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scholar
yes, really
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10-16-2010, 02:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estrella
Hey Scholar! Didn't you say your husband had a disability, though?
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Yup, and we nearly got a divorce a few weeks ago because I think he's letting his disability victimize him, and he's really still very functional. And he was binge-drinking, which I thought he'd given up on. So, I gave him the wedding ring back, and he can't return it to me (nor I return his) until he's been to two therapy sessions, which are scheduled for next month. He's turned around amazingly in the last few weeks, though, taking care of the apartment, taking care of himself, which he usually simply doesn't do. I can see that it's hard for him, but it won't help either of us if I just do everything for him when he is actually *able* to do things, even if it takes him more energy or time to do them.
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 02:42 AM
Zasa - That sucks! Maybe you could go back now? :? I don't know, I'm determined to get where I want to be.
If they can be patient with the time it'll take me, it'll all work out in the end.
scholar - Do you mind if I ask what it is?
I'm really sorry he was acting that way. It must be tough. Sometimes, when I think about the people I've been with or have thought about being with I consider how much if it would be ME taking care of THEM and to be honest, I'm not willing to do that for anyone but my daughter. :? I don't mean disabilities, though, I just mean they don't work, or work lame jobs etc and I'll try to picture a relationship and I just see myself PISSED. x__X;
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scholar
yes, really
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10-16-2010, 03:38 AM
He's had two hemorrhagic strokes in the brainstem (possibly three; he had Bell's Palsy before we met, and that could have been caused by the same thing), caused by a leaking arteriovenous malformation, or AVM, which is like a raspberry of extra blood vessels. Because Kaiser's receptionists didn't really seem to understand the idea of life and death circumstances, and because their neurosurgeons take Christmas vacations, it was far too long between the onset of the second stroke (they couldn't do surgery the first time it hemorrhaged, because it was too far in), the MRI showing that it was near enough to the surface to operate, and the actual operation. He's been left with some major neurological deficits: paralysis on the right side of his face, deafness in the right ear, no temperature sensation on the left, a tremor palsy in his right hand, and poor control of his right leg. He's also constantly dizzy and sees double, with one image blurred because of the damage to his cornea since the eye still doesn't close all the way, even with a relatively large gold weight embedded in the eye. The gist is that while he can walk with a cane, it's difficult, and he can lift and carry things, but also with difficulty. He can climb stairs, get around on his own, wipe his own bottom, basically take care of himself, and even take care of me if needed, but it's all a lot harder and more time-consuming than for people with all their faculties. He gets tired really easily, but I think a lot of that is (a) depression, and (b) he's been generally sedentary for the past seven years and has gained about fifty pounds in the interim. He was super-fit beforehand, having been a semi-professional cyclist before returning to school, where we met, and he kept it up at a very high amateur level until the strokes hit.
... So, yeah, he doesn't actually need a lot of physical accommodation, but more emotional support, and after supplying it for years and years, while battling my own depression (partly induced by his, but I've always struggled with it a little bit), I've honestly gotten tired of it. He refused to go to therapy until I gave him the wedding ring back and pointed out that his depression actually really truly did make me incredibly unhappy.
*sigh* That's the gist of it.
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 04:06 AM
Wow, that sounds rough. I can kind of understand why he would be having issues with depression. And you as well.
I'm not really sure what else to say. That's just...crazy.
*huggles*
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scholar
yes, really
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10-16-2010, 04:15 AM
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. I mean, I can deal with the reasonable needs, like keeping corners of tables clear so he can use them to keep his balance, and having clean floors and stuff, and that emptying the litterbox is all but impossible for him to do without killing himself. But his problems stemming from childhood baggage (his mother is a paper packrat, the kind you see on those TV shows, with multiple-foot-high piles of paper that have absolutely no significance other than she "might read it someday" or wants to cut a picture out to make a card from...) and being emotionally abused in his last relationship. He's passive (somewhat passive aggressive), so his ex-wife walked all over him without realizing she was. Honestly, right now I'm sick of having to be careful of not walking all over him. His spine is so deeply buried underneath flexible "whatever you want"ness that it really bothers me.
