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Kirin Rosenbaum
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:18 AM

Have you ever thought about listening to music when you go to bed to see if that helps quiet the voices?

Ava The Vampire
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:29 AM

I take meds in the morning and at night.
Basically half my meds in the morning and half at night. I think everything is exactly half.

I am afraid to tell my psychiatrist that the voices have been loud, he'll either put me on a higher dose of one of my antipsychotics or change my antipsychotics completely. I'm already on the max dose of one of my antipsychotics, so all he can do (besides put me on new antipyschotics) is increase the dose of the one that isn't maxed out yet....

I guess so... But sometimes I don't feel like it's worth it.

---------- Post added 09-27-2017 at 08:45 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirin Rosenbaum View Post
Have you ever thought about listening to music when you go to bed to see if that helps quiet the voices?
I listen to music at night and it helps a little,
But it really depends on the night

The Wandering Poet
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:48 AM

I see. So its probably the silence of the night that makes them appear louder.

Well Ava... the people I've met without any notable ailment, have been some of the most unpleasant people I've ever met. They tend to be arrogant and overly proud. Ailments humble us. Make us human.

One interesting detail that I see, is that among cultures the voices are different. In America they tend to be more aggressive, while in places like India and Africa they are less aggressive.
I think a lot of what shapes the voices is your environment. If you got yourself into a more pleasant environment I'm sure they would not be as negative.

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Old 09-28-2017, 02:35 AM

But if it helps you sleep better isn't that worth it?

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Old 09-28-2017, 07:52 AM

Ava...have you tried sipping Camomile tea at night to relax? ...or maybe Valerian?
Celestial Seasonings has a Sleepytime Extra tea that has Valerian in it.
I used to give it to Sarah when she refused to sleep when we were staying at Hope's parents' house...and I could visibly watch her get drowsy from it.
Have you tried meditation? Making yourself go to a "happy place" to push the voices aside might help keep them from getting loud.
I'm just offering suggestions...hoping they help.

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Old 09-28-2017, 11:40 AM

Republic of Tea has a good sleepy tea.

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Old 09-28-2017, 04:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inzanebraned View Post
Ava...have you tried sipping Camomile tea at night to relax? ...or maybe Valerian?
Celestial Seasonings has a Sleepytime Extra tea that has Valerian in it.
I used to give it to Sarah when she refused to sleep when we were staying at Hope's parents' house...and I could visibly watch her get drowsy from it.
Have you tried meditation? Making yourself go to a "happy place" to push the voices aside might help keep them from getting loud.
I'm just offering suggestions...hoping they help.
They used to give us Sleepytime tea in the hospital. I take medication at night that makes me sleepy. but occasionally I will drink chamomile tea from Teavana called "Tranquil Dream". It helps me fall asleep faster.
I've tried meditation. As a part of group therapy I was in when I was 17-18 we used to practice mindfulness meditation and they said it was supposed to help with the voices, but I'm not that good at it... I know that means I have to practice, practice, practice. I will definitely try to work on my mindfulness meditation more, I know that it helps, but it's really hard to get right.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirin Rosenbaum View Post
But if it helps you sleep better isn't that worth it?
I think it's worth it to help me sleep,
But I was just telling Poet, I don't think having schizophrenia is worth becoming the person I am today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet View Post
I see. So its probably the silence of the night that makes them appear louder.

Well Ava... the people I've met without any notable ailment, have been some of the most unpleasant people I've ever met. They tend to be arrogant and overly proud. Ailments humble us. Make us human.

One interesting detail that I see, is that among cultures the voices are different. In America they tend to be more aggressive, while in places like India and Africa they are less aggressive.
I think a lot of what shapes the voices is your environment. If you got yourself into a more pleasant environment I'm sure they would not be as negative.
I don't feel human sometimes... I wish I never had schizophrenia and I wish it would go away and I would never wish it on anyone else. It sucks and it's awful... It feels like spies or something hacked into my brain and are torturing me and won't leave me alone no matter how nicely I ask or how much I beg. I just want the voices to go away...

I feel like my voices are negative always... I like my home, I feel safe here, but they are still negative. In the hospital, (not right away, because I am usually scared and nervous during the first couple of days there) they are still loud and negative. The hospital is a bad example, though, as it's usually pretty high stress environment.

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Old 09-28-2017, 07:48 PM

Practice is definitely important. If I can ever figure out meditation I'll let you know it's still foreign to me.

Think of it like this Ava. If you can overcome this, there really is nothing you can't do.

I don't "feel" human either. I think more like a machine than a person. I feel like a piece of software.

You feel safe there, but from what you've told us there is still negativity in your household.
I've heard you quote many of the things they say. I feel like as long as those sorts of things continue, the voices are just going to feed off of that.

