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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
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11-05-2013, 09:32 AM
A... A shadow person? Have those been following you around? XD; <333
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Roachi
ϟ△⃒⃘
☆☆☆☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 09:41 AM
Lmao neph.
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Nephila
The Serpent Bride
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 09:48 AM
Yeah they're worse than the loch ness monster and slender man put together. $3.50 is at least doable and $20 for a dance isn't bad. But Fresh baked cookies? COMMON MONSTERS *shoos away*
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
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11-05-2013, 09:49 AM
... I don't even.
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Nephila
The Serpent Bride
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 09:53 AM
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
☆☆☆☆☆
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11-05-2013, 09:57 AM
... I STILL don't even. XD
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XxZombie.Mama.NephxX
⊙ω⊙
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11-05-2013, 10:06 AM
Nakee alt streak powa!
*cartwheel*
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
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11-05-2013, 10:12 AM
Nephie you are crazy tonight. :o
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XxZombie.Mama.NephxX
⊙ω⊙
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11-05-2013, 10:18 AM
Maybe a little bit yes. XD
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
☆☆☆☆☆
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11-05-2013, 10:20 AM
xD What's up?
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XxZombie.Mama.NephxX
⊙ω⊙
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11-05-2013, 10:23 AM
Nothin really. I'm just messin around on youtube. Hehe. OH and playing mene games.
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wish
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☆
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11-05-2013, 11:03 AM
*flops around in the thread*
z..zombie....!!!
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hummy
Little birdie ♥
☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 12:31 PM
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Roachi
ϟ△⃒⃘
☆☆☆☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 08:41 PM
Argh i feel horrible today :(
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Nephila
The Serpent Bride
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ Penpal
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11-05-2013, 08:46 PM
Uh oh Cramps? Sick? Electronic attack?
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Larele
ʘ‿ʘ
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11-05-2013, 09:28 PM
Dear friends of Poet,
First off, an apology to Roachi for posting in your thread but I just had to say something, and sorry it's late, but I was very tired and couldn't finish earlier. I know I said I wasn't coming back to this thread, but I couldn't help but to be curious to read it when Poet mentioned it, and I kept seeing mentioning I'm running away..and my side of the story. Well, here it is for you all, and for Poet.
When I first felt feelings for someone other than Poet, I began to panic. Inside I began to tear at myself, I was so scared of these feelings, that didn't make sense to me. I tried to push them out of my mind. I met this guy at a basketball court, by chance it seemed, since our net was down and I wanted to get back into an old hobby. I bought a basketball, and met this guy the first day I was shooting hoops by myself. I was nervous of him at first, as I am normally a very shy person. I thought to myself, he has his own basketball so maybe we can just shoot hoops, and he won't say anything to me. When he stepped inside that gate though, I felt strangely calm. He greeted me, and even though I was very shy, I said hello back. He told me of a fiance and baby he lost, because of her jealous ex boyfriend that shot her killing her and the baby in her, and how he never wanted a relationship again. We barely got past a hello, and he said he wanted to make that clear. I told him of Poet, and how wonderful Poet was, and there would be no worry of me trying to be with him because I was very loyal to Poet. He smiled and said that I was lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend, and I smiled back and agreed with him. It was quickly settled that there would be no worry of any interference with my relationship at the time with Poet. How wrong I would come to be.
Though in the end I couldn't keep my loyalty to Poet, I really did fight myself every step of the way. For at least a few weeks, I didn't even hug this guy, I wouldn't let him get close enough. He was respectful and decent to not push me. Honestly, I didn't tell Poet all of what happened while I struggled with myself. So Poet, if you're reading this too, I'm really sorry for not saying everything but my focus was your feelings. For a few days, I just wanted to die, then at least I would've left Poet in a way neither of us could prevent but not for another, and he could just start a new life in the future. I did not eat, barely slept, became sick to the point I had to force myself out of bed, and I even had a nightmare where I told him I had found love for another, and he killed himself. I was so scared of that becoming reality. I spent at least a few days trying to think how to even say it. I felt that he would shatter when I confessed, that he would disappear. Not after how far he's come, not after all he's been through.
