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Queen_Andais
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#1501
Old 05-19-2016, 02:16 PM

I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked for doing something wrong. It wasn't something my parents did all the time. It was a punishment of the last order, not the first. And my mom didn't have to raise her voice to my older sister and I, she would just give us this look and we knew we had messed up.

Shadami, the reverse high five is something that I have used as well with my cousin's kids. Works very well. Definitely teaches them not to pull stuff off the shelf at the store. For me it's not an automatic response, your first offense is a verbal warning, with strict understanding that the next time it will be more and that's where the follow through comes from. Typically they learned it was not okay one time after getting the reverse high five.

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#1502
Old 05-19-2016, 02:28 PM

See, my momma raises her voice all the time. Yet she wonders why it doesn't affect us as much when she's upset.

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#1503
Old 05-19-2016, 04:21 PM

If my mom raised her voice, we definitely knew the shit was hitting the fan. When she was really peeved with us her voice would go flat and even and she'd get this look in her eyes that would scare even the most harden criminal quaking in their boots.

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#1504
Old 05-20-2016, 08:12 PM

It's better that way for the parent. Never yelling unless it's something really bad.

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#1505
Old 05-20-2016, 09:14 PM

All right, so I don't want to sound mean, but, my younger sister had her teeth pulled because of bad genetics. She got her mom's horrible gums and bad teeth, it was a long time coming for her to get them pulled. She had gone a few months without dentures because they weren't ready yet and then a couple of weeks ago she got them. Now, Amanda posts pictures constantly with her smiling and showing the teeth, however, the smile that she posts is not the same smile she has had for years.
I laugh every time I see one of her pictures. Can't help myself. We're suppose to see her in June to pick up my nephew for the weekend and I am having a hard time talking myself down from laughing in her face if she does this new weird smile she has been doing. Am I bad person for having this reaction?

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#1506
Old 05-21-2016, 12:01 AM

what if your kids are helions and they've been taught by others that mommy is to be ignored -.-

*isn't having a discipline problem at all*

I'm working on straightening it out though. and when we're out of my mothers clutches I'll finally be in control dang it.

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#1507
Old 05-21-2016, 12:29 PM

It's all about the follow through in all honesty. When my mom said something was going to happen I knew it was. My dad would make threats like we weren't going on vacation and I knew that was a bunch of bullshit.

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#1508
Old 05-21-2016, 02:36 PM

Queenie it depends if you're laughing because it's genuinely funny, or out of malicious / mocking intent. Also depends how your younger sister would feel. If it's something she'll laugh about too, maybe even laughing because you're laughing about it, then it's alright. If your laughing at her will make her cry, then well...haha maybe try not to laugh in her face when you see her

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#1509
Old 05-22-2016, 03:49 AM

Salvete, I am pretty good about masking my emotions and will do my best with my sister. Would hate to hurt her feelings and ruin any chance of having my nephew spend the weekend with us at the cabin.

Shadami, that's one of those things that will be hard to correct until you are out of the environment that has allowed it. I say this having seen it with my friend Karen and her two kids. She lived with her parents after the divorce from the kids' father because she wanted to give them more security and a better place to live. Karen's parents pretty much told her kids to keep things from mommy and that they didn't have to respect her or listen to her. And they got away with it because Karen worked two jobs to make sure the kids had enough to eat and clothes to wear.

Since the kiddos are young, you should be able to correct the behaviors before they become too ingrained.

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#1510
Old 05-22-2016, 06:55 PM

I just realized maybe that was a rhetorical question haha oops ^_^ but that's good <3

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#1511
Old 05-23-2016, 04:28 AM

that's pretty much what i'm trying to correct Queenie. You just made it sound so much more intelligent that I could muster. xD

I'm kind of at my wits end >.> being overruled because my mom thinks she wasn't a part of my childhood so she's spoiling my girls and gives them anything they want. even if I've said no. My mom was a huge part of my childhood, she just doesn't think so cause she was a workaholic. and just. UGH. MOM stoooop. please. I can't scream at you cause i respect you to much and don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you you're being psycho and making my kids ignore me and than getting mad at me cause i can't control them. just.... Just... *stabs an imaginary pillow in her brain to get frustrations out*

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#1512
Old 05-23-2016, 03:29 PM

Shadami, you have to tell her somehow. Perhaps writing her a letter, expressing your feelings and how the situation needs to be handled going forward. And politely point out that while she thinks she is helping you and the kiddos, she is doing a disservice to everyone involved and causing you to have feelings that are less than friendly. Remember, no one can discount your feelings, but don't ever say someone MADE you feel anything. No can make you feel things, only you feel things. Hope that makes sense.

