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pixiechix
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#1
Old 03-22-2007, 01:55 AM

I've started a story and I've got lots of positive feed back on Gaia, so I thought I would get the opinion of the menewsha population. I don't have a set title yet so please pm me some of your suggestions.

Well, here it is:
Korona Numaru was a 17 year old Chinese/Japanese high school girl. She was smart, pretty, athletic, popular, and a born leader. She had two loving parents, what more could a girl ask for? Well, the absolute truth. You see, she didn't know this at the time but she wasn't exactly who she thought she was; and when she came home, that she would know the absolute truth......
When she came home that day from school her parents called her to the living room, she thought that they just wanted to ask her about her party plans, for her 18th birthday was quickly approuching.
"Yes, mom, yes, dad? What is it?" Korona asked. Her parents looked at each other nervously and then nodded.
"Korona, we have something to tell you," her mother said. " We're not your real parents."
"What?" Korona said nervously.
"We're not your real parents," her father said.
"You see, your real parents were found dead in an old warehouse" her mother said as she took out an old photo from her pocket and handed it to Korona.
"Those people are your real parents," her father said. Korona's hands started to tremble as she scanned the old photo, knowing her life would never be the same. But then, she realized that there was another person in the photo. A shout bald man.
"Who is this?" She asked as pointed at the man.
"We don't know....." her adoptive mother said.
"W-w-what?" Korona said.
"You see, this is a picture that was in your parents home. The people at the adoption center said that the picture was the most recent before they were murdered. They told us the names of your parents too. They are Mai-Yee and Takahiro Takashi. We kept your real first name when we adopted you, but your real name is Korona Takahashi."Her adoptive mom and dad said.
"W-w-why didn't you tell we this before?!?!?!?" Korona shouted as tears streamed down her face. "Why!?!?!?!"
"Your adoptive mother and I thought it was best for you, we thought it would be best if we told you when you were older."said her adoptive father, a.k.a. Mr.Numaru.
"W-w-what? You thought it would soften the blow by telling me now?" Korona screamed. "You're wrong,...... you're wrong..... I HATE YOU!!!!!" Korona ran up into her room and slamed the door shut. Mrs.Numaru wanted to go comfort her, but Mr. Numaru beckond her not too.
That night Korona packed up all the money in her room($354.91), a blanket, a pillow, some food, her nunchucks, a katana sword, and the photo of her parents in a small backpack. She put on a pair of slick black jeans and a red chinese silk sleeveless top that aparently belonged to her real mother; because it was the same one the mother was whereing in the picture. At almost 2:00am she crept down the stairs and snuck out the back door. She had no regrets about doing this because now she was free, she was a runaway.
That night Korona left behind her old memories to make new ones and try to find out what really happened to her parents, and if she had anyone in the world to turn too. The next day, she bought caught a bus too the grand Tokyo. Apparently that was where her parents lived, because on the back of the picture it said in cursive Tues., June 16th, 1989. In front of our home sweet home in Tokyo, With.....Unfortunatly, the name was smuged and she couldn't read it. 1 hour later she was there, Tokyo, Japan. She set out to find a place to stay while she could, she pasted dozens of places, and she decided to stay at a nice little guest house she found at a peaceful part of the city. It was owned by an nice old couple, in their mid-70s. Little did Korona know, this old couple, were her grandparents. When the couple first saw Korona, they thought they had met her before. Then, the old man ask Korona her name. She simply replied,
"Korona." The couple then look at each other and then the old woman went upstairs and grabbed a picture in a silver frame and brought back downstairs.
The old couple showed it to Korona and she froze in sheer shock. The picture was of her parents, holding a little baby girl in their arms.
"G-g-grandma, g-g-grandpa?" Korona stammered.
"Yes," they replied in unison. Korona just looked at them in shock, she found her real family. Korona started to wimper and slowly broke out into tears.
"It's alright Korona, it's alright," they said.

Well, that's it.....for now.....

sychobunny
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#2
Old 04-21-2007, 03:43 PM

You see, she didn't know this at the time but she wasn't exactly who she thought she was. And when she came home, she didn’t know she would know the absolute truth...
When she came home that day from school her parents called her to the living room, she thought that they just wanted to ask her about her party plans, for her 18th birthday was quickly approaching.

A stout bald man.
"You see; this is a picture that was in your parents home. The people at the adoption center said that this picture was the most recent before they were murdered.
before?! "
were older," said
beckoned her not to.
was wearing
An hour later
she passed dozens
by a nice old
man asked Korona
This isn’t a story I personally can get attached to. Throughout life I’ve decided that family isn’t who shares your DNA, so to me Korona is being ridiculous. But I do know that it can be rough when someone finds out that they’ve been adopted. So as a plot set up, it’s not bad.
I know she’s a main character, but I’m going to suggest changing her name. I understand that Japanese literation would make it “kolona” but that still sounds like beer to me and I know that’s not what you want your readers thinking when they read over her name.

 


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