I am doing alright.

I wouldn't consider it losing friends so much as finding which ones are real. Personally I have no time for fake friends (past issues about that) so they saved you the trouble really.
I'm glad he's been good to you. People who have been in rough relationships like that usually have earned their happily ever after :)

@ hummy - Abusive people are like fast food. Nobody should eat it but everyone seems to want it. Then they find themselves stuck with an unhealthy habit.

Ugh, Sarah, just got home and read back, saw your story...would like to offer you a hug. I know all too well how things like that can stick with you. I'm glad you're out, though - VERY glad.

Is it terrible of me that I like to imagine everything just falling apart for people like your ex?

---------- Post added 09-05-2015 at 04:47 PM ----------

Poet: You mention a fast food metaphor, right while I'm mentioning karma, and it reminded me.

Revenge is best served in a fast food bag: Simple, cheap, and prepared entirely by someone else.

Hey guys *runs around the room giving hugs*

---------- Post added 09-05-2015 at 07:09 PM ----------

@Angel- I'm so stealing that line.

---------- Post added 09-05-2015 at 07:18 PM ----------

Relationships are hard. I was in and out from 17 to 30. I'd go into it, we'd split, I'd move on; as I don't like to dwell on things. But never dealing with things, really messed me up. My first wife cheated on mt with every girl, and black guy around; then tried to belittle me. After the third time we split, I was done. Then jumped straight to another. Then came my second wife. Crazy, depressive, mentally abusive. But I stuck with her. Then I let an old friend move in, who she had a thing for (I didn't know till after he moved in)He was apos, but she always took his side. I finally had enough, and left her. Heh, I moved half way across the country, to get away from all the bs. Hooked up with a girl, then we split, and I came home. I was single for almost a year, and enter the woman I'm with.

I hate abusive people,
I mean, I seriously hate them.

I don't like sharing too much about myself anymore, but I once dated a man ten years older than me when I was a teenager, so our relationship was already illegal but on top of that he was manipulative. It got to the point where I had to tell my parents about us and we had to call the police.

It was a traumatizing experience and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!
I was lucky that my parents cared so much and that they supported me when I had to tell the police what my ex did. It's a very scary experience and I know all too well that it's invasive and humiliating so I applaud anyone who's gone through the same thing because it does suck and it is scary and it takes a lot of guts to leave an abusive relationship.

i do too. my father was one

@Ava- It's good you got out of that situation; there's alot that don't. I've got a friend in a very mentally abusive relationship, and been trying to get her to get out,for a while now. He says he's a 'dom', but he's nothing more than a sadistic, manipulative, control freak. He won't let her talk to anyone. I only talk to her, sometimes when she's at work, and he can't see her msgs.

There's a difference between, being submissive to someone, and being abused.

i'm glad you get to talk

And stories like that are why I HATE 50 Shades of Fail.

I'm into BDSM. I'm a switch, usually prefer being on the sub side though. And I have met FAR too many abusers disguising their control freak tendencies as kinks. It's terrifying.

The worst part of it is how many of them ACTUALLY believe they're doing it right - and how many of their victims do - because of garbage like that series.

I think I might wander off to bed.

I think I've mentioned a few times here about the fact that I've never been in a romantic relationship and bummed out about it. Most of the time I do feel like I've missed out on love life experience, but after reading the past few posts I realise that in a way I'm fortunate too. That by never being in a relationship of that type, I've also managed to avoid ever being vulnerable to abuse of that type. I know it wasn't the intention but thanks everyone for your openness about experiences that I can only imagine must be hard to talk about.

*hugs LingLing*

*hugs the thread*

My ex started out okay. He was reasonably affectionate, and I had no real issues with him to speak of. In fact, he seemed to be a lot better than most guys, even going out of his way to assure me that he was different from the usual run of men, and I honestly believed I'd found my soulmate.

But a couple of months before he moved in, the anger issues started, mainly towards his parents, and I got so worried for him I insisted he move in with me sooner rather than later. He agreed, and the process of organising things began. And that's when he started getting snappy towards me over little things that didn't have to be an issue. In hindsight, I should've realised that letting him move in was a bad idea, but I passed it over, believing that things would improve once he'd moved in, and that it was just stress making him act so out of character. I was having plenty of doubts, though, and I know now that it was my gut SCREAMING at me, telling me in no uncertain terms that letting him move in was the WORST idea I'd come up with.

