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Ava The Vampire
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#4226
Old 11-17-2015, 03:40 AM

Can you believe my souvenir from Chicago is a sore throat. >:C

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#4227
Old 11-17-2015, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ava The Vampire View Post
Can you believe my souvenir from Chicago is a sore throat. >:C
Yes.

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#4228
Old 11-17-2015, 04:51 AM

I believe there was a time when father would've said, "At least it wasn't a rat."

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#4229
Old 11-17-2015, 05:15 AM

Lol..... I'm gonna save that one for later

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#4230
Old 11-17-2015, 05:30 AM

Sometimes I think back on my old posts and think, "Sorry, Mom and Dad."

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#4231
Old 11-17-2015, 08:57 AM

*leaves Ava honey lemon drops to soothe her throat*

Amane's father sounds like a guy who's glass is always half full....of rat!
Hey! That's better than having your glass half full of BUGS! ....Right?

.....okay!....I'll just hush up, now! Lmao!

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#4232
Old 11-17-2015, 12:34 PM

"hush up?" that's better than being held up by bandits ��

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#4233
Old 11-17-2015, 03:01 PM

Or rats

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#4234
Old 11-17-2015, 03:38 PM

Those last two posts I made were not connected. Sometimes my randeroos do that.

Blurt TV's new motto all because of me: "At least it's not rats."

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#4235
Old 11-17-2015, 05:08 PM

my mum's friend had a friend my friends and I used to call the rat man, because everytime we saw him he incessantly prattled on and on about the amazing things that rats could do. seriously, its like it was the only thing he knew about anything. anyways, his favourite rat tale (pun intended) was about a pregnant rat that died in a store's deep freezer, but not before it gave birth to ratlings with fur on the soles of there feet. atleast it wasn't one of them ��

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#4236
Old 11-17-2015, 09:50 PM

PETITION FOR MY MOM TO STOP BEING TMI!

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#4237
Old 11-17-2015, 10:24 PM

*SIGNS PETITION*

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#4238
Old 11-17-2015, 10:26 PM

I HAVE MISSED YOU, BACON LADY.

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#4239
Old 11-17-2015, 10:28 PM

I MISSED YOU TOO SENPAI

Ava The Vampire
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#4240
Old 11-17-2015, 10:29 PM

But TMI is fun. D:

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#4241
Old 11-17-2015, 10:37 PM

What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

I FORGOT I WAS SENPAI!

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#4242
Old 11-17-2015, 10:40 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time I changed a teal poop?!
It was the strangest color! I've never seen poop that color before!

Someday, Amane... someday you'll overcome your fear of the bathroom and then we'll all share in funny stories of poop and vomit.

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#4243
Old 11-17-2015, 11:42 PM

More importantly, did you tell Hummy? And that day isn't coming. *sips tea*

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#4244
Old 11-18-2015, 02:53 AM

I would love to have teal poop (that would've been so much funnier if a teal was some kind of animal). if my poop was teal I would wrap it with a ribbon and give it out as Christmas presents ��

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#4245
Old 11-18-2015, 03:29 AM

I should have taken a picture, but we can't have phones at work. :(
It was literally teal. Like, the strangest thing I've ever seen.

Perhaps I should ping Hummy so I don't have to repeat myself?

Haha, Menelaus, if her poop didn't smell so bad, I probably would have put it in a bag and kept it.

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#4246
Old 11-18-2015, 05:38 PM

Lmao!
Teal poop is prolly the product of blue koolaide or blue colored cereal...
I've seen some teal poop.....a lot of it, actually....and I never considered bagging it up for gifts! Lmao!!!
We cut down on blue colored food items to reduce the odd colored poop...
But it sucks, cuz all the raspberry flavored stuff is colored blue....and who doesn't like raspberry flavored stuff?!

Ava...any time you wanna discuss poop and vomit, look me up!...I have stories to share! Lol!

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#4247
Old 11-18-2015, 06:42 PM

What about panda poop tea???
Really, it's grown in a bed of panda poop. 🐼

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#4248
Old 11-18-2015, 07:34 PM

Wall o' text time again.

People love to scream, "Don't get rid of your old art [or writing]!" To them, I scream back, "I only care about perfection!" Put aside the "nobody's perfect" adage—no, get in my head and see the world from my point of view by punting it into a wall, letting it ricochet through a wall of flames, and laughing as it lands in a pool of the finest acid you can think of—and listen to me.

My mind cannot be controlled. It rules me, and I shamelessly admit that. Why? Because I can't do anything about it. Paranoia, stupid things, wandering thoughts for hours, forcing me to play through scenarios that wouldn't happen even in a parallel universe that centers around funny-shaped chickens twenty thousand years into the future… I can't do anything about it. Pay me to care. Even if you pay me to change, I can't. I recently started lovingly referring to my condition as being a mind slave. Maybe everybody else is like that but gets it in check. I can't do that, sir. Point is, my mind demands I do everything
perfectly. It does not care that nobody's perfect. It wants to get as close as possible or even get to laugh in your face because, 'sup 'sup, I was perfect. Indeed, it quite frankly spurs me on when people tell me an act's impossible.

But I'm not on about perfection in this wall o' text. I'm on about getting rid of old work.

