do you have trust issues?
i know i do.
is it possible to gain someone's trust back if you have broken it?

love♥trust is it possible to have one without the other?
how do you trust someone again?

please be as honest as possible.
expressing failures, feelings and victories would really be helpful.

please don't criticize anyone for their opinions.
like mama says, 'if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!'
this is a safe zone to express yourself and to have others give you positive feedback and help.

thank you!

ok... so as honest as possible means that I'm going to gve conflicting information, because people are complicated and all of these things are true to some degree.

Sometimes I feel like a gigantic trust implosion. Like a walking space time fracture in which all trust immediately shatters to pieces.

With people who are sort of... over me, like a boss or a proffessor or someone of that nature, I lie. I don't strait up lie and tell them i did things i never did, but i tend to speak with a degree of confidense and certainty that isnt accurate. I sell myself, and people always buy it... at first. Then I drop the ball once or twice, or they find out somthing aboue me that they didn;t know before, and they realize im not as awesome as they used to think I am, and then they don't trust me.

With me trusting others... well I used to always start out trusting people. Trusting them way too much, just expecting them to alwys love me, always try, never wrong me, always attempt to communicate and understand. Just had a strong trust and expectation that people would treat me as I would treat them, especially in personal relationships. After afew mild dissapointments, and then a few crushing ones, and then a completely life altering earth shattering one, I don't really trust anyone very much in a sense.

I don't think that they are going to "betray" me or anything. I just have come to expect people to disappointing me. I have come to expect friends and lovers to not feel as strongly about me as I do about them, I've come to expect all good things to end when I least expect them, and I've come to expect myself to fail over and over and over again any time I seem to be getting myself back on a joyful path.

You can have love without trust. I love myself, and I love all the people who have disappointed me, and to some degree I even love the few people who have betrayed me, though that is clouded over by other emotions, and I've distanced myself from al of it.

Can you regain someones else's trust? Some people, yes. Trusting people. One can regain my trust. Easily in fact, maybe too easily, which sort of makes things worse because it means I often get disappointed over and over again. But some people you just can't. I was involved with a woman like that once, and a friend I was close with too, and both situations hurt me. At some point, everyone is going to screw up, and you will lose trust for a time. I think that is normal. Those grudge holders though, those people whose trust is made out of glass and cant be mended once broken, well I'm starting to think it is healthier just to avoid them.

And if you are one of those people, I would think about it. I would think about how much you could hurt people with your accusations, and how it isn't helpful to anyone to hold a persons feelings ransom.

If you are someone like me that doesn't trust yourself anymore? Well, I don't know what to tell you, other then something has to change.

P.S.
@ Hummy, I've noticed some of your posts before, and I must say that your general attitude (and even your avatar XD) is mind warming (I know the expression is heart warming... but I don't want to give people the impression that I believe I think with circulatory organ.)

I have insane trust issues. Partly for being bullied in school (by my own "friends"), but also because I was in a very nasty divorce which left me pennyless. Yes my exwife hacked my paypal account and did not leave me a damn penny. She took all $5 in the account.

There's more but nothing I'm comfortable sharing with strangers o.o

i have been betrayed by a close friend whom i confided in, heart and soul.
she used my own trusts against me and stole money, my identity and left me with serious trust issues.
i don't feel sure of myself anymore with how i trust people so easily, so mostly i shy back from trusting them completely.
on top of all of that my own mother helped her by giving other personal information, including her own maiden name out!
O.o
it has left me with a rift between mother and daughter.
my mother then had brain surgeries and i had to be a good daughter.
my Godmother said the things my mother did was because of her brain aneurysms
i didn't think this was possible and shortly thereafter my mother displayed herself again
now my Godmother had been taking care of her for almost 3 months, away from my uncle.
my Godmother was a few steps out of my mothers room when my mother says, 'i can't wait til she leaves!'
so i asked her why, was she not helping with enough? my mother says, 'NO! she eats like a pig, so loudly it hurts my head.'
i am a very sensitive person and i get my feelings hurt easily, but this hurt me to the core and not only because she is my Godmother.
but because she was in ear shot and had been taking care of her sister's bodily functions and putting up with my father,. etc.
so i know that the things said and done were not because of her brain aneurysms, but because of the kind of person she is.
i love my mother but she will never have my full trust again, nor will she have my full respect.
my Godmother and i never spoke of this but we both know it was said.
i just hugged her and told her what a wonderful person she was.
and when i was leaving the room i asked her if she was sure i was not her daughter.

