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momochan
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#3876
Old 04-27-2011, 10:58 PM

I DID. I didn't feel like posting. e ne

Zephi
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#3877
Old 04-27-2011, 10:59 PM

YOU! You and your sexy new outfit! :illgetu:

----------

See.... now there is no one here when I'm needing some advice. :lol: I really really need some advice but I guess it doesn't really matter because certain things have to happen before I can even do anything with the info that I have and with the things that I might want to do. I have to wait til may 20th and hope that everything goes good in court with my divorce and then <.< turn right around and possibly get married again'!? >.> does that look bad on my record? :lol: Man... when it rains it pours but when the good times come they bring all the good things with them. I just don't want to lose what it's brought. Love. Companionship. Understanding. A possible partner *sigh*

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#3878
Old 04-28-2011, 04:43 PM

:x PM easty...she should be able to help you. I have helped people out with, like bf stuff but I don't know what advise to give you right now. xD;;

llonka
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#3879
Old 04-28-2011, 04:45 PM

Zephi: I don't think you should rush into it. sure it'd be nice to take him to Germany, but do you both really think you are ready to be married so soon?

Zephi
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#3880
Old 04-28-2011, 11:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by llonka View Post
Zephi: I don't think you should rush into it. sure it'd be nice to take him to Germany, but do you both really think you are ready to be married so soon?
llonka: yes. yes. And yes. I did think about it and I came to the conclusion... yes. I know it's insane and I love taking it slow with him, I'm enjoying every minute but I'm going to be selfish because I don't want it to stop. And it's always more fun when you have someone to share things with. Korea COULD have been fun but it was HELL because I missed EVERYONE that I knew and loved and I never got to see them. 2 years away took a toll on me. And I missed so much, at least this way I'd have someone there with me who would suffer through it and make everything better for, and I'd do the same with him. He makes me so happy. Like... I have to work friday and monday while EVERYONE else, except the ONE guy that I'm working with is off. So, they are stealing my time away from everything but I talked to hiim and he calmed me down and made it better, He said... "It's ok, you know why? Because I love you, and you love me. And I will be there waiting for you when you get off work and then we'll enjoy our time together." <3 So.... wonderful

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#3881
Old 04-29-2011, 01:56 PM

just as long as both of you are happy i suppose. :) granted hubby and i rushed into marriage, but we had been together two years before we got married. plus i was preggers. i think if i wasn't we wouldn't be married right now.

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#3882
Old 04-29-2011, 01:58 PM

woah zephi....seriously....slow down

llonka
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#3883
Old 04-29-2011, 02:24 PM

so i just realized something... i'm like my grandma. when somebody wants me to do something with them, i make up an excuse so I can't go. usually it's because my tummy is bothering me. i think i need to get back into my Wii fit, i felt so much better while i was using it. :/

Zephi
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#3884
Old 05-02-2011, 02:22 AM

Awww llonka... :( Maybe moving to the new house will ger you motivated? :)

llonka
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#3885
Old 05-02-2011, 02:47 AM

hopfully zephi!!! i was starting to loose wieght, then one of the cats chewed the wii mote receiver cord and i couldn't play for a while. then when we got a new one, i just didn't feel like playing anymore.

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#3886
Old 05-03-2011, 01:28 AM

Yeargh! Cats chewing on the wires! You sure it wasn't the piggy? LOL. All of your pets like to chew on things that might not be so chewy :P aaaaaaaaand... not gonna slow down. I don't want to. I just want things to work out the right way. *crosses fingers* I really really hope cause then I'd be VICTORIOUS! (I noted that I hadn't said that in quite a while*

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#3887
Old 05-03-2011, 02:35 AM

yes! cats chewing on the wires.... it was stormy... hubby's cat. :illgetu:

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#3888
Old 05-03-2011, 04:43 AM

I haven't been in here in so long <.<>.>
how are things going?

Zephi
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#3889
Old 05-03-2011, 09:33 PM

Things are going pretty slowly actually. Seems that things waned down to the minimal when I was away for a while, and with Easty being like 6 hours ahead of me, and pan being completely on the other side, it's hard to have any conversations that really last more than a post or two :lol: I guess this kinda thing happens sometimes though.

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#3890
Old 05-06-2011, 01:53 AM

Zephi:

my advice, dear, and good luck!X



Quote:
Originally Posted by Zephi View Post
I just don't want to lose what it's brought. Love. Companionship. Understanding. A possible partner *sigh*
Here's the thing.
You love him? He loves you?

