So a couple months ago, my ex-boyfriend whom I was terribly in love with publicly humiliated me by dumping me while we were on vacation together, in public, in front of the girl he left me for- which was my close friend. He had built me up, you know? We had been together for a year and two months, saving up for a future together....he would promise me this and that..and for once in my life, I trusted someone. And he shattered it. Shattered me and since then I haven't been the same.

The dangerous part came when one night, I had tried to take my life. Why? He made me feel like it was my fault he dumped me. And so I became so estranged by the notion that I was the one who hurt him, I tried to kill myself. I wasn't successful, though this isn't the first time in my life where I tried to end myself.

However, since I couldn't kill myself, I've developed a habit of cutting. I don't cut my wrists, however, I slash my hands, my palms. My hands as of now are covered in open cuts and it's gotten to a point where it's become more than just a way of relieving my pain- it's become an addiction. My fingers just itch to grab a knife or a dagger and cut myself. I don't really know what to do? Even now I'm fighting said urge...

Yesterday I accidentally cut myself while at work and it made me smile? This can't be normal, yea?

I would say that it would be best if you tried to consult a counselor about the issue. But I had read a few other threads kind of similar to this one about other methods besides cutting. One of which would be wearing a rubber band around your wrist and then snapping it.

But on the other issue, don't make it seem like it's your fault about what had happened. It's his fault, and he knows it, and shouldn't be pointing the blame at you. Dumping you in public and humiliating you like that??? That's only something that someone who has a cold heart would do. But there are other people out there that you could see :3. He obviously didn't deserve you, and there is someone else out there better for you who won't do that =3

....Really? I don't like counselors too much. I have a hard time opening up to them.

I suppose so. I am at a point where I'm tired of men doing this to me. I don't think I want relationships anymore...no more..He was just my breaking point because he made me feel safe and warm, like I had finally found that someone. And then...bam. And now he's been digging up old memories and smothering me with them, while saying he still has feelings for me and yet he also may like a friend of mine. It's like torment..

Well, if that doesn't work, then you could try and talk to friends about it. And they can try and help you out :3. Though I would also try out that rubber band thing besides cutting. It could work out for awhile until you can stop hurting yourself intentionally altogether.

Yeah, I know how you feel about not wanting a relationship any more either. I've been in a few as well, just to be stomped on and tossed aside. But considering everything that he has done to you, I wouldn't go back to him at all. Not if it means he could do something like that again. It wouldn't be worth it. And it could end up being even worse now if he did it again. But just try not to let him get to you, you deserve better than him after all.

If he's doing that to you, I'd say just cut him off. He doesn't have the right to drag you around emotionally like that. There's no sense in allowing him to open up your wounds and rub salt into them just because he can't be decisive.

Definitely surround yourself with your awesomest friends right now. They'll be an amazing support group for you. Plus, when you go out and do fun stuff, you won't even think about how hurt you were, because you'll be too busy making happy memories! :)

Good luck! I wish you the best ^_^

Oh good Lord, please don't ever take your life, no one is worth your life, you are SO much better. You have a purpose for being alive whether you realize it or not. You ARE important to people I'm sure. I know I have been there.... I wanted to take my own life many times, but you have to stop and realize that its a selfish thing to do when there are others who are intertwined in your life and how negatively you can affect others by suddenly not being there anymore.

Cutting behavior, is part of using replacement for emptiness that there. Counseling would be a lot of help for that. I used to have a friend with that problem, it took months to get over such hurt and thus the cutting behavior.

You're ex is a bastard for sure, and I hope he ends up alone and miserable for hurting you like that, what an evil SOB!!! People like that deserve retributions, I'm not saying go out and do anything-- but karma will get that miserable piece of shit.

You will find someone else for you that will love you and never ever let you feel that way about yourself. In the mean time, go see a counselor and talk to friends and keep yourself surrrounded with people who care for you. That's what I did, it seems like you are under water and drowning and no matter how hard you kick you can't reach the surface--- I know that dreadful feeling.

Just know you are NOT alone.

HUGS!!!

