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#1
Old 03-04-2007, 11:04 PM

Lucas drove himself mad with all of these thoughts. He wasn't to think of else until no more came, and still they carried on, continuing to eat at his once-fortified, now-vulnerable mind. The poor man had nothing else but thoughts, thoughts of himself, thoughts of that nameless other but whose name would roll off of his tongue like water over a cliff. That name... he knew he knew it. Oh he wished to call it, just to call it, but with only hope for an answer. Hope, if you will, which dwelled beyond hope's hope, that that lemon, sugar voice would let his own name fall, fall like an imprisoned monster let down from the heavens, wicked and divine as one could know. Hoped, but couldn't want. Couldn't need, long, yearn. For in his mind dwelt nothing but just that hope, for what he could not know but to hope.

Finally.
Beyond all doubt, now he was certain. Crumbled walls, rebuilt now in his mind, he knew. And to know, oh what glory to know. No longer was he to be imprisoned by blind hope and its accompanying shadow of bleak doubt, but free to speak, to know, recall, remind, and that name. It became clear with that single word, that thornless bloom, that glowing, blazing ember.
Will.

As he came to, Will surveyed his surroundings. Arms that seemed at once warm and loving and cold and strange, familiar in the most peculiar of ways. He looked up at eyes with the same warnings. Strange, new, imprisoning, warm, foreboding, loving. He wondered if they were human. The voice which accompanied them was not. Alien to his ears, familiar to his heart. He wasn't even sure if he'd actually heard it as much as felt it. The words it spoke, he did not know. He understood.

Mein Engel ist zu Himmel gestiegen.
"My angel has risen to heaven."
He wondered if Hell would have been any different.

Kain
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#2
Old 03-05-2007, 01:41 AM

Very abstract and beautiful piece of writing, though your font size and colour hurt my eyes a bit. ><

Great work though. Very smooth transitions and good use of vocabulary. :) Lucas is also a very nice name, I've used it before.

Keep it up!

Agent
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#3
Old 03-05-2007, 01:52 AM

Wonderful piece.

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#4
Old 03-05-2007, 04:27 AM

  • Thanks guys :). Though actually Lucas wasn't the original name, but I excluded the original name for personal reasons, lol. I'll change the font size and color for the consideration of future readers' eyes XD.
    And yeah... I tend to be abstract when I intend to be ... not abstract. That's just how I think, though. It's good to hear solid compliments for my work XD, usually people like the things that I've written that I'm not so fond of, and vice versa. Comforting to hear that this is something that I really like and others like it, too. All hope is not lost!

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#5
Old 03-05-2007, 04:43 AM

As they said
Wonderfull
like your style,everything o.o

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#6
Old 03-05-2007, 04:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by iPod
As they said
Wonderfull
like your style,everything o.o

  • Aw :oops: thank you so much <33.
    I hope I can make more like it XD.

Netverk_Southpaw
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#7
Old 03-05-2007, 04:51 AM

Beautiful, Darling. <333333

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#8
Old 03-05-2007, 04:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Netverk_Southpaw
Beautiful, Darling. <333333

  • Danke <3333333.

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#9
Old 03-11-2007, 08:30 PM

  • Anyone else interested?

Netverk_Southpaw
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#10
Old 03-25-2007, 03:46 PM

<3 *bumpity* <3

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#11
Old 03-27-2007, 10:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Netverk_Southpaw
<3 *bumpity* <3

;) :oops:.
Yeah, threads in here don't get too much participation unless they invite participation...

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#12
Old 04-23-2007, 08:14 PM

  • I submitted this work to my school's lit mag, though I'm not sure if they looked at it >.<;;. Though I know at least one of my other poems is going to get into it...

sychobunny
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#13
Old 04-27-2007, 07:16 AM

Lots of dramatic repetition. It may be over used. It does form the character, so maybe not.
I like the conclusion. Its kind of a nice let down.
An idealization realized as such. I like it. I think I’m evil and therefore biased though.

Congrats on getting published, even if it isn't this peice.

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#14
Old 04-29-2007, 06:42 PM

  • Thank you for your criticism/compliments ^_^. I'm glad you liked the piece, though. I'm somewhat proud of it. I like the ending too, myself.

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#15
Old 05-06-2007, 03:19 PM

  • Criticism and comments welcome ^_^.

 


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