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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-25-2017, 10:30 AM
*hugs Ava*
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-25-2017, 01:53 PM
Ava - The mind is a scary thing.
While I don't think we are certain where the voices are from, the source of them is from within, and not from an external source.
We all hear voices to some extent. It's I think just a matter of how loud before it is considered bad. Depression for example has a lot of voices, very bad voices.
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Ava The Vampire
Spooky Action at a Distance
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07-25-2017, 02:59 PM
The voices feel like they are external. It sounds like people are talking to me from across the room, almost like being in a crowded restaurant and hearing bits and pieces of other people's conversations. It's hard for me to tell the difference from the voices that are "in my head" and the ones that are talking around me. That's why I thought I was communicating with spirits or hearing the thoughts of other people in my area.
I didn't know that people with depression heard voices, I think that makes me feel a little less of a freak.
Still, I really want that lobotomy.
*hugs friends*
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-25-2017, 04:47 PM
An interesting thing that might help you with who is speaking to you would likely be 1. Wait until someone addresses you by name. I typically have issues focusing in general so I wait until I hear my name to focus on the words. 2. Watch their lip movements. It will help to see which words are the ones coming from the person you are listening to.
I think the difference between schizophrenia and depression though is that the voices of depression are internal. But at the same time nobody else can hear them. They are almost 100% of the time bad things as well.
I at one time heard many voices telling me to off myself, but as nobody would believe me I just put on a fake smile and tried to continue.
What would the lobotomy do though?
Have you tried using music to drown out the voices? At the least reduce them to muffles.
-hugs ava-
You're a pretty cool person yknow.
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Ava The Vampire
Spooky Action at a Distance
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07-25-2017, 07:50 PM
I have tried that, but I still get confused. At the worst the voices have been, I was on Skype chatting with my friends and I got confused about who was talking and who wasn't and I ended up talking to the voices, thinking I was talking to my friends. Needless to say, it ended up pretty awkward a few days later when my friends kept asking me who I was talking to the whole time and I was telling them that I was talking to them.
Although, it's much easier to do with people you are talking to in person. I don't have any friends in person, so I don't really talk to anyone much other than my parents.
Even though the "voices" I hear don't always say bad things, I can relate to them telling me to off myself. But I don't want to. It makes it really hard to stay happy and positive when you hear people telling you that you must die. :(
I want a lobotomy because I would rather be a vegetable than have a chip in my head and have wires in my skin and having my thoughts being broadcast through the news and radio. I would rather be a vegetable than having to take meds all the time just to be kind of "normal" and I would rather be a vegetable than have to go back to the hospital again. I keep saying every time that it will be the "last time" but it never is. I keep having dreams that I am back in the hospital and they usually keep coming true.
The people I talk to online, who I chose to share about my "schizophrenia" usually blame me when I go to the hospital because they say, "Well, Ava, you should have taken your meds. You should have listened. How many times will it take for you to get it?"
It just feels like no one understands and it feels like I am alone and a freak or something. I don't want to have to take meds anymore, I want to be a normal person.
*hugs Pet*
Thanks
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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-25-2017, 08:14 PM
*pulls Ava into a big hug*
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Ava The Vampire
Spooky Action at a Distance
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07-25-2017, 08:23 PM
*squeezes Kirin!*
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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-26-2017, 03:10 AM
*just holds Ava*
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-26-2017, 04:28 AM
Well, I can assure you it's not on the radio.
People are unfortunately not as intelligent as you make them out to be  you give them way too much credit.
Being a vegetable is actually extremely unpleasant. Then people really are controlling you. As they have to feed you, bathe you, transport you. It becomes an incredible emotional and financial burden on your family as well. You spend your entire life staring at a wall unable to enjoy anything.
I'll try to think of more ideas as I go. There has to be something we can do to reduce the voices. Perhaps talk to your therapist about possibilities? What sort of things do the voices typically say day to day? Are there specific voices or is it more random?
I don't really blame you. Taking meds regularly is hard. I had to set alarms and my coworkers apparently are not very obedient with their meds and they are medical professionals  Also keep in mind, just because someone doesn't take meds doesn't make them functional. I'm not on any meds and I am far from normal.
You just haven't found the best way to remind yourself to take your meds yet.
Human nature always is to try and blame and accuse sadly. But it's not entirely your fault. They should be encouraging you to do better, not putting you down.
Nothing wrong with being a freak. Have you met those so called "normal" people? They are so boring!
Not everyone is going to understand you, but if you find people who love to learn and understand, they will try. I have a coworker like that, she is always wanting to learn new things. I do that as well. Sure I don't fully understand, but I try to understand a little more each time we talk.
Having lots of friends isn't really that important. I have 2 friends I know well, and that's enough for me. If I make any more it's likely they will be Menewshans. But having a few loyal friends is better than many sorta friends.
