Thanks emma! <333
I think I just really need to get over myself is all.
Still stuck in my old school ways haha.

Hey! That wasn't nine million dollars.

Originally Posted by Roachi

Thanks emma! <333
I think I just really need to get over myself is all.
Still stuck in my old school ways haha.

Of course! <33
Aw Things happen! Change is super hard.
I'm currently trying to stay out of depression after Gram died and literally every day is different. Sometimes I'm just angry at the world, other times I just don't even talk to anyone and I just cry over the stupidest crap. Then with school on top of it
Yeah. It's wicked easy to fall into negative old patterns, so I get you there in a sense.
We shall work through change together!!

Originally Posted by Mr. Wrong

Hey! That wasn't nine million dollars.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

Originally Posted by Mr. Wrong

Hey! That wasn't nine million dollars.

I said I only had 20k would that do? lol
*turns out pockets*

Originally Posted by Emma Corrin

Of course! <33
Aw Things happen! Change is super hard.
I'm currently trying to stay out of depression after Gram died and literally every day is different. Sometimes I'm just angry at the world, other times I just don't even talk to anyone and I just cry over the stupidest crap. Then with school on top of it
Yeah. It's wicked easy to fall into negative old patterns, so I get you there in a sense.
We shall work through change together!!



SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

Wait what... your gram died? The one you look after all the time??! OMG WHEN? I'm so sorry hon *hugglesquish* :(

Originally Posted by Roachi

Wait what... your gram died? The one you look after all the time??! OMG WHEN? I'm so sorry hon *hugglesquish* :(

Omg I seriously thought I told you! Omg I feel so bad right now!!
Yeah she dies back in April! April 19th to be exact! Right in between birthdays for my cousin and his daughter. She went into the hospital at the end of March shortly after Easter and while she was there they gave her EXTREME wounds and quite literally tore up her bottom (and she was 100% bed-bound at this point) - it looked like her bottom went through a meat shredder because she had TINY bed sores that I had almost healed from her hospital stay in January, and the nurses being morons went AGAINST what they were told and put these patches on her bottom - which have a surface area that is 100% sticky - and when they took it off, it tore her bottom. I basically cussed them out, and then that night the same staff did it AGAIN, and this time there was no coming back from it. It DESTROYED her. So, we filed a report. After that, they started yelling at her and when they cleaned her up after having a bowel movement, they left poop in her vagina and pee-hole (she had a catheter due to not being able to move out of bed) and she was DISCHARGED from the hospital like that, when she hadn't had a bowel movement in 3 days.

They discharged her because they couldn't stop bacteria from growing in her urine, and it stemmed from feces, but they couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until she got home and I cleaned her up that I saw why. But by then it was too late. They apparently never bothered to check her and the staff was awful to her. She was still septic, she was weighted down SEVERELY with fluid due to IVs due to hydration etc. which caused her breathing to diminish and weaken, and she was just in a very bad situation by the time the hospital stay was over. She died a week to 10 days later at max. :(

But she passed peacefully and she's not suffering in pain anymore, so I'm truly comforted by that. She waited until my Grandpa and I went to bed, and when it was just her and my Mom she passed. Quite literally a half hour after I left and my Grandpa went to bed. It's been so emotional. I mean, my Grandpa, who my Mom has NEVER seen cry in all of her 40 some years (born in '71), cried for weeks. We're all still struggling for a new normal, which is why I started the adventure with Origami Owl - kind of like a distraction until school started (I mean I love it, don't get me wrong, but yeah - I literally bought my kit 3 days after Gram died).

I've literally been battling depression since then - not in a suicidal way, but in the way in that I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be around anyone - until I helped my brother move yesterday? I hadn't been out of the house in at least 2 weeks - and before that it had been almost a month. I just don't care to even go to the store anymore sometimes - it's so hard because I see things that I want to tell Gram about, or I see things I want to pick up for her for snacks, and I just can't anymore. Like for example - a Dunkin Donuts FINALLY finished getting built a week or two ago - we'd been showing her photos of the construction since Fall - she was SO excited because she loves their donuts and she knows how much I love their coffee so she was so excited I didn't have to drive 20 minutes to get it anymore. She never got to see it completed. It's small things like that that make it hard. I have yet to go to that Dunkin Donuts.