For so long I pushed him to keep going, to never give up, he told me I gave him something worth living for. I was so scared that the moment I admitted my feelings for another, that he would just kill himself. This amazing person and his kindness, and heart of gold would die with him. I didn't want to hurt him, I tried to force myself to not leave him, but as time went on I knew I could nolonger just pretend the feelings weren't there. So I admitted to the guy I'd been hiding my feelings for him, because of my loyalty to Poet, but..and I remember crying as I told him. I can't be with you until I tell Poet the truth, that we're nolonger just friends. I'm scared though. When I first met Poet, he was on the verge of suicide, I'm scared for him, I don't want to him give up because of me.
When I finally felt I was ready to say something, I started the message on skype..but kept back spacing. Why? That image of him killing himself flashed in my mind, and I remember how I began to tremble then, and I felt tears the entire time I typed. In my mind the words please don't die please don't kill yourself, ran in my head so many times.
When I finally finished and hit send, I held my breath and trembled in fear, just expecting him to log off and never come back. My mind flashed back to all the promises I'd made..now empty. Idiot. What did you do!? What happened to loyalty, and all those promises to him!? Each day, I promise, I'll prove to you that I won't ever hurt you. Sealed with a kiss.
Those words I said every day, began to echo and haunt my mind. The words I desperately used to gain his trust after what his ex-wife/my ex-friend did to him..I wanted him to be happy again, to have life in his heart. What a lie. What a cruel, terrible lie. What a monster I am. Here was this guy that I've known and been loyal to since 2007, we finally met offline just last year, I was loyal all that time..and now? After telling him the truth, Poet did not at first decide to keep me as a friend. I even told him, I said that I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, it just..happened. I'll understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me now. You have every right, but please..I'm begging you..please don't disappear. Not for me, for yourself, for all you've done, don't give up on life just because of me, please, you deserve to see that light you've been working so hard for.
Even though I lost my romantic feelings for him, Poet is still a very special person in my life, and I am very grateful to of not lost him. He's always felt like a protector to me, he's a real knight in shining armor, and like a loving older brother. Sometimes I still feel unworthy of his friendship..like he used to always say how he felt unworthy of me. I feel strongly that somewhere out there is a girl for him, after all these years it wasn't me, but there is someone out there who will make him happier than he's ever been and I'm just waiting to hear him say that. I used to believe it was me, but maybe I should've stayed away after the first time. A few years after we first confessed our love online, I found myself questioning what was the purpose of a relationship? Can't friends love, can it be the same? Such a silly thought, but at the time I didn't know any better. I didn't understand what a relationship really was. All that was there was feelings, but for what? When I was younger, I didn't understand the feelings I had for Poet, or what feelings really were. Love and hate are only a jumble of symbols, without the feelings to go with them.
I am sure there's more I'm forgetting, but last year while Poet was visiting, I hit my head really hard on a doorknob and lost a lot of memories. It is only in the past few months or so, that I feel I have most of them back. I won't go into that story since it's not important here, but I've said what I can.
Currently, Poet and I are very close friends, and he and my boyfriend are friendly with eachother, infact on camera we all three spent much of the time laughing at things we do or say. Ex is such an ugly way to refer to someone as, so I'll refer to Poet as the first person to ever teach me what love was..even though at first I didn't understand it. I'm sorry Poet, there's a lot about myself I left out originally, because I was so focused on only you, and trying to let you go with as little or no hurt as possible. I knew it would hurt, but the feelings I fought so hard to keep out found their way back, and I could nolonger deny them. I had to say something, I wasn't going to just go behind your back. I hated myself for this weakness, because I did not want to hurt you, and I kept hovering over that backspace button wondering where had my love for you gone? Did I really in the end only see you as a brother? My feelings confused me terribly, and I can never say sorry enough.