Your description of how he deals with your work obligations sounds like he's not at all selfish. He knows that you're going through a divorce... and depending on what your previous marriage contained (kids? vitriol?) there will be a lot to work through. If he's someone you should be with, he will be there and still in love with you at the end of that process. He'll give you the time you need. You won't lose him if you don't marry him right away. No one, no good person, would ever give an ultimatum like that considering the circumstances.


I would say slow down. Build the relationship first, and build yourself.

You can live together so that you don't have to lose your time with him, but either way establish enough space for yourself that you don't build your new identity around only him. After years of being with someone, it feels so safe to have a 'someone,' and be part of a duo-- but it's necessary that you recover your identity a little bit. Otherwise, you risk attaching all of your needs, happiness, and self-esteem to another person. That's dangerous. Really, really dangerous.

Get a feel for the relationship and take it slow. Learn what your struggles are together and be better able to work through them as a couple (because no matter how perfect you guys are together, communication is never completely perfect). And learn how to work through some of what you need to work through by yourself. You will have scars from losing your ex-husband. It was a serious relationship. You might float along feeling fine for a few months and then realize there was even more left over to deal with than you expected-- habits and worries you didn't know you had.


There's another caveat emptor: building a new relationship on the heels of a failed longterm relationship carries so many risks. You can't unload all of your troubles on your new person. That can scuttle a relationship. Moreover, you really don't ever want your new beau comparing himself to your last one. Love is beautiful when it contains only love-- not riddled with the concerns and troubles left from what you just went through.

He can support you and he should, but be careful not to make him your primary support in dealing with the issues of your old marriage. You don't want to give him complexes and fears. Make sure you have another outlet. Possibly counseling for a little while or something, just to make sure that you're doing okay and you've made peace with what you need to. It will also help recognize if you've got reflexive defense mechanisms now that you shouldn't be carrying to a new relationship.

:hug:

I know this is a lot of babble. I hope it helps. I've never been married, but I ended a long-long-term relationship with a woman who I fell for in high school and thought I would marry. Everything got very toxic even though we both loved each other. I made the mistake of letting another person into my life a few months later... and while I adore that person, there are a lot of pitfalls and things I should have done differently. I wish someone had been there to advise me.

If you have friends who have ever been through experiences similar to yours, I recommend asking them.


Final thing. This is cliched but: aaaaaah, communication. Try to be as clear with him as you can! Be wary, lady, be wary.

Last edited by colorsbold; 05-06-2011 at 01:57 AM..

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#3891
Old 05-09-2011, 06:24 PM

Hellooo, anyone here? :3

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#3892
Old 05-09-2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabitha View Post
Hellooo, anyone here? :3
Nope! 'fraid not. But hello! :glomp:

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#3893
Old 05-09-2011, 06:33 PM

Oh, hello. :'3
How are youu?

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#3894
Old 05-09-2011, 07:11 PM

Eeeeps! I'm good. Albeit apparently I have very delayed reactions?

How are you?



W/r/t thread topic: I'm not feeling very Victorious recently. Thinking of trying to focus on a few long and short term goals to get me out of my current funk. Not sure what I should dedicate my time to, though, as so much is clamoring for attention that my immediate instinct is to build a nuclear bunker and live there. :yes:

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#3895
Old 05-13-2011, 05:52 PM

colorsbold: Thanks for the advice, though.... We've pretty much decided on how things will go, depending on how it all goes out in court. Haha. Yay. I find out on the 20th so keep your fingers crossed. And I don't have any misconceptions with this relationship. We're both very open with eachother............ but....... Building a nuclear bunker!? For reals? Can I come visit?? And writing down goals is a good thing, helps to get things organized. I find I get much more done when I can look at what needs to be done in stead of just trying to remember, cause I always forget something when I do it like that.

I'm hardly ever on here. I wonder if it will get better when I get away from this unit. Until then, I will continue to be very busy. I have a lot of hoops to jump through before everything gets lined up the way it should be.

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#3896
Old 05-28-2011, 05:24 PM

Back again. Hah, I seem to always miss everybody. ^^;
It's the holidays for me atm, so hopefully I'll be posting much more. :D

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#3897
Old 06-05-2011, 04:15 AM

taaabbyyy *tackles* I totally missed you. ; A;

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#3898
Old 06-16-2011, 03:27 PM

AAAHH! :D
*is tackled*
I missed you too!
Nobody posts on here very much now. T.T

*attempts to revive thread*

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#3899
Old 06-18-2011, 04:30 PM

I am not on much anymore...but when my new computer arrives I will be on a hell of a lot more. >w<

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#3900
Old 06-19-2011, 08:31 AM

Tabitha: yayy still on mene I see!

 



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