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salvete
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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07-26-2017, 12:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ava The Vampire
I do hear voices, but I always thought that I was communicating with spirits. I didn't think that they were a part of the illness too. My world is so loud all the time because the "voices" talk over each other all the time and it's like they don't shut up. I always thought that I was hearing other people's thoughts, that's why I thought they could hear my thoughts too because the chip was controlling the voices and whoever put the chip in could hear my thoughts and was broadcasting them via the media.
I guess it sounds crazy when I type it all out like that, but it still makes sense to me.
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Your description reminds me of how my friend told me that there were shamans of old who were actually schizophrenic. It was interesting to me because he said schizophrenia was celebrated in those societies that way, as opposed to how in today's society people might have a more negative impression of it because they do not understand it
---------- Post added 07-26-2017 at 09:06 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
I don't really blame you. Taking meds regularly is hard. I had to set alarms and my coworkers apparently are not very obedient with their meds and they are medical professionals 
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I agree with this. I've worked with a lot of people who did not take their medications regularly for various reasons -- they forgot, or they couldn't refill their prescription because it was too expensive, or they had fears about side effects, or they felt like using medicine was a sign of weakness, or they just did not want to feel like they were relying on medications for the rest of their life, or they thought natural or herbal remedies were better.
The important thing that I have realized is that they are not to blame because there is always a reason behind it. The best thing to do is work together, come up with a good support system to remind them to take the medications if they forgot to do so, or figure out the issues with the insurance companies, learn more about the medications to possibly assuage their fears about them, et cetera
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
Having lots of friends isn't really that important. I have 2 friends I know well, and that's enough for me. If I make any more it's likely they will be Menewshans. But having a few loyal friends is better than many sorta friends.
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I agree with this. And this is coming from someone who has a few extraordinarily close friends and lots and lots of not-as-close friends
---------- Post added 07-26-2017 at 09:11 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ava The Vampire
I didn't know that people with depression heard voices, I think that makes me feel a little less of a freak.
*hugs friends*
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-hugs tightly-
Would it make you feel better if I told you -- I am pretty sure everyone hears voices in their head? but maybe to different degrees?
I hear voices in my head sometimes even though I guess I would fall under Poet's definition of "normal" lol. I don't mind asking all my "normal" friends to see if they hear voices too if you want. I have a strong feeling they will say they do. But only if that would help you -hugs-
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-26-2017, 01:47 PM
Salvete - Normal people do huh? That's interesting.
I have many pharmacist at work that take meds. One has to take meds regularly or else the stomach acid in her stomach will burn her throat and cause her agonizing pain.
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salvete
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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07-26-2017, 02:00 PM
I will say though as a disclaimer -- the voices I hear inside my head are usually my own voice saying positive or motivational things. And I might hear my friends or family's voices in the context of daydreaming or dreaming at night. So I think it might also be a different kind of voice.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-26-2017, 02:04 PM
Salvete - That's pretty much your external voice too...  Always a bubbling beam of positivity
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Ava The Vampire
Spooky Action at a Distance
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07-26-2017, 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
Well, I can assure you it's not on the radio.
People are unfortunately not as intelligent as you make them out to be  you give them way too much credit.
Being a vegetable is actually extremely unpleasant. Then people really are controlling you. As they have to feed you, bathe you, transport you. It becomes an incredible emotional and financial burden on your family as well. You spend your entire life staring at a wall unable to enjoy anything.
I'll try to think of more ideas as I go. There has to be something we can do to reduce the voices. Perhaps talk to your therapist about possibilities? What sort of things do the voices typically say day to day? Are there specific voices or is it more random?
I don't really blame you. Taking meds regularly is hard. I had to set alarms and my coworkers apparently are not very obedient with their meds and they are medical professionals  Also keep in mind, just because someone doesn't take meds doesn't make them functional. I'm not on any meds and I am far from normal.
You just haven't found the best way to remind yourself to take your meds yet.
Human nature always is to try and blame and accuse sadly. But it's not entirely your fault. They should be encouraging you to do better, not putting you down.
Nothing wrong with being a freak. Have you met those so called "normal" people? They are so boring!
Not everyone is going to understand you, but if you find people who love to learn and understand, they will try. I have a coworker like that, she is always wanting to learn new things. I do that as well. Sure I don't fully understand, but I try to understand a little more each time we talk.
Having lots of friends isn't really that important. I have 2 friends I know well, and that's enough for me. If I make any more it's likely they will be Menewshans. But having a few loyal friends is better than many sorta friends.