I'm guilty of keeping old work. I have sinned, O I confess it!
I still have the sheets of my very first for-fun writing because 1) I forget where I put them, but I do thankfully know they're safe from others' eyes, and 2) I have the good emotional memories of being like omg I just wrote a story and it was fun I'm a writer!!! attached to them. If I ever find them, I won't read them. I've forgotten the exact wording of the stories. It's better that way. I'd probably rip them into tiny pieces and toss them all‼ (This is a reference to something beautiful I did that would've involved fire if I were brave enough. Keep reading, my brother.) Of what I do remember, I did alright, and I never finished anything, but my plots were way better than now. Gonna not do any brush-up work on those memories so the restored missing details don't kill me.
My very first for-fun drawings are gone. They were carbon copies from how-to-draw books and little burbly randeroos that didn't make it far. I DO have a very early stack of drawings somewhere safe, again to never look at. It has good emotional memories, but the really important thing it has is evidence of my phase of unbreakable love for Cheez-Its. I wasn't organized with my old work (or schoolwork, O M G). I kept it under my desk. I unknowingly dropped Cheez-Its onto it, and Cheez-Its stain, guys. It's yellow and transparents the paper and never goes away. Instant drawing kill. The stains weren't usually on a part of the paper I had drawn on or ever planned to draw on, but it wasn't perfection anymore‼ Now I had to redraw the whole thing, as hard as I had worked to get THAT‼ In fact, my crown jewel drawing of that time has Cheez-It stains‼ HEART. BREAK. It made me super sad and mad back then (also because WHEN DID I DROP CHEEZ-ITS AND NOT NOTICE AND HEAR MMM WHATCHA' SAAAAY PLAYING BECAUSE I DROPPED PERFECTLY EDIBLE FOOD), but, just a little later, maybe months later, I was like, "I can't get rid of this. It's too funny that I ate Cheez-Its that much."

Now, shall we talk about the scandalous bits?
The typed stuff I couldn't have highlighted faster and pressed Backspace on harder? The handwritten stuff I threw away? The handwritten stuff I
ripped into tiny pieces so the words, if not the letters, couldn't be recognized; stuffed into a sandwich bag; and shoved deep down the garbage years ago but still find stray runaway scraps of today?
The tablet-produced stuff I put into its own folder and strived to have the skills to remake so I could at last delete it, actually quite gently? The hand-drawn stuff I couldn't bring myself to tear but certainly did crease right down the middle and, if I felt like it, fold up until it was too thick to fold any smaller and put deep into the trash? The hand-drawn stuff I now just erase so I stop wasting fresh, unmarked, unwrinkled,
perfect sheets of paper on bad art I'll just be disgusted with and throw away soon?
No, we shall not.
Not in specifics, at least. It had logic failures and common sense failures. Moral failures. Social acceptability failures. I dramatized things that weren't worth much mention at all. Twisted, terrible, and/or just plain embarrassingly silly things happened because I thought they were cool. I wanted to show that work off proudly someday. Now it's gone, and I couldn't have been happier to Backspace it away. I didn't know what an ugly, ugly reflection of myself it was when I wrote it. It feels like lifting a weight off of myself, like being pardoned of an embarrassing thing I did years ago… my, that's exactly what it is. Now if only I could so freely Backspace it out of my old friends' memories so I could rest on the certainty that they've forgotten. It's like watching a language evolve over hundreds of years, working with my stories. You see what character roots remain firmly planted, how a basic idea's portrayal has changed in every version, the altered courses taken to get to the same goal. Another fun piece of colorful metaphor that I'll just staple onto that is, you unfortunately remember what leaves were pruned away, and you hope those memories wither and deteriorate along the circle of life like the leaves themselves did. Yep, I went from a language changing with time and usage to a well-kept tree.
I'm trying to get my mental images onto paper, and nothing less will do. My mental images are vague and unsatisfying, so I need external help to complete them. I want to see my OCs and my favorite parts of their stories look REAL. I wanna draw THEM, not a stylized cartoon version of them! I don't imagine the story in cartoon, so no such thing allowed! I draw the same drawings over and over again, same person in the same pose, that same outfit, those same totally #aesthetic two seconds I want in the story, hoping this time will be something great. I come up with new drawings I want to see done right and add those to the pile, duh, but yeah. Success is when it takes a better version to make the current version look like a failure. I don't want to see my progress over the years. It's too painful. I want to see success. I think I want to feel like I got it right the first time. I can believe that. Sounds like me. *pout, nod*

Note how I don't immediately destroy work once I've declared it not good. I keep it around so I can refer to the broader basic ideas I wanted/HANDS DRAWN LIKE A+, do them better, and THEN dispose of it. I probably won't get the emotional attachments I have to my early work because I now work with the mindset of "this is just a practice so I can figure out what I'm doing; I'll copy with fixing touches and erase/delete/throw away this one later."

For me, old work is not fond memories of started-from-the-bottom. It's failure, flaw, and shame. I already know I started from the bottom and have spent years learning what it takes to achieve what I wish to achieve. That memory's enough. I don't need old work to keep it fresh. It's an eyesore. That saved early work is UGLY. I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to like it.

"Nobody's perfect. You'll never get what you want." Pay me to care, bruh.

And yes, I do have the pixel food wall o' text where I can retrieve it at any moment for both your and my rereading pleasure. Go on, ask. That burble makes me look a lot less crazy.

This has been a wall o' text on destroying old work and why I do it, AND IT IS A LOT LONGER THAN IT LOOKED BEFORE I SUBMITTED I AM CRYING LOLIN'. Randoman'll read it. Make sure you tune in some other time for a wall o' text on sharing work and why I don't do it.
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#4249
Old 11-18-2015, 11:26 PM

2ell, alrightee then

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#4250
Old 11-18-2015, 11:44 PM

It's so big!



Man, I should've published that instead.

 



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