Salvete, it wasn't entirely rhetorical for me. There are have been many times in the past that my emotions were clearly displayed and no amount of trying to poker up was going to work. Amanda has long been able to bring the less than nice Queenie to the surface. Screw off with her head, it was much more, torture her family and burn all her belongings, then slow torture the one that pulls forth the anger and hatred from thine bosom. Or something like that.

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#1513
Old 05-23-2016, 10:16 PM

last time i even tried she broke into tears and stormed from the room angry at me for insulting her.

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#1514
Old 05-24-2016, 01:19 AM

So, I see this post on Facebook from a friend:
Quote:
This is a very touchy subject but there is an epidemic in this country that's causing multiple layers of problems. It's called obesity and it's one of the worst problems this country has. Now I know there's people here that are reading this that will get offended at what I'm saying but offended or not it's true. From diabetes to heart attacks and everything in between. It makes you hate yourself and stay miserable at the fact you never do anything about. The sad part is that most overweight people are just lazy. This isn't for the 1% that blame some kind of medical reason. I'm just sick of seeing it!
And yes, I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinions and what not, the joys of having the freedom to say whatever they want to say. Got it. However, as I am reading this point, I get the feeling he is disgusted with overweight people. Now, this is someone that I have invited to the cabin while we up there at the end of June. His wife is someone that I grew up with, her mom is friends with my mom. Starting to wonder, do they express this kind of attitude around their daughter? Because she is at that impressionable age. On top of that, when they are hanging out with me, are they thinking I am a fat pig of a person that is just headed down a road to a life of Diabetes, heart attacks and other weight related issues? I mean, seriously, do I want them there now, knowing that he feels this way and I have to assume so does his wife.

How should I feel?

All I posted on the comment was: Noted

He responded on his post because others have said stuff, mostly agreeing with him and saying worse stuff. Here is what he responded with:
Quote:
I know better than to write my feelings about shit because people are sensitive about it. I even know some people are talking shit right now! But you know what? It's OK. You can unfriend me.

Last edited by Queen_Andais; 05-24-2016 at 04:02 PM..

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#1515
Old 05-24-2016, 01:44 AM

I'd be pissed if I were you. You didn't say anything at all and claims you attacked him?

this is why I stay the heck off of facebook anymore... :/ i don't even know what to say. I do know that if he aims any of it at you directly he can fucking shove it cause you're beautiful and from what I know not lazy in the slightest. I just... wow. I AM pissed.

i don't even know what to say about this. other than maybe talk to your friend his wife?

i seriosuly am pissed though. I eat right and exercise and i can't lose even 1 fucking pound. And I went from 150 to 200 because I got preeclampsia and the doctors didn't fucking NOTICE. they just assumed I was not eating right or exercising. I'm even DIETING now to try to make it go away. I'm not god damn lazy. It's IN THE FUCKING FOODS YOU GOD DAMN PIG.

sorry that just kind of leaked out >.>

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#1516
Old 05-24-2016, 04:11 PM

I am far from a sensitive person, there are a few hot button items for me, this being one of them. Even when I was younger and way more active, I was a thicker person. Just short of starving myself, and seriously, what fun is that! I love food, it loves me! I am not going to the doctor's office anymore than anyone else that is fit. There are no weight related health issues that I've been treated for, or am being treated for currently, or ever really. No high blood pressure, no diabetes.

True, my gym/workout ethic needs to get stronger, for like serious. I pay for a membership yet don't go. If I can quit smoking, I can drag my ass to the gym. Not sure how to properly motivate myself to get there. That's beside the point right now.

Here is my question that I want to ask back to him: If I am a disgusting person for being overweight, does that than mean his wife is just as disgusting because she is underweight? Further more, my tolerance for other people's opinion is quite high, everyone does not have to agree with me about everything, or anything for that matter, yet, I don't surround myself with people that internally think I am a disgusting person. Why would they want to be around me? To justify to themselves that they are a better person because they aren't obese, merely overweight? Or that their life therefore means more because they aren't as fat as me.
Truly, how should I think and feel about this?