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 04:29 AM
Ugh, I absolutely could not ever be a hoarder like the ones on TV. x__X; It's just horrible that they live the way that they do.
And it sounds like you guys are in a rough spot. Have you been married long?
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scholar
yes, really
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10-16-2010, 05:03 AM
Yeah, my mother-in-law is a total hoarder, and it's really scary. We've been married a little over five years, but we've been together for almost ten.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-16-2010, 01:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estrella
Zasa - That sucks! Maybe you could go back now? :? I don't know, I'm determined to get where I want to be.
If they can be patient with the time it'll take me, it'll all work out in the end.
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My husband and I just bought a house... I do plan on going back to school but not for what I was originally wanting to get. I'll probably be going back to finish my BA/BS in Elementary Education. If I were going to go to my desired college, my husband would be going up there too cause the college he wants to go to is up there as well... But to do that most effectively we would have to move there... and we bought our house in our home town which is a 4 hour drive and commuting 8 hours every day would be a bear!:P
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 04:27 PM
scholar - Did you know him before he was disabled? Or did you meet after-the-fact?
I'm sorry about your mother-in-law. That's just awful, really, really awful.
I kind of worry that my aunt could become a hoarder if something truly horrible happens.
The other day I found a pot with some rust in it and I was throwing it away and she goes "Oh, we could use that for a planter or something..." and so I had to ask her directly "are you ever going to plant a plant?" and she said no, so I threw it away. It was a piece of garbage anyway.
Zasa - Yeah, I have about a two hour commute (there and back) everyday for school and that's awful enough.
Congrats on buying a house, though! Most of the people I know who are buying a house are just letting it go.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-16-2010, 04:45 PM
Thank you <3 but what do you mean letting it go? I am debating on which school to go to still I am planning on being pregnant when I start again... So some part of me doesn't want to go TO a school but it is easier if I am forced to be in class everyday then online schooling which is my other option ><;
OMG I just started watching Horders... Is it bad that I know enough people that live like that that the show doesn't phase me ><;;
I let my SIL borrow my old baby stuff for my niece after she was born and I was cleaning it last night cause I requested it back... The walker was like something out of hoarders... ><;; the clothe thing that holds baby smelled sooo strongly of urine I gagged trying to get it out... And the tray was covered in mold :(
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 05:03 PM
They're just not paying for it anymore & moving somewhere cheaper.
And I loved being able to take classes online. Usually, the professors set it up so that you won't be able to slack. But that's just me.
I have never met someone who lives like that. Though, I have been in houses where they are messy...
But not to that level. X___x; However, I once went to a friend of a friend's house and I went to us the bathroom and walked right back out again. Friggin' EW. The toilet was just AWFUL.
And that's just nasty! I know my ex-husband's brother and sister are really nasty about keeping clean.
Like, they'll just leave food on the high chair for days on end. Buh.
Myself? I'm a total neat freak. I get near panic attacks sometimes because it seems like no matter how much I clean my aunt and uncle's house, it still looks friggin' messy.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-16-2010, 09:39 PM
I do MUCH better if I am forced into being in a class... Plus I am known to get side tracked online </3
I a cluttery right now... We need to have a yard sale so I have a TON of clothing and stuff I want to get rid of and top that with us just moving and well... Yeah :/ I like a clean house it is just difficult to get it that way >< with three kids constantly messing my house up lol
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-16-2010, 09:46 PM
Three kids!? xD
Yeah, I usually go through my clothes once a month and put stuff into a Goodwill bag. No use in selling it. Not like I'd get more than a dollar or something for it anyway.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-16-2010, 10:17 PM
I watch my niece 2-3 days a week... for 9 hours at a time DX then my own two ><
I have a lot of big stuff I want to sell old baby stuff... toys clothes.. etc... I haven't even gotten the chance to go through my kids clothes yet ><;;
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-17-2010, 01:28 AM
Yikes! I'm lucky my ex's sister/mother watch my daughter when I'm at school.
Sometimes it's for the whole day.
