I don't have anyone... no one ever gives me the time of day. I'm the one who no one even cares about... -.- I'm a failure... my younger brother has had more relationships than me.. I'm almost 26 and I have NEVER had a boyfriend... EVER. Who would even want me... I'm a complete and utter looser. I'm a fat looser. -.-

I've always been invisible... people pretend to care about me. -.- Everyone turns on me eventually because I'm just that useless waste of trash that everyone discards eventually. And I'm just to the point of not sure how to even go with this... I'm 8 years into a degree that I don't even know if I want anymore. I have been told that it's a waste of schooling if I don't have an idea of what I want to do... I do not know AT ALL what I want to do... WHAT SO EVER. I'm a failure... I've wasted YEARS of my parents money on schooling because I'm the failure that I can't get out of... I'm the one that stuck with a 13 year abusive relationship with someone who I thought was my BEST FRIEND... because I can't give up on people, but I keep getting used and abused and treated like crap... What is the point? I just give up. I FREAKING GIVE UP! And I just gave up on another 13 year friendship because I'm tired of people feeling like they can treat me like ABSOLUTE CRAP... That they can ignore me, and then basically just talk down to me, and treat me like crap and then throw it in my case that it's all my fault... It's ALWAYS MY FAULT... I've been told that time and time again... Things are ALWAYS my fault...

People have told me time and time again that they hear me... but I can not believe anyone anymore.. I truly can't believe anyone anymore because I have been let down so many times by those people who have told me that THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME... that they're to listen to me... -.- They ALWAYS ABANDON ME... EVERY SINGLE TIME. TIME AND TIME AGAIN... so excuse me if I can't trust anyone anymore... -.-

You clearly aren't as invisible as I am... Because you've been married, and are currently married. Someone wants you. No one ever wants me... -.-

*sigh*
I just want you to know Cloud that I have read every single rant you've ever had on here. I am there every time you get upset and go off on people. But I have stopped saying anything because I have learned that nothing I say will help.
I hope that you figure out how to stop feeling the way you do about yourself. But really, none of us can help you. And every method of support that I know of has been exhausted except "nod and smile" which is the worst one and not exactly possible on a forum. I distanced myself from you because these episodes were beginning to hurt ME in a personal way. I felt constantly attacked and blamed for everything that was wrong in your life. So I have taken to just reading and hoping that you get yourself some help and get to a better head space.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say.

Yeah and that just proves a point. Everyone abandons me in the end so WHY DO I EVEN TRY? I'm a worthless piece of shit that just gets stuck to the bottom of people's shoes and they can't wait to get rid of me.

And that will never happen. I know that much. Because no one is willing to give me the time of day and everyone just gives up on me. I'm not worth it. I'm never worth it. I get that now....

Why do I even bother bringing up how I feel. Someone it always makes me feel like even more like an idiot and the stupid person that I am. I'm just a complete failure who everyone gives up on and always blames me. I'm always to blame. End of story. -.-
WHY DO I EVEN TRY?! If I just left today, gone forever. NO one would even miss me.

You're a worthwhile person, but when you attack every person that tries to help you, then yeah, eventually we're going to give up. Because our efforts aren't making a difference. I really think you need to enroll in a regular therapy program, and bring transcripts of some of these conversations so you can tell the therapist how you're feeling when these conversations are happening. But all I do when I try to help is make it worse and get yelled. So I'm hear for you in the only way that isn't bad for both of us: I read.

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THERAPY. or the money for that matter. I am not asking my parents to spend more money on me than they already have wasted on me to begin with. -.-
I have been to therapy. IT DOESNT HELP. AT ALL.

People always walk away from me. Why do I even try? And that is not the message I get from people at all. I am NOT worth their time based on actions. -.-
They way they treat me makes me feel like I'm worthless and not worth anyone's time AT ALL. -.- people say that they're here for me. They sure don't really show it. Everyone walks away and distances themselves from me eventually. It always happens. Why do I even try.

