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Nigh
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#1
Old 01-17-2011, 08:21 PM

If I died tomorrow would you have been there today?
If I died tomorrow would you have given me the time of day?
If my blood poured down would you have been my first-aid?
If my blood poured down would you have stood too afraid?
If I drowned in sorrow would you have been there for me?
If I drowned in sorrow would you have let my tears run free?
If I screamed without sound would you have still been able to hear?
If I screamed without sound would you have been my fear?
If I died tomorrow would you have been there at all?
Or would you have been the one to push and make me fall?
If I died tomorrow would you have been my friend, or my suicide?



I wrote this after reading a thing about bullying in the paper. I submitted this devianart before to but I wanted a wider range of people to see it. Please tell me what you think.

IadulDraculai
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#2
Old 01-18-2011, 01:00 PM

This is chilling, and also very wonderful!
I like how it makes people stop and think about the roles they play in the lives of others.

Nigh
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#3
Old 01-18-2011, 01:18 PM

Thank you.

Seridano
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#4
Old 01-20-2011, 08:49 PM

I rather like the duality of each of the lines, and how each, despite telling a different story than the line preceding it, begins the same way. It gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to describing not only the choices we can be faced to make as human beings, but also the effect of those choices once they've been made. Do you see someone being bullied and speak out? Do you walk away? Are you the one perpetrating the act. When it gets worse do you change your attitude? Make different choices? Continue in the same vein?

The language itself is rather mundane and overused (especially in poetry), it seems somehow necessary, however, in order to create the overall effect which, I believe, is very powerful, indeed.

Last edited by Seridano; 01-20-2011 at 08:51 PM..

 


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