I'm constantly told I'm weird or that something I do is wrong because it's different from what everyone else does. I disagree.

I tell people what I think, and that's not rude, or negative, or bad behavior. It's honesty. Me calling people on their behavior is not wrong. I do not have to be silent and let people walk all over me. I just don't. If someone is in my way and they're being oblivious when I say excuse me, I will say flat out MOVE. It's not rude. They're rude. I'm calling them on it, and that's okay.

When I tell people I don't talk to my dad, when they ask about him it's not me being negative. I'm telling the truth. I don't talk to him. He is a deadbeat. What else would you call him? I'm not being negative by stating facts. To do otherwise would be lying and I'm not going to be a liar. I'm just not.

Yes, I'm a bit moody. I tell everyone that straight away. You know that almost immediately after meeting me, so whining about it later is bull on your part. I'm not going to stifle it anymore and end up with a blasted ulcer. And I'm certainly not taking medication for it that literally melts my brain, or ruins my own re-uptake ability, or screws with my neurotransmitters to the point where I can't function without it. That's stupid.

Most importantly I'm going to be different. I just am, and you know what? Deal with it. It's not wrong. It does not mean I'm sick. It does not mean that I need to shovel pills down my throat. I'm not doing anything wrong by being different from everyone else. I'm being human.

Has anyone else ever just wanted to shout something like this at your friends, relatives teachers etc?

Granted I think finding better ways to say your point would be better, this is a very rare way people are... and the world needs more of them.

Though just saying "Move" may not be the best choice, have you tried saying "excuse me" louder or tapping their shoulder for their attention? I know personally I can sometimes be in my own little world oblivious to someone talking to me. The tap on the shoulder shows that it's them. >.>" granted yes some people will freak out that you touched them.........

Yes I've had that problem sometimes... especially with my peers in school... when they'd ignore everyone and chat in the middle of the hall in everyone's way...

Thing is, I always say excuse me a few times and it gets slightly louder each time. That's not the point. The point is that they should be paying enough attention to know when they're blocking the bloody aisle. They should try not to be in people's way. Therefore They're already being rude to me, and I don't have to bend over backwards to be nice about it. Saying move is fine.

Hahaha, it seems those people walk a set path. And there afraid because you walk another.
I would love to speak whats on my mind like you do, but i have confidence issues *sighs*

But i do tell my friends whats on my mind, seens as ive known them for a long time. But strangers? D: no go. Can't do that, though i wish i could xD

Well, it must be said that there is a fine line about being uninhibited with what you want, or say, your opinion, and being combative. There just is. This is not in relation to your point of "excuse me" and "move".

No. frankly it's not combative until someone throws a punch. That's the very definition of it. Not a fine line at all. A very clear one.

Combative intentions can take many forms, you may talk of definitions, but it's down to connotations. As there is physical abuse, there is also verbal abuse. This is not to say that combativeness is akin to abuse, but simply that there similar varieties of the two.

Yes. However expressing how I feel is never wrong. Ever. And not doing so is a form of lying. Which is wrong.

The only people who actually have a problem with those who express their emotions are those who cannot, or are afraid to.

I don't care what people think of how I feel. I'll not hide it like a coward.

Originally Posted by sarofset

I don't care what people think of how I feel. I'll not hide it like a coward.

There are several key words in here that lead to another point... do you care how people feel? I do not think discretion is a vice. Picking battles, over the things that matter in life, this is what allows us to prosper, in more ways than one.

So we are prospering? something like 80% of people need therapy in order to express their emotions. People let themselves get walked on all day, and it hurts them on a fundamental level. Hiding how you feel causes emotional, mental, and physical ailments which can be crippling.

And on the other point: If my telling someone to move hurts their feelings, they need to grow up. If me telling someone they're being rude hurts their feelings then again, they need to grow up.

And another thing. You telling me I'm wrong for being who I am, is wrong. I can be whoever I want to, and whether you think that's right or not is immaterial.

I do care about others feelings, and frankly I never said I didn't. I do not intentionally hurt anyone, but I won't sit there and be silent when others are doing it.

To be honest it sounds like you completely missed my point.

it's not that I missed your point, it's that what you mentioned brings up a whole host of issues on human interaction. I suggested that very fact in the first statement I made in this thread, by going out of my way to say I wasn't attacking the points you had specifically made. But that fact is that there are many inherent shades of grey in this world, and humanity's relation to itself, or rather the other within itself, is very much at the center of it.

Which has nothing to do with my point...