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#1517
Old 05-24-2016, 05:58 PM

Yeah I don't understand why people would write things like that, but then I think about it and realize it's people's true feelings and opinions being revealed on the internet and social media. His post is just plain mean. I wouldn't attack his wife for what he wrote though. Two wrongs don't make a right

---------- Post added 05-24-2016 at 02:00 PM ----------

Oh yikes, I'm trying to back-read all the posts and you invited this guy to the cabin at the end of June...I think you should have a talk with him and his wife about their true feelings about body weight and how they see you. Preferably in person and not over internet or texting. And un-invite them if desired.

---------- Post added 05-24-2016 at 02:04 PM ----------

And as much as I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think he's saying those insensitive things out of ignorance...unfollow, unfriend, or whatever you want to do...get rid of such negativity and hate from your newsfeed. You don't deserve that at all, especially from a "friend"

Last edited by salvete; 05-24-2016 at 07:43 PM..

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#1518
Old 05-24-2016, 08:56 PM

Not sure how I want to handle it. Might broach the subject with my other friend that will be there and see how she feels about it. Make sure that I am not being overly sensitive about the bullshit he is spouting.

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#1519
Old 05-24-2016, 09:41 PM

That's why I said talk to his wfie about it. not attacking her or him, but as a friend to friend to see what's going on.

I'm not in to much of a talking mood at the moment. I'm feeling flighty and agitated.

on the plus side might have an apartment finally if our application is accepted cause we're the only ones who asked for it. >.<

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#1520
Old 05-24-2016, 10:10 PM

yay for your apartment, Shadami <3

Queenie, sounds like a plan although eventually I think you should speak to him directly

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#1521
Old 05-24-2016, 10:29 PM

I did ping him on Facebook messenger, not up for other people's comments on a conversation and I asked him if that's how he felt about me and other friends at the cabin. He assures me that he does not, in fact his mom his a larger lady as well and he's waiting for a call from her. Which she should ream his ass. Jacob told me that he was upset and angry about a person or people that are overweight, who can lose weight, but don't. Which I have to wonder, but won't ask, how does their lifestyle affect his in anyway? Is he paying for their medical costs or something?
Truly, what does it matter if I want to be three hundred and eat whatever the fuck I want to eat? How does that infringe or otherwise screw with anyone else's life but my own? My mother likes to throw in that it hurts her heart to see me as big person. To which I reply with an eye roll or something sarcastic, because this one of those things she always says right before or after one of our infamous fights. Like its he excuse for being a complete bitch to me.

Now, I would still like Jacob and his family to come hang out, because they are fun to hang with and he has apologized to me for the offending comment, it wasn't his intentions. I'll be a duck and let it roll off my back and I'll be the adult in the situation and realize that while he might be smart, he is still an ignorant man.

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#1522
Old 05-24-2016, 11:12 PM

I'd like to think your mother might say that out of genuine concern but other people, i.e. outside of your family, have no business commenting

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#1523
Old 05-24-2016, 11:18 PM

sort of yay. I'm all nerves right now. It's not the best apartment in the world. its on the second floor. Somehow we have use of the basement.. which confuses me cause we're on the second floor. But it'll get cleared up when I actually get to see the place. It's not confirmed that we have it yet. but its very likely. and than I can actually start packing up stuff i've been holding off on since I didn't know when we were moving.

oh oops. I meant to say that i'm glad he's just an idiot and was only mad about some person in specific and not everyone.

Last edited by Shadami; 05-24-2016 at 11:20 PM..

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#1524
Old 05-25-2016, 12:47 AM

Even so, I feel like he shouldn't be ranting in such general terms to his entire friendslist

Also, this article reminded me of this conversation

Why the Obesity Conversation Needs to Change -- The Cut

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#1525
Old 05-25-2016, 02:33 PM

The saga continues it seems. Last night, I was on Facebook (thinking I should just avoid that place, but the memes, they call to me) and one of his family members had posted a long response to his hateful post and she was genuinely concerned and angry with him. Angry because his rant was so evil and rude, not to mention short sighted. Hurt because he said he didn't care if he lost friends or family members because of what he said regarding this subject.
His wife, the daughter of my mom's friend jumps in to defend Jacob's post/rant, saying that people who are overweight are unaccountable, lazy individual who don't try to lose weight. She agrees with everything he has said and anyone complaining are basically just sensitive people who don't want to see the truth and accept that it's not their fault for pointing out the short comings of those around them.

I unfriended both of them. Straight up don't need that negativity in my life.

Shadami, got my fingers crossed for you regarding the apartment. Really hoping it works for you and the family.

 


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