WARNING: SOME CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME

Since I was 11 I've had nightmares about being forcefully assaulted. (trying to follow the ToS)

It was of sexual nature. At first I was having the same nightmare with the same two guys in it every night. But this year it's changed to all different scenarios, mostly with the same guy, occasionally it was my boyfriend which really disgusted me because he is so kind and sweet, he would never be that way.

The nightmares are disgusting, nasty and grotesque. I wake up in the morning wanting to vomit. All day it stays with me, and I'm terrified of going back to sleep to meet whatever new nightmare I will perceive. I have never been really assaulted but I've had a terrible relationship with my father which could attribute to some unrecognized hatred for men or something, I do love my boyfriend though. I've always gotten along better with guys too (I am a girl if you can't tell.) So I don't feel like man-hating is the problem.

Sometimes during the day I will "see" the two guys, almost like an illusion. I will have flashbacks to my dreams.

This is all very strange and disheartening to me. I was never raped, my mother was when she was 6 though. In my original dreams I was a little 8 year old girl. The two men are always the same and I'm terrified of them. I'm also freaked out by old red pickup trucks because that is their mode of transportation and I'm abused in the back of it.

I just want it to go away, and I feel guilty for feeling so scared of this when other people are suffering "real" problems and real attacks. Mine are just a figment of my imagination...but I wish that it wasn't a reality for me at all.

Can someone please respond...I really want help with this.

It's real life problems....I wanted my Menewsha friends to come behind me and bolster me up with encouragement and maybe solutions.

I'm so sorry. That must be so horrible to go through. How old were you when your first found out about your mother's assault. That could have a lot to do with it. Mind you, I'm no doctor.

Have you ever tried talking to a psychologist about it? Medicine isn't always the answer, but it could help. Or maybe a sleep pathologist?

That's sounds quite terrifying. Ever heard of past life regression? Not saying I necessarily believe in it, but the universe is a huge place, and I don't believe energy is wasted. Maybe talk to a therapist about it, not necessarily for medication just to have someone maybe help you interpret what your dreams mean.

It is, unfortunately, a common thing to happen nowadays. I believe the statistic is 1:4 women are assaulted in this way? I don't remember the exact statistic, so don't hold me to that.

But, it's a good thing to know about. Not a good thing to be scared of. You can protect yourself. Take self-defense classes. Carry a legal weapon, like a purse-mace or a pocket knife that you can legally carry with yourself and feel safe. Just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. I don't mean to scare you but if you prepare yourself now, you'll feel safer and will be safer. It's a conscious thing, and likely knowing that you can protect yourself will be instilled in your mind, and maybe your nightmares will stop.

Well. THe only thing I can really suggest is going to a psychologist/counselor, if you can. I am currently having sleeping problems as well. Not that severe, I wake up multiple times during the night, and I had nightmares for awhile. When I have nightmares I'm aware I'm asleep and can feel my bed, I am also able to move my head at will (but no other part of my body). I talked to a psychiatrist and I am on Citopram now (Anti-depressant). I don't have nightmares anymore but I still do have waking up problems. It's slowly getting better I am able to sleep better, even with waking up multiple times at night. I can't say Anti-Depressants are right for everyone but it is an option. Plus talking out helps as well. Hope this helps, good luck!

Originally Posted by WonderlandLost

I'm so sorry. That must be so horrible to go through. How old were you when your first found out about your mother's assault. That could have a lot to do with it. Mind you, I'm no doctor.

Have you ever tried talking to a psychologist about it? Medicine isn't always the answer, but it could help. Or maybe a sleep pathologist?

Thanks guys. All of your ideas are good ones. I was around ten or eleven when I found out about my mom I think but she talked about her dad hurting her when we were littler, she just didn't say how. I learned what sex was when I was about ten and a half I think. Not sure if I was ten or eleven, so yeah I think that it may be a cause of the nightmares.

Not sure what I think about past life regression but it is an intruiguing thought. I will try to get self defense classes as soon as im 18. My dad never wants to do anything that costs money. :(

It could be many factors to why you're experiencing these dreams, even a completely unlikly factor that you're not aware of. Typically it could mean you're feeling someone are forcing things upon you or you have strong hateful feelings towards men. Something else is that someone are hurting your self-esteem, you're feeling like someone are taking advantage of you, you're overwhelmingly afraid that someone might actually sexually assault you or you're feeling uncertain/worried about sexual activites. It could be so many things, I hope you find out what it is and that the dreams will stop for you. :(

I got a strong guess that it's haunting you because you found out so early about your mother and that you might be afraid it would happen to yourself one day. I hope you're able to learn some self defense at least. :)