I understand that Poet's friends are mad at and/or hate me, but I want to make it clear. I could care less for popularity, I hate the word even, so many lives are destroyed because of popularity and the actions by it. I didn't leave just because of what one person said, not for the reason that is thought. Poet told me to come back to Mene, and told me he wouldn't tolerate anyone hating me, but I felt it best I didn't come back because it could cause trouble for him. I wanted him to enjoy his life and friends here, and then he and I can just talk on skype, but at his hopefulness I decided to try to come back to Mene. The only reason I would be on Mene is for two things; art, and because Poet wants me to be. I won't bother anyone that doesn't like me, that's rude and there's no point in harassing anyone about it, so if you all can just forget I exist..not for me, for Poet..please? He always talks of Mene and you all, and seems to enjoy being here, so I really hope it won't become a place he will avoid and nolonger enjoy.
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Roachi
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11-06-2013, 12:16 AM
@Nephila - Electronic attack? Lmao! What is that! :P
Larele:
Well... What can i say. I really do appreciate you coming here and explaining your side of the story. It seriously brought a tear to my eye. Especially about your boyfriend, how very awful that, that happened to him :(. I really hope that he has found happiness again with you. I may have jumped to conclusions a little last night. I was already angry and upset about another situation (family friend dying & family issues). I didn't really stop to think about a lot of things. But i never did say i hated you, and i never have, so please don't feel that way. I was just trying to be a good friend.
Well i still feel that this situation is sad & i still don't agree with it. Mainly because i've been on the other side of this kind of situation (in poets position). I do understand where your coming from. And Dystopia (oh wise one) was right. It's not right to hold onto someone you don't love anymore. But it makes me really sad to think, that someone can just move onto someone else, and open their hearts to someone else and break someone's heart like that. But again i'm drawing back to my own personal experiences & i think this is where the issue has stemed from & why i'm so passionate you can say about it...
Anyway, yours and poets business. Isn't really my business and i should have never got involved in it. I think mostly i was just trying to be a good friend to Poet, so that he knew that there are people on his side, and he does have good friends on here! Even though he has major trust issues and what not. I've come to be quite fond of him :).
So Larele, i don't hate you. And i don't want you to feel un-welcome here. I'm not a mean person i swear! :P I'm just irrational lol. Please, you shouldn't be afraid to come on here and experience mene, cause mene is awesome! :)
But thank you heaps for you time to come and explain things to us. And i'm glad that you and Poet are okay & can still have a friendship. :)
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Nephila
The Serpent Bride
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11-06-2013, 12:35 AM
It's a mind control technique. XD
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The Wandering Poet
Captain Oblivious
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11-06-2013, 12:43 AM
One thing she didn't mention Roro, was that shortly after breaking up, she worked really hard trying to get me a girlfriend
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Izumi
イズミ
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11-06-2013, 12:59 AM
Wow, Larele...what a story. I didn't really know you personally, but I knew of the situation, vaguely. I know Poet as a member of Menewsha and I knew he said you left due to you concerned we would dislike you for it. In all honesty, like Roachi said previously, it's really between you and Poet. I'm just really happy that the two of you were able to make amends and still remain friends. When you get so close to someone like that it can be really difficult to watch them move on. I know when my ex-husband first told me he had a girlfriend the overwhelming negative energy I felt. I can imagine that it was difficult on both ends.
I also lost my brother to suicide, and I believe the 'final straw' was over his very close girl friend finally put distance between them. She had recently split with her boyfriend, and my brother and her got extremely close. When she called things off and went back to her now fiance I think that was too much for him to handle. While I can appreciate it on both sides, feeling suicidal at points in my life, I also want to let you know that even given his terrible loss I don't once feel any ill will towards this girl. Not even an ounce. When you really analyzed him as a person, and his issues you'd realize there was so much more complexity to his situation...this was just more than he could take, and in the end none of his friends or family saw this coming. On the outside he seemed like such a carefree, unshakeable spirit.