The way I trust people is pretty contradictory. I simultaneously mistrust people and trust them too much. That doesn't make sense, I know.

Say for instance that I'm dating someone. I'll be terrified of them leaving me and hurting me, to the point where I'll be completely positive that they will do so. But at the same time, I will care for them very deeply and unguardedly, putting my whole heart into the relationship. So I'm trusting them not to hurt me while being certain that they will. I do the same thing with friends, just not romantically.

Starting in my teens, friends began to come in and out of my life pretty quickly. I'd get very attached to someone, consider them a best friend, and within a year or two they'd completely stop talking to me. After this happening over and over and over, I got pretty bruised and now I'm just afraid to have any friends.

Originally Posted by hummy

do you have trust issues?

yes I do, the reason behind it I think is in part how people have treated me, and how people treat each other. It is in many people's natures to get the things that they want no matter the cost to others, wether this is emotionaly, or otherwise. People are just a bunch of coniving jerks no matter what they say.

Originally Posted by hummy

is it possible to gain someone's trust back if you have broken it?

it is possible, but very, very hard to get someone to trust you once you have lost their trust.

Originally Posted by hummy

love♥trust is it possible to have one without the other?
how do you trust someone again?

yes you can love someone and not trust them.
as to how to trust someone again...no clue, it would depend on the person and what they did, and how long you want them to suffer for being a jerk faced douche in the first place.

Hehe... XD Hummy was born from angels :3 I'm sure of it! With her teal little halo.

I have trust issues, but not for the same reasons I think most people have them.

I'm afraid the people I love are going to die on me. Or that I will die before I can raise my children.

In 2005 my youngest brother died of an over dose at 20. In 2007 my father died in a fire underground.(Local victim known as family man - BakersfieldCalifornian.com)
In 2008 my cousin died when she decided to fast at 17 years old and passed out sitting on the edge of the pool. She slipped in and drowned. In 2009 my Grandmother died at 63 because her husband wouldn't spend the money to c are for her properly. Since her death, 2 of my friends have died. Just passed in their sleep.

So, I'm terrified of death. I have a hard time trusting anyone with my kids. I don't trust life in general is maybe what I'm getting at. ;p

@N Angel - Ah yeah that can be rough... it's hard to lose those you care about. I've honestly never managed to know how to react to death. I just sort of stare at a wall until I can manage to bury it

Originally Posted by Feralprince

ok... so as honest as possible means that I'm going to gve conflicting information, because people are complicated and all of these things are true to some degree.

Sometimes I feel like a gigantic trust implosion. Like a walking space time fracture in which all trust immediately shatters to pieces.

With people who are sort of... over me, like a boss or a proffessor or someone of that nature, I lie. I don't strait up lie and tell them i did things i never did, but i tend to speak with a degree of confidense and certainty that isnt accurate. I sell myself, and people always buy it... at first. Then I drop the ball once or twice, or they find out somthing aboue me that they didn;t know before, and they realize im not as awesome as they used to think I am, and then they don't trust me.

With me trusting others... well I used to always start out trusting people. Trusting them way too much, just expecting them to alwys love me, always try, never wrong me, always attempt to communicate and understand. Just had a strong trust and expectation that people would treat me as I would treat them, especially in personal relationships. After afew mild dissapointments, and then a few crushing ones, and then a completely life altering earth shattering one, I don't really trust anyone very much in a sense.