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Old 09-28-2017, 07:53 PM

Music is wonderful to help me sleep among other things.

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Old 09-30-2017, 03:44 PM

@Poet

I used to practice mindfulness meditation every afternoon back in 2016, but lately I've been slipping and slacking off on my practice because even though I felt good after meditating, I always felt like it was a waste of my time. :s

I don't feel like I am overcoming it... The voices have been getting louder lately, and this morning they were very determined to tell me; "Ava, find scriptures on bananas". It makes no sense. I don't get why they do this... It's so weird. They're so weird!

I am trying to tell myself that the blue things in my arms are veins and not wires... but it's really hard to believe. I sometimes feel like this world is a simulation and everyone around me isnt real, they're just some sort of holograms or something.

I think there will be negativity everywhere, yes? My parents take good care of me, my mom reminds me to take my meds and she always calls my care team for updates on me.

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Old 09-30-2017, 05:45 PM

If it makes you feel good it's never a waste of time :)
Feeling good is what humans seek.

That is a rather odd thing to ask about. Perhaps the meditation will help you to calm them down?

Well ava... that is a possible theory. Statistically speaking given the number of simulations existing the probability is pretty high that our entire universe is a computer simulation. It makes "god" some alien in their parents basement.
But in the end regardless of this we have a life which we can live and we should try to live the one set out for us.

Good to hear she is regularly helping out. You have quoted some concerning things over the time I've known you though.

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Old 09-30-2017, 06:15 PM

what a coincidence. my friends were discussing how we might just be in a simulation just a few days ago

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Old 09-30-2017, 07:53 PM

Niel deGrasse Tyson actually discussed this topic and he seems to love the idea. Famous astrophysicist.

Last edited by The Wandering Poet; 10-01-2017 at 02:58 AM..

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Old 09-30-2017, 10:51 PM

The voices are always talking about stuff like that...

The keep talking about the chip and asking/telling me weird things.
They mentioned something about bananas earlier... wtf, voices?

Lately they've been telling me to hurt myself, but I always tell my mom and she tells me not to listen to them, and then she tells my psychiatrist.

My parents both say/do concerning things sometimes. I know I hate them sometimes and I'm sure that sometimes they hate me. It's probably not easy having a "sick" daughter all the time, who doesn't do anything but eat away at funds. Sometimes I feel like my parents want me to live my life the way *they* want me to and not the way *I* want to, which, to me, is more important.

My mom keeps telling me not to tell anyone about the voices, especially not people who are interested in me romantically, she says they'll think I am crazy and will only end up hurting me because they have too much information. I don't think that's true at all. The man in LA knows about my diagnosis and the voices and I tell him about them sometimes, but he hasn't freaked out or stopped talking to me because of them...

In fact, I usually tell everyone who is interested in me about the voices and if they stay, then I know they are worth being my friend (or more?). I didn't tell the guy I went out on a date with like two weeks ago about the voices. I wasn't worried or anything, but I thought it was going to be too much information on the first date.

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Old 09-30-2017, 11:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet View Post
Niro deGrasse Tyson actually discussed this topic and he seems to love the idea. Famous astrophysicist.
do you mean neil

probably a typo :D

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Old 09-30-2017, 11:28 PM

If meditation made you feel better, it certainly was not a waste of your time.
The more you do it, the better you get at it and the less time it takes...is there something else that you need to do that meditation (feeling better) takes time away from?

Bananas is an odd thing for the voices to talk about!
Have you written down what they have been telling you so you can discuss it with your therapist?
I think it is better to let people know about the voices...that way, if you have an "event" and act oddly, people might understand that you need support and not just think you are a nutcase!
I read that you have a buyer for your house...
Does the fact that moving is becoming a reality cause you to be anxious?
Will your psychiatrist be able to refer you to a good psychiatrist in LA when you move there?
You might be subconsciously worrying about these things and giving the voices reason to get louder...thus a reason why the meditation might be something you might want to practice more diligently.

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Old 10-01-2017, 12:12 AM

Ava:: I understand where your mom's coming from, like she wants to protect you. But especially in a serious relationship, I think it would be important for that person to know about the voices. My person has always known about all my issues, I've always been up front with him because its like you say, originally it was like a test. But if he hadn't known, he wouldn't have been able to put my outbursts in context, and I honestly don't know if our relationship would have lasted. I go crazy every once in a while. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near me when I was like that, especially if I didn't know why.

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Old 10-01-2017, 01:38 AM

It's Neil

Ava The Vampire
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Old 10-01-2017, 02:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inzanebraned View Post
If meditation made you feel better, it certainly was not a waste of your time.
The more you do it, the better you get at it and the less time it takes...is there something else that you need to do that meditation (feeling better) takes time away from?