While I do hope Poet is feeling better, and would not want to see him end his life either, I strongly want to let you know that in the end that is that person's decision. It's a very final one, and typically an answer to some short term problems...It's still their decision. I guess I just want to say that if anything I want to say you got to do what's best for you. (Which in the end you did do.) If anything, please make sure any future relationships you find yourself in don't make you feel like you've got to keep with them for sake of their own well being. I commend you for still trying to be there as a friend for him, helping him through the hard time, and continuing to be a friend to him even well after.
I'm really happy to hear a happy story all around. :)
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
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11-06-2013, 01:13 AM
For better or for worse, nothing is immune to time.
It means that there is no forever. And that means that sometimes, the person who loves you today won't love you tomorrow. But it also means that the memory of someone or something- a lover or a relationship- that hurts you today won't hurt you tomorrow.
It does seem cruel that people can move on from people that meant the world to them in the past. But isn't it also a good thing? Because it also means that we are capable of healing and moving on from the thing and people that hurt us.
I don't blame Roachi's ex or Larele for leaving. They were simply following their true feelings. They didn't want to lie to themselves or to their past lovers. And sometimes, being honest about what truly makes a person happy will hurt the people around them.
But I don't blame Roachi for being upset, either. No matter what the justification, it really hurts to entrust so much of yourself to someone and basically be told that you weren't "good enough." Which- That's not what you should feel when someone breaks up with you. "Good Enough." =/= "Right For Me." But I digress- Roachi was hurt a lot. And she's got every right to be upset about it, even if she understands that it was better for him to leave.
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Izumi
イズミ
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11-06-2013, 01:26 AM
Yeah, I'm not really for or against either side, as I understand each side of the fence is rough. :(
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Roachi
ϟ△⃒⃘
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11-06-2013, 01:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nephila
It's a mind control technique. XD
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LOLs! I wish i had that ability :P
I've got a headache, i feel really bloated & i feel extremely tired.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wandering Poet
One thing she didn't mention Roro, was that shortly after breaking up, she worked really hard trying to get me a girlfriend 
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Hmm yeah that in itself is weird for me Poet.
If someone broke up with me, i wouldn't want them finding a partner for me, its like a slap in the face. Like OH your not good enough for me but you might be for someone else. But to each their own i guess? If your happy with that, what can i say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Izumi
Yeah, I'm not really for or against either side, as I understand each side of the fence is rough. :(
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Hmm very true.
@Dys - Yeah it was a completely different situation too, hence why i'm prob bitter about it. I still hope a cow eats him lol.
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Dystopia
Bitter-Bitter
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11-06-2013, 01:57 AM
Hey. If it makes you happy to live your life hoping that a cow eats him, then power to you, I hope you have vivid dreams about cows BBQing his hide.
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Larele
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11-06-2013, 02:03 AM
Roachi- Thank you, it means a lot, and I really want to try my best to give him the happiness he lost. I am very sorry to hear about your family and friend issues. May that family friend be resting peacefully. I panicked because Poet wanted me back here, and I hoped to not cause any trouble for him, but it's like you said; I ran away. I ran away, not out of cowardice, but because I was worried of the trouble it would cause Poet if I stayed. You are a good friend, it was obvious how you cared about Poet, and I hold nothing against you for your response to what happened between me and Poet. I understand what you mean, going on past experiences, it's just human nature-fear and caution help to keep us safe. I'm sure Poet knows of his friends being there for him, he tells me of you all, and how he enjoys being on Mene. Thank you very much again for listening.
And about helping Poet find a partner, that was because he had told me it would be a way to help get over me.
Izumi- That is terrible, I am very sorry for your loss. May your brother be resting peacefully. Thank you very much for listening as well.
Dystopia- That is a good quote, I agree that you are a wise person. Thank you very much for listening.
Poet is very lucky to have such wonderful friends like you all. <3
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