I'm serious about no one missing me if I just disappeared today...

I feel invisible, useless, a complete and utter failure and someone who's not worth anyone's time. Ever. -.-

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll be going back to not interfering again. Clearly I am, once again, not helping and just getting yelled at.

Once again proving that everyone abandons me I'm the end. WHATEVER. I give up.

I'll just leave and stop bothering anyone. -.-
I may or may not be back...
Bye.

And yet.. we were here. Reading what you had to say. Not knowing what to say without hurting you further.

Well clearly ignoring and not responding seems to be the only response...
Even though that does hurt but apparently people don't seem to care. Bleh.

No one wants to hear anymore. It's not worth it. I give up.
Now I have to go act happy around my parents so they don't suspect how hurt and upset I am.
I've been doing this my whole life.
It's sad. I have people think that I'm such a happy person.
I'm just good at acting like I'm fine but I'm breaking up inside. -.-
I'm always alone. No one wants me.
But yet I'm very good at acting like I'm happy when I never am.

Clearly it's fine. I don't have emotions. Do what's best for you. Ignore me.
Act like I'm not here. It's what everyone does.

Maybe you should tell your parents what you're going through.

No. I won't.
I wouldn't be able to say it.
I would sign it and they don't sign.
And I don't fully trust them.
They're the ones who didnt fully believe me when I tried to talk to them about how I felt... For years.

If I say something to you, you are upset and if I say nothing you're upset. My hope is by not instigating things further, we can calm down and just be supportive.

Maybe write them a letter. Someone needs to know. Because it seems like it's getting worse, not better.

It won't work. I've tried writing it down... that doesn't work...

I have a few friends who know, well really only one who truly seems to understand. But I don't want to bother her right now as she's really sick and not feeling well at all.

I have been watching this unfold for a while, and I feel it has escalated to a point where everyone needs to step back and leave this thread for a while. Let things settle down and feelings mend. If I continue to see more posts along a similar vein I will start to delete posts to prevent any further escalation.

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well today!

I was surprised to see Elmira Swift: worried about me. Thanks for the concern! I'm okay, just been distant from the computer because once I get on here I don't do anything else. I'm trying to be more active because I need to lose some weight and sitting on my booty doesn't do me any good.

I have an annual doctor appointment today (if you know what i mean). I hate going to that place, they are rude and seem like they don't really care. :P But it has to be done.

We bought a small pop-up pool, which the boys LOVE, but it sounds like i'm going to get lectured about it when I take the boys over to my parents so I can go to the doctor. I get so tired of that, i'm freakin 26 years old, been married almost 8 years and my dad still lectures me like i'm a little kid. Bleh it's annoying!

anyways, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their summer so far! Anyone doing anything exciting or going anywhere new?

Hello llon! Good to see that you're doing good

Haha, oh llonka. I TOTALLY understand the computer problem. I am the worst about not getting off my rump once I've opened the computer. I had to do all of my chores today before I turned it one because I knew I would never do them if I didn't.
I have a terrible internet addiction.
I'm glad the boys are enjoying the pool. It sucks that you're going to get lectured about it.
Have...uh...fun?...at the doctor. Or at least I hope it all turns out good and painless. I hate it when I get a doctor that treats those spreaders like a truck jack.

I'm addicted to mene. I don't think I can live without checking it every 15 minutes, in the very least
I hope your appointment goes well too, llon dear.

Oh so true Lexa. That's usually why I end up taking hiatuses. I get so Mene addicted that I stop doing the life thing.

Yeah, I thought I'd die at school today >_> I kept opening my bag to try to take out my phone which I didn't have in my bag (phones aren't allowed here D:) I guess now that I'm actually getting things to do I'll grow out of it

Hehe, yeah, it is hard to suddenly go without. But it's probably good for you.

The llonka lives! Yay! :D

It's so beautiful outside today...but I have a horrible headache. :(

I'm excited to go running