Thank you for the advice....I do indeed feel like I'm drowning. There is a very special and close friend of mine who's been with me all the way, but...it just...sometimes even he can't stop me. I absolutely hope he pays for this. In a way, he already has because the girl he left me for rejected him. >< I'm still so devastated, though....like a whole chunk of me is gone. My ex and I used to do everything together,...and I feel so humiliated. I let him be physically intimate with me, which is something I never do..I absolutely hate being touched. And...I allowed him to love me in ways I'd never let anyone else. I feel so dirty and empty..

First of all, this was not your fault. I know it may seem like it, and you may be asking yourself what you did wrong, but it is very important that you do not blame yourself. Easier said than done right? Well, take it slowly. It takes time to cope with a situation such as this. My mother once told me that a good 'cleansing' does you good after a rough break up. Discard everything he gave you, and everything that reminds you of him. If you do not wish to permanently throw it away, give it to a friend for safe keeping until you're over it, or box it up. Delete all pictures you have of him on your computer, cell phone, etc., etc. Next, cry. I know this is a weird piece of advice, but trust me, it helps. Let all of the tears flow. If you want, do it alone, or with a friend. I prefer curling up, under the covers, with my stuffed animal, and sobbing until my cheeks feel cracked, my eyes are dry, and my throat is sore. Let it out. Eat some Ben and Jerry's ice cream, however much you want. Next, indulge in yourself. Do something you like doing. Find a new hobby, take up something new like learning a language or making jewelry, and treat yourself to something special. Spa days help. If you don't want to go to a spa, do an at home spa. Google at home spa treatments or read magazines. Personally I love taking a LONG bubble bath, using a special body scrub, dying or getting my hair done, using a face mask, etc., etc.

Next, I'd just like to tell you to PLEASE, PLEASE never take your own life because of another person. You only have one life, and it is far more valueable than that. Someone, somewhere, loves you. Think of what would happen to them if you ended things. Your life is so much better than that, believe me.

On cutting: see a counselor or therapist. You don't have to open up instantly. Start slow. Talk about little things. Small things that made you sad, or happy. You don't have to give up details just yet. Let the trust build up. When you are ready, you can tell however much of what happened that you'd like. Trust me, talking things out helps. Plus, this person, under confidentiality is not allowed to tell ANYONE. A little trick on cutting: Keep rubber bands or hair ties on your arm/wrist. When you feel the urge to cut, pop them against your wrist. I used to do this, and it DID help.

Things may seem horrible now, but BELIEVE me, they will get better. You WILL find someone out there who will love you for you. Be happy, even if you're just with friends or family. Surround yourself with people you love and care for, and things will slowly get better. No matter where you are, you're never alone. You are beautiful.

I myself was/is a cutter.. I have been for years, I went and talk to ppl. I didnt like it for me, what help me the most was 1 I used the rubberband and 2 I pick up a from of art.. I would go and talk to someone to see if it helps you. also the thing that shocked me in to needing to change was; my best friend new what was going on and stood beside, but one day she told me that everything I do to myself I do to her as well.. the reason behind the was/is, its been3 years since the last time I have cut, but there are days when it takes everything I have not do it again.. I wont lie to you, stopping will not be easy, I know you can do it.

Hi dear,

Honestly - if you find the right therapist for you, it becomes easy to open up to them. I had to work through three different therapists before I found one, who was absolutely fabulous. She made me feel at ease to begin with, and was nothing but selfless. I felt like such an ass doing nothing, but talking about myself when I finally did open up. But she was incredibly reassuring. When life was bleak, and I felt like there was nothing in it for me - I would think about the up coming sessions with her, and they excited me. It's nice to have an impartial ear, who is there to support you 100%. They can offer you a range of methods to help you cope, and assist you in getting things right again.

Originally Posted by PrincessBane

Thank you for the advice....I do indeed feel like I'm drowning. There is a very special and close friend of mine who's been with me all the way, but...it just...sometimes even he can't stop me. I absolutely hope he pays for this. In a way, he already has because the girl he left me for rejected him. >< I'm still so devastated, though....like a whole chunk of me is gone. My ex and I used to do everything together,...and I feel so humiliated. I let him be physically intimate with me, which is something I never do..I absolutely hate being touched. And...I allowed him to love me in ways I'd never let anyone else. I feel so dirty and empty..

I think what a few other users said about deleting everything you have on your computer or phone of him and getting rid of everything he ever gave you may help. Completely cut him out of your life, have no contact whatsoever. A clean break is the only way to begin the healing process otherwise you will never heal.