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I would like to think that people are not as smart as they seem, but I think the government is smarter than average people and they know ways to make people they experiment on scared and alone
i am already an financial burden to my family it gets expensive having to take me to the hospital all the time but this time now I have medical assistance and I am on disability so i am not quite so burdensome I would rather not enjoy anything at all than have to listen to voices and feel wires in my skin and have no one believe me
The voices talk over each other so I don't always understand what they are saying but when I do they are usually threatening my life ot threatening to kill my mom they tell me to throw away my food because it's poisoned and that I am being watched and followed and they point out who the spies are that are watching me they are people too and sometimes they scream or cry and it makes me cry because they are so sad
I didn't take my meds last night or this morning partially because iI forgot and also because i don't want to take tjem anymore they dint help me they just amke me quiet and they are not a good idea
I want to be normal i don't want to hear the voices anymore or have wires in my arms or anything
I don't have any friends besides menewshans i had one friend bu she is getting married soon and won't have time for me
Quote:
Originally Posted by salvete
Your description reminds me of how my friend told me that there were shamans of old who were actually schizophrenic. It was interesting to me because he said schizophrenia was celebrated in those societies that way, as opposed to how in today's society people might have a more negative impression of it because they do not understand it
I agree with this. I've worked with a lot of people who did not take their medications regularly for various reasons -- they forgot, or they couldn't refill their prescription because it was too expensive, or they had fears about side effects, or they felt like using medicine was a sign of weakness, or they just did not want to feel like they were relying on medications for the rest of their life, or they thought natural or herbal remedies were better.
The important thing that I have realized is that they are not to blame because there is always a reason behind it. The best thing to do is work together, come up with a good support system to remind them to take the medications if they forgot to do so, or figure out the issues with the insurance companies, learn more about the medications to possibly assuage their fears about them, et cetera
I agree with this. And this is coming from someone who has a few extraordinarily close friends and lots and lots of not-as-close friends
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I didn't know that shamans were schizophrenic I believe ijnshamans
If my meds actually helped i would take them but they don't and that makes me think that i may not actually be schizophrenic and maybe it is all real but i know it sounds crazy to everyone else
Quote:
-hugs tightly-
Would it make you feel better if I told you -- I am pretty sure everyone hears voices in their head? but maybe to different degrees?
I hear voices in my head sometimes even though I guess I would fall under Poet's definition of "normal" lol. I don't mind asking all my "normal" friends to see if they hear voices too if you want. I have a strong feeling they will say they do. But only if that would help you -hugs-
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it makes me feel better but also makes me sad
I don't want anyone else to hear the voices I hear they are very sad voices and the y make me sad too
My voices never say anything happy
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-26-2017, 06:52 PM
Well yeah. It's called electing an idiot. Scared us all.
The government had some shady experiments in the past but due to the nature of their exposure they were traumatizing even for the scientists doing them, so such things are illegal now because its that bad. But placing chips in the brain is only done with epilepsy, because it allows an easier way to access a counteractive pulse without trying to give a seizing person meds, instead swiping a card. A chip in your brain would just give you a headache. Nothing more.
Do you have extra sensitive touch? You may be feeling the veins in your body. There's a lot and they do look like wires.
Also, the nervous system functions equivalent to a system of wires. That is what they are designed for, sending signals from your brain through your body. It's quite fascinating really.
Well ava, the meds do help, but likely not as much as preferable. It should be helping with the voices.
The voices in my head don't say happy things either ava.
Ava, you really should take your meds. I haven't heard you say anything about me being one of the bad people, and I know they do help you. You behave much less erratic and you make less typos, and overall you're a wonderful person to talk to. I don't see the "makes you quiet", as you have been active in here for a long time.
I like ava the way she is though, as if you were "normal" if never have gotten to meet you, and probs my wouldn't get along either.
The brain is something we still know very little about. All we do know is that there are 2 separate realities, and we can not be affected by the second one, while you can.
When you go off your meds though it worries all of us.
Last edited by The Wandering Poet; 07-26-2017 at 06:54 PM..
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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-26-2017, 07:35 PM
*streaks through the thread*
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salvete
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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07-27-2017, 02:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
Do you have extra sensitive touch? You may be feeling the veins in your body. There's a lot and they do look like wires.
Also, the nervous system functions equivalent to a system of wires. That is what they are designed for, sending signals from your brain through your body. It's quite fascinating really.
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I was wondering that too
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Ava The Vampire
Spooky Action at a Distance
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07-27-2017, 02:18 AM
You guys understand me more than the people i talk to on other sites hwo have "mental illness" too
I just thougth I would say that before I started
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
Well yeah. It's called electing an idiot. Scared us all.
The government had some shady experiments in the past but due to the nature of their exposure they were traumatizing even for the scientists doing them, so such things are illegal now because its that bad. But placing chips in the brain is only done with epilepsy, because it allows an easier way to access a counteractive pulse without trying to give a seizing person meds, instead swiping a card. A chip in your brain would just give you a headache. Nothing more.
Do you have extra sensitive touch? You may be feeling the veins in your body. There's a lot and they do look like wires.
