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Ling
The Daydreamer
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09-02-2013, 05:35 AM
For it to be mutually consensual and legal is the important thing...
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-02-2013, 06:07 AM
Feral... basically a rapist? Well considering a lot of guys I hear get a girl drunk to make her vulnerable... I'd say it's still rape if she feels guilty in the morning. Because she was taken advantage of while drunk.
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Feralprince
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09-02-2013, 06:49 AM
I think its disgusting, but im not sure what to call it. I guess it is still rape, but i can't help but think there is apretty big difference in those two acts, in terms fo the potential rehabilitation for the violator. If someone commits violent rape or uses drugs to knock someone out, I think they should be locked up for life, or castrated, or something. Its unforgivable under any circumstance. I guess it is still rape, but I think a person who pressures spomeone into something they are uncomfortable with at a bar... well i guess it is still rape, but i think that is a problem with out social structure and not with those individuals per say. I wouldnt do that, but it is the social norm. I think what that guy needs is maybe a good slapping around, and a lot of therapy, and what the woman needs is to know that is completely absolutely unacceptable and the confidense to seek help and stand up for herself, but i think if you were lock all of the men guilty of that kind of behavio in the dungeons, you would be locking up half the male population. It's sad but true. The difference is i think if aperson KNOWS that what they are doing is wrong and does it anyway, there really isnt anything you can do other then punish them to the fullest extent of the law and remove them from society. If a person is doing something they know isnt right but they think is acceptable, i think it is possible to change their behavior. Like confucious says, most people are grass, some people are wind. The grass will blow whatever direction the strongest wind does. People just need much stronger and more ethical guidelines i think. I know this is atouchy subject but that is why i am hesitant to put those two sorts of violators in the same category without a second thought. I agree that they are still guilty of rape, but I think it is important to make some kind of distinctions. Otherwise we don't really address the problem, we just draw battle lines and alienate ourselves.
This might surprise you but i was raped onced, by being pressured into something i wasnt comfortable with at all while i was drunk. I felt guilty and i thought I owed them, but it made me really upset and angry. Still, i would hesitate to throw that person into a prison cell as if they had committed a violent crime. I think... i dunno maybe I'm wrong, who knows.
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Ling
The Daydreamer
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09-02-2013, 06:53 AM
That's an awful thing that happened to you Feral...
I think that a person who is not sound of mind at the time is not able to consent to sex or sign legal documents and all that. That includes people who are drunk, mentally unstable or drugged...
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Feralprince
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09-02-2013, 06:56 AM
yeah... you are probably right, i should have ripped the dudes eyes out. that was the most frustrating thing for me too... Im really good with threats. someone says, im going to beat you up... i say HAH! and i become a human firestorm. Someone makes me feel guilty though, or pressures me, says come on come on come on... i feel helpless and i usually just do what they want. In this case it was sexual and made me more angry then usually and left me feeling fairly violated, but it happens in other aspects of my life too.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-02-2013, 07:42 AM
Ah... peer pressure... that's why I avoided most of my peers growing up...
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-02-2013, 12:28 PM
*rolls into thread*
I've been kinda stalking the thread for a couple of days. All I got to say is I'm glad I'm not still looking for a relationship. That is tough, and I just happened to get lucky, I think.
Married life has it's moments, too, though....
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Ling
The Daydreamer
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09-02-2013, 12:33 PM
Hello Izumi! I think it must be a nice thing to be in a healthy relationship. My friends who are in relationships or marriages all seem happier than when they were single.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-02-2013, 03:24 PM
True Izu, married life does have it's moments... unfortunately from my experiences dating has little drama and married life is full of drama...
Honestly why does a girl change after marriage? Didn't put a damn ring on their finger to make them someone else...
I remember my exwife changed so much I... don't actually recognize her anymore.
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-02-2013, 08:52 PM
I think it's complacency? When you're married it's harder for the other person just to walk away...it's a commitment, and I think with time people get kind of jaded and take it for granted until it gets to the point the relationship breaks.
I know we've been having a really tough time with our relationship, but part of it has to do with me being extremely depressed, under a ton of stress at work, finances being super tight, and then add that my stepdaughter moved in with us and is going to school here. It all adds up, and while one thing itself is difficult to handle...trying to do it all at once is just extreme.
Things are slowly getting better....
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-02-2013, 09:27 PM
Complacency? Huh... I always saw it as more of a security...
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-02-2013, 10:17 PM
Maybe complacency isn't the best word...but you start to get too comfortable almost and start to take the other person for granted, and/or you don't appreciate what they do like you did before. I think another thing that makes it tough is once you've been with someone for a few years you don't get that fuzzy 'in love' feeling anymore. You still love and care about the person, but at the same time the relationship has matured into something more. You've seen the good sides, you've seen the bad sides...your other half's poop no longer smells like roses.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-02-2013, 10:43 PM
Err... I dunno about you but it never smelled like roses...