I don't think that they are going to "betray" me or anything. I just have come to expect people to disappointing me. I have come to expect friends and lovers to not feel as strongly about me as I do about them, I've come to expect all good things to end when I least expect them, and I've come to expect myself to fail over and over and over again any time I seem to be getting myself back on a joyful path.

You can have love without trust. I love myself, and I love all the people who have disappointed me, and to some degree I even love the few people who have betrayed me, though that is clouded over by other emotions, and I've distanced myself from al of it.

Can you regain someones else's trust? Some people, yes. Trusting people. One can regain my trust. Easily in fact, maybe too easily, which sort of makes things worse because it means I often get disappointed over and over again. But some people you just can't. I was involved with a woman like that once, and a friend I was close with too, and both situations hurt me. At some point, everyone is going to screw up, and you will lose trust for a time. I think that is normal. Those grudge holders though, those people whose trust is made out of glass and cant be mended once broken, well I'm starting to think it is healthier just to avoid them.

And if you are one of those people, I would think about it. I would think about how much you could hurt people with your accusations, and how it isn't helpful to anyone to hold a persons feelings ransom.

If you are someone like me that doesn't trust yourself anymore? Well, I don't know what to tell you, other then something has to change.

P.S.
@ Hummy, I've noticed some of your posts before, and I must say that your general attitude (and even your avatar XD) is mind warming (I know the expression is heart warming... but I don't want to give people the impression that I believe I think with circulatory organ.)

aw, thank you, your p.s. really means a lot to me
i do try to do unto others because i have been done badly and it hurts.
i was like you, always expecting people to deserve my trust and have learned it is not so.
i like trusting people and i am so sad it's not something i can do all the time anymore.

Originally Posted by hummy

do you have trust issues?
i know i do.
is it possible to gain someone's trust back if you have broken it?

love♥trust is it possible to have one without the other?
how do you trust someone again?

please be as honest as possible.
expressing failures, feelings and victories would really be helpful.

please don't criticize anyone for their opinions.
like mama says, 'if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!'
this is a safe zone to express yourself and to have others give you positive feedback and help.

thank you!

My dear, you picked a pretty tough topic. What is trust? I trust you and I trust the people I work with. I trust my twin brother and I trust my best friends. Yet even though I trust them... I still hesitate sometimes to do stuff or say stuff or admit to stuff or whatever. Is it still trust when you are scared or afraid? Is there such a thing as perfect, pure trust?

Now that I went all philosophical on you...

I do think it is possible to love without trusting. To care so deeply for someone but to know that you can't trust them. I absolutely love my mom. I care about her so much. Yet time and time again she has proven that whatever I say to her will come back to bite me in some fashion or another. I keep thinking she has changed, that a few years has made everything better... trust her again, and again, and again... and am betrayed, hurt, bewildered, disappointed all over again.

Suddenly a disney song comes to mind... "faith, hope, trust, and a little pixie dust..."

Faith... that's one thing I could never have in people. I only have faith when I can 100% trust someone. Like my partner I have Faith and Trust in her, but there isn't another person on this planet who has earned my faith. I'm a strong believer in proof.

Yeah... only my God and my twin brother I think have my faith and complete trust.

Originally Posted by Cherry Who?

The way I trust people is pretty contradictory. I simultaneously mistrust people and trust them too much. That doesn't make sense, I know.

Say for instance that I'm dating someone. I'll be terrified of them leaving me and hurting me, to the point where I'll be completely positive that they will do so. But at the same time, I will care for them very deeply and unguardedly, putting my whole heart into the relationship. So I'm trusting them not to hurt me while being certain that they will. I do the same thing with friends, just not romantically.

