Phoenix: I totally know that feeling well - most of the times I wake up crying it's an utterly sad cry that makes me feel downright miserable. And I don't always feel comfort. It's rare especially around this time of the year, that it's one of those comfort - I've only had a very small handful of times that they've not been sad cries. I really can absolutely relate.

To be honest, I am blessed to not have any disability. I as an individual do however come with inevitable differences. :3

Originally Posted by LiviInLove

Phoenix: I totally know that feeling well - most of the times I wake up crying it's an utterly sad cry that makes me feel downright miserable. And I don't always feel comfort. It's rare especially around this time of the year, that it's one of those comfort - I've only had a very small handful of times that they've not been sad cries. I really can absolutely relate.

Its hard to talk about but at the same time its all I seem able to talk about. I just feel as if people don't want to hear about it anymore.

Originally Posted by PhoenixNeko

Its hard to talk about but at the same time its all I seem able to talk about. I just feel as if people don't want to hear about it anymore.

Don't let yourself bottle it up inside, I did that for five years, because I couldn't talk about it - and I know that at times it is hard, and you don't want to, but don't let yourself do it. It will just prove harder in the long run to process it all. My twin passed away in 2006, and I am still dealing with the after affects because I didn't myself grieve properly. And I still have days when omg, it is SO hard. I struggle most days, just don't let anyone see it.

But the one thing that I can say, from at least my point of view, don't let yourself keep it in because in the long run, it isn't good for you. We are here for you hon.

There are days now that I ask mum to take my daughter for the day, and Alex will get home, and mum will still be out with Becca, and I'll be curled up in bed, sobbing, because it hurts so much. I try to be strong for him and Becca but there are days when I just fall apart and it will take all that I have not to just crumble especially when mum or anyone else that I can ask to watch her is busy, and I have to be strong because I refuse to let her see me cry. But I am not as strong as everyone thinks I am.

Originally Posted by PhoenixNeko

Its hard to talk about but at the same time its all I seem able to talk about. I just feel as if people don't want to hear about it anymore.

If you need to talk about it phoenix you can talk about it here as much as you need to :) That's what this thread is for. To help.
How long has it been?

@ Livi - We're here for you too. You don't have to hide that from us

Hello Razor :)

Poet: How long has it been for me? Last November marks 7 years without him, and the 23rd marks the 7th birthday I've had to through without him, another year older and another year he isn't here. :(

For phoenix, just wondering if the grieving is new or if it's lasted a long time.

I can't even imagine what losing a sibling would be like right now...

Ah, got ya.
Don't. It sucks. It hurts, and it's horrible. And I would do anything to just have another day with him.
Last thing I said to him was out of anger and there is no way for me to ever say I'm sorry. :(

I'm sure he knows though

I know, but I've had a really hard time forgiving myself, and if I'm being completely honest, I've still not yet really been able to. :(

I understand... maybe in time... time is the best healing we can get right?

Who really knows, and I really am beginning to doubt that, because if time heals things, wouldn't you think the pain would be less 7 years later?

I feel like it can heal some things but pain like this, I don't think that time can heal this pain. At least not for me.

Maybe... I don't really know... it sounds like what's holding it down for you most is the last thing you said. Guilt.

It's not just guilt though it's more than just that. But it's things that I can't really put into words.

I understand I really hope things get better for you

Thanks. I am working on trying to work through it, it is just way slower than I'd like it to be.

How've you been hon?

I've been alright.
Well my inbox and my thread are open to you if you need to express anything so you're not holding them all in. Okay?

That's good.

And thank you. I'll keep that in mind if I do need it.

Yeah, had an annoying coworker today, but she was just on her phone for 4 hours straight...

Gosh sometimes my work makes me wonder who the people with issues really are...

Oh gosh! Some people…

anyways, I really prob should try to sleep, and hope for no nightmares! *fingers crossed* <3

No nightmares think of rainbows and unicorns! :3
Sweet dreams Livi

I'll thing of Music and Rainbows, Love and Many Pretty Things - which is actually a totally epic inside joke that will never make any sense to anyone other than myself and my dearly departed twin - so I won't even start to explain. xD

Night!

If you ever want to explain it I'm all ears :) inside jokes are fun. XD

Night night ^^

It really would take me way too long to explain. And for me having to explain an inside joke takes the wind out of it's sails for me. xD LOL!

Really leaving now, night! :)

Alrighty, now shoo, off to bed, off to your sweet dreams xP