I mean, as I'm writing this I'm literally bawling my eyes out. Some days are better than others, but it's a constant struggle every day. It is for all of us. I mean you know how big of a part of my life she was so you get it. But yeah - it's just... yeah. And it's hard going back to school in August but I know she'd literally be kicking my ass if I didn't, and I can just hear her now and what she'd say. She knew I wasn't going back to nursing and that I was going for Health Care Ethics & Law - and she was totally happy with that - so I know she'd be proud of what I'm doing, but it's still hard because it'll be the first graduation and degree she hasn't been there for, so it's bittersweet.

Also - totally sorry for the crazy long post of sappy sorrow - I honestly didn't realize we hadn't talked about it what-so-ever! I honestly thought we had discussed it already and so I kind of wanted to catch you up on what's kind of been going on the last couple of months and why I was so MIA and like, not talkative for the longest time, and why I kind of disappeared in March. -hugglesquish- <3333

Originally Posted by Emma Corrin

Omg I seriously thought I told you! Omg I feel so bad right now!!
Yeah she dies back in April! April 19th to be exact! Right in between birthdays for my cousin and his daughter. She went into the hospital at the end of March shortly after Easter and while she was there they gave her EXTREME wounds and quite literally tore up her bottom (and she was 100% bed-bound at this point) - it looked like her bottom went through a meat shredder because she had TINY bed sores that I had almost healed from her hospital stay in January, and the nurses being morons went AGAINST what they were told and put these patches on her bottom - which have a surface area that is 100% sticky - and when they took it off, it tore her bottom. I basically cussed them out, and then that night the same staff did it AGAIN, and this time there was no coming back from it. It DESTROYED her. So, we filed a report. After that, they started yelling at her and when they cleaned her up after having a bowel movement, they left poop in her vagina and pee-hole (she had a catheter due to not being able to move out of bed) and she was DISCHARGED from the hospital like that, when she hadn't had a bowel movement in 3 days.

They discharged her because they couldn't stop bacteria from growing in her urine, and it stemmed from feces, but they couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until she got home and I cleaned her up that I saw why. But by then it was too late. They apparently never bothered to check her and the staff was awful to her. She was still septic, she was weighted down SEVERELY with fluid due to IVs due to hydration etc. which caused her breathing to diminish and weaken, and she was just in a very bad situation by the time the hospital stay was over. She died a week to 10 days later at max. :(

But she passed peacefully and she's not suffering in pain anymore, so I'm truly comforted by that. She waited until my Grandpa and I went to bed, and when it was just her and my Mom she passed. Quite literally a half hour after I left and my Grandpa went to bed. It's been so emotional. I mean, my Grandpa, who my Mom has NEVER seen cry in all of her 40 some years (born in '71), cried for weeks. We're all still struggling for a new normal, which is why I started the adventure with Origami Owl - kind of like a distraction until school started (I mean I love it, don't get me wrong, but yeah - I literally bought my kit 3 days after Gram died).

I've literally been battling depression since then - not in a suicidal way, but in the way in that I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be around anyone - until I helped my brother move yesterday? I hadn't been out of the house in at least 2 weeks - and before that it had been almost a month. I just don't care to even go to the store anymore sometimes - it's so hard because I see things that I want to tell Gram about, or I see things I want to pick up for her for snacks, and I just can't anymore. Like for example - a Dunkin Donuts FINALLY finished getting built a week or two ago - we'd been showing her photos of the construction since Fall - she was SO excited because she loves their donuts and she knows how much I love their coffee so she was so excited I didn't have to drive 20 minutes to get it anymore. She never got to see it completed. It's small things like that that make it hard. I have yet to go to that Dunkin Donuts.

I mean, as I'm writing this I'm literally bawling my eyes out. Some days are better than others, but it's a constant struggle every day. It is for all of us. I mean you know how big of a part of my life she was so you get it. But yeah - it's just... yeah. And it's hard going back to school in August but I know she'd literally be kicking my ass if I didn't, and I can just hear her now and what she'd say. She knew I wasn't going back to nursing and that I was going for Health Care Ethics & Law - and she was totally happy with that - so I know she'd be proud of what I'm doing, but it's still hard because it'll be the first graduation and degree she hasn't been there for, so it's bittersweet.