What I was saying was that people shouldn't try to tell others that they way they are is wrong.

By that same line of thinking, neither is it wrong for someone to believe that bluntness is rude, or be oblivious when someone says "excuse me," or have their feelings hurt by criticism. ;)

Everyone is wired differently. Some people have much thinner skin and have a greater emotional reaction to bluntness and criticism. That doesn't mean that they are wrong or immature for feeling that way.

For you to sit back and tell people to grow up would be just as bad as for them to sit back and tell you to shut up. These are simply different ways for people to express themselves and experience the world. Whichever one is "right" entirely depends on your own personality and life experiences.

So basically - If you want to be tolerated, you've got to learn a bit of toleration too. :yes:

So you're ignoring everything I said, and just trying to make me sound mean. Very good.

Actually being oblivious is rude. Always. It's not wrong for me to say so, and it's not wrong for me to call people on it. When someone is standing there blocking the aisle at a store and I say excuse me, they should move, and apologize for having blocked the aisle. That's simple courtesy. The fact that I have to say "move" to get people to have some common courtesy is stupid. And you know what? The last time I did it someone else, who had been waiting for the person to move without saying anything, thanked me. So I win. :P

Originally Posted by sarofset

So you're ignoring everything I said, and just trying to make me sound mean. Very good.

That last sentence sounded mean. :(

Originally Posted by sarofset

So I win. :P

Why do you have to win?

Originally Posted by sarofset

Actually being oblivious is rude. Always. It's not wrong for me to say so, and it's not wrong for me to call people on it. When someone is standing there blocking the aisle at a store and I say excuse me, they should move, and apologize for having blocked the aisle.

Most people are fairly courteous-- not oblivious on purpose. You have no idea what was going on in that person's head, that person's life, to make them so. Although they should have been paying more attention, your judgements here seem fairly harsh?



While you seem to have good intentions, "combative" wouldn't be a left-field adjective to describe some of the things you've mentioned in this thread.
I'm sorry you get so much flack.
That can be a pain.
But try to treat others with the level of grace and consideration you desire.


This entire topic bummed me the hell out.

Most people are fairly courteous--

Where do you live? Most people here are frankly not. They're rude. Almost all the time.

You have no idea what was going on in that person's head, that person's life, to make them so. Although they should have been paying more attention, your judgements here seem fairly harsh?

Actually the guy was thinking about the sample of sausage he was eating. He had pushed his cart across the aisle, thus blocking the whole thing. There were four people lined up behind his cart trying to get by. That was rude. It's not harsh to say so.

But try to treat others with the level of grace and consideration you desire.

I do. I'm complaining on the internet about it because I've yet to meet anyone else who does.

And for the last time. That's not what this thread is about.

Hmmm. Well, the discussion led there.
You can't blame people for commenting on a topic which you brought up and expounded on so effortlessly. ;)


In any case, there have been times when I've wanted to shout at the top of my lungs.

I usually hold it in, and try to consider the context. With strangers, I do this because I'm aware I can't possibly undersand their background.
The only thing that will ever incite me to obvious anger with a stranger is outright rudeness to others. But we're talking ostensible, outright, clearly purposeful unkindness-- homophobia, unbridled anger, intolerance, the like... I'm very overprotective.


With my family and friends, when I get to boiling point (rare), I hold it in because I value the relationship more.
There's only once I've failed to keep my tongue in check, and I regretted it so much later.
Also, its good to wait for perspective on the situation.

And, in addition to all of this, my mother was a fairly abrasive person-- abusive, alcoholic, and drug addicted. I've seen so much shitty behavior from her, so many outbursts, so much yelling and self-righteousness that it's hard for me to perceive any combative discourse as anything but selfish/belligerent. I don't ever want to be such a negative aspect of someone else's life; I don't want anger to be my legacy or my weapon.

I try to do the zen thing. :lol:

I believe in total honesty.

I don't hide who I am, or how I feel. I don't devalue what others feel, or who they are either. That would be wrong in my opinion.

However holding in emotions all of the time is not good for you. It causes ulcers, as well as other physical ailments, and it can lead to severe emotional and mental or behavioral disorders. So I let things out.

In most cases this is simple though, and I don't think telling someone to move when they're blocking the aisle, and appear to know it and not care is being "combative" It's calling someone on rude behavior which should have been trained out of them when they were four. I didn't yell it. I didn't call him names. I simply said move, because the phrase "excuse me" hadn't worked. When one course of action doesn't work I try another. The latter worked quite well. I was even thanked by someone for it.