I sold/gave away all of my baby stuff. Haha, I'm not having another kid for a long, long while.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-17-2010, 01:52 AM
I am planning another baby for to be born around my birthday of 2012 ^^ all my kids will be 3 nearly 4 years apart... But I want a theme that I get to chose and not one that I felt obligated to :/
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-17-2010, 01:52 AM
I am not having kids until AFTER school now.
So it'll be another 4 years.
More if I don't meet someone in that fours years. xD
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-17-2010, 02:03 AM
I am hoping to be able to do school because the baby will come while both of my other children are in school... I can nurse and do homework or read out-loud to him/ her... It is easier if I can focus just one one child when they are and infant cause they tend to stress me out pretty good... Sean was near 6 months before I got a little of that ><;; and then shortly after he turned a year I started watching my 6 week old niece... and it made me sooo crazy...
I wanted my kids to all be about 2 years apart but life didn't work out that way...
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scholar
yes, really
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10-18-2010, 02:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estrella
scholar - Did you know him before he was disabled? Or did you meet after-the-fact?
I'm sorry about your mother-in-law. That's just awful, really, really awful.
I kind of worry that my aunt could become a hoarder if something truly horrible happens.
The other day I found a pot with some rust in it and I was throwing it away and she goes "Oh, we could use that for a planter or something..." and so I had to ask her directly "are you ever going to plant a plant?" and she said no, so I threw it away. It was a piece of garbage anyway.
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Yeah, we had a blissful six months before the first stroke, and then he seemed to get better for another six-eight months before the second one. :(
I wish I could just confront my M-I-L about it, but she takes it so personally, and gets mad and starts swearing (loudly and crudely) if anyone tries to change her ways. "Everybody hates me!" type stuff. *sigh*
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zasaleen
OMG I just started watching Horders... Is it bad that I know enough people that live like that that the show doesn't phase me ><;;
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There's a new show about pack rats? I remember that there was one pretty popular several years ago... Don't remember its name.
Yeah, I think most of us know a pack rat or two... it's pretty scary.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-18-2010, 04:38 PM
I think I would be classified as a pack rat :/ I have a lot of clutter and not a lot of it has a home ><;;
But I know I am not a horder... I can easily walk through 80% of the my rooms... There are just three in specific that REALLY need to be cleaned out ><;;
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scholar
yes, really
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10-22-2010, 04:41 AM
Three extra rooms? Waaah, I'd love to have extra rooms. We have a one bedroom apartment and a storage locker, and they're all pretty crowded with just life stuff. Some of it isn't absolutely essential (like, clothes that I need to lose weight to fit into, or my collection of bento boxes) but none of it is really excessive. And, I mean, should I really toss out the ten boxes of books I got when my father died? :sweat:
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-22-2010, 01:20 PM
I make my boys share a room at the moment. Because I don't like the idea of my kiddos on the first story.... Especially when they get older >,< No sneaking out for them ;)
I paid my dues living in a studio apartment with me and my oldest and then in a tiny, and I do mean tiny, 2 bedroom apartment with 2 kids and my husband...
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Estrella
A Refined Pervert
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10-22-2010, 07:24 PM
I'm a neat freak and I throw everything away.
In fact, right now, I'm working on getting rid of some of my daughter's stuff animals a Sunday at a time.
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Zasaleen
Jaz's New Mulie!
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10-22-2010, 07:41 PM
My mini van is FULL of stuff I am taking to a thrift store... There is tons of different things in there I am tired of having them in my home...
I don't like throwing stuff away... It is too wasteful for my liking I only throw things away that are unusable >.> the rest goes to thrift stores
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scholar
yes, really
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10-23-2010, 01:06 AM
Sad thing is that a lot of thrift stores do just throw out a lot of the donations they get. I used to live down the street, pretty much, from an Out of the Closet, and they always had bulging dumpsters of clothing and linens. Homeless people would often rummage through them, though, so I don't know if it was as wasteful as it seemed.
The shocking thing for me was finding out that public libraries usually throw away the books that get donated, unless they're either in really good shape or out of print and hard to find. I had a near-complete collection of Piers Anthony's Xanth novels (up to, like, #21) that I gave to my local library, after which I learned what usually happened. I could probably have sold it on eBay for $50, even if they were all used paperbacks!
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