Also - totally sorry for the crazy long post of sappy sorrow - I honestly didn't realize we hadn't talked about it what-so-ever! I honestly thought we had discussed it already and so I kind of wanted to catch you up on what's kind of been going on the last couple of months and why I was so MIA and like, not talkative for the longest time, and why I kind of disappeared in March. -hugglesquish- <3333

My apologies for butting into your conversation with Roachi. Was this your grandmother who passed away?

Originally Posted by Mr. Wrong

My apologies for butting into your conversation with Roachi. Was this your grandmother who passed away?

That's okay. :) It was. She was a second Mom to me - lived with her or next door to her (and my Grandpa) for 24 years. Since October I physically took care of her and became her primary caretaker as she became bed-bound and required a bi-pap machine at night, and for 5 years prior to that I helped take care of her as she was primarily wheel-chair bound for anything more than casual walking around the house and she couldn't use the bathroom on her own.

Originally Posted by Emma Corrin

That's okay. :) It was. She was a second Mom to me - lived with her or next door to her (and my Grandpa) for 24 years. Since October I physically took care of her and became her primary caretaker as she became bed-bound and required a bi-pap machine at night, and for 5 years prior to that I helped take care of her as she was primarily wheel-chair bound for anything more than casual walking around the house and she couldn't use the bathroom on her own.

My reading of your account of your grandmother's hospital stay and how she was treated while there I found appalling. If what I read is anywhere near the truth then your grandmother died of criminal neglect.

I don't consider I myself to be a sue-happy individual, but I am of the opinion that a lawsuit should be filed against this hospital for some sort of gross medical malpractice. This shouldn't be done for monetary gain, but rather hopefully correct the errors that are so evident in the ill manner in which your grandmother was treated.

I am quite certain that inmates on death row receive better medical care than that which your grandmother received. If this happened to someone I loved it would send me through the roof and I would be seeking a shark for an attorney.

I am sorry for your loss. Your story has touched me.

Believe me - it is 100% the truth. My field is health care ethics and law and my platform is reform and education on exactly these types of situations. People think these things don't happen anymore, but they happen all of the time. Over the last several years, we have been through so much with her medical care - from overdosing on heparin (they refused to give us the report on this and claimed the machine malfunctioned - there was no health care proxy at the time and my grandfather refused to have it investigated and now the statute of limitations has run out on it based on the state info online) to putting patches on her when it is in her medical record NOT to have them due to the condition of her skin, and when her Medical Proxy explicitly told them NOT to use any sort of tagaderm, patch, etc. on her - only desitin for her bottom. But those nurses hated desitin and wouldn't clean it so they ignored us and put patches on. Twice. And then when they were forced to use desitin, they apparently refused to clean her properly and we were entirely unaware until we got her home because she was starting to lose her ability to tell if she went to the bathroom or not so she couldn't tell that there was anything there - she just felt uncomfortable but we assumed it was for other reasons and she refused to let us check her (different bed and mattress, different pillows, different washcloths etc). Which 100% was not her fault and not an excuse, but at this time it was hard for her to move because of the fluid and she assured us the nurses cleaned her - she trusted them and just had no idea otherwise. For that I'm thankful, but honest to goodness I can't make this stuff up. This is another reason why I'm in health care law and ethics. :( And she truly hadn't gone to the bathroom for 3 days prior to discharge day because she was septic, not eating, and her system was shutting down. Had we known why the infection wasn't going away we would have fought harder, but we just didn't know until it was too late and it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyways because she was in so much pain from her bottom from what they did. She wasn't happy. I'm so glad she was able to come home for another week and at least be home and happy and feel safe. She was with family and in her kitchen where she could watch the birds and honestly that's everything she could have wanted.

