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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
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07-10-2014, 07:09 PM
Livi, I love your new avatar!
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-10-2014, 07:10 PM
Thanks! I couldn't sleep the other night and ended up with enough gold for the new CI, so haha, I went for it! Apparently lack of sleep makes me creative?
I didn't really like the pants, so I decided to work out a skirt that went with the colors. :)
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-10-2014, 07:12 PM
Yeah they'll begrudgingly help me, but that's after dad yells at them to go outside and help. At that point I just want to tell them never mind I'll do it myself. Both of them apparently hate gardening. :/
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-10-2014, 07:14 PM
How old are they?
I know when I was younger mom would allow us to watch TV only after we did our chores and helped out around the house. She said it wasn't fair that we got to sit around and she was always busy and with four kids, we were always being put to work. "The more hands the better" mum used to tell us.  Find a way to get them up and doing things to help you out!  I know that if my eldest was old enough to not just play in the dirt and find a way to end up with the hose and attacking everyone with water, I would have her outside - if only we had a garden. We really need a place with a bigger yard so I can have one.
If you let them just get their way and sit down and always just watch TV and whatnot and not help they are getting their way. I get that sometimes that feels easier but sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself and get them to help out.  It is hard though. I remember hating mum a few times when she would make us do this giant list of things for her. All reasonable things, but nothing super fun.
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-10-2014, 07:16 PM
We had to help with remodeling the houses during the summer. We really, really hated it, but we knew that we had to at least do so much. And if we didn't do that, we'd better have the house cleaned up, dishes done, and be on our game when they came home. But we were trained from a very young age for that.
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-10-2014, 07:18 PM
Yeah - same here Steel. Mum and dad had us trained that we had to do the list of whatever was set out by us - not everything had to happen that day, but it was like a weeks worth of things we needed to do. It isn't fair that you have to do all the work, Izumi, and they get to sit around. Find a way to make it into some sort of game or something like that, and make it more entertaining? Would that be possible?
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-10-2014, 07:23 PM
Unfortunately, it's probably a little harder for Izumi, because they're her step kids. It's much harder if you haven't established those kind of expectations for kids all of their lives.
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-10-2014, 07:24 PM
Ah, that is something I didn't know.
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
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07-10-2014, 07:36 PM
Yeah, it makes it a lot harder, I think.
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-10-2014, 07:38 PM
Yeah, it's not something I have any experience with myself. I struggle with my girls - well mainly Becca - as she's in that "no! I don't wanna" phase. And the tantrums. They're not often, but they're not any fun at all. :(
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-10-2014, 07:40 PM
I probably shouldn't give any advice. All of my child rearing experiences are teaching experiences.
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-11-2014, 01:45 AM
Sorry guys. I had ran off to the garden to finish up planting most of my stuff. I wanted to get that done before I went to my TOPs meeting. I also had a meeting at work this evening that I'm sitting here posting on Menewsha while they go over it. It's all refresher stuff so I'm vaguely paying attention...[whistle]
Stepson went to grandma's house this afternoon, so only stepdaughter was here. I just told stepdaughter I was going outside to garden, and walked out the door. Within 10 minutes she came out and started helping. Dad already talked to her about it and I figured not nagging her but letting her come to me was a better option. We got almost everything planted. I have just one more plant to find a spot for, and then I need to get a special pot for my hens and chicks. Hoping that hubby's check won't be real wimpy as I would like to pick one up...and pay some bills. *sigh*
Speaking of bills...Our health insurance goes up by $108 bucks starting next month. I'm glad next month is the last month to pay off our washer...That will pretty much cover it. I've been having this overwhelming feeling when I think of money and bills. I try not to fixate on it for any given length of time. >_>
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-11-2014, 01:51 AM
Huh, we just always kind of threw out hens and chicks down wherever. But they're well suited for our area, so that probably makes a difference.
Glad to hear that she came out on her own. That shows some gumption. :)
Oh my god, that is a HUGE increase in insurance! Why so much!?
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-11-2014, 01:53 AM
Oh it's bullshit. They are trying to say it is due to ACA and how the company hasn't increased rates since 2007. Trust me when I say everyone in that place is super pissed. Since we have family coverage, AND because Aaron failed to make it for the healthy living initiative we're stuck with the steepest increase. If he would of passed we would of been $60 less a month. Pretty shitty huh?
He seems to think he's going to pass next year as he quit smoking, but there are 5 areas they measure you in and you can only fail one. I know being a non smoker is one, meeting your BMI is another...there's also a check for cholesterol levels which he should pass.
I don't have too much room to bitch though as I voted him into office. :>
---------- Post added 07-10-2014 at 09:56 PM ----------
I keep on telling myself we have a year until the trailer is paid off, then that's going to be another $200 in hand. That also ironically will be just months shy of stepdaughter's 16th birthday, so I have a feeling a chunk of that will be absorbed into car insurance. I'm hoping that husband will agree with me that she needs a job and needs to be paying that and her gas to be able to drive. Her mom has bought her a car, already...and was trying to mandate Aaron get her into drivers ed asap...she's not even 15 yet. *sighs*
7 more years before stepson is 18...then pftt on whatever the mom says anymore. Soooo throwing myself a party when that happens. Maybe it will be just a me and hubby party, but we're going to celebrate as it will feel like the end of a prison sentence for us...
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
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07-11-2014, 02:01 AM
The ACA got so royally screwed up. It would have been so much better had it been a single payer system like it was proposed. But since congress had to fight like toddlers, we all got royally screwed.
