So this problem stretches back several years now....bout 6 if I can still count properly. A long time ago, I met this most wonderful man. We fell for each other almost instantly and there has been a very, very strong bond between us ever since. However, as much as we loved each other, circumstances kept us apart. We'd be able to talk off and on, but he would disappear for a while and sometimes I would....however, our love for each other has never changed- even today. He has not truly changed either, he's still the same sweet, loving, kind and gallant man he's always been.

Unfortunately.....because the last time we spoke.... was sure I'd never see him again...it was a very bad time and it broke my heart to see him go...it was a complete misunderstanding. I had just gotten out of a relationship, I was dumped and another guy stepped in, but I still wasn't really into him...and the first mentioned guy was going to send me something, but our friend intercepted it and told him I was off and happy with someone else- which was a lie and I'm still mad at him for that..

Well I ended up dating this guy, thinking all was lost...it started out nice, but then my family took to disliking him, especially when we became engaged. Then we became married and he's started to change, well no...he was changing even before we married. He's become moody and unpredictable..when he gets frustrated, it's immediately taken out on me. I get insulted and yelled at...and it hurts...you know? Well...th guy I've been in love with for years appeared, impeccably, at my lowest point and he's been my guiding light, my comfort...as always. He picks me up when i'm down and makes me smile. I feel so confused emotionally. I mean...I can't just...run off on a whim, can I? Oh, but I miss him...and love him...I still care for my husband, but my first love has never, would never talk to me the way he does...it really hurts, and I'm so confused. Advice?

This sounds complicated. And this is why I'm still not into commitments (other than the fact that I'm still a university student). I just didn't understand as to why you ended up getting married to the guy without knowing his moodiness. Did it just happen after you were married? I guess you should talk to relatives about the situation and ask your husband for some space. Like, you want to spend your time with your parents first and ask him to either spend time with his own or he should also have his reflections. What is lacking nowadays is that people barely have the time to reflect on themselves because you get busy with work or with family etc.

As for your first love. I guess it's time to move on, since you're already tied down. Life's harsh, but it's up to you on how you make living worthwhile.

I've learned in sociology classes and even from my own parents that people can act one way before marriage but after that commitment, they seem to no longer fear losing the other person and their true colors can show. What you should do is really look at what you want as a person; do you want to be with this guy and try to work it out or are you done with the relationship? Obviously being married makes it a much larger and more important so you shouldn't come to any rash decisions and should really think about it. If you want to be with your husband and try to work things out, see if he's willing to seek help with you.

Do not let your first love influence your choice in the matter because if you try to think of him during all this then you risk acting for him rather than yourself. That's not to say that you should no longer rely on him but remember that this is for you!

My parent's recently went through a divorce after being married over 20 years. My father was abusive and my mother said that he wasn't like that before they had gotten married.

Myself, I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I thought I was happy but it wasn't until things were too late did I realize how wrong I was. I relied heavily on my friends and family to see what I should do and it took me a while to make my final decision to leave that relationship.

In the end, look at what YOU want and what is best for YOU. Rely on those closest to you in this time, stay away from him for a little while and take whatever time YOU need to sort things out.