Also legal action is something that we are looking into. Right now my Mom & Grandpa are just not okay enough to go through the process, it just happened a couple of months ago and my Gramp is honestly not taking it well (which is to be expected) - they were together over 50 years, 40 years in that house - and he's truly lost without her. He can go anywhere he wants and do whatever he wants and he doesn't know how to handle it or grasp it yet - he's used to checking in on her and telling her he's leaving for just a few minutes - and he doesn't have to anymore. We're all used to the same thing - checking in on her, telling her what's new, talking to her about what's on Facebook (which she loved), talking to her about the humming birds she impatiently always watched for and the baby birds and squirrels etc. She loved nature. It's so hard having her not be here for it. And it's truly because of the hospital stay. I mean, she had an infection going in. But they cured that infection and it was a new one that they couldn't cure, which stemmed from bacteria growing in the urine from feces - we just didn't know and I still can't not blame myself for it even though it wasn't my fault. On one hand I wish I could have made her let me look, but at the same time I don't want my last memories with her to be fighting and causing her pain either. So it's a really tough position to be put in and we shouldn't have even had to think about questioning if she had been cleaned properly. We shouldn't have to babysit an entire hospital floor's staff to see if they're doing their job. And that's what's frustrating. Unfortunately I wasn't her medical proxy my mom was, so she has the most influence, so to speak, and she was the one who filed the report on the patches etc. - and she's they the one who can speak more calmly about what happened than I can. But believe me, I am pushing and pushing for legal action. I just think it'll take a little time before they're ready to relive everything and not have to speak entirely through tears and breakdowns. But I agree, it's 100% not about the money or getting people fired. It's about changing the norm and that this should not be the norm and it should NEVER have happened. Doctors are trusting the nurses to keep the patients safe. Had they known where the infection was and why it was there they could have saved her and given her another 6 months or more. But because they couldn't find the source and everything was shutting down from the fluid etc., she was taken from us far too soon.

I'm honestly glad you read her story and are touched by it. If one person can learn from her story and learn what to look out for and to speak up and fight for change then it's worth it to relive it. It's not just health care professionals that need to say enough is enough, but patients and patient families. If people come forward and say something, changes can be implemented. If not, things get worse and out of control and things like this can happen.

Hey guys. I will answer your posts, but when I get more time.
Just been so flat out with work.

That's okay hun! I know it's a long read - and emotional and depressing - so I totally get needing to be in the right mood to tackle it xD; <3
Hopefully work slows down a little so you can relax :(

Yeah, I was looking after a very sick baby all weekend, and now mama has a cold. And I'm at work and we're short staffed & I feel like I'm dying lol. I will answer it though I promise.. :)
I like your new avi :)

*tackle glomps Roachi*

Hey hon. OHH dear god I am soo un well :(

aww poor Roachi D:

Yeah, but stuck at work. Can the end of the week, come any sooner? Lol

Originally Posted by Roachi

Yeah, I was looking after a very sick baby all weekend, and now mama has a cold. And I'm at work and we're short staffed & I feel like I'm dying lol. I will answer it though I promise.. :)
I like your new avi :)

Oh jeez - you're just not doing well right now lol Is Jax at least doing better? Some sort of positive? Lol!

Aw thankies! I was kinda going for a Star Wars theme and then it ended up like this xD;

Originally Posted by Roachi

Yeah, but stuck at work. Can the end of the week, come any sooner? Lol

Definitely not good. :( At least the week is half over?

---------- Post added 07-05-2016 at 10:58 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Siipu

*tackle glomps Roachi*

Omg I am in LOVE with your avi right now - the book with the angel gear and sky just look amazing! Really great color scheme <3

Originally Posted by salvete

aww poor Roachi D:

Awww I love that you included the cow in your fireworks celebration!! Too cute <3

Roachi my dear, did you still need the Goth Ninja - Bloody Mistress item? I still have at least five of them in stock for you, should you desire them. Plus I sent you the trade with the new CI.

Originally Posted by Roachi

Hey hon. OHH dear god I am soo un well :(

Aww, really?
I was hoping you'd be feeling better.
The flu is getting worse?

Originally Posted by Emma Corrin

Omg I am in LOVE with your avi right now - the book with the angel gear and sky just look amazing! Really great color scheme <3

Thank you so much!
I'm happy how this turned out. I wasn't sure
when I started playing around with teal color, since I don't really
use teal items.

I don't normally use teal either - some can be so creative with it but I always struggle lol I definitely like how you used it though!! :D

I did like the challenge tho.
I just picked a color I've never used or have rarely used
and started working from there.

But when you start playing around, it might never end.

Lol That's so true! That's how my last avi ended up the way it did - same with this one :3 I rather like how both turned out though! But playing does get you into trouble because it's hard to know when to stop!! XD;

I do like your avi's. *nods*
And yes, exactly!
You want to go a bit further but not too far.
And that's a fine line.

TO much amazing avatars in here. i'm speechless :O

I have to agree with you Shadami.