Starting in my teens, friends began to come in and out of my life pretty quickly. I'd get very attached to someone, consider them a best friend, and within a year or two they'd completely stop talking to me. After this happening over and over and over, I got pretty bruised and now I'm just afraid to have any friends.

it kind of does make sense.
i used to be all trusting all the time
now i think i start out trusting but expect to feel distrust at any point.
i see your point perfectly, Cherry, sadly for the both of us.
i tend to be guarded when making real life friends now, too.
i feel like i always am drawn to people who will use/hurt me.
both monetarily and emotionally like i have a sign on me.
*turns around in circles looking for sign*

*sticks hug me sign on hummy's back*

I always found that really strange hummy... how so often people are drawn to "bad people". Like girls always want to date the "bad boys" and stuff like that. I shut out almost everyone so it's really hard to understand that. Do you know why? What about them is appealing?

Originally Posted by maidenroseheart

My dear, you picked a pretty tough topic. What is trust? I trust you and I trust the people I work with. I trust my twin brother and I trust my best friends. Yet even though I trust them... I still hesitate sometimes to do stuff or say stuff or admit to stuff or whatever. Is it still trust when you are scared or afraid? Is there such a thing as perfect, pure trust?

Well, the definition of trust is a pretty interesting thing. I wasn't going to get into it in my first post here, because I didn't want to distract from the purity of the trust question as I assume trust was intended to be meant. This is usually defined as meeting our hopes, and not betraying out interests. However, literally trust can be viewed as our expectations of an object. For instance, I trust people to be disappointing at times, addicting and even wonderful at others, and extremely complex almost always, I trust fire will burn me if I put my hand in it, and I trust I will die if I am shot.

In this view, what I don't trust is say... a person I don't know, or an unidentified spider in a tropical country. The person could be a future friend, or could be someone who will hurt me or even be outright hostile. The spider could be harmless or could be aggressive an poisonous.

I think these two meanings of the word trust intersect in a meaningful way in our relationships. No matter how much we trust a person, we are never quite sure of exactly what they will do because people are so complex, and have so many possible behaviors. We can hope they behave in our best interest, and we can be fairly certain we know what they are capable of or how they will react, but a person can never be completely trusted in the literal sense because they are not completely predictable.

That's ok. Especially in love, a little bit of fear and uncertainty, make those moments where a person really comes through for you all the more joyous I think.

Wow, that was beautifully written. Thank you Feralprince for your thoughts.

You're quite welcome, it is nice to share.

Originally Posted by hummy

it kind of does make sense.
i used to be all trusting all the time
now i think i start out trusting but expect to feel distrust at any point.
i see your point perfectly, Cherry, sadly for the both of us.
i tend to be guarded when making real life friends now, too.
i feel like i always am drawn to people who will use/hurt me.
both monetarily and emotionally like i have a sign on me.
*turns around in circles looking for sign*

I feel that way too! I'm pretty sure that at some point someone wrote "here for you when you have absolutely nothing better to do" on my forehead in some special ink I can't see in the mirror. I'll never forget how one time I was really close with this girl, we'd talk for hours on the phone a few times a week, and then she just sort of stopped talking to me... then one day, out of the blue she calls me and she's like "yeah, everyone I know is at this party I wasn't invited to... I'm so bored, all my friends are unavailable. So I thought I'd call you," like... dude, do you realize what you just said to me?! After that I lost any interest in being friends with her. >> It hurts when people move on, but I understand that happens and I try not to hold grudges about it. But if you're going to come right out and say "I'm only talking to you because there's nothing better to do"? Come on.

Oh dear, I can't imagine that happening. Though I do understand. My best friend always hung out with anyone and everyone else until they all went their separate ways... then turn to me and talk to me like we had been talking all day. I'm sure she didn't mean to, but I did feel pretty left out.

Originally Posted by Angelbug

I have trust issues, but not for the same reasons I think most people have them.

I'm afraid the people I love are going to die on me. Or that I will die before I can raise my children.

