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Poofle
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01-07-2011, 12:35 PM
UHHH. :insane: Excuse the name, I'm in a bit of a HYPERRRR mood now. SO WELCOME TO MY POETRY PAGE HARLOOOO <333 I have a fictionpress account but I don't have many reviews and I'm basically this crazy hyper poofy person who's going to be 15 in 4 days and loves writing but only does it sporadically and oh did I mention I also like to ramble and sometimes abuse punctuation in the lack of doing so OKAY STOP I AM GOING TO POST NOW. =3
Vincent
overcome with emotion, he
picked up the paintbrush and
scrawled out his life in pure colour
red, yellow, blue: the primary ones
how he’d been rejected always
and how it felt so terrible to
know you were not wanted
not in this world or the other
how his calling to paint had driven
his life force, but he longed for
the love he had tried twice and
failed to receive
how he’d done this before over
nine hundred whole times, really
painting and painting in quick strokes
furiously wearing his life-thread out
how he had once had friends who
actually accepted him until he
let his emotions take over
he hurt them
without a thought he put it down
the solitary paintbrush
that made his painting complete
he pointed the gun at his head
afternote-thingy: I did this poem at the very start of last year, just after researching on Vincent Van Gogh for an art project. I kinda became very amazed by his life story and stuff and got into that writey mood of mine and so this is the product. Not much thought was put into this... I had muse that day so I just did what felt... right? :XD
my parents
a million secrets left untold
some of them new, some others old
he looks at her with fiery eyes
forgetting all their marriage ties.
she stares back up in desperate fear
hoping he, her husband dear
would snap out of this evil trance
and give their promised love a chance.
their eyes meet fiercely, awkwardly
for her, and for him angrily
whispered lies, a million years
of deceit, loveless faith and tears.
once, long ago, they had ignored
their star-crossed fate as they adored
each other so much, he agreed
they would be wed for love, not greed.
but now all this has vanished, gone
into the soft hues of the morn
no more she cries when dealt his blow
no more does he pretend to know.
as light falls over the wide sky
without a word, without a cry
she clutches her face, now deep red
he walks off- hits himself instead.
afternote-thingy: I'm not usually a person for rhyme, mainly because I think words sound kinda forced when rhymed sometimes @[email protected] I'm not that sure about this poem, but I kinda wrote it last year in a state of horrible angst when I'd just finished hearing my parents yelling at each other.
Last edited by Poofle; 01-07-2011 at 12:45 PM..
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Seridano
Disaster On Legs
☆
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01-11-2011, 12:29 AM
I rather like the idea of writing a poem about Van Gogh. It gives you plenty of wonderful images and allusions to weave into the piece. However, I believe, in order to truly do this tribute justice, you're going to need to explore this a bit more. Van Gogh showed himself, his life, his passions, his sorrows, etc. through his paintings rather than speaking them aloud, and so too must you strive to create what you have done here with images rather than merely recounting his life or his loneliness. Make the reader feel and understand his life rather than laying it out. For the breaking with good friends use more violent, rending words. For his all consuming passions, that driving force that wore him down, use stronger words, charged words, etc.
Will comment on the other poem when I have more time (if you would like me to).
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