Also, the nervous system functions equivalent to a system of wires. That is what they are designed for, sending signals from your brain through your body. It's quite fascinating really.
Well ava, the meds do help, but likely not as much as preferable. It should be helping with the voices.
The voices in my head don't say happy things either ava.
Ava, you really should take your meds. I haven't heard you say anything about me being one of the bad people, and I know they do help you. You behave much less erratic and you make less typos, and overall you're a wonderful person to talk to. I don't see the "makes you quiet", as you have been active in here for a long time.
I like ava the way she is though, as if you were "normal" if never have gotten to meet you, and probs my wouldn't get along either.
The brain is something we still know very little about. All we do know is that there are 2 separate realities, and we can not be affected by the second one, while you can.
When you go off your meds though it worries all of us.
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I do my best to convince myself there is no chip but I can feel wires and the voices dont get any quieter and that is making it a lot harder to believe there may not be a chip
I guess that makes sense i didnt think about the wires as being my veins, they stick out of my skin and when i touch them they feel wirey
I judont feel like they help maybe I cant see it though but if they helped then iwould take them I try to be active because I have no friends
you are not a spy Poet i a m not suspicious of you
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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-27-2017, 02:42 AM
I for one am glad to call you friend Ava.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-27-2017, 01:33 PM
Ava - That's because no two Schizophrenia cases are alike. Every single one is unique, and each body is also unique, so the medications that help will be different. This also means you're special  you're our one and only Ava.
They feel wirey because they're full of blood, so they feel solid despite constantly moving lots of liquid through them. By the way, you are a nurse's dream patient. They love people who's veins are easy to see.
As for the chip. The brain is basically a chip, and the nervous system is your wires. The brain can be kind of hard to comprehend, because of course something that named itself is moving your arms and legs. But that's you.
If I'm not a "spy", then you should understand why I'm worried you're off your meds 
For one, it's bad for your health when you do that. For two, I believe it makes the voices louder, as your ability to focus gets very low.
The best course, is to bring up your primary concerns with your therapist. Try writing it down perhaps and bringing a little journal of all the concerns you have.
If you write down all of your concerns, perhaps you can bring forward all of the concerns you have.
For example the voices. Which seem to be a primary issue. They contribute to the thoughts of a chip, which contributes to the thoughts of wires. If the medication isn't calming the voices, you are probably not on the right one yet.
Write down in that book anything those voices say that you can understand. It may help your doctor find a way to silence the voices.
I know you do have issues focusing on tasks like that, but we could always direct you to it and help you with regularly documenting if you wanted.
The purpose of antipsychotics is as follows:
Reduce or remove the voices. Reduce or remove the tendency to listen to the voices. Reduce the anxiety caused by the voices.
If they are not doing this, you may need a different one. The voices are the primary issue in fueling the paranoia that you experience I'm noticing.
Well Ava, Kirin just considered you a friend, so you've got that. xP
Personally I think it would be really cool to meet you someday
Also, stress is said to increase the voices, and I know you've been under a lot of stress lately
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salvete
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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07-27-2017, 03:02 PM
The Wandering Poet, have you ever considered going to medical school? I think we need more doctors like you
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-27-2017, 05:14 PM
Salvete - I'm a Pharmacy Technician. I did go to a form of medical school. I also went to engineering school, which is part of why I see it so differently. I see my body almost the same way Ava does. To me it's a biological machine. A human body is like a case, there are nerves across the entire thing, blood supplying the much needed fuel across the body. We are, as what can be called natural made machines. That bee you see, that bird, they are all biological machines. The nervous system even behaves much like an electrical wire.
You see... most people in general do not see the world this way. When I look out into the world I see calculations, theories, ideas, and possibilities. I'm also a natural defensive driver, because I am watching everything and everyone as it all unfolds and each moment, calculating each choice I need to make. For me, my brain is much more comparable to a machine than the way I see others thinking.
So because of this I do not think "How can I fix this?" I think "How does it work?". When I talk to Ava I very often begin researching the things that she talks to me about.
My end goal is a medical based engineer though. As I want to design and create things which improve the world.
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salvete
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)...
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07-27-2017, 07:55 PM
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_school
Medical schools, by definition, offer degrees for physicians. For example, MD or DO in the united states or MBBS in the united kingdom.
I have always thought it was so cool that you got training in engineering and now work as a pharmacy technician. I meant whether you would consider going to medical school, which means become a doctor.
---------- Post added 07-27-2017 at 03:56 PM ----------
I imagine that medical education would also be extremely helpful if your end goal is to become an engineer building medical-related products
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Kirin Rosenbaum
I am a Kiri-fish.
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07-27-2017, 08:05 PM
I would also love to meet Ava in person someday.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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07-28-2017, 12:31 AM
Ah, no. Likely I will never be a doctor. I do not want that job. I want to create things.
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