In 2005 my youngest brother died of an over dose at 20. In 2007 my father died in a fire underground.(Local victim known as family man - BakersfieldCalifornian.com)
In 2008 my cousin died when she decided to fast at 17 years old and passed out sitting on the edge of the pool. She slipped in and drowned. In 2009 my Grandmother died at 63 because her husband wouldn't spend the money to c are for her properly. Since her death, 2 of my friends have died. Just passed in their sleep.

So, I'm terrified of death. I have a hard time trusting anyone with my kids. I don't trust life in general is maybe what I'm getting at. ;p

oh Angel my heart is so full for you right now.
you certainly have had more than your fair share of loss.
i can't bear to click the link at the moment.

i can surely see why you have trust issues with leaving your children with someone.
i would never have guessed how much sadness you have had to handle by the way you present yourself.
you seem so positive and upbeat and giving and kind.
i feel lucky to call you my friend.....and scared too
=p
will never sleep again

---------- Post added 05-02-2013 at 03:42 AM ----------

Originally Posted by maidenroseheart

My dear, you picked a pretty tough topic. What is trust? I trust you and I trust the people I work with. I trust my twin brother and I trust my best friends. Yet even though I trust them... I still hesitate sometimes to do stuff or say stuff or admit to stuff or whatever. Is it still trust when you are scared or afraid? Is there such a thing as perfect, pure trust?

Now that I went all philosophical on you...

I do think it is possible to love without trusting. To care so deeply for someone but to know that you can't trust them. I absolutely love my mom. I care about her so much. Yet time and time again she has proven that whatever I say to her will come back to bite me in some fashion or another. I keep thinking she has changed, that a few years has made everything better... trust her again, and again, and again... and am betrayed, hurt, bewildered, disappointed all over again.

Suddenly a disney song comes to mind... "faith, hope, trust, and a little pixie dust..."

i did pick a tough subject because it is personal for me.
i don't think i know how to fully trust anyone anymore.
i try to but it seems like i am waiting for the probverbial shoe to drop.
i won't ever trust my mother fully again.
i mean my whole family is military or was at one point in time.
so we all know what OPSEC *Operation Security* is and keep things close to our vests.
so to give out personal information to just a voice on the phone had me dumb founded.
i forgive and try to forget so that there is communication between us, but it is one sided to be sure.

i don't think i know how to fully trust anyone anymore.

Those are very sad words to hear. That you've been hurt so bad you can never trust again...

And while I have Larele I can completely relate because since my exwife screwed me over I've closed up to just about anyone new. Sure there are cracks and stuff... but every additional day I struggle to make friends, get along with my family, or just interact with people in general just makes me feel like I'm closing up even more.

*hugs hummy* I hope you can someday find someone 100% (not 99.99 but 100) loyal to put your trust in. You deserve that, you truly do.

thank you, Poet
i just would be happy being the one my mother puts first once in awhile
or to find out i'm my Godmothers biological child!
either way and i would be very happy.

Haha well you could have your godmother adopt you right? :D

Originally Posted by Cherry Who?

I feel that way too! I'm pretty sure that at some point someone wrote "here for you when you have absolutely nothing better to do" on my forehead in some special ink I can't see in the mirror. I'll never forget how one time I was really close with this girl, we'd talk for hours on the phone a few times a week, and then she just sort of stopped talking to me... then one day, out of the blue she calls me and she's like "yeah, everyone I know is at this party I wasn't invited to... I'm so bored, all my friends are unavailable. So I thought I'd call you," like... dude, do you realize what you just said to me?! After that I lost any interest in being friends with her. >> It hurts when people move on, but I understand that happens and I try not to hold grudges about it. But if you're going to come right out and say "I'm only talking to you because there's nothing better to do"? Come on.

people like this really make me sad
no regard for anyone's feeling but theirs.
*hugs Cherry*
i'm feeling guilty being happy she was not invited to that party