Bananas is an odd thing for the voices to talk about!
Have you written down what they have been telling you so you can discuss it with your therapist?
I think it is better to let people know about the voices...that way, if you have an "event" and act oddly, people might understand that you need support and not just think you are a nutcase!
I read that you have a buyer for your house...
Does the fact that moving is becoming a reality cause you to be anxious?
Will your psychiatrist be able to refer you to a good psychiatrist in LA when you move there?
You might be subconsciously worrying about these things and giving the voices reason to get louder...thus a reason why the meditation might be something you might want to practice more diligently.
Hmm, not really, Inzane. I just feel kind of silly sitting there and letting thoughts come in and out without acting on them or thinking too deeply about them. I feel like that is time that I could be spending doing something more entertaining. I will practice it more, though, I liked how I felt when I practiced mindfulness meditation. So I think that will be enough to motivate me to keep trying it. :)

I recently started writing down what the voices are saying. I feel like now that I will be seeing my previous therapist again, there will be more done about the voices. My temporary therapist was kind, very supportive and nice. But she really didn't understand the voices like my previous therapist does.

Hmm, I don't know. I guess lately I've been more anxious, but I didn't really connect it to the move. I guess in a sense, I could be a little nervous about it and it makes sense that the voices would get louder because of that... They usually get louder when I am under stress anyway.

And yes, my psychiatrist is going to help me find a new psychiatrist in LA. Well, they'll give me a referral anyway. He also said that it might be easier to get a GP first, and have them give me a referral to a psychiatrist.



Quote:
Originally Posted by `Kitami View Post
Ava:: I understand where your mom's coming from, like she wants to protect you. But especially in a serious relationship, I think it would be important for that person to know about the voices. My person has always known about all my issues, I've always been up front with him because its like you say, originally it was like a test. But if he hadn't known, he wouldn't have been able to put my outbursts in context, and I honestly don't know if our relationship would have lasted. I go crazy every once in a while. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near me when I was like that, especially if I didn't know why.
I feel that way too. I try my best to keep the voices to myself, but right away, when I meet someone who seems interested in possibly dating me, I always tell them right away about my diagnosis so there aren't any surprises if I end up in the hospital or end up needing to go to the hospital.

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Old 10-01-2017, 02:24 AM

*huggles Ava before heading to bed*

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Old 10-01-2017, 03:10 AM

Salvete - Yeah auto corrected.

Ava - Well the way you want to live your life is the most important thing, but we must live within our means and within reason. As long as it falls into that category pursue it as much as you can.

I think it's important to tell them about the voices only when it becomes relevant. If it's not relevant, then they can just find out later. But if it helps, we all know about your voices but still stick around to chat with you
But yeah... a first date probably isn't the best time There's already so much they're learning.

Speaking of what Inzane said... Ava it might be worthwhile to see if your Therapist will let you continue to call them if you have any issues you can't yet discuss with the new Therapist you get in LA.

A few things I read quickly about meditation gave me a few ideas. I know you have issues with consistency, and for things like this a lot of people do. Have you considered asking your mother to meditate with you? Maybe it would be more pleasant of an experience to spend it with someone?

Kita - Go crazy? What do you mean? I don't remember if you've mentioned it before, but I've never seen you go crazy here.

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Old 10-01-2017, 10:15 AM

*wanders into the thread*

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Old 10-01-2017, 02:10 PM

I think it is nice that she has been sharing it on the first date, though. It shows honesty to whomever she is dating, plus if a guy is weirded out or considers it a dealbreaker, then no need to waste time on a second date for either of them.

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Old 10-01-2017, 02:49 PM

Well it's neither good nor bad to bring it up on a first date so much as mentioning it just to mention it.
Near the end of the first date would perhaps be the best time to mention it.

Many people have a negative view of disabilities, so I think it would be imporant to give them the positives (her personality) and then that so that it isn't what they define her by.
I've found people can be rather unpleasant at times if a disability is all they have to go by.

It also gives her time to place it in the conversation where it doesn't seem forced
I don't know how dating apps and sites work though so maybe it could even be put there if she wanted to.

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Old 10-01-2017, 03:10 PM

Well with regards to dating apps, to be perfectly honest with you -- a lot of people will swipe right on her just because she is physically attractive without reading her bio. And even if she wrote in her bio about a disability, a lot of people would still swipe right just because she is attractive.

---------- Post added 10-01-2017 at 11:12 AM ----------

It depends what you are looking for, too. If you are just looking to hook up, then there might not even be a need to mention any form of disability. If you are looking for a serious relationship, then the disability is important to mention. I agree with you that positive things should definitely be emphasized too :D

 


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