Well, my parents got divorced about two years ago. My father was visiting us for a while, but then he stopped visiting us for over a year. I soon grew to dislike him strongly, although not as strongly as my mother. He is my father, if he acts like it or not, and I feel like I'm just an advantage for the two of them. My mother keeps in telling me all the horrible things he has done, and my father tells me the horrible things my mom did. Frankly, they are pushing me against the wall right now. I actually told them that if they want to talk about their problems to go see a counselor. I wasn't about to take the crap they were throwing out at me. I was sick of it. I was listening to this for 14 straight years, and every year my New Years Wish is that they accept their differences and just work things out. I feel like they fight like me and my siblings, they just can't accept each other's differences and I feel they are kind of being egotistical and hardheaded. Finally, in 2009, they finally ended their marriage.

I stayed with my mom, because she was the only one I could really talk to. She told me everything, lawsuits, accusations, everything. I feel like she is trying to get me to agree with her. She tell me to disagree then tell her why, but when she says it I can immediately tell it means "Don't even DARE to disagree with me, because everything I say is correct" They are currently fighting over child support right now. He can't pay his share because he apparently got married the June of this year (Lucky me...) But now my mother is starting to become controling and focusing over every little aspect of my life. She chooses what I wear, what I take to school, what classes I take (I'm a freshman in high school), and even for crying out loud, what I do to my hair.

I used to do whatever to my hair (straighten it, curl it, pigtails, the works) and she wouldn't mind it. But now she thinks everything I do makes me look old. I know what looks good on me or not, but the clothes from 2-3 years ago don't fit me anymore, and she refuses to buy me any new ones because she 'doesn't have a lot of money.' She has also become more irritable, too. So if I do anything nice or anything, she would become irritable and lash out at me. I try my best to help her around the house as much as I can, but she is always upset at me for some reason. If I have one of my lapses, she screams at me "DON'T COME NEAR ME. YOU REMIND ME OF YOUR FATHER!" She's been doing this more frequently, but I am scared to tell anyone untill now because I would break down crying. My father now lives in New York, but I don't want to give up my friends or school.

I am sometimes thinking that she kept us kids because the child support meant extra money. She also has a split personality in front of my friends. She is nice to me when they are around, and she becomes completely vicious and scary when they are gone. Her mood swings are very unpredictable, and I am scared of what she will do to me or my siblings, because her insults and put-downs in front of people are too much. I confronted her about this, but she denies it and tells me she loves me. I feel so stuck, I don't even know if I want to live anymore.

:hug:

It sounds like your parents have been going through a very hard situation and have been using you as a scapegoat in order to cope with it. Do you have any teachers or counselors at school that you can talk to? They can either help you learn how to deal with these problems, or they can step in and talk directly to your mother. Because if you're so upset at this point, then something needs to change. You don't have to deal with this all on your own. :yes:

or if it is easier to talk to someone on the phone please call a help line.
it's sad that things get taken out on the children of a divorced couple and even more when one of them remarries.
between love and hate there is such a thin line and when parents forget that their children do suffer all the more.
please talk with someone and never ever think your life doesn't matter.
you will be happy someday and be a better person for all of the turmoil you have to go through.
if you ever need to vent to someone and cannot find a person to vent to please pm or ping me any time sweetie.
all the best wishes and prayers for a good resolution of a very sad situation.

I can relate to that :yes: I know what you're going through, and you're not alone. The way you're feeling is normal, but that doesn't mean you deserve it. Your mother shouldn't be acting out at you and taking her frustrations out on you, even though, it is human nature to take things out on those you love most. I'm sure your mother loves you very much. But it's hard enough breaking up in high school, can you imagine being with someone for fourteen years and ending it like that? Your mother is probably feeling too old and like she wasted all of those years on someone she wasn't really happy with. It's not a very good feeling. In any case, her actions towards you are really unacceptable. You should talk to a counselor at school who can guide you on what you should do, or even help your situation themselves. Good luck :) Things will get better, don't worry! :hug:

Oh, if you're wondering how I can relate, I went through a similar situation from the time I was around eight, until a couple of years ago. And I'm 23. My mother was very fake like that, my friends were always telling me how awesome my mom was because of the front she put on in front of them, but behind closed doors, she was nuts. I feel like she did it to make herself look like a good parent, but also so that my friends wouldn't believe me when I told them the crazy stuff she did. She got better with age, but it also took me graduating, moving away and finally telling her she had some serious deep seeded issues that she needed to deal with before she ran off everyone who loved her.