You can have your dignity restored, you're not a whore, so don't ever feel that way. He violated your trust, and it's his fault not yours. It will take some time but you can do it. Keep busy, and hang with friend who know the situation intamately that support you. It's a very rough time, talk about it as much as you need to. Get it out of your system and don't bottle it up.

Thank you for all your kind words. Honestly, I couldn't read all this without breaking down and crying. I haven't cried in a while, so maybe it was good for me. I work a very stressful job, so it's hard to find times to really relax...x.x It's kinda funny. mentioning the rubber band thing because I almost always wear one on my wrist since my hair is long and I have to keep it tied up for work(because I work in a deli). There's been a very dear man who's been beside me this entire time...he's part of the reason I didn't terminate myself. c.c..He'd probably still be mad at me for using the rubberband technique.

Is Counseling really that good? I have a hard time opening up to anyone...I've been introverted for many years. >< I dunno if I'd have the courage to do it, but I shall try.

I keep having to try to remind myself it's not my fault, but I can't help but question whether it was or not...

Hi there hope you don’t mind me jumping in. ^^
I would have to agree with the others on this one taking your lives on the account of some witless, neanderthal of a man is never worth it. Even if you might not see it in yourself at this moment you have a grate dell to offer this world and it doesn’t always have to be in an extravagant, large, or world changing kind of thing. Of what I have read thus far you seem to be a bright, intelligent , hard working woman, and you deserve to be who you are without the burdening gilt of some man. If he was dome snuff to leave you karma well find its way around to serving him his just reword.
It has been my Experian’s that when you reach the bottom the only thing left to do head right back up to the top. As to the cutting part the most I can suggest at the moment would be (1) the rubber band idea, thou it is only a temporary fix. (2) Seeing a consoler to air out all the thing that you are felling, but if you are uncomfortable opening up to people you don’t know well I would say. Try to surround yourself with friends, female, and other that you fell clos to, they well act in a way like a life preserver. Providing distraction from some of the pane, as guides to a brighter time, and well allow you to both open up letting the bad things flow by and to create new an happier memory’s to overshadow what cannot be realest or forgotten. (3) And this is only if you feel it is necessary. Take up a fiscal activity, one that well allows you to find a sense of baleens and wellness. For me that was swimming, yoga, and a few deferent stretching exercises.
Before you know it things will be looking better. ^^
Hope that I have been of some kind of help here.

If he did that to you, then he's frankly a prick. Don't feel bad, And Certainly don't dare to think it's your fault. He did something terrible to you. You did nothing wrong. You deserved, and still deserve better than that. Don't put it on yourself. He's trying to make you feel bad about it, because that way he can remove the blame from himself in his own mind.

I would say definitely talk to someone about the cutting. Even if it's only a friend. You need to get out those kinds of feelings, before you really hurt yourself, or God forbid try to kill yourself again. I've known a lot of cutters, and I know how hard it can be to break, but you have to decide that you're worth it. Decide that you don't deserve the pain, because you don't.

@Amberoga- I don't mind at all. Thank you for your advice, I never was one who did physical activity, but I do walk my dogs. It's pretty relaxing, you know?

I'll try not to blame myself, I just...I dunno. And it's gotten to a point where I feel like I have to cut myself for anything I did wrong. Like I did it once because I hurt my dear friend's feelings or because I got an order wrong, things like that...and what's worse is that I still miss my ex...I really shouldn't, but I can't help it. I even asked him to be my valentine, but the answer he gave me was strange and uncomfortable. Lol.

your original and cannot be replaced so please don't take your life. you'll find a nice guy that's not going to dump you for a friend. and if your friend agreed to go out with him cut her off she doesn't deserve your friendship at all. secondly even tho conselings icky it does help a little ~hugs~ good luck

All people leave impressions on one another. That is the way the world is. The stronger the bond the longer those marks will last. It might heart but those marks make us who we are. In some aspects you might have to embrace it beet by beet while building new marks, at least that is what I had to do.

Yea, I know what you mean. Well luckily, I've kinda restrained my craving to injure myself more lately. My friend did reject my ex, which gave me a kind of sadistic satisfaction...>< I still have to do the rubberband thing, though. My wrist is all bruised up now, lol. x.x And I hate that Ive gained so much weight..