Is Aaron going to STAY a nonsmoker? Because it's pointless if he doesn't stick with it.
I'll bet you guys will be so stinking happy when she can't lord the kids over you guys. Just a few more years!
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-11-2014, 02:08 AM
That is the understatement of the century. I will be ECSTATIC. I have never once in my life hated someone as much as I do her. For what psychological damage she's done to my husband, to the step kids...and just how horribly double standard she is. I really don't understand the woman. I think in her heart of hearts she honestly thinks what she has done is in the kids' best interest, but seriously it's caused a lot of hurt feelings and husband has had many an anxiety attack over her.
I think as stepdaughter gets older, and is being more vocal about things, she's learning how to steer her mother in another direction. It sucks when Aaron or I have to approach her and be like "can you try to talk your mom into doing this?" and then going over tactics with her on how to do it smoothly without much push back. I have tried to liaison between husband and their mom, and it worked OK until I opened my mouth and suggested that stepson come to live with us. (He was doing poorly academically and I wanted to have both Aaron and I help him catch up with his peers...for what it's worth he still to this day is doing fairly poorly in school...) I seriously started world war 3 over it. I tried to be as compassionate and understanding as I could up until that point but after that it was like OK all gloves are off. I can only empathize with you as I don't have biological kids of my own, but if there was a hard decision such as this that would possibly benefit their well being...why not give it careful consideration before blowing up over it? Yikes.
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-11-2014, 02:11 AM
Oh man. I have heard that things like that can get pretty epic. I hate that the kids are suffering because of it, though. They never had any choice in the whole business.
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-11-2014, 02:30 AM
Yeah at the end of the day it's really unfair for them. I think to this very day there is a part of Pam who hopes her mom and dad will get back together. She's actually got one of the happier photos of when they were together, when she was pregnant with Pam.
The irony is growing up I wished nothing more than for my parents to divorce. I didn't get along with my mom, though, and I felt like life was so much easier if it were just dad, my brother and me.
I think it's one of those cases of the grass is always greener. On paper my adolescence probably sounds like cakewalk compared to other people's, but it definitely was difficult. I think not feeling like I had my parents love and approval on what I wanted to do for a career, just about life in general...made things hard. Yeah I can look back and say hey I did have my head up my ass on certain things, but others...especially the whole religion thing...I feel like they could of approached that soo much better.
It's funny though watching the kids start to get into their teen years I see how difficult a kid is at that age, and just how much 'fun' it is to be the parent. You want to be the cool one, the parent that your child enjoys being around...but you also want to make sure the kid has a decent head on their shoulders and you're doing right by them long term. It's a balancing act.
I think that's another perk to being step parent is even if you fail you know you've tried, and you don't feel as nearly invested emotionally as a biological parent. I sound like an asshole right now I'm sure.
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
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07-11-2014, 02:36 AM
Haha, you don't sound like an asshole to me!
But I get what you're saying. The onus of making the kid a worthwhile human being isn't on you.
My sister and I had a short period where we kind of wished mom and dad would divorce, but it was only because they were fighting SO MUCH. But they got over it and I'm glad they didn't divorce. But to be honest, I think I had a pretty idyllic childhood. It wasn't perfect, but it worked really well for us.
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Izumi
イズミ
Penpal
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07-11-2014, 02:40 AM
Thank you! Bingo.
Like for awhile I was on a mission to be better than the parents, to be what I would of wanted in a parent. Eventually I realized I need to kinda take a backseat and let it happen as it happens. I tend to over-analyze things and get over critical...and I have this horrible tendency to give the 'all or nothing' kind of approach.
Those are things...I still need to work on...but they're very deep rooted.
Anyways I'm going to bed. Seriously. I'm going to try....I guess all this Coke Zero so late at night was a bad thing.
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-11-2014, 02:42 AM
Hopefully you get some good sleep, hon!
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-13-2014, 02:31 AM
I'm so tired of feeling off! :/ I'm still not back to 100%. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday.
I'm feeling a bit better, that's for sure, but I'm not back to feeling like I've totally shaken it. So weird.
I hope that nothing is wrong!
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steelmagghia
Not ready for school to start!
☆☆
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07-13-2014, 02:55 AM
I think maybe we got the same thing! It's taking me FOREVER to bounce back from it. It's so frustrating!
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LiviInLove
I'm a Buzy Bee!
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07-13-2014, 03:50 AM
Could be. It really is frustrating! I find myself short tempered and snapping more as I'm just so tired of feeling dragged down by whatever this is - plus being around mum who never really lost her accent (and that drags mine out), I'm shocked that people can really understand me anymore (Well mum can but Alex has admitted that even though he's gotten used to the accents, he's been having a hard time understanding me). I'm more just frustrated at how heavily we have had to rely on mum this week.  She's been a huge help but she's back to bossing me around again.
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VeraDark
fgsfds
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07-13-2014, 08:41 AM
If you need help remembering the proper English way to politely ask her to respect you as an adult, and give you the dignity due to all those who hold the title of Mother, as a fellow Mother herself, I think I remember my own Mother putting it like this, at some point...
"WILL YOU SOD OFF ALREADY, YOU ANNOYING COW? EITHER HELP ME OR GO GET STUFFED, BUT I'M BLOODY TIRED OF CONSTANTLY BEING PRODDED IN THE ARSE!"
I hope that helps, if it ends up being needed. Proper manners are a must in our social interactions, especially with those closest to us.
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