Thanks a lot you guys, I really think the advice helps. But I have a strange fear of counselor or help lines for some reason. :sweat: I know they are meant to help you, but my mother thinks they just make your life worse. I really don't feel that way, but I am scared that if I reveal the divorce issues to other people, my mother is going to become more upset than she has been since my grandma died. I feel that it is why she has become more irritable, but I feel its my fault also. She does have a way of making people feel bad with or without her knowing. I sometimes do something that she dislikes, and instead of explaining it to me, she will lash out at me and scream at me. She does this to me more than my own two sibliings. I am starting to get sick and tired of it. I almost threatened to call my dad in New York to pick me up, but I checked myself because he doesn't really care about me; its all about the child support.

I also talked to my best friend about it, and she didn't believe a single word I said. She knew that my mom was probably the best mom in the world and to stop 'putting her down' as she puts it. I was so shocked that I told her off. I told her that she didn't know what was happening at home and how my mother really is. If you don't believe me and not listen to me, we might as well not be friends anymore. I haven't called her lately and I know what I said was wrong, but we have known each other since kindergarten and she was always there to support me. It just proved that my mother succeded in making someone not believe me, and sucking them into her world. Even my other friends could tell something was wrong with her, and I haven't known them for as long as my best friend. I feel as if I can't trust my best friend anymore. I have gone to a new high school and made some friends there, but I haven't told them anything about my mom yet. I don't know them really well, so I'm giving it a year or two before I tell them.

Have you tried talking to your mom about how she makes you feel? My parents went through a divorce when I was in 7th grade and it was very nasty. They fought for years over child support. Finally the state had to just take the support out of my dad's paycheck and send it to my mom because he just never did it himself. However, he was supposed to pay half the medical bills for us and never did that either.

Sometimes my mother would get stressed out due to the fact that she was raising 3 kids on her own and my dad would do everything possible to get out of helping her. So she would take it out on me sometimes. More me than my brothers which is weird because I was always the goody-goody mama's girl. She would yell at me and make me feel guilt ridden for just random crap - like my brothers hadn't done my chores and she would yell at me for it until I did their chores for them.

So then I'd get pissed at her and we wouldn't talk the rest of the day...she would apologize later sometimes and other times we would just forget the whole thing happened and never spoke about it again. It was hard sometimes, but we got through it. She STILL guilts me...I'm 22 and living at home because I just graduated college and can't find a better job than a fast food job (UGH)...but she guilts me sometimes when she comes home from work and the dishes arent' done or something and I'm just like, "Hellllo!? I was on my feet for 8 hours and I JUST got home...you were on your butt for 8 hours and you're yelling at ME?!"

Luckily we are able to move past it. But only because we would talk about it every now and then. She said it happens when she gets stressed or something....like when she was gonig through her divorce. But maybe if you sit down and express your concerns - ask her to stop putting you in the middle of the divorce...tell her the divorce is really taking it's toll on you and having her yell at you all the time for random things just stresses you out even more.

If you HAVE already talked to her and it didn't work...I'm sorry :(

i'm so sorry about your best friend not believing you.
isn't it strange how people react to things?
but it is all how we deal with problems.
talking on a help line should make you feel protected though.
counseling and help lines can help your by just the venting process and the validation to your feelings.
no biased opinions or nonbelievers.
but if you can't do it you can't do it, just keep in mind it is an option for you to seek help that way.
maybe you could suggest your mother seek some sort of support group?
i would do some research for groups in your area and see if they have some pamphlets to read and show your mother.
explain to her that you love her and do not want to take sides you just want some sort of harmony and peace in your home.
if she is so hurt and unhappy you may be doing her *and yourself* a favor taking the burden off your shoulders and putting it in the support groups understanding lap.
no matter what you decided to do or not do please keep talking about things here.
no matter how big or small the problem seems talking about it helps so much.
everyone has a 'there but for the grace of God' moment when they see others problems.
yours always seems to be the biggest until you read or hear someone elses problem which in turn helps you.
remember we are always here to give a shoulder to cry or lean on.
*hugs*