As for with my family and friends I never reach a "boiling point" because I don't hold things in and let them get that bad. That would be unhealthy. When someone is doing something that bothers me I tell them. They usually stop doing it, and we don't end up fighting about it or anything. When they ask me to stop something I stop, and again, like mature adults, we do not fight.

Simple, elegant, and it solves many social problems.

as for doing the zen thing. A zen master would tell you to express your emotions without succumbing to them. Tell someone they are doing something to irritate or hurt you, without yelling, calling names, or in the worst case jumping on them and beating them with their own shoes.

It's what I do. lol. You all seem to be picturing me throwing things at the guy and foaming at the mouth or something. I just told him to move. That's all. And it's what he needed to do. I didn't do anything wrong.

It was more the description-- a shouted "MOVE" was what it sounded like. :P

And I don't hold my emotions in! At all, actually, I discuss them.
I don't shout them, though, and I choose my words carefully.

Boiling point comes when the repeated calm discussions get ignored-- at which point, instead of reacting in a large way, I like to walk away. Everything else is just too stressful.

No worries, Sarof, I promise I'm direct. And I will be with you, too. :P

Personal freedom extends only to the point where it does not encroach on others' personal freedom. This goes for everyone involved. No one has a right to encroach on your needs, so long as your needs don't encroach on others' lives. I think that's the reason this discussion got polarized so quickly: the way you described your life made it sound as though you expect that others should always adjust to you. That's probably not the case, but it was implied in some of the word choice. Try not to take offense to it if it was a semantic misunderstanding. :hug:

If it wasn't a misunderstanding: good God, man, entitlement has no place in civilized society!



Meanwhile, I've got some eccentricities that I do need people to adjust to:
1. I have very, very strong personal space boundaries because of my childhood. So friends, trusted people are allowed in... but if I ever say "No," (to things as simple as "Come here," or "Let me see,") I seriously, seriously need to have that respected.
2. I get hyper-excited for brief, brief periods. Like, 2 seconds. I will gasp in a store because I see a cookie I like. And, invariably, people who aren't used to it (new friends) think I'm insane. No! Just excitable; please be patient, guys. :sweat:

See and that's the thing. I wasn't saying that everyone should adjust to me, but if someone wants to hang out with me, but constantly criticizes the way I act, then why are they hanging out with me?

You wouldn't want someone who was really touchy feely to be all over you right? So they'd have to adjust to that.

In my case if someone can't handle the fact that I'm moody they really ought not hang out with me. Otherwise they need to adjust to that fact about me, and learn to handle it.

Originally Posted by sarofset

See and that's the thing. I wasn't saying that everyone should adjust to me, but if someone wants to hang out with me, but constantly criticizes the way I act, then why are they hanging out with me?

You wouldn't want someone who was really touchy feely to be all over you right? So they'd have to adjust to that.

In my case if someone can't handle the fact that I'm moody they really ought not hang out with me. Otherwise they need to adjust to that fact about me, and learn to handle it.

:P You'll probably adjust to them, too, though, when you want to be around them. I think that's all friendships. It's hard to be patient sometimes, but you do it because you love 'em for their peculiarities.


And as for the touch thing-- actually, I loooove touchy feely with the people I trust. I just need distance to be respected when I ask for it.

I'm not sure if that's an eccentricity of mine or just a really, really good policy of interaction in general. I think it should be rallied for. There should be protests. Billboards. Themesongs. "Respect NO." "NO is a BFD." There should be t-shirts. And a club. And motivational tapes...



Anyhoo, blegh. Sorry for all of the babbling, sarof-- I'll stop graffiti-ing your topic now. :sweat:

Don't worry about it. I actually like it when it's an actual conversation as opposed to people ignoring most of the post.

I don't want to get in with the supposedly off-topicness of this thread. So I'm going to guess as to what the main issue is about:

Originally Posted by sarofset

I'm constantly told I'm weird or that something I do is wrong because it's different from what everyone else does. I disagree.

Well. You are weird. If you do not conform to conformity, you are weird, you are strange. I don't see what's wrong with it, however. Why is that a bad thing?

But that's the nature of threads. When you open up the floor like this, you are taking the risk of tangents.

I congratulate you my good sir. You walk the path you set and laugh in glee as you watch others walk with strings attached.

Nature of threads? D: What the? This is a life issues thread, where people come for advice and help, not to be told that who you are is wrong.

Btw, i have i feeling i spelt congratulate wrong? :O did i?