since April. And he had only just started paying that month too... :/ but he still acts like I am a total b**** when I request the he replace something that he or his two other children have ruined of Michael's mostly clothing that my husband or I have bought him. Most recently it was a school uniform that cost me 20 some bucks for the shirt and pants... When Michael was 18 months my sister told Mikes that it was gross to pee and poo in his pants and no joke he flat stopped and started doing it all in the potty with VERY few accidents... He saw his father about a week later... And came home not only in a baby diaper (not a pull up a diaper) but one of his then 2 month old baby brother's diapers so it was 4 sizes too small! He completely regressed and did not potty train fully until he was 2 1/2 a year later... He still wets the bed quite often.... Mostly when he has been to his father's...

I think Michael is treated differently then his younger siblings by his father... I KNOW he was by his step mother... She acted like he was like the gum under her shoe :( I suspect that Michael's father talks a lot of bad stuff about me and I have even suspected abuse... I can't get enough proof though and it drives me freaking bonkers...


Michael knows his father pretty well... He has been seeing his father since he was 6-7 months old. So him moving is very hard on him... It has been affecting him in a lot of way :(

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#19
Old 10-12-2010, 03:33 AM

Yeah, luckily my ex-husband doesn't see my daughter without his parents/family there. I think every once in awhile he does, but it's not often. I think we all worry about giving him too much responsibility over her because he's so irresponsible. Luckily, she's not done any regressing and I KNOW how hard potty training is. She really does get a bit of a 'tude though, which is kind of rough. And he teaches her really annoying habits like motorboating. I tell his mom to let him know if he keeps doing that, I'm going to restrict his time because it is NOT okay for my three year old daughter to try and pull a stranger's top down.

I kind of could see him being treated different, which just isn't OK. Ever. I mean, if YOU don't want to treat a child with the love and care it deserves let him stay with the family that will. I could also see how that would cause him to regress in many different ways.

Is he still going to see him? Or is it basically good bye?

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#20
Old 10-12-2010, 03:34 PM

Yay, it's the new hangout! Now I know where it is!!

I'm not a single mom, nor do I intend to be, but I really admire those who manage single parenthood.

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#21
Old 10-12-2010, 06:01 PM

Yup my ex has done things like that too >.>;

He's told my son to kick the guys I dated after he was born in the crotch... Or to call them dirty names...


Mikes started calling my husband "daddy" after my youngest was born. He did it almost as a defense to scare away the strange people (I believe they were my ex's ex wifes parents)... He shakily introduced us all in his 3 year old way... "This... This is my mommy... Brittany... This is Dillon... he's HE'S MY DADDY! And this is MY brother... Don't touch him he's just a baby!" Shortly after that I learned Mikes was getting spanked for calling Dillon daddy around his biological dad. Which just infuriated me...

Well my ex asked my husband how we were going to work things about a month ago. But he hasn't given us any details on where he plans on moving. If he is moving out of state he can take me back to court. Cause in my opinion that is abandonment... He is avoiding child support which I am fine with but that means he leaves all together not just his financial responsibilities. If he is just moving out of the city... I may try to set up every other weekend or so. I've sat for nearly 8 hours writing out a very VERY fair overnight schedule and he turned it down because it didn't equal 50/50 custody which would have gotten rid of his child support obligation. But it would have reduced his child support per month. He is simply to immature to be a dad 50% of the time :/

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#22
Old 10-12-2010, 07:47 PM

Hey Scholar! Didn't you say your husband had a disability, though?

Zasa: Oh yeah, that's friggin' horrible. I know my ex-husband wouldn't do anything like that (telling her to kick guys). Ugh, he sounds like a real immature jerk! And it's totally uncool to spank a child for calling someone "daddy," you can have more than one daddy and I'd be happy that my kid had another person that loved them the way a parent should. I am happy that my ex-husband is with someone who adores our daughter.

And isn't he obligated to talk about the move? Or maybe not since he doesn't have joint custody. :?

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#23
Old 10-12-2010, 10:23 PM

Nothing in the court agreement says he has to notify anyone of moving... Me neither for that matter but I always worried if I moved out of the city/state that he would track me down and file that I stole Michael away from him >.< so I bought a house in town... >.> then he announces not even 3 months later that he is moving DX

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#24
Old 10-12-2010, 10:24 PM

He seems like a real pain in the ass, seriously. o.<;

I'm actually worried about what's going to happen next year because I'll be starting school in a different town. I hope that they'll be okay with her coming home every other weekend and coming to stay during finals week.

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#25
Old 10-12-2010, 10:35 PM

See my worrying actually stopped me from getting my final degree cause I wanted to attend 4 hours away... It has stopped my husband as well :/ Freakin sucks...

I hope they are ok with that so you can do what you need to do ^^

 


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