Thanks Maria for the advice. Thats a lot of crap you went through. I've always been the goody goody mama's girl too. It seems like my siblings get more love than me, and they are starting to behave a lot like my mom towards me. I try to talk to all three of them, but no matter how I put it, they just don't listen. I actually went to a support group once, but that didn't really help. My mom was telling me all sorts of random crap about how great she is and how to downgrade my father than he already did to himself while we were driving there. (My siblings were there, too, mind you. If I screwed up and said something bad about my mother, then I would get into HUGE trouble) And after the thing, she would ask us What did you say? Did you say all that stuff I told you about your dad? I always said yes, but I always had that sinking feeling of dread in my heart. So I had no idea that my mom was controling all of my feeling towards her until now, and that is what I am really confused and pained on. Am I just someone there just to take all three of their anger out or something? I always have the feeling of doing something wrong, even though I did something right. What I want to know is that should I call my friend and apologize for what I said? Or should I wait and see how things play out?

it's totally up to you.
if you are missing her and feeling badly for how it happened then call or text.
it's a shame to lose a friendshp on top of all the other stuff you are going through.
family is something you cannot control who you get,
friends on the other had are the people we choose to be around.
i always find the longer you wait the harder it is to repair a rift.
i hope you do what feels right for you and makes you happy.

It's okay - my mom and I have a good relationship....we're really close. It was just those days that would suck. And these days...I really want to move out XD Experiencing living by myself for four years and now I'm back with my parents is seriously damaging that good relationship.

But enough about me...how old are you? You aren't close to 18 and heading to college are you? At that point, I might say that the best option is so just wait and get out once you turn 18 years old. If you're still like 15 or 16 though...that's a long wait.

Have you tried talking to your dad about it? I know he's being a jerk with the child support and all...but maybe deep down he cares enough to hear your problems and to try talking to your mom about it. I'm not sure if that would stir up more problems though.

My brothers were so horrible when we were growing up. One always resented my mom for divorcing my dad and the other was so hung up on finding his birth parents (we are all adopted from different families) that he just didn't care about us....so I know how the siblings are. I just had to learn to ignore them. Be quiet around them.

Have you tried keeping a journal? I actually want to start writing one again because I'm seriously stressed out living at home. It really helped me through those years...I could take my anger and my pain and just write it away. It wasn't a solution but it was an outlet which helped me.

I'd say go spend a lot of nights with your friends....but you said your best friend doesn't believe you? I'm sorry about that :( Maybe try getting it on video tape? Secretly record your mom acting crazy...then you have proof for your friends and your dad. And maybe even showing it to your mom would help her see how nuts she is being.

Thank you guys for all of that good advice. I feel that it will really help when I try it. And I'm planning to spend some nights at a friends house, but my mom is kind of a stickler about those kinds of things. She judges people based on their family and morals. It really gets to me, and I also lashed out at her for downgrading one of my friends because her mom works at Wal-Mart. I always get upset over those kinds of things. I feel she judges my friends based on their financial situations, not on their personalities. I've seen kids that are as spoiled as heck (iPhones, 2 iPods, loads of gadgets, cool clothes, rich parents) and they are probably the worst people I have ever met in my life. I am nice to everyone, don't get me wrong, but they just get on my nerves. These are the people she wants me to hang out with. I hate her when she does this. I talk to her about it, but she thinks there is something wrong with my 'social skills'. I told her I could talk to them all day and they would act like they had something stuck up their butt. So I'm just so confused and pissed off at her right now.

I actually made up my decision this week. I'm probably going to go talk to the counselor to get my living arrangements switched to my dad. I've finally had it when she came back home from my parent-teacher conferences, screaming at me because I got a bad grade on a very small assignment. I mostly had A's and B's, but there was this one C that she was so "concerned" about. I finally told her everything that I have been holding in for so long. After I was done, she was astounded and couldn't believe what she heard. After all, the only reason she went to the PT conferences was because my dad also monitors Skyward (its a program; the teachers put up the grades and students and their parents look at them.) and uses my grades to show the judge how poorly I am doing with my mom. I wish I was closer to my mom, but I guess some situations don't allow that to happen. I offer to help around the house she gets angry. I try to help by cooking, she would complain that this and that was made wrong. I hate my life at my "house." (Sorry I'm ranting. I just haven't been really able to tell anyone ^^')