Absolutely lovely. I've hit an all-time low because now I've started becoming bulimic..

Honey, a hospital or help center might be the best place for you. I've been struggling for years and years and these aren't problems that I think of and say "Oh, great. I have a cold. This sucks." or "I'm fat so I'm going on a diet."

It doesn't just pass when you have a real, deep-rooted emotional problem that's tearing you apart. Venting doesn't always take all of your problems away. You can't always help yourself. The internet definitely can't always help you. This isn't the place to keep all of your problems. If you're really thinking of killing yourself, cutting yourself, and an eating disorder is blossoming in you and you can't control it, you need to get help. You need to go where you are protected. If these are real issues you're having, your life is on the line every day. If you want to save your life, do it. Take the very difficult step you need to take. If you don't, your life isn't going to save itself. Nobody is going to say anything to you here that is going to make you stop. Nobody CAN make you stop. People can help you and protect you from yourself, but that's it. With some help, you need to take some time to figure out how to cope with your issues in a healthy manner. It can take years. It can take months. It can take weeks. Some people never get help and some people never get better even if they get help. But if you don't like this and you want to get better, you have to do it. You have to do things you wouldn't normally do or don't want to do. You have to try everything to save your life.

I don't mean any of this to be rude, but I'm trying to be perfectly honest with you. No matter what your intentions are, I hope this can perhaps be a wakeup call to you or at least an idea.

I see....what you're saying, I really do. I just...I don't know if I have the courage needed to go to someone for help. I'm not very good at talking to people about what bothers me, in person that is. I know I have to, but it's so hard...I absolutely hate having to lean on other people. After what has happened to me, I am just...scared of people. And it's not like I'm making myself throw up because I think I'm fat. I just...do it as a way to...I guess rebel against myself. I absolutely...feel empty.

if you see someone for help usually you don't open up to them till you trust them. when your rebeling against yourself it's also better to fight the urge to do that to yourself. i know your afraid of people because of what happend to you. the first step to a recovery is to go get help for yourself and try to make people understand so they can help you.

I used to cut myself quite often.
Felt good, was very addictive, and even now, I sometimes get those urges, and I've quit for quite a while.
Don't let yourself fall into that trap so easily.
This guy isn't worth your skin or your life.
And it may not SEEM that way, but it's the reality of it.
I think you should seek out help from a doctor, but only when you're actually ready, or else it won't help a thing.

Well, a hospital doesn't mean help, necessarily. Not direct help, anyways. It's a safe place to stay while you get to the point where you want to talk about it, make changes in your life, etc. In my experience it's protection more than help. You don't see therapists every day, usually it's once a week or once every two weeks. If you're not releasing all this negative energy in negative ways, eventually you'll probably end up wanting to release it in a different way. Sometimes it just helps to realize that you don't NEED to do these things to survive. This isn't your best or only option.

Nobody wants you to do this, but you're doing it for someone else, it sounds like. You're doing more damage to everything in your life, not just your mind, your teeth, your bones, your stomach, your heart, your skin, your hair, and a number of other things. Nobody's alone, no matter what they feel or who they are. There's no way to be entirely alone in a world this big, which means things like this will always hurt somebody other than yourself. This is preventable, so it's very hard to justify it. It's not doing any good for anybody.

Help is a lot easier than it sounds.

I tried to take my life once, I was fourteen and I felt like my life was a stagnant pool of unending misery. My parents did nothing but criticize me, my brother took his frustrations at my parents out on me by using me for a punching bag and I wanted out. I had also at that point lost my faith in God and humanity, in short I wanted a way out so I tried to cut open a vein on my arm. It didn't work. Two weeks later I made a friend who ended up being my best friend. Whenever I think about harming myself I talk to her and I feel like I have a little bit of support. I'm twenty one now and I'm a much stronger person. I still deal with many issues but I try my best to keep pushing forward in the hope that if I hang on and endure life will get better.

My advice to you is to find things that make you happy, little things like breathing in fresh air when you take a walk, picking up a hobby you enjoy to pass the time and finding a friend whom you can trust. These things will give you a little joy and a little hope and you'll find that you can endure more and more as life goes on. You have to have a little courage and no matter what happens keep moving on with your life. If you do thins time will pass and things will change, maybe if your lucky they'll get better or you'll get strong enough to endure it.

Just hang in there!