Hahhaa, OH MY GOD! So awkward!

Alrighty guys, I'm gonna go read. *le sigh*

Hope that the reading goes well.

Ugh! I just went out to go and join everyone outside, and I got snapped at by mum! D: She even full named me... :/ So I'm back in bed, and feeling shunned by my own family. What's wrong with me wanting to go and sit out with them. It's not like I won't be standing up and walking around. I would sit down... out there... with them.... Apparently I'm not allowed. D:

Awww, poor Livi. You know they're just trying to do what's best for you. But I know that has to be really frustrating.
I totally gave up on reading and just took the test blind. Didn't do too bad. I got an 80. But I could have had a 90 if I hadn't second guessed myself on the last question. SO annoyed. But I just couldn't read it at all. It was AWFUL.

It's frustrating and it's making just want to cry! :/ What's wrong with me just sitting out there with them?! I can hear them laughing and having fun and I'm stuck in here. :/ Not happy at all right now. T_T

80 isn't bad at all for not doing the reading, sounds like most of the test was just common sense?

Yeah, but you know they're afraid you'll get over stimulated and baby will have issues.
Ugh, it's mostly common sense, but it's awful. "Which one of these literacy play centers is best suited for a preschool class?" ANY ONE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME! I am just not a fan of elementary. At all.
I need to do the dishes but I feel all icky because of the carbs. Annoying.

But this is just stressing me out. :/ And isn't helping at all. I get why they are doing this, but I just feel like, irrationally, they don't want me around. D: Why do they get to have all the fun, and I get to be the one all alone in here hearing them have fun?! It makes me feel horrible! And this is why I didn't want anyone over today. :/

What age do you want to teach? :)

I wish there was a way to make that feeling go away. *hugs*But I do at least know what you mean. And fighting the irrational feelings is so much harder than fighting rational ones.

Ideally I'd like to teach 10th and 11th grade preAP or AP exclusively. That's not likely going to happens, but those are my favorites. My certification is for 7-12th grades though. I'm not at all certified to teach anyone under 7th grade. Which is good. Because elementary makes me homicidal.

I wish you could be here too! Being told by mum "Olivia Lilly (both of my last names - my maiden name and my married name), you go get yourself back into bed." And she pointed back into the house. :/ Can I please scream?! Geeze... I'm 28, and being stuck in bed with them having fun isn't helping me feel very good about myself right now. :/ Blah... D:

At least you won't be able to teach elementary. Don't need to make you homicidal. That'd not be good. How much longer do you have with your certification?

I wonder if you could text the hubby and tell him that you really want to just go outside and sit down and watch and maybe he can talk with you mom? *hugs* If I was there I would hang out with you and we could color Easter coloring books! Because I'm secretly a five year old at heart.

Yeah, I mean, I love little kids individually, but as big groups, they just drive me insane. I take my test May 16th and I finish my classes in July.

I just did, but either he doesn't have his phone on him, or he's not realized that I've texted him. Part of me just wants to yell at him from here, and see if it gets his attention. Although now that this all has happened, I'm not sure how good of company I would be. And I love colouring books too! They'd probably draw Becca in as well and she would have fun scribbling over them and trying to draw like us.

They can drive me insane at times in larger groups too. One can only take too much screaming and craziness before you feel like going crazy too. I love kids, but sometimes they're just crazy and drive just about anyone insane.
You're getting close!!!

Well hopefully it all works out for the best, and until then, I'll be here and we can talk, at least! Coloring books really are just the best.

And yeah, all the noise that kids make really gets to me. And the neediness. I can set high school students on a task and just help as necessary. Little ones need constant attention and constant redirection. And they don't deal well with change.

I am really excited to be done with this. Of course, after that, I have to find a job.

He just texted me back and said he would talk to my mum about it. We'll see how it goes. And yes, online may be better for me right now anyways. They totally are!

Little kids really are needy.

the job hunt is always the hardest part!

Well that is sweet of him. See? Someone understands. :) I have one hard boiled egg that I get to decorate and I don't have the energy to decorate it. I have such a good idea for it, too!

Yeah, and I get really tired of the constant questions and stories. All of those things that are cute when you have just like one or two kids become mind boggling horrible when there are twenty of them. I think all elementary school teachers are part saint. Some of them are also part Satan, but you can't blame them.

Yeah, I mean, it would be easier if I didn't really really want to work at ONE specific school. They have a biology teacher position which I'm hoping I can get. But I don't know how many people are applying for it that have more experience than me.

He does understand - probably too because I was telling him I was afraid something like this would happen today, especially with mum. Love her to pieces, but she gets on my nerves like this more often than naught.

Awww! :( How do you want to decorate it? We dyed some eggs today, after the hunt, because they all wanted to - well rather they dyed them, I was stuck in bed and got pictures from people on my phone... And Becca ended up more colorful than the eggs. xD LOL. xDD

I used to work at a daycare, before I had Becca, and I feel too for me, at least, that it's different with the constant questions and babbling and all that when it's your own kid.

Are there any other schools other than that one school that you would be willing to work at that have positions that you want? Or is it just that one?

Parents are very good at getting on nerves. My mom is pissing me off just by existing right now, and I know it's just my mood so I'm trying really hard not to show it.