But I ignored my gut, and suffered 4 years of emotional and borderline psychological abuse. Now, I was a fairly quirky person, and I liked things most people would dismiss as trivial. I used to be all out there, quiet, but with a crazy wicked sense of humour, and easily able to talk to people once I felt comfortable, and that usually didn't take long. My ex, on the other hand, wasn't so enamoured of the person I used to be, and he spent the next 4 years systematically squashing me down and boxing me in, until I became MUCH more closed in and shy. I was told it was because he was jealous that my quirkiness would be attractive to someone else, and he didn't want to "lose" me, despite claiming he didn't have a jealous bone in his body. Then there was the ongoing anger issues, and it soon got to a point where I could no longer rightfully get angry at him for being a dink. Every time I even raised my voice at him slightly for doing something stupid, he jumped right on me and made me feel like the bad guy. So, to keep the peace, I just let it go.

Then there was the accident in 2010 where I was hit by a tram, causing sciatica on the left side of my body and severely limiting my mobility (though it's greatly improved now). First, almost immediately after the accident (which happened at the local showgrounds), the ex couldn't take himself off to the attractions fast enough, after making a cursory check to determine that I was okay *grumble* Then he acted like it was a massive inconvenience whenever I rightfully asked him for help, as kneeling or crouching was very painful for me (and still is, but not as much now that I'm more active). And when I started making noises about possibly discarding my crutch, he shot it down so fast that I almost had to wonder if he wasn't deliberately doing it, again to prevent me from becoming more "active". I honestly believe he was fishing for an excuse to keep on with the harassment and the complaining, because he got a thrill out of belittling me. Ugh *shivers*

So I finally kicked him out 2 years ago, and of course, he acted like the victim. And he took forever to pack his shit and get out. I think it was a delaying tactic to see if he could in some way wheedle his way back into my affections. But I wasn't having any of his nonsense, and made it clear he had to GO.

So yeah. Sorry for the wall of text. But that was the most bare-bones account of what he did to me that I could think of ^^; If I went into more detail, I'd be here typing half the night! But it has left a lasting legacy of damage that is taking a very long time to heal. I think the next guy I get together with is going to need a saint's brand of patience *sigh* Provided I can find someone willing to take me, depression, anxiety and all :(

Oh hunny I am so sorry you went through all that.

Yeah, it wasn't easy. And yes, I did cheat on him, but considering the circumstances, I think I was pretty justified. Had he been a decent guy, I would never have gone down that route *sigh*

Oh man, that assclown sounds...almost exactly like my brother's ex. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

My brother dealt with an abusive relationship. Though it didn't last that long.

First off... GROUP HUGS ALL AROUND! Goodness gracious.

Poet - Yeah, I know, that's how I try to look at it now. But at the time it definitely hurt a lot, and it still does sometimes.

Quantum - Thanks. I keep hoping for some karmic justice as well, but try to just let it go. I don't know what he's up to and it stresses me out too much to go looking into it.

Also, the point on 50 Shades... YES YES YES YES! I am not into BDSM, but I know others who are and they have said the same things you have. It and Twilight both (what since it is a Twilight fanfic with the names replaced) glorify abusive relationships as being romantic and something desirable. It pisses me off to no end! I remember when 50 Shades came out, I was working in a bookstore. At first I didn't think much on it because I didn't know anything about it, but when I learned more, oh I hated putting it on display and selling it T.T So many copies to so many ladies... it makes me sad to think about.

Ava - Oh goodness oo; I am glad your parents were able to help you in that situation. You have more guts than I do. I never went to the police, I was too scared and was sure I didn't have enough to go with, so I was terrified I'd have to face him again for nothing. I also didn't fully realize how bad things really were until a year or so later... it's amazing the things the brain will repress. So... yeah... kudos to you and I am glad that you were able to go through with that, as difficult as it had to have been.

Hummy - *Hugs* Sorry to hear that, hun. Thank goodness for growing up and getting away?

EP - Oh goodness, hun. I am so glad you were able to kick him out. I had a friend with a girlfriend who did that sort of thing to him... he was so gifted and amazing and she took the light right out of him :( I hope you can find your sparkle again. And I agree with you, abuse does kind of justify cheating. I mean, it's still not a good thing, but I hear you. You just grasp for any loving arms you can find when you're left that dead and empty.

And if I missed anyone, more group hugs! My goodness, this discussion! oo;

My little sister was in an abusive relationship and ended up moving home (and giving up her dream school as she realized she needed to be closer to family than she was), she's in a much better place now - but still struggles and thankfully she's totally willing to talk to a therapist who really seems to help her. :)

I am in BDSM and depsie 50 Shades. That shit is abusive af.

I've never read 50 Shades and never plan on reading it - EVER.

I haven't read it either.

I have a friend who likes it... Blah! And she keeps telling me "Livi! You should read it." No thank you!! D:

I am against burning books but if anyone ever gave me that book... I may have to burn it. :/

I had somebody give me all three. I sent them on to the library. I used to like Twilight. Then I grew up.