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Izumi
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09-03-2013, 01:44 AM
Well you know what I mean. You get with someone and at first when you fall deep and hard for them it's like nothing they do is wrong. You can see past all their flaws and think wow that what they are totally overlooks everything. And we're not talking just leaving the toilet seat up or socks everywhere (I have the latter problem with my husband...*glares*), but the dangerous stuff is the controlling manipulative behavior is the scary stuff.
Thinking about it we all kinda go through that phase. My big thing was first husband was very insecure, argumentative, and lazy. Heck, I was pretty insecure myself, but unlike him I didn't have a trust issue with my partner like he did.
Annnyways. I gotta get ready for bed here in the next half hour or so. Tomorrow is my step daughter's first day of high school and I'm going down with her. Yay!  At least to drop her off and then we'll sneak off to the back entrance so no one sees us with her.  I think we need to go into the admin office to check up on a couple thing. IE how much to leave for a set of gym clothes, etc.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-03-2013, 04:05 AM
That happened when I got married... I don't plan to make the mistake of overlooking someone's flaws again.
There should be a secret exit just for parents in a highschool...
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-03-2013, 11:57 AM
Aww sorry to hear it, Poet. ((hugs))
The only real constructive feedback I can give is to learn from it. I know I did, and second time around I knew what I wasn't willing to put up with. He still does stuff that annoys me, but for the most part it's pretty minor stuff. Mainly leaving dirty socks in the livingroom, underneath the coffee table. *glares at a pair there right now* And the other thing he use to do is take hot food in tupperware to heat up at work, and then instead of popping off the top and rinsing it out in the sink before we wash it he would throw it in the sink, lid on...where it may sit a day or two out in the warmth, growing funky smells/bacteria and just knocking your socks off when you open it.
Luckily he's switched to just taking sandwiches and non-tupperware food lately...that and with my stepdaughter here she does the dishes. :P
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Ling
The Daydreamer
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09-03-2013, 12:09 PM
Poet totally looks like a baby Yan...in a non baby form...how odd.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-03-2013, 12:09 PM
All good Izu it was a long time ago :)
Oh gosh... that leaving food in things! >.< I hate that so much... my mom does that all the time...
Yay for stepdaughter! :3
Yes... I am baby yan's older..... thing
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-03-2013, 12:19 PM
Lol baby yan's older thing?...*mind goes in the gutter*
OK then...
Yeah leaving science experiments in plastic tubs is super icky. It got to the point where I was piling them up on the side of the sink and telling him to deal with them.
I'm also super excited for my stepdaughter. She's lived with her mom ever since her parent's divorce, and for the past several years has been wanting to move. Finally she told her mom and stuck to her guns. It was really rocky at first, but her mom finally caved in. I'm hoping she takes off and has a wonderful time in school. I really do.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-03-2013, 12:36 PM
*fishes Izu out of the gutter*
Hmm... testing foods in little test tubes would be kinda fun actually... seeing what they grow... in a controlled sealed environment of course.
Oh, I see. Then I wish her luck as well :)
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-03-2013, 11:54 PM
School went really well for her. She had lots of positive stuff to tell me, and seems to still be very excited to be going to school here. :3
I'm feeling rather exhausted. Been up since 6:30am and didn't really sleep that well last night. Hoping to wake up same time tomorrow so I can walk her out to the bus stop.
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-04-2013, 12:01 AM
That is wonderful. It's always good when someone enjoys school ^^
I haven't slept well since Friday... I can totally relate to that...
First puppysitting... now lots on my mind...
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Izumi
イズミ
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09-04-2013, 12:47 AM
Well yesterday I was pretty nervous/excited for my stepdaughter, myself. Also just kinda stressed over other things.
Also bare in mind that I'm not up typically until 8am, and even then I usually try to get a full 8 hours sleep when I can.
Tonight I will probably be late to bed because one of my dogs decided to pee on my bed. Something that hasn't happened in AGES, but they did see us petting the neighbor's dog from the front window and I wonder if they're doing that to be territorial? I can't figure out why else...
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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09-04-2013, 12:57 AM
I love getting a full 8 hours... oh the blissful rarity
Huh... dogs... I really don't understand them >.<
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~LONGCAT~
is Long
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09-07-2013, 12:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feralprince
Ive asked people out on the first day meeting them, but only if i had a sign that they liked me. Also I think almost anyone who asks somehow out who is way younger then them is a predator and doesnt deserve anyone... but I guess i could be wrong.
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I remember when we first met.... You asked me to kick you in the head. XD
It was true friendship from that moment on.
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