I want to dye the egg yellow with tumeric and then draw one of my designs on it. I'd love to just print it on tattoo paper and transfer it, but I don't have a lot of desire to go buy some transfer paper.
I'm thinking this design:


Yeah, I think when it's your own kid, it's more endearing.

Oh, I'd be willing to work at any of the other high schools, but the high school I want to work at is the one I graduated from and the one that I sub at all the time. It feels like home to me. I know the kids, the other teachers, the staff, the building. It's just comfortable.

Moods don't help with mums, for sure!
Gosh! That would be awesome! How hard would it be to transfer it over, if you did have the right paper without having to go out and buy it?
I also love how she's sort of picking up on my English accent. *chuckles* I think Alex likes it too - he has a not so secret love of my accent.
Mmmm, yeah. I can understand wanting to stay where it's comfortable.

OH gosh yes. When I'm in a bad mood the first person that annoys me is always my mom. Haha.

If I had the transfer paper it would be A THOUSAND times easier than redrawing it. To redraw it, I'll have to print it smaller on a thin paper and then trace with sharpie over the egg. I could just free hand it again but I already drew it once and it was hard enough then. And the original is a half page.

Oh gosh, that has to be so adorable. I think all Americans are a little obsessed with the English accent. Although I like most of the accents of the UK and Australia. Not so fond of Kiwi accents. Too many weird 'i' and 'e' sounds that make me feel like they're being constantly pinched.

Well, I broke the no carb diet again for Easter and man...carbs just make me feel awful. I don't want to move, my head feels foggy, I'm exhausted. It's like being hung over from carbs.

Lately with mum watching Becca more because of everything, she's been getting on my nerves more and more. :/ So I totally can relate!

That sounds like it would be so much easier, I couldn't imagine having to re-draw it by hand. That would drive me bloody mental!! O.o

It is!! Haha, I wish I had taken a picture of Alex's face when he realized I wasn't English because when I met him, I was still grieving after losing Oliver, and when I'm really upset, I get stuck in my English accent, well it gets thicker than normal, so for the first month and a half that I knew Alex, all he knew as English me. And when I finally managed to get myself out of it, he looked at me like "Wait. What?!" And I went "Wait, did I forget to say that I'm American by birth?" The look on his face. Priceless.

Your body is getting used to not having them I suppose? But that really stinks. :( That doesn't sound fun at all!

Haha, yeah. Especially so tiny...on an egg. o_0 I'd probably go insane.

Hehehe, I bet that confused the heck out of him. I'm originally from Colorado where the accent is pretty neutral, so when I'm awake and refreshed, I don't have much of an accent at all. But I've been in Texas most of my life so if I'm a little tired, it gets more twangy. Weirdly, when I'm exhausted, I stop bothering with appropriate pronunciation entirely and I sound like I'm from Georgia or Alabama. Where I've only visited once in my life.

And yeah, my body got unused to the fast sugar high of carbs. I don't think carbs are good for my body. But I wanted to be able to eat my Easter favorites.

You don't need to be going and driving yourself mental now. That'd not be good!

Hahaha, oh bloody hell, it did! And it was bloody brilliant!! I'm trying to remember what the first thing he said to me after I managed to tone down the accent and get it back to how it is 'normally'. I think it was something along the lines of 'Wh... wai... what?" or something like that. That's strange, and kinda funny! When I'm exhausted too, I have this weird half English, half southern, which is just weird. It confuses a lot of people. I have to be completely knackered for that to really make an appearance, which it doesn't much. Thank goodness. It just sounds so bizarre!

Yeah, yummy foods! But poor body not used to all of the sugars or carbs. :(

Hehe, I love confusing people accidentally. It's so funny.
Accents are so amusing to me. I just love them. I love how the brain works with them.

Haha, yeah, my body is sooo not happy with me. Tomorrow will be back to no carbies.

Have you got some fun books to read while you're in bed?

It is funny! I love it too! The last trip that Oliver and I made over to England to visit family before he passed, we came home and no one could understand us. Trips over there make it super thicker than normal. Haha!

Hopefully that helps your body like you again.

I have been re-reading The Golden Compass actually! I've been meaning to re-read this series for awhile, and this seems like the best time to start them while I have this time on my hands. :]

Haha, I can imagine. It's like an accent refresher.

Yeah, I think it will be much happier. Which will be good cause I'm teaching belly dance class tomorrow so my body needs to behave.

Oh that's awesome. I love that series. I'm reading the Hunger Games series right now. I finished the whole first book last night. It made me cry and laugh.

It really is! But I love it, even if no one back home can understand a word I'm saying - other than mum.

Hopefully it will behave! It better!

Yeah! I managed to locate all three - well rather, Alex did, for me - and so I've got them all within reach so when I finish one, I'll have the next one ready to pick up and start! Oh, wow! I've never read those books, but my sister loves them.

I'll whip it into shape if it doesn't. *whpsh*

That is awesome. You have a great husband. :D

They're really quite good. I'm always hesitant to start up books that are suddenly really popular with teenagers (Twilight was so awful), but these are really good. They're not amazing